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Never Fall In Love With A Bar Girl

Never Fall In Love With A Bar Girl

Actually it is much easier said than done. Hundreds of Western men fall in love with Bar Girls every year. An exotic location, a beer too many and a beautiful friendly woman (or a seductive Kathoey). All the ingredients are there. "Take a bite from this apple" said Eve. For some it is a holiday romance but others a more permament arrangement....even marriage.

For many though what at first appears to be a happy loving relationship often ends in tragedy. I don't suppose there are accurate records of the 'accidental deaths' or suicides caused by broken hearts or financial ruin but any long term resident of Pattaya in Thailand will have stories to tell you if you will listen.

The majority of Thai Bar Girls come from Isaan province in North Eastern Thailand. Practically all of them are rice farmers daughters. They are amongst the poorest of all Thais

As soon as they can walk they have paddy mud between their toes. As soon as they can walk they are catching food for the family meal. As soon as they can count they are counting Baht. These girls learn to cook on their grandmothers knees. Bar girls are reared by their grandmothers. They learn to weave, to make, to do. Producing a meal for fourteen is as easy as making one for four. Practicality is their second name.

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Photo by:

As the rice planting and cutting seasons arrive in Isaan so does its daughters, the sisters, the cousins, the mothers, the aunts, bar girls all. Beautiful girls with long shiny raven hair, long painted nails. They bring gifts, treats and money. Then they too work in the fields planting or cutting for 14 hours a day, drinking, laughing at night and then days later as the job is done they steal away in the night.

There are spirits in the rice fields, in the trees, the houses and the water. Being Animist Buddhists the spirit world is not seperable from the real one. Religion, fact and fable are one and the same and rule life and death. Ghosts are all too real and during the night whole families sleep together like sardines or 'pic up stix'.

The family ties are stronger than any Mafia clan. The family is all. The family is everything. Family is life. Family is dawn to dusk 365 days of the year.

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When you fall in love

It is 'when' not 'if' you fall in love with a Thai Bar Girl. When you do you must bury your Western 'norms' and way of thinking. The moment you commit yourself to her you have committed yourself to her family too. She is her family. She is often the main provider. You must now provide.

Of course she loves you but she loves your money too. Love and money are one, indivisible like her family. Many Western men set ground rules and without realising it set themselves up at the same time. If her family are shoved to one side then as sure as night is day you will be too...eventually...when you have no more to give. There is more truth in the joke 'T' shirt slogan "No Money, No Honey" than most people realise.

Every man who is in love with a Bar Girl will declare "but she is different", and she is of course. They are all different. Beautiful girls. Beautiful girls trying to survive, to support, to improve. Love is blind no matter what the nationality.

Bar Girl Patter

"Hello handsome man."

"Hello sexy man."

"Why you walk alone?"

"I go with you?"

"Where you come from?"

"I love you long time."

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Photo by:

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Just in Case

In the eventuality that you do fall in love and are struggling to get over your Western 'how a relationship should be' hangups then you should consider taking other steps before you make that final leap. You would not go far wrong if you read a book by someone who has been there done that and bought the 'T' shirt.

Or....hire a private detective. Take a look at:

Pattaya Bar Girls Private Investigators

Pattaya PI

I have no affiliation whatsoever with these people but it is a wise move to make. It will be money well spent.


Peter Dickinson (author) from South East Asia on July 06, 2012:

It is as the song says "it takes two baby". Every one of us is different, Thai or falang. There are good and bad and half good and half bad and there are those who will never see it if it is staring them in the face. I fell in love with my Bar Girl years ago. I have supported her ever since. I expect to end my days with her. She has enough money from me not to work but she chooses to do so. I am her 'husband' and she is my 'Mia'. So she has customers. I am not a customer. The money she earns is extra. I have buried my Western values and I accept. Jealous? Just the tiniest weeniest bit but I will shake it off in time. I love her, she loves me (but her family more) and I accept that. If you can go this far you are on the right road.

utoldittwisted on July 05, 2012:

There was a lot of justifiation here, and fair enough we all have to be understanding. I can't deny that there is smething special about the crazy little buggers, you will fall for them for sure.

