Kelly Martin is the author of ‘When Everyone Shines But You’ , a passionate mental health writer, blogger and podcaster.
What is CYBER BULLYING?
Cyber bullying is when an individual or a group of individuals target someone in a way to belittle them, humiliate them and hurt them online.
The intent is to diminish and tarnish the reputation of the person.
If the cyber bullies were on dry land (aka not the Internet) they would be the kind of bullies you remember from school. The difference being that the internet hides these faceless people so that no law can get to them. Hopefully articles like this will add to the pressure for the growing need for change and law enforcement on places like Facebook, Twitter and chat forums. Bullying online takes many forms, including texting, direct messaging and tarnishing a person's reputation.
For the purpose of this article I will be focusing on the cyber bullying of adults by adults, primarily in relation to bullying in the field of those who enter competitions online.
I have provided a list of links at the bottom for younger people who are victims of cyber bullying.
RAGE AMONG WOMEN - Jealousy & Resentment Builds
Unfortunately, rage on the Internet by women against women seems to be on the increase. Women tend to be the biggest offenders when it comes to psychological bullying. The media encourages gossiping and belittling of other women, and so many women that bully online think they are doing nothing wrong.
My first experience of cyber bullying was on Facebook. I had begun a new hobby - that of entering competitions to win little and big things. I noticed a growing trend of jealousy and envy around compers (people who enter competitions). Those winning a lot were becoming the target for those who were not.
One day I saw a written attack in a group, where a few members abused a young woman. She was (and still is) a very lucky young woman. She is blessed with winning a lot on Facebook and Twitter.
She stated she had opened a second account and from that moment on it was like watching a pack of wolves descending onto a lamb in a field.
Instead of thinking rationally and checking to see what was true or real, many of them joined in and this victim was called a lot of names, her children were called names and this continued. Nothing was done about this conversation at the time. And the people who abused and bullied this young woman were allowed to stay in the group while the victim was ejected.
This rage continued for 6 months and still continues.
Since experiencing my first evidence of cyber harassment I have experienced first hand the rage of women online. I befriended this woman accused of cheating because I live my life by listening to my heart and to my gut and not to idle gossip. And my eyes saw that these bullies were not just criticising her but tearing her apart. They even began a private group online to moan in, where the owner of the competition group started a thread to further talk about this woman. A long ongoing drama unfolded on that private group, but they made the mistake of inviting me to join. I was told I was disgusting for befriending her and many people unfriended me because they believed the gossip-mongers.
So rage among women needs to stop. I am writing this lens to give voice to those bullied online who are entering competitions and winning.
Who Are The Bullies & Why Do They Bully?
The people that bully on social networks usually have a history of being bullied themselves. They are very insecure, and they put other people down to make themselves feel better. But this better feeling doesn't last, so they have to go on and on bullying. Deep down they are very unhappy people; their lives are deeply painful. They are usually trying to find some outside activity to fill the empty space inside them, which is why they need drama in their lives, and why they are attention seekers. It also explains why they come together in groups, especially extremely negative groups.
They come from all age groups.
They see themselves as the self-appointed judges of other people, as comping police.
The sad thing is that their aim is to strengthen their cause (to rid social networks of cheats) but they fail do this for the reasons I state further down the page.
Unfortunately, cyber-bullying among adults is not as well documented, or as well researched as amongst children. I came across an excellent description of cyber-bullies with regard to children that fits in with adult comping bullies just as well.
One description is very relevant for cyber-bullying in relationship to those that enter and win competitions.
'MEAN GIRLS' - The last type of cyber-bullying occurs when the cyber-bully is bored or looking for entertainment. It is largely ego-based and the most immature of all cyber-bullying types. Typically, in the "Mean Girls" bullying situations, the cyber-bullies are female. They may be bullying other girls (most frequently) or boys (less frequently).
"Mean Girls" cyber-bullying is usually done, or at least planned, in a group, either virtually or together in one room. This kind of cyber-bullying is done for entertainment. It may occur from a school library or a slumber party, or from the family room of someone after school. This kind of cyber-bullying requires an audience. The cyber-bullies in a "Mean Girls" situation want others to know who they are and that they have the power. This kind of cyber-bullying grows when fed by group admiration, cliques or by the silence of others who stand by and let it happen. It quickly dies if they don't get the entertainment value they are seeking...."
