This one`s for you Drax
Scotland has a great tradition of poetry, we have all heard of Robert Burns,Walter Scott and Robert louis Stevenston.
Over the years i have heard a lot of Scottish poetry from lesser known Poets and a few of them have stuck in my mind. i don`t actually know who wrote them but i am sure you will enjoy the poetry as much as I do.
A small selection of short poems from Scotland
1) On yonder hill i saw a cow it must have mooved, it`s not there now.
2) It`s Christmas day in the workhouse the snow is falling fast, I don`t want your Christmas Pudding stick it up your ass.
3) My Auntie Mary had a canary up the leg of her drawers (knickers) it wouldn`t come down for half a crown ,but down came Santa clause.
4) I went to the pictures(cinema) tomorrow ,I found a front seat at the back,I said to the woman behind me,I cannot see for your hat, she gave me some broken biscuits,I ate them and gave her them back,I fell from the floor to the ceiling and that was the end of that.
5) Skinny Malinky Long legs big banana feet,went to the pictures but couldn`t find a seat when the picture started Skinny Malinky farted,Skinny Malinky long legs big banana feet.
i hope you enjoy them as much as i do.....jimmy
Damian Mc Keown on March 24, 2019:
My Lords ladies and Jelly babies, i'm here before you to stand behind you, to tell you something I do not know, last night an empty lorry full of bricks ran over a dead cat and almost killed it, the cat is now at the surgery suffering from good health.......
Toots Totes on September 25, 2015:
Slightly different version (north London)
I went to the pictures tomorrow
I took a front seat at the back
I fell from the pit to the gallery and broke a front bone in my back
I ran down the straight crooked corners and saw a dead donkey die
I took out my pistol to stab him and he kicked me one back in the eye!
siscokid on May 13, 2014:
Yer auntie Mary hud a canary up the leg ay her drawers,
She pulled a string tae make it sing,
An doon came Santa Clause
bigkeeko on January 30, 2014:
John kelly, rubber belly, ten toes, rubber nose, wind him up an awa he goes.
Brian McKie wi the hole in his ee, twa in his erse an that makes three.
Kandice on October 02, 2013:
Any idea where the Skinny Malinky rhyme comes from? I know a similar one from my childhood in Newfoundland, Canada.
Gorbals Jack on January 18, 2012:
(To be sung to the melody of Torna Di Sorrento).
Hear the music of the watter (water), see the baggy minnaes (fat minnows) scatter, some are wee (small) and some are fatter, some ye cannae (cannot) see at awe (all).
Gorbals Jack on January 18, 2012:
I had a wee monkey a bonnie wee monkey I fed it on Marshall's breid (bread), Marshall, Marshall stick it up your a***hole, my wee monkey's deid (dead).
Ivor Biggin on January 18, 2012:
(To be sung to the melody of the Colonel Bogey march)
Hitler has only got one ball, the other is in the Kelvin Hall, Himmler has something similar, and poor wee Goebbals has no balls at all.
Braveart on January 18, 2012:
Dear auld Annie was my lassies wee Grannie and she had a hell of a cough, she farted out loud and there gathered a crowd, for she'd blown her knickers clean off.
I saw my mate not looking great as he walked his little dug, said he tae me "he's history, I'm gettin him made intae a rug";
I asked "is he mad?"he's not very glad" was my friends reply tae me, he farted last night by candlelight, and barbequed my bloody tv.
Tollie Muncher on January 18, 2012:
Ma maws a millionaire, blue eyes and curly hair, sitting among the eskimos having a game of dominos, ma maws a millionaire;
Ma maws got loads of class, bawheid and big bare arse, she loves her curry and her beans suffocated 40 weans, Ma maws a millionaire.
John Mallan on January 18, 2012:
Yesterday apon the stair, I met a man who wisnae there, He wisnae there again today, I wish tae God he'd go away.
Skinny Malinky long legs big banana feet went tae the pictures and could'Mae find a seat, when the pictures started King Kong carted Skinny Malinky long legs big banana feet.
Yesterday upon the road, I met a coo, A BULL B'GOD!
I went tae the pictures tomorra, I got a front seat at the back, a wimmin she gave me some biscuits, I ate them and gave them her back, I feel from the stalls tae the balcony, and broke my front bone at the back, and when I got oot of the pictures, I nearly half killed a deid cat.
Hope you enjoy.
Lindsey Scott on December 18, 2011:
I once took a nice young lady to a certain fancy ball.
And the tickets I paid was 2/6
And I thought that, that would be all
But when she asked for supper,
I then gave a frown.
cause all the money I had in the would
was only half-A-crown.
she had oysters Raw, Turkey Claw, Chicken, Leg and Breast
Mutton & Beef beyond belief, she laid across her chest.
