Why People Ghost out of a Relationship
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Reasons Why People Ghost
Few weeks ago, a close friend called me and she sounded baffled on the phone. she was in the early stages of a new relationship with a really cute guy she met at the mall. They had gone on a couple of dates which was fantastic. After each date, they would retire back to their respective houses texting back and forth into the night. It appeared as if they could not keep away from each other.
Suddenly, the guy whom my friend was greatly fascinated with and interested in stopped responding to her calls and texts. Phone calls dropped to zero and social media escapade went dark and my friend kept wondering if something had happened to him. Was he in trouble? Was he sick? The countless thoughts of worry knew no bound as my friend kept messaging and calling with no response. Out of the blues, they ran into each other at the same mall they met, but this time he had another woman wrapped around his arms. Finally, everything started to make sense- My friend had been ghosted!
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We all have being ghosted or ghosted someone once before. To avoid generalization, maybe not all of us have experienced such. Since ghosting is very fast and very common these days which has been made possible with the use of technology. Hence, in this time and age it is hardly impossible to avoid being ghosted or even ghost a few people yourself.
Ghosting most times begins with unanswered calls, text with no replies and if replied it comes after a long silence between replies. You might even begin to wonder if the person is dead because they abruptly show no sign of life. If the term ghosting sounds strange to you, it’s either you didn’t realize that there was a name for it or you are among the lucky ones that is yet to experience this brutal and extremely painful experience haunted by tons of questions of went wrong.
What is Ghosting?
In simple terms, ghosting means when someone (ghoster) ends a relationship/ friendship or a potential relationship/friendship abruptly, with no explanation and no room for discussion with the other party(ghostee). Ghosting is a term used to describe an abrupt cease in communication with someone without any prior notice, warning or explanation and also ignoring any attempt by that person to reach out to you. Most times, people attribute ghosting to romantic relationships but you would be surprised to know that ghosting happens with family and friends too.
Interestingly, in a study carried out by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships in 2018, it showed that one of the most common forms of ghosting was between friends.
While some of you might wonder why someone would just choose to ghost someone or disappear from another person’s life without any warning or explanation, there is no one size fit all answer to this.
However, there are several reasons why people choose to ghost. This would be our focus in this article. It is the desire of this writer that you find clarity and closure after you read this article.
Ghosting happens for a lot of reasons that is beyond your control. Therefore, it is important to note that being ghosted does not mean that the person didn’t like you at one point in time. It might just be that they weren’t ready for a relationship when you came into the picture, perhaps someone else came into the picture that took their attention away from you.
While you may never know for sure why you were ghosted. Here are some likely reasons why that friend or date went radio silent on you.
1. Fear of Confrontation
Strange to the act of confrontation or not, we all know the courage it takes to take on one. While there are some individuals that do not fear confrontation there are some people that the mare thought of it sends them under their bed in fear. They can’t handle conflict or any form of confrontation even if their life depends on it. They avoid confrontations as much as possible. This category of people are likely to ghost you since they don’t want any drama that might come from a break up conversation. Similarly, they feel having such a conversation would be uncomfortable and they feel they would be persuaded to stay in a relationship that they don’t want to be in anymore. They feel it is easier for them to stop communicating with you and so they leave you alone in the relationship without any official break up.
2. They are Players
One of the major traits of a player is their narcissistic nature. They see relationships as a means to satisfy their sexual needs and a means to rock their ego. They have little or no interest in been in a committed relationship with anybody but themselves. Seducing and feigning their feelings to you is a game, and we know what happens when someone is bored with a game. You leave it and move unto the next one available that is of interest to you. That is exactly how players operates, they can be callous when they are no longer interested and they leave you without no prior notice just like the way ghost do. Most times, it could be as a result of you expressing your needs or expectations to them and since they are not interested in being emotionally involved with you, they leave you to pick up the pieces of your broken heart if there is anything left to scrabble.
3. Too Busy to Keep Up
Most times, people do not intentionally ghost you, especially if they have a lot of things going on in their life. For instance, you might just be one of the love interests they are talking to and you might have skipped their minds since they are probably too busy to keep up with you. And so by the time they realized this, they are reluctant to reach out to you because they do not want to give out the vibe of an unserious person and then gradually you lose touch.
4. Setting up Boundary
A lot of times, we think we hold a place in people’s heart but that’s just a lie we tell ourselves to feel needed. To them you might not really matter like you thought you did and that might be the reason why you feel ghosted. They are probably setting up a boundary to tell you that you are not as important to them like you believed. Take the hint!
5. Don’t Care About Your Feelings
This is one of the most brutal reason for ghosting and not a nice reason to ghost someone because it shows that the ghoster doesn’t care about the ghostee at all and is inconsiderate about you. It is also possible that the person wasn’t into you like you thought, perhaps they lost interest in you. While it is their own lost to disconnect with you. Don’t let that make you feel bad about yourself in any type of way. You are loved, you are desirable and that person that left you hanging is not for you. It is a proof that it wasn’t meant to be. He/she wasn’t right for you.
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6. They Don’t Want to Hurt Your Feelings
As absurd and unpleasant this might seem, some ghosters disconnects from others because they believe they would be sparing the other person the pain of hearing them say they are no longer interested in them. They believe the other person would eventually get the message through their abrupt cease in communication. Actually, what they don’t realize is that the thought of wondering what went wrong can actually drive someone crazy and consequently lead to more pain that they didn’t want that person to experience.
On the other side of the spectrum, some people ghost because they do not want to be hurt and so in order to protect themselves they cut off all ties from you when they have decided to end things with you. Even when they know how selfish such a decision is.
The reasons why people ghost are inexhaustible, other common reasons for ghosting are.
7. Feeling overwhelmed
8. They are tired of dating
9. They are intimated by you
10. It’s an easy way out
11. They are not ready for something serious.
Final Words
It can be devastating when someone who you care about suddenly cuts you off without any explanation or prior notice. The feeling of rejection is probably the second emotion you would feel after anger and the question “why” is all you can think about. While your unanswered question of “why” leaves you with no closure, it becomes hard for you to move on.
In the midst of all these, remember you deserve better, surround yourself with people that care about you to help you move on as quickly as you can, stay focused on your health, happiness and future.
This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.
© 2022 Precious Olalere