"...This kind of cyberbullying grows when fed by group admiration, cliques or by the silence of others who stand by and let it happen. It quickly dies if they don't get the entertainment value they are seeking...."
What begins as a suspicious mind turns into obsession. The bully not only bullies but spends a lot of time trying to stop the accused. I can only imagine more time is taken to obsess about this than they now spend entering competitions.
One particular bully even set up a separate Twitter account (something they accuse cheats of doing) and used it to follow those people they were suspicious and obsessed about.
I am being followed by this person. They have hidden the Twitter feed so that people cannot see, but its very obvious who it is to those who know. (See personal stories below for further information on this particular brand of obsession).
This particular bully even set up multiple Twitter accounts, carried out identity fraud (stole photos from an accused's profile on Facebook) and then set up multiple accounts on Twitter. They then entered competitions on these accounts with the sole aim of bringing the person they were obsessed about down by making them look like cheats.
Add to this getting others involved, showing them the falsified proof to get not only ordinary compers on their side but also to gain support from well known writers on the topic of competitions, who unfortunately, like many people, trusted the bully and shared this falsified information.
Please read further down the page where I have included first hand experiences of those that were accused.
What Kind Of Things Do The Comping Bullies Do?
Comping bullies are people who are so desperate to stop lucky people winning that they will go to any lengths to do this.
They will do anything to get lucky people out of the way.
1. They publicly libel the accused.
2. They group together to spread the word about the accused.
3. They harass anyone who is a friend of the accused and demand that they unfriend that person.
4. They then go on to privately attack them through direct messages. When the person blocks them for their own online safety they get others to send harassment via direct message.
5. They will report accounts as a group to get a 'supposed' cheat’s account closed down.
6. They follow this by doing the very thing they accuse the accused of. If they cannot get to the person because they are all blocked, they then create second accounts to bully privately. They also use the second account to spy on people accused.
7. Some bullies (hopefully a rare few) create multiple accounts under the name of someone they accuse, enter competitions on that name, steal the identity of the accused and then pass off falsified information to whoever will listen and offer this as proof that the accused is guilty of cheating (See My Story - for more info on this).
7. Until recently many bullies used the Facebook 'report as spam' button to bully and close other members’ accounts down. Fortunately Facebook put a stop to this and took that option away as it was being constantly misused.
8. They also contact family members of the accused and accuse the family member of being fake and that the accused is using their account to cheat.
9. They contact companies to try to get them to not give the accused the prize they honestly won.
10. They group together to knock the accused off the top spot in voting competitions.
11. And lastly they create more groups with the specific intent to use it to moan, gossip and libel further compers that are lucky.
Comping bullies are extremely paranoid and extremely suspicious of anyone winning a lot.
The TRUTH About Cheating What Is Fact & What Is Fiction?
I was talking to my best friend just this week about what we could do about all this bullying taking place. I realised that many competition writers have focused on the cheating aspects of competitions and very few have considered or written about the darker side of this process.
He said we cannot fight against these bullies because bullies need reactions, bullies need fuel for their cause and he was right. Bullies cannot be beaten. Unfortunately bullies will always be around.
What can be done is people separating fact from fiction.
When someone is publicly attacked on social networks, check out the facts. Do you have the facts as an outsider looking in? Do you trust on face value what other people say, or do you actually find out the truth of the situation for yourself?
Unfortunately many people believe the bullies. All you need is a group of people headed by a ringleader and the group can appear to be a formidable force. And if more than one person says that person is a cheat then it must be true? Yes? NO!
This Is My Story
I never thought I would end up as one of the people getting bullied online. I've never done anything wrong to make people accuse me apart from win a few competitions.
I was accused and abused by people who I thought were my friends. It seemed as though there were maybe 2-3 ring leaders and everyone else had to follow or they would be accused too. I actually had one person message me saying that they had to unfriend me otherwise she would be bullied too.
I didn't know what to do, I explained to them that I hadn't cheated but they wouldn't believe me. I'm a quiet person and not one to fight for myself, so I told them that if they wanted I would either quit comping or delete all my non-comping friends so I couldn't be accused again. I then got accused even more as they said that if they had been accused they would be screaming and shouting to prove it.