You know I don't want to be biased just because had to run for my life across the border or anything, although I probably would hve some justification that may fall on deaf ears, so let me instead just say this, I think that this article doesn't really cover the other side of it, and som of th responses are a bit too much on the side of "like in other countries..." when that really isn't the fact of the matter, its not like other countries at all, elsewhere you have a slim chance of picking up some nightmare of a woman, but in Thailand you probably will,

What about. the girl who has everything provided for her and her family by some daft person working in another country but will still go with anyone for 1000 baht? I think you would have a fair argument to say

"However much you have she will want just a bit more than that"

and you could possibly even add

"You will not separate fact from fiction, you just won't be able to, until you go through it and learn: just don't listen to a word any Thai girl says ever, and as nice as she seems, you may be in danger you can't imagine yet, it may ony be just to be put in fear, or it may be Thai jail, lose all your dough, attacked, killed;

you take your pick because when you are dealing with sociopaths, and there may be no rhyme or reason

we were all captivated by the place and its women, but given the stakes I'd suggest, every singl last one of us would be better off out of it. I myslef would completely ignore everything here until the time I realised just how true it is, have a look at her, just a glance, she will be your demise if you stay"

ezrider1966 on June 22, 2012:

Your hub is dead on the facts are simple if one can learn to embraces the total family and understand YOU will be the main support for her parents and constantly assisting brothers and sister, as well as helping uncles, aunts and cousins continuously then by all means love your bar girl and she will love you and your wallet, till 1 of you pass on. That is you or your bank account, by the way all the back rubs and tender care are looked upon by them as silly and sissy so after you marry her you can plan on the stopping.

Peter Dickinson (author) from South East Asia on January 14, 2012:

Jup26 - Ditch the western way of thinking, learn to love her family and love her too. Any relationship is about give and take but never expect to take. Love can grow and love can die, it is a fickle spirit. Go with your her. I love my bar girl.

Peter Dickinson (author) from South East Asia on January 14, 2012:

Jup26 - Ditch the western way of thinking, learn to love her family and love her too. Any relationship is about give and take but never expect to take. Love can grow and love can die, it is a fickle spirit. Go with your her. I love my bar girl.

Jup26 on January 14, 2012:

I'm falling in love with a Thai girl, I'm met her in a night club in Phuket, she is absolutely stunning, she was telling me stories of her ex and how he broke her heart, now I think I just promised to marry her some day and she told me she couldn't take another brake up, I don't what to do cos I actually like her and she said she didn't care about money she just wants to be with someone that makes her happy. Does it always end bad or are there some girls that are different.

Jup26 on January 14, 2012:

So, Im falling in love with a Thai girl, we met in a bar so I guess she's a bar girl, we talked for ages, she told me she was hurt by her ex and she can't take it again, so I promised I wouldn't hurt her, she really does sound different tho cos she told me she doesn't care about the money she just wants someone that makes her happy. Is all this stuff going to happen to me if I persue this relationship, I actually like her as well cos she's smart and tells me she wants to go back to school. Does it always end bad for the guy or are there some good cases as well.

Peter Dickinson (author) from South East Asia on July 24, 2011:

@gmanhere - It is a wise man who can grasp the reality so early on. Sadly when the heart gets battered and bruised there are those who condemn and that is wrong. Take care.

gmanhere on July 24, 2011:

I found this page after doing a google search on bar girls. The reason i wanted to search Thai bar girls is because i started seeing a ladyboy bar girl and i needed to get some reality back. I wasn't paying for her, which was proberbly an error, because you're not paying the business transaction side of it dissapears and feelings come in. Anyway, i had alot of respect for her as when the subject came up about her being a bar girl, she was completely honest and said that she cant stop doing it and that's how she gets her money for her and her family. I told her i cant support her as im too young for that. At first i was ok with it, but one night i was in a bar and a customer came and tried to take her/him to his hotel. She declined the offer. But i felt a huge rush of jealousy, so realised that i need to get out now. I explained to her my reasons. She didn't like it at first, she genuinly believed that i would be able to separate the two things, my feelings for her, and her 'job'. Complete different world. Anyway, she ended up ok with it and i still see her sometimes when i am drinking in her bar, but definitely wont be coming to mine again. I also think some if it is an ego thing, if i saw her leave with a guy now, i would be fine, coz its not some girl i am seeing who is going back to another guys room. Its just a girl who i get on with.

