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All Inclusives; Penny Luxury

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All Inclusives Today

Maybe in 'ancient' days going to an 'All Inclusive' Hotel made one feel they were journeying into the lap of luxury.

People were excited about going to a foreign country where everything would be taken care of. They didn't need to carry suitcases of cash or extra fat credit cards, 'everything' was paid in advance.

Maybe the idea of being 'taken care of' provoked the journey of those who were accustomed to that kind of treatment.

Today, however, it is a bit different.

All Inclusives are flying economy class.


What Is

Whatever expectations you have about All Inclusives, put them one side.

All Inclusives no longer cater for those above middle but for those below.

Women with paste on nail, fake hair, immodestly dressed, men with their huge bellies bouncing over their slipping slacks, shouting to each other.

Most of the guests are immensely fat, virtually circus style. From their dress, speech, behaviour, it is clear they come from the lower levels of society.

They waste more food in one meal that others eat in a week. That is one of their most repulsive activities.

To see people load their plates with food, take a seat, shovel a few forkfuls into their mouth, then walk away, leaving that plate of food, take another plate eat a small portion, and leave that as well.

The amount food wasted is beyond sinful.

Their explanation; "We Paid For it!" proving, if one needs more proof that these are not the casual rich but the aggressive poor.

When it comes to the various restaurants at All Inclusives, meal times are set.

Restaurants do not open until a set hour, close at a set hour and that is it.

If you miss a time you go hungry.

So, you go for a meal, you line up for your meal as if at a High School Cafeteria.

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If you are late, you go hungry.


The Staff and Rules; $3.00 Bills

Trained to be helpful and friendly, polite and deferring, all it takes is one tiny breach or assumed breach of a rule to have the pit bull emerge from that sweet member of staff.

Further, to state that this restaurant is to open at 7 a.m. does not mean that it opens at 7 a.m. It means the staff should be wandering around at 7 a.m.

If it opens at 7:10 that is 'early'.

If you are a guest, if you want to eat, you line up and wait.

If one doesn't realise there is a line, or that the premises is not open yet and move to the door, a Pit Bull attacks.

When one finally gets in and goes in to the buffet it's a wait until a member of staff wanders out to serve.

One now goes to a table and waits for a member of staff to bring the silverware.

It is standard to have to call staff two times or more for cutlery, for drinks. One keeps calling, for staff is always busy somewhere else.

If one tries to help themselves to something, the same sugar sweet person who greeted you a few minutes ago is growling like a Pit Bull.

And 'Room Service?'
That is the end of the line. An hour or more is standard wait.

In fact, no matter what it is you ask for; be it in a restaurant, a room, a lobby, it always takes forever.

The television isn't working, they'll 'send someone'. Maybe an hour or so later.

A door doesn't lock or won't open, need soap, whatever it is, the staff is in no rush.

If they hadn't been big happy welcomers, then you wouldn't be lured into thinking they are as nice as they pretend.


If You Go

Understand that this is no venue which caters to the Upper or even Upper Middle Class.

The pretence of 'luxury' is simply that.

These venues cater to the lower classes. The rate of exchange is such that it is not difficult for someone from America to save $2,000.00 during a year, which makes them 'rich' in local standards.

As there are more lower middle class people in Western nations than any other category, it is good business for a Hotel to focus on those who don't know better than to have to confront the millionaire who knows gold from brass.

Your wisest move is to book the cheapest room available.

All the rooms have their quirks and get the same treatment. Why pay $$$ for a room which is no better than the one going for $$.

Don't pay 'extra' for anything. Don't allow yourself to be talked into 'spa' membership or any other fee. The spas are overcrowded, your appointment won't be convenient.

On the beach, expect locals trying to sell you things which are enormously overpriced.

In those which permit children, expect the worst brats ever. Howling, crying, demanding, disruptive.

Don't expect mosquito repellent or suntan oil in the rooms or available despite the necessity. You should see shampoo and conditioner and body wash; if you don't, contact the staff, and you'll get them eventually.


Do NOT Marry at an All Inclusive

While the wedding is happening over there, the rest of the guests are living their lives all about the place.

They are shouting, calling, walking around, so that it is akin to being married on a subway platform during rush hour.

Whatever you think it is, it isn't.

There may be five weddings or more on 'your' day, and this venue is taken, and you can only be squeezed in at that time and if you are late, you're cancelled or pushed to the back of the line.

During your wedding, guests may gawk, push through, maybe crash.

Your wedding is not significant to them. Their vacation, their getting a beer or jumping into the pool or arguing with another is important to them.

Better you go to some guest house which isn't crowded so that you can control the situation. It probably costs less.

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