I just sat at home quietly and didn't tell anyone at first. When my husband was at work I would sit and cry even to the point of upsetting my son as he didn't know why I was crying.
They sent me nasty messages and accused me of allsorts. I was supposed to have multiple accounts in all different names yet they failed to understand that all my wins were in my name so obviously not won by using a false account.
When I did win they would libel me all over businesses pages and message companies slating me, but luckily the companies who investigated it found nothing wrong and I still got my prize but I felt so humiliated.
I eventually got myself together and made new friends. I started entering competitions again but am always wary when I get friend requests or get a Facebook message. When I win will they still accuse me? I don't think I'll ever get back to my normal self now and will always be scared, but I just need to get on with it.
The TRUTH about CHEATS
The one sad thing about people bullying compers on social networks is that they miss the true cheats altogether. They spend so much time chasing the comper that may rightly or wrongly have a second profile for personal reasons (want to keep family/work separate from comping) and miss the real cheats that are cheating away right under there noses.
Real cheats, the professionals do not engage with other compers. They do not join comping groups and chat; they do not get to know people; they are silently entering while the bullies’ focus is distracted on those blessed and fortunate winners. And some may even be the ones making the most noise about cheating - now that's a thought!
Yes, there are people with crazy numbers of multiple profiles on Facebook and Twitter but there are also a lot of really genuine, authentic, honest and transparent people being accused on social networks right now by bullies.
Think about it this way. If you go for a walk around a city you will see signs that say you will be fined if you let your dog poop on the pavement without picking it up. The genuine people who pick up do not need the signs but read them anyway. Those people that will let their dog poop everywhere will never read the signs.
So going beyond this smelly analogy, cheats are the same. Real cheats will not read articles on cheating, they will not care what bullies think of them, they will not engage in conversation or groups. Real cheats are good at it for a reason.
How many people are being abused online because bullies have found an easy target for hate, resentment and envy?
Who Do The Comping Bullies Target?
Â· Frequent winners.
Â· Young sensitive women (and men).
Â· People that share their joys of winning.
. And sometimes they bully minors (children) under the age of 18.
Don't be an accomplice. If you want to win, have a good life, don't encourage bullies, ever!
Karma - What Goes Around Comes Around
INNOCENT UNTIL 'PROVEN' Guilty
~Naming & Shaming~
The online cyber-bullies (cyber harassment) I have come across have shown an extreme need to name and shame the people they think are cheats. Yes, some people cheat, yet many accused have been innocent.
This naming and shaming has been done without factual evidence, often passed on by word-of-mouth and Chinese whispers; collated, gathered and posted online on social networks like Facebook and Twitter. The need to wield power over the accused, to get attention from followers, breeds such an unpleasant energy around these people and groups it does not do them personally any good or their cause.
INNOCENT until PROVEN Guilty seems to be have been neglected with regard to the cyber harassment online.
Fortunately the world is blessed with ‘what we give out we get back’. The genuine cheats will get back what they give out in some form and so will the bullies.
LISTEN to Your GUT
Trust your instincts not the words of others.
Even those who seem to be very knowledgeable with regards to cheats can get it wrong. Sometimes a wide audience can make people feel they have the authority on certain matters. I would like to see a more balanced point of view put across with regards to cheating and those people who are accused. This is why I wrote this Squidoo entry. I felt an increasingly large group of people accused that are innocent who needed a voice and here it is.
While those CYBER-BULLIES have been naming and shaming, moaning and gossiping and spreading lies for a long time now, those that have been bullied have kept mainly quiet, tried to keep below the radar of these obsessive people.
We block on Facebook so that we can enjoy entering competitions again without being cyber-attacked.
We support one another in a safe comping group of over 200 people now.
And we mainly focus on positive things and encourage one another.
Listen to your gut if you are hearing gossip. Believe what feels right for you, not just because it has been said by someone. Don't even believe me. As the Buddha once said....
"Don't blindly believe what I say. Don't believe me because others convince you of my words. Don't believe anything you see, read, or hear from others, whether of authority, religious teachers or texts. Don't rely on logic alone, nor speculation. Don't infer or be deceived by appearances."