Victor Mavedzenge from Oakland, California on May 28, 2011:

Informative read.

Peter Dickinson (author) from South East Asia on January 27, 2011:

I agree. It is a crazy old world but I love it.

rungnapaintawat on January 25, 2011:

For sure men are worse than women when it comes to cheating and lying.They come to Thaiand and use the girls to satisfy there desires,then toss them aside for another younger girl.Its no wonder the girls play the game to there advantage. The human race are a selfish bunch intent on satisfying there desires,or it could be the basic animal in us all which is supressed by society, doing what it is programmed to do,fornicate.

Peter Dickinson (author) from South East Asia on January 25, 2011:

Thanks Rung - I reckon most girls need to cheat to keep up with their cheating lying boyfriends. What do you think?

rungnapaintawat on January 25, 2011:

Another good investigation firm are they operate all over thailand

Peter Dickinson (author) from South East Asia on August 05, 2010:

Glassy - glad you enjoyed the hub.

Glassy from Aus on August 05, 2010:

Great Hub and very true. Yes - the bar girls i have met all seem to come from Isaan and are family orientated to the extreme.

Peter Dickinson (author) from South East Asia on May 15, 2010:

David - I suppose there was a time when all cultures were more family orientated. It is something Thailand has retained and, if you can accept it, it is not a bad way to be.

David from Thailand Bar Girl on May 14, 2010:

Your dead right separating money from love or the girl from family is impossible. We are talking deep culture here and it's like trying to separate white from rice, isn't going to happen. Many new coming Western men have no idea what this means. You marry her you got the whole family. It's funny too because when you first meet these girls you get the impression it's just you and her and family and money are far away. But that big hit will come later.

Peter Dickinson (author) from South East Asia on October 11, 2009:

emdi - for me not so much a trap as a sticky web of entanglement. I have met many to lost all.

emdi on October 10, 2009:

rightly said. I liked the article. In fact I found your article not from hubpages but from google search. Btw, i have a question. what was the motivation for this article? Did u or your close ones fell into this trap?

Peter Dickinson (author) from South East Asia on August 31, 2009:

whaton- Thank you.

whaton from Thailand on August 31, 2009:

nice article peter

Marianne Kellow from SE Thailand on July 23, 2009:

Hi Peter, just found this gem cos it was on my last hub. Interestingly both my first husband and my Dad, sailors both and working in this part of the world respectively between 1946 - 1968, said that life in the Far East was exactly the same in those days too. And when I lived in Malaysia in the '60s, my landlady ran the brothel by the Sky Hotel in JB. She was still there in 1987 and was really pleased to see me! Good business woman! Nothing changes eh!

Peter Dickinson (author) from South East Asia on June 06, 2009:

Sarah - is a two way street. Thanks.

MSmithHub - once bitten twice shy...or are you still happily bitten?

MSmithHub on June 06, 2009:

I agreed with you that you will need to care for her family once you get involved with the girl, well, i know that :)

sarahtrudeau from India on June 05, 2009:

Yeah, Thailand is pretty notorious for that. I, too, was amazed that so many Western men seemed to buy it. I think that some women DO fall in love back- but you're right- money is inseparable from love. Well written, Peter ;)

Peter Dickinson (author) from South East Asia on June 03, 2009:

dawei888 - Just like 'Mom' and 'Dad' on an English Seamans shoulders...always nice if it spelt correctly. That would be a hub and a half ...mis spelled...or should that be mis spelt tattoos?