Ham and Tongue, for a girl so young
A cargo she put down
And I gave a sigh when she asked for a pie,
cause I'd spent my half-A-Crown.
Now Beneath this young girls overall
there must have been a tank, or a second handed Brewery,
cause this is what she drank.
She'd a bottle of Bass, and a good stiff glass of Brandy
to begin, an awful lot of whiskey hot. And a doze of rum and Gin.
McGuiness Stout she poured about.
Half way up and down
and I fell to the floor
when she asked for more as
I'd spent my
amanda p on November 12, 2011:
I was aye taught:
Skinny Malinky long legs umbrella feet,
Went to the pictures, fell through the seat,
When the picture started Skinny Malinky farted,
Skinny Malinky long legs umbrella feet.
mary hall on September 07, 2010:
Mary McGuire peed in the fire, the fire was too hot so she peed in the pot, the pot was too wide so she peed in the clyde, and all the wee fishes ran up her backside. Theree's one for you Glasgow folk.
Nikki...www on August 07, 2010:
your all wrong!
I went to the pictures tomorrow,
I got a front seat at the back,
I said to the lady behind me,
I can't see over your hat,
She gave me some whole broke biscuit's!
I ate them and gave her them back!
aoifex x on June 18, 2010:
the one i learned was:
i went to the cinema tomorrow,
i took a front seat at the back,
i fell from the pit to the gallery,
and broke a front bone in my back.
a woman she gave me some chocolate,
i ate it and gave it her back,
i phoned for a taxi and walked it,
that's why i never came back:)
Matt on March 14, 2010:
I went to the cinema tomorrow, I got a front seat at the back.
I bought a plain cake with currants in, and buttered it well with fat.
Kelly on March 01, 2010:
I'm of Irish decent and know the "I went to the Cinema tomorrow" but slightly different and only short!
"I went to the cinema tomorrow
And took a front seat at the back
But fell through the floor to the ceiling
And broke a front bone in my back."
JessieTay6 on February 21, 2010:
I know this version:
I went to the cinema tomorrow
I sat in the front row at the back
I said to the lady behind me
I couldn’t see through his glass hat
She gave me some broken whole biscuits
I ate them and then gave them back
I fell from the floor to the ceiling
and that was the end of that.
D Brennan on December 08, 2009:
It was Christmas day in the workhouse the snow was falling fast I don’t wont your Christmas pudding you can stick it up your ask no question your hear no lies have you ever seen a donkey doing up his flies are pest but bees are worse how did you like my Chinese verse
bobby boo baa on September 12, 2009:
skinny ma linky original song. brilliant
Matty on March 23, 2009:
This is my version
tomorrow i went to the cinema and took a front seat at the back. a lady gave me some chocolates so i ate them and then gave them back. I walked back the straight crooked corner and saw a dead donkey die. so i took out my pstol and shot it between the eyes.
brissy on January 12, 2009:
I would love to recite or hear that christmas day in the workhouse in full , heve anybody ever seen it about have been looking for years , exhausted google .
johnboyjohn on June 19, 2008:
dad once old me the "Iwent to the pictures tomorrow" and i ve been looking for it for years, cheers
Jimmy the jock (author) from Scotland on January 13, 2008:
Thanks Siobhan, I love that version, although I have never heard it before, i am still laughing as I type......jimmy
Siobhan on January 13, 2008:
I always knew a slightly ruder version of Auntie Mary!
Auntie Mary had a canary up the leg of her drawers
When she farted, it departed, into a round of applause!
Iðunn on January 09, 2008:
I miss these days. JimmytheJock in his most enjoyable form - silly! :)
Jimmy the jock (author) from Scotland on January 09, 2008:
thanks Karen that is the version I use too, but I translated it to English for the international readers of this page.....jimmy
karen on August 23, 2007:
skinnymalinky longlegs big banana feet
went tae the picutes, couldnae fin' a seat
wen the picture started
skinnymalinnky longlegs big banana feet
Don MacIver on June 05, 2007:
Thanks for the excerpts here, had a good chuckle! Being of Scottish descent I get a kick out of such verse.
kbwright on May 31, 2007:
What about Lord Byron he was originally a scottish poet, not an English poet.
Jimmy the jock (author) from Scotland on January 09, 2007:
i have never heard that version before thanks for sharing.....jimmy
divad on January 09, 2007:
the skinny malinky poem is a rather rude version
we were taught .....
Skinny malinky long legs with umbarella feet
went to the pictures and couldn’t find a seat
When he found a seat he fell fast asleep
Skinny malinky long legs with umbarella feet.
much more pleasnat a poem
cheers dad (rip)
Iðunn on October 22, 2006:
haha! nice batch!
des donnelly from Co Tyrone.... on October 16, 2006:
ROFL Jimmy... I think my favourite is the one about the cow.. and I haven't heard of skinny malinky for years and years... thanks mate..