This Is My Story
It all began when I started winning stuff every day and they thought I was cheating by having another account.. They then accused my Mum of cheating which was so wrong when she has her own laptop.
I received regular abusive language not just calling me a cheat but calling me names and picking on my appearance and saying that I didn't deserve to win. Even just this week I was publicly called names about my appearance on-line by grown women that should know better. I did nothing to provoke this.
It stopped for a while until recently when the group I am in was posted on another group on Facebook (where they hang out), to advertise our group and then they all ganged up again saying I was still cheating!
The problem their behaviour has caused me is trust. It is hard to know who I can trust now because they spread so many rumours around about me and then people who weren't involved took the bullies side! So I lost many friends that trusted the bullies instead of me.
Much of what I have read online by the bullies if it was written in newspapers would be classed as libel. And the bullies would be taken to court for lack of evidence and proof.
What happens initially is one person feels annoyed at a person winning for whatever reason and talks to another person, who then talks to another and before you know it you have Chinese whispers flying about and many people believing something that was the personal opinion of another person.
In one of my previous jobs I witnessed grown women gossiping negatively about a member of staff, I initially got involved. It felt very wrong to do so. So after a while I decided not to get involved in any of the gossip and get to know the person being talked about.
I discovered how wrong they all were and how it all stemmed from one person's original 'point of view'.
None of it was factual, nobody actually asked the person where they were coming from on the subjects they gossiped about. Instead they made up reasons why she was that way, they put her down and then were nice to her face. The same happens online.
Instead of questioning the accused most people believe what is written as true and accurate. And if they are having a dry spell with winning, the gossiping, bitching and bullying will increase. Anger attracts angry people and this is what happens in gossip groups online.
Go against the status quo and you are either a target or ejected.
Not long ago I was talked about on a comping forum. Somebody said I entered competitions via the accounts of my husband and my brothers. Actually, I have no husband and I certainly have no brothers. But would anyone believe me? Only those people that do not listen to gossip.
I am glad I have such a public profile on places like Facebook. Companies can clearly see how genuine a person I am by looking at my blogs and my You Tube channel. Other people do not have the benefits of such a real public profile.
This Is My Story
I was using Twitter mainly to comp. I had one account and won 2 or 3 times most weeks: CDs, books, mascara - nothing above Â£10 . My man also tweeted, about 50 competitions a week and he won a Sony Blu-Ray player and 10 discs. The promoter told him of his win by DM (direct message) - all week tweeters were asking the promoter who had won, but as he works, he never knew, so never replied to anyone.
I've always posted my own and my husband's wins in one album, on view for all to see, via my FB (Facebook) page. I do this mainly as I have the time and also because I enjoy doing so. On seeing this in my album I was instantly judged a cheat and started getting the odd snidy tweet or comment.
This was last November. I ignored everything and carried on, while seeing people block me, and unfollow me. By New Year all was fine - so I thought!
On 16th March, this year, I logged into FB, and saw more than 20 messages, all saying 'cheat, fraud, liar and worse'.
I was confused.
On my page were comments asking me to explain myself, and 3 saying that the police had been notified..
It took 3 hours to establish what had happened. A fake Twitter account had set up loads of accounts, used my details, initials and stolen pics from my Facebook albums. They then used them all to comp from and then added them to one list dedicated to my name.
Somehow they'd set them all on auto tweet to follow my real account alphabetically, and also included my husband's account. They'd used my mum's real name and two of my longest serving friends.
I still never replied to anyone, but gathered all info I could and went to the Police as I felt my pics being wrongly used was a crime. Unfortunately it is not a crime, unless you have copyrighted them. I had no idea who'd done this or why.
Police immediately faxed Facebook admin and Twitter admin and 4 hours later Facebook had stopped me accessing my own account. They left it open to monitor who viewed it, wrote on wall, sent messages etc. They worked with police and monitored for 2 weeks. They decided nothing had occurred that had broken any rules and closed my account. I then had to send ID in order for them to grant me permission to create a new one.
Twitter never ever replied, even to the police.
However, all the impersonation accounts got closed within a month, but whether by Twitter or who ever created them is still not known.