The Jock Zone - Thank You

john - yes...please do. Link back is always appreciated.

john on June 03, 2009:

nice article peter i would like to post part of it on my blog with a link back to you regards john what do you think

The Jock Zone on June 03, 2009:

LOL...I loved it!

dawei888 on June 03, 2009:

Hey peter - I can read Chinese characters as i majored in Mandarin in college. If u look at the picture of the first girl u put at the top of your hub the Chinese character tattoo on her back reads "father (ba), mother (ma)." Interesting, right?

Peter Dickinson (author) from South East Asia on May 31, 2009:

imatra - We aim to well as teach.

imartra from UK on May 31, 2009:

A very amusing article! Brightend my very boring life up today :)

Peter Dickinson (author) from South East Asia on April 17, 2009:

There are dozens of similar stories. Everybody knows somebody it has happened to....but not so different to events in the West.

Clive Fagan from South Africa on April 17, 2009:

Interesting take on a controversial subject. I recollect a story of a person who married a bar girl supported the family, found out she had a steady boyfriend on the side. when he accosted her with the facts, she divorcd him and lost the farm!

Peter Dickinson (author) from South East Asia on April 14, 2009:

Mrvoodoo, you have lived the life!

Mrvoodoo from ? on April 14, 2009:

They're all 'Same same, but different' until you're broke, and then it's 'No money, no honey!' But there is something magical about Thai women, simple but complicated, it's a love / hate thing! Great read.

Peter Dickinson (author) from South East Asia on April 13, 2009:

You are right of course Diamondrose. Tou might want to read a slightly different slant on the subject in my hub 'The Much Maligned Sex Tourist'

diamondrose1 from Australia on April 13, 2009:

This is typical of most people who go on holiday. People fall in love at the drop of a hat. The atmosphere and the alcohol have an effect on people and they don't think about the long term effects.

Opt on April 12, 2009:

great .. I love tatoo

guidebaba from India on April 11, 2009:

Thanks for the link. Let me read the other one.

Peter Dickinson (author) from South East Asia on April 11, 2009:

I agree Guidebaba and in my hub Prostitutes The Worlds Oldest Profession I say just this - more marriages are saved by working girls than are destroyed by them.

Sadly Bar Girls are raped too. There are some really nasty people in our world.

guidebaba from India on April 11, 2009:

......and these bar girls also help prevent RAPE cases. In other words, they are doing some social welfare too. Imagine the number of RAPE cases if there were no bar girl.

Peter Dickinson (author) from South East Asia on April 11, 2009:

Your Dad was probably right James. All the bar girls I know are religious and go to the temple at least once a week. They pray when they arrive at work and pray to give thanks when they get a customer. They care for the elderly and for the poor too. They are also devoted and loyal to the man, or woman, who cares for them.

James A Watkins from Chicago on April 10, 2009:

My Daddy told me when I was a teenage boy not to get my women out of bars. He said to get them at church. When I asked him why he said, "The girls in church will do everything, too, son. Just not with everybody."

Peter Dickinson (author) from South East Asia on April 06, 2009:

Thanks Cindy. I know exactly what you mean though I don't think my beer paunch is as big as many and the tiny varicose vein in my left leg has been there since my twenties ;-)

I have lived amongst bar girls for years now. They are the salt of the earth. I respect them and have heard many of their stories including that of the monkey's anus. At the same time, I admit it, I am not getting any younger. You might want to take a read of my hub 'The Much Maligned Sex Tourist'

I would value your comments.

Cindy Vine from Cape Town on April 06, 2009:

Hi Peter, having lived in Thailand for 4 months, I was sickened by all the old men with varicose vein legs and huge beer paunches letching after the Thai girls. They honestly believed the Thai girls loved them. Honestly, what would a young beautiful girl really see in such a sad old specimen of manhood? Only his wallet. But, I did have a chuckle when I heard this from one of those Thai bar girls you speak about. Everytime they call the man 'duh-ling', it is not the affectionate term 'darling' the sad male specimens think it is. 'Duh-ling' is Thai for monkey's anus! lol

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