By mid April, I was using this account, but having my competition like and shares marked as spam and the main cyber bullies, alongside a handful of others, were writing on promoters walls, being scathing about me.
By late April I quit comping.
One day on Twitter, mid May, I saw the main bully, ridiculing someone on Twitter, whom I had never heard of before. Feeling for her, I messaged her and she invited me to join the group, and I agreed reluctantly to comp again.
Still the main bully will put rude, cruel comments about me, and I have again done nothing to provoke anyone.
Now it appears the fake account I mentioned above is indeed the main bully, and even though Officers Of The Law are 99% sure, both accounts are still live. It is 100% certain she is another comper also, as my friend who can trace IP (internet provider) addresses is a member of Law Enforcement. Off duty, out of hours, he checked this for me as it is not illegal to trace IPs, as they are open to all if you know how to locate them.
My crime, I feel, was to stupidly believe that a couple could share a comping hobby and as long as terms and conditions never stated one entry per household, we were not breaking rules or cheating.
It seems I was wrong. However, my husband still comps from Facebook and Twitter, and we both will continue to do so. I do not, nor did I ever have 37 accounts as suggested.
What's worse though, is how rapidly almost everyone took it as gospel and spread the news, with no evidence at all. And then a well-known writer of topics around competitions joined in. Even though they have never been my friend or spoken with me, EVER!
POSITIVITY GOES A LONG WAY - Winning Competitions
As a bully are they giving out the right vibes to win?
One thing I have noticed is the more we come together in a positive way the more blessed we become. When negativity builds the less attractive we are to good fortune.
So any bullies gathering in groups together, to moan, talk about people, libel people, are actually doing the opposite to win competitions. They are putting out negative vibes and this is never good in comping, or life in general.
What we give out, we get back. And the same goes with competitions.
Who you are can also be defined by who you surround yourself with - be careful the company you keep!
GROUPS TO AVOID
If you have recently started entering competitions online, my recommendation is to use your gut instinct and listen to your heart. Do not get involved in gossip or moaning groups unless you want your wins to decrease. The negative energy these groups give out is not good for attracting good things into your life.
This Is My Story - Extreme On-line Bullying
It all began when I was enthusiastic and excited about sharing my wins. I shared my wins, my free samples I got in a group on Facebook. I win a lot so I was posting several times a day, most days. I win little things and big things so I shared them all. I did this because I was just so excited. I thought the group was about sharing our wins and encouraging others.
What started the whole painful drama was when I had more than one Facebook account at the time. I had one I had forgotten my password on, that was not active. I set up one I was intending to do comping from and was going to transfer all my competition friends over too. I set this one up because Facebook had disabled my liking and sharing (which is a big part of competition entering on Facebook), it was because I shared a lot. I comp most of the day, I just love it. It makes me happy.
So on the separate account I made to do comps on I did about 5 competitions. I decided it was too much having the second account (as I had forgotten about the other one) and I just left the new account, I did not think to deactivate it at the time. I knew nothing of Facebook guidelines about having only one account. And mostly I did not think I had done anything wrong.
Then my once enjoyable hobby turned to hell.
First people posted my other account in the group, tagged me and said "Why are you using 2 accounts?" etc etc.. Which led to lots of comments from lots of members. This turned into a very scary experience.
I was bullied at school, so I know what bullying is like and I was attacked by a large number of people online. A lot of people were part of that conversation and only a few people stood up for the way I was being spoken to. They called my children, were extremely abusive to me. All this in a public domain. I felt like I was surrounded.
The next thing that happened was I was kicked out of the group. The one place I had really enjoyed being. The bullies were not.
Afterwards, I felt very lost and hurt. People were messaging me regularly. I was having to defend myself almost daily. I was innocent but nobody was willing to believe me. I received so much verbal abuse online. They ganged together and the witch hunt continued.
I then received threatening messages saying they were going to involve the police. They posted a link to my Facebook profile on companies I had previously won on to ruin my reputation.
Just before I was kicked out of the group they set up a moaning group. A private by invitation group. I was the main reason it was set up. People were talking about me in there (I know people who were witness to this). And like teenagers at school they began a campaign of hate against me.
They used my way of speaking to humiliate me. I always say "OMG OMG OMG!" when I am excited and have won and so a lot of people started using that to insult me. A lot of extremely jealous and suspicious people.
In addition to this, they did their own background checks on me on Google. They even had the cheek to bring up my old modelling accounts on Google (as if that had anything to do with competitions). They just wanted to totally destroy my character. Regardless of whether I was innocent, they had fixed in their minds that I was guilty.
And to add salt to an already painful wound they brought my children into it. They told me I do not raise them properly and someone even said they must have "%$^* filled nappies". And much more was said.
i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy what I was put through. And even though I do not receive so much abuse, this is mainly because I have all of them blocked on Facebook. I know they still spread lies about me and gossip.
It was the most awful experience I have had in a very long time. I stopped comping for 3 months. I stopped doing something that I really enjoyed because of cyber bullying.
After this I was blessed to confide in someone that decided not to listen to the bullies and she helped me set up my own group, where we now are 200 in numbers and steadily growing. We are a collection of compers and also people who have received bullying from the same people.
We now have a safe place I can enjoy my hobby again, thankfully.
Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher. OPRAH WINFREY
Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. - Author Unknown
It's Human To Have 'Some' Envy
It is natural to have some envy. We are human after all. We are comparing creatures. It is when the envy becomes so big that it becomes unbalanced. Then it turns from envy to moaning, to gossip and with some they turn it on others through bullying.
When I first started comping properly I had a lot of envy come up in me, I felt suspicious. Mainly because I had heard so much gossip flying around. However, I realised when the gossip got vicious I needed to stop listening and listen to my gut.
I started to use my envy in a positive way to be encouraged by those that won a lot, to be inspired and simply tell myself something better is around the corner if I ever felt the green eyed monster looming.
Accept your envy, embrace the fact you are comparing your experience with another. Understand that they simply reflect your own potential and allow them to inspire you to think bigger and expect better.
The POWER of Positivity & What's Next?
It was good to write this article. I gave voice to everything I wanted put out there in the public domain. It was good to give a voice for those innocent accused of cheating online. It was beneficial to highlight the problems associated with focusing on cheating as a primary activity.
But now it is done.
The best thing I can say for anyone that has had this experience (particularly those comping in the UK) is to surround yourself with genuine strong, kind and caring individuals that want the best for you.
If you need to join a group like the one I am a member of where we support one another in the enjoyment of competitions and pleasure of comping as a hobby, do.
Comping is a fun hobby. It is a way to meet some wonderful people online, an acitivity with rewards.
Take yourself lightly.
If anyone threatens you ignore or block them.
If anyone libels you to those companies whose competitions you have won from send them this article and highlight that those lying about you are like the people mentioned in this article.
Above all, don't let them pull you down or make you stop the fun hobby you enjoy.
Be the strong one.
Be the balanced one.
Do not defend yourself (they do not listen).
Do not attack them back.
Be a rubber wall. Give them no fuel to ignite.
They need attention. Give them none.
MOST OF ALL WIN LOTS!
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE that build you up and do not bring you down.
Do not push against bullies, pushing against anything (war on terrorism, war on poverty, war on racism) simply amplifies the issue.
Instead set the intention to allow good things to come into your life. Play fairly and know yourself.
REPONSE to this Article
I moderate all comments, as I have no doubt that my honest experience of bullying online may provoke a backlash. However, I am open to those coming forward that have positive responses to this article.
No bullying allowed here and no libel please. Anyone posting spam comments repeated everywhere else on-line will be removed and reported as a spammer. Any names mentioned within comments accusing people personally will be removed.
Thanks for reading and I hope you experience a bully free comping experience.
ADDITIONAL NOTE :
I have received a number of comments primarily focusing on the subject of cheating. I am not publishing these comments as the subject of cheating has been thoroughly discussed elsewhere. I will only be publishing comments relevant to the subject of cyber-bullying.
HELPFUL List Of Links For Young People Victim To Cyber Bullying
- Tips to Stop Cyberbullying | SafeTeens.com
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- Welcome to WiredSafety.org .:. WiredSafety
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I look forward to your comments on this lens.
Hubberoo on November 25, 2014:
Interesting and well researched. Being defamed by ex-wife and on HubPages! Divorce was difficult and painful but that's no excuse for turning into a cyber bully. She has written countless articles about my horrible personality - all one sided and slanted to create sympathy to make her feel better and embarrass me. She has created impersonation profiles on social media sites in my full name.
HubPages hardly pays writers to sell Amazon merchandise so maybe my troll will just fade away. Or not..
Diana on November 08, 2014:
I've been a victim of Cyberbullying in the past as well. My situation was a little different and involved an MMO, but the feelings you describe are the same. You said many of the things that I could not voice myself. The horror, emotional turmoil and more. The actions of my bullies can never be taken back. It's worth adding to this article that the cyberbullying hits adults in other aspects of life as well as in competition groups. Thank you for sharing this.
anonymous on June 19, 2013:
I have been aware of cyber-bullying for years and have recently been subjected to it myself. I have written articles about the subject but I had never thought about this type of bullying before. While the environment (Competitions) may be unfamiliar to me, the Bullying methods are the same.
And it never ceases to amaze me that when you stand up to bullies how they try to turn it around and accuse you of bullying THEM. Ignoring spiteful and untrue messages from these people is hard, but you are right to advocate that line of (non) action. As my dear departed Mother used to say: "Ignore the ignorant".
Kelly Martin (author) from GLOUCESTER on June 11, 2013:
@Lady Lorelei: I agree many do not know they are doing it. Any kind of consistent meanness, brutality and psychological aggression is bullying. If anyone goes deliberately out to hurt and destroy another person online they are bullying, regardless of whether they are cheating are not. Kindness goes a long way. I see so much justification going on for doing it but little acknowledgement. The worst side of if is when many group together for a common cause to put down other people, that is when bullying becomes a lynch-mob.
Lorelei Cohen from Canada on June 10, 2013:
Unfortunately bullies really do take advantage of the internet to do what they do best. It is sad that many of them remain with such an inaccurate image of what they are doing. Classing bullying as something that someone else does instead of themselves. Very sad.
PhilVardy on May 01, 2013:
I honestly think adults can just as harmful and guilty of bullying. The Internet provides an anonymous platform for bullies to attack. Spread awareness; stop bullying; thanks for this post! Spread the love!
anonymous on February 27, 2013:
Stop Bullying Now! Take Action!
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jadapotata on November 29, 2012:
Such an amazing lens. It's such a shame to see a rise in bullying.
alison-wakefield on September 19, 2012:
Wow you got everything spot on and very well written. These bullies are scum and need to grow up.
anonymous on September 19, 2012:
amazing post so so well said, very thought out and researched.
siobhanryan on September 16, 2012:
I have a lot about cyber bullying and in some cases leads to diasterous consequences-great article-Blessed
anonymous on July 17, 2012:
From a victim of "Bullying/Violence" of 42 years,keep up the good work from us all at http://www.tomthumb.info/tt/ Always looking forward to hearing from fellow victims "Bullying/Violence" at Tom Thumb and friends.Thank you.
Kelly Martin (author) from GLOUCESTER on June 26, 2012:
@anonymous: Thank you. I appreciate your comment. As you say the only way would be providing ID at both ends, upon creating a account and receiving a prize. Unfortunately that is also plagued with people providing false information. Fax machines, scanning info like passports, driving licences, easily faked for the professional cheat. So what to do? And what about those that harass and bully? It is not an easy topic to consider. And as you say humans are unkind to each other.Unfortunately during the current financial time the number of cheats will increase, as will the envy and jealousy towards those who win. The only thing we can do is be made aware of both sides of the coin and discourage both extremes. Hopefully the pendulum will swing back to centre eventually and balance will be found. This will probably not happen for some time as often things get worse before they get better.
anonymous on June 26, 2012:
This,although a little to lengthy for my liking addresses many issues and shows the bleak side of being a comper. Some people do cheat and they always will. Most will not do so as time would not allow and in my own cause decency tells me its wrong. Nothing happens currently,either to the 'cheat' or the 'accuser' and others take there pick who to believe. I feel anyone with twitter account or FB should be made to produce id before creating them. Yes, both FB AND TWITTER ARE WORLD WIDE, I realise the admin would be hard pressed,but each person would only have to do it once. If nothing to hide,then you'd not object.And promotors should ask for id before sending prizes,to stop multi fake accounts. Humans are unkind to each other,and greed fuels this.
Elizabeth Sheppard from Bowling Green, Kentucky on June 24, 2012:
What a great lens. I added it to my Grown-Up Bullying lens. I love your idea about tracing and prosecuting bullies. What a great idea, and so overdue.
Kumar P S on June 24, 2012:
Great lens ! Informative. Thanks for sharing.
Kelly Martin (author) from GLOUCESTER on June 24, 2012:
@anonymous: Please do Jane, that would be very much appreciated. The more air-time this subject gets the better.
Kelly Martin (author) from GLOUCESTER on June 24, 2012:
@anonymous: Hi Jo and thank you so much for sharing your experience. It is good to hear that you defended the person. Unfortunately, some people think its okay to bully if they think their cause is great enough. To me, bullying is bullying, no excuses for anyone to be abused. It is good to shine a light on this subject and have more people come forward to reveal its not just a one time affair but an ongoing thing that needs changing. The sad thing is a lot of people may use the internet as the only form of social interaction, especially if they are lonely and to be bullied can be devastating. Many young people have felt suicidal and adults are no different. I would not want that on my hands ever. Lets hope social network rules change overtime and eventually the bullies will be traced and prosecuted.
anonymous on June 23, 2012:
finally got round to reading this it's a fantastic piece of writing :) not so fantastic on the bullying front :( I'm a strong believer in karma it will eventually come back to bite them but being a new member to the group i'm loving it AND love the fact you see people win in it makes you know what you're doing is worthwhile :D
staymor on June 23, 2012:
Awesome page, keep up the great work!!
anonymous on June 23, 2012:
What a great post, well written and concise. I was accused of cheating on a FB comp a few years back and was plagued by nasty tweets until genuine friends and compers said I was OK to this person and on the FB comp too, luckily for me and a nice touch was I won. It was a small taste of what can happen and I was really upset at the time. I now have a blog and have been harangued for a certain winner being picked, by Rafflecopter, not me and told they are cheating, was told all sorts of stories. I verified the person to be honest, sent the prize. I have seen since how brutal the bullies are, constantly harassing the same person, , I too am a comper and watched this phenomenom grow like a cancer, just this week, I took a leap of courage and defended the person publicly and messaged the company to challenge them, as they were actually not going to give the prize out. When it was a clear win for a comment and only 40 comments, which I pointed out, was picked by a random draw!
It sickens me, I was bullied as a child, but this actually seems worse as they are in your home with you in the social media age. Congrats for writing this piece.
Close2Art LM on June 23, 2012:
great page, nice way you put it together too, Blessed
anonymous on June 23, 2012:
brilliant, well done you :)
Kelly Martin (author) from GLOUCESTER on June 23, 2012:
Thank you everyone for your incredible support. Thank you for being open to another side to the comping world. Lets all make changes for the better in social networks.
anonymous on June 23, 2012:
What a well written and thought provoking article. I'd like to link to it in a future piece about comping karma on the Grapevine blog if I can have your permission.
anonymous on June 22, 2012:
Amazing! this should be published! Facebook should back this and endorse it! You are a gifted and talented writer to boot. Such a brilliant piece of work a real masterpeice. It is like a cloak of protection and kindness xxx Fantastic Kelly you such an amazing person
anonymous on June 22, 2012:
Fantastic kelly <3 im glad this you have made this article! x
anonymous on June 22, 2012:
anonymous on June 22, 2012:
well written and shows how bad it can really be. There are nice compers about like yourself. xxx
anonymous on June 22, 2012:
Great article! :)
anonymous on June 22, 2012:
Very well written, all compers should read this!.
anonymous on June 21, 2012:
What an amazing eloquent account of the dark side of the comping world! I agree with everything you have written - well done !
anonymous on June 21, 2012:
Well said Kelly :)
anonymous on June 21, 2012:
All compers need to read this!
michael-doherty-393 on June 21, 2012:
A much needed article. Well researched by someone who has experienced bullying first-hand. Well done.