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Funny and Silly Status Updates

StricktlyDating is an Australian writer who creates pages of original funny quotes and status updates.

Very funny and silly status updates for places like Facebook and Twitter. Once you’ve told your online friends something funny about yourself, you can use these funny statuses to entertain them and make yourself look funnier than you already are!


Funny, Silly Statuses

  • I'm such a neat freak I feel bad when I don't empty the trash basket on my laptop.
  • I'm confused about why landlines have a hashtag. Did Grandma do some Tweeting back in her day?
  • How good would it be if a liar's pants really did catch on fire!
  • Looking for me? I'm with stupid. Doing what stupid does.
  • If it doesn't make sense I just smile and nod.
  • Today I found out that spring rolls are not just for eating in spring.
  • I'm not immature I just know how to have fun more than you do.
  • According to my childhood, one out of three pigs is a good builder.
  • What's lighter than blue? Light blue.
  • What's lighter than black? Every color.
  • Smile, while you still have teeth!
  • These instructions would be just as useful if they were written with a blunt pencil.
  • I hate typo's. You mix up a couple of letters and your entire status is urined.
  • Food is an important part of keeping a balanced diet.
  • If I share it I don't have it. So I keep my secret.
  • Today I found out kidney beans do not come from the kidneys of small animals, they are just beans. I had been avoiding eating them up until now.
  • Why do they call it after dark when it's really after light?
  • Why do they call these a pair of pant's when they are not a pair?
  • It goes up and never comes down? Your age.
  • You are reading this status even though it's stupid.
  • This just goes to prove, even if I write a silly status update you will read it!
  • Be crazy, be stupid, be wild! Because life's too short to be cool.
  • Life is short and so am I.
  • Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion.
  • I don't need a therapist. I just need a friend to be silly with.
  • I used to wonder what it would be like to read other people's minds. Then I got Facebook.
  • Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
  • Sometimes I pretend to be average, but it gets boring. So I go back to being AWESOME!
  • God grant me the serenity not to look like a fool today.
  • I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
  • Maybe the day doesn't like being seized.
  • Chocolate doesn't ask silly question. Chocolate always comforts.
  • Exercise. A poor man's plastic surgery.
  • Maybe it's Maybelline. Maybe it's photoshop.
  • Don't be silly, I'm not mad at you. I just decided to unfriend you (in real life).
  • Don't expect an intelligent answer when you ask a stupid question.
  • I'm at the age where happy hour is my nap time.
  • I'm not stupid... Until you put me in front of a good looking emotionally unavailable man.
  • When my internet is down I forget that the rest of my computer still works.
  • You are the result of 5 billion years of successful evolution. Now act like it.
  • The first step of forgiveness is understanding some people are just stupid.
  • I wasn't that drunk. Dude, you were in the pool trying to find Nemo.
  • Adults are just kids with money.
  • If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done.
  • A life spent making mistakes is more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
  • It isn't that I'm not a people person. I'm just not a stupid people person.
  • You can't fix stupid. But you can watch it in action. Every day. On Facebook.
  • Yes I did delete you from my friends list. I grew bored of your stupid status updates every 2 minutes, every day.
  • I don't know Karate, but I know CRAZY and I'm not afraid to use it.
  • Best friends don't let you do stupid things...alone.
  • I don't have a drinking problem. I'm just really thirsty.
  • A day without sunshine is night.
  • My nickname is Billy. Silly Billy.
  • My nickname is Duffa. Silly Duffa.
  • Man is the most intelligent and most silly of all creatures.
  • The truth is I'm not LOL (IMNLOL)
  • Grow up Math. Solve your own problems.
  • There's a certain happiness which comes from being silly.
  • Call me silly but I'd prefer to eat cookies than worry about having a six pack.
  • I was sleeping alone the other night. Thanks to the pest exterminator.
  • Smart Talented Person In Demand (STUPID)
  • We do not see things as they are. We see things as we are.
  • With the risk of being very stupid, I am taking a chance.
  • It's silly to worry. Half of the things we worry about with never happen, the other half will happen anyway.

Even funnier status updates

  • It’s just not in me to be vegan. Even the thought of a hamburger makes my mouth water.
  • You don't like eating things that have a face? OK, here's a plate of worms.
  • The thought of wearing jeans that aren't skinny jeans bothers me. I mean what did I used to do with all that extra space around the ankles?
  • I love chocolate so much I get emotional when I see it.
  • I just automatically think you're signing off with lots of love when you type LOL.
  • Apple and Blackberry should team up to make a phone called The Pie.
  • What if oxygen is poisonous and just takes about 80 years to kill us?
  • Call me silly, but haircuts are the reason I have trust issues.
  • Call me silly, but why is it called a TV set where there is only one?
  • Call me silly, but I don't know why the number 11 is not pronounced onety one?
  • My parents still haven't apologized for making me stupid.
  • etc = End Of Thinking Capacity.
  • I am so behind the times I thought YOLO was someone who was friends with J Lo.
  • No one is going to think you're silly for putting one more haha on the end of your hahahaha!
  • I'm old enough to know better, but silly enough to still think I can do it anyway.
  • You never know what you have. Until you clean your room.
  • When a person laughs too much over stupid things that person is sad deep inside.
  • At school in Australia you earn a licence to use a pen (how stupid).
  • I wasn't talking nonsense I am just more intelligent than some.
  • I wasn't being silly I was just being creative.
  • I'm silly, I'm smart, I'm fun, I'm crazy. I am enjoying life.
  • (S)o (I)'ve (L)oved (L)osers (Y)eah.
  • A little nonsense now and then never hurt anybody. A little dairy every now and then never hurt a vegan.
  • I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.
  • Forgive me my nonsense as I also forgive the nonsense of those who think they talk sense.
  • I am adult enough to walk away from nonsense when it surrounds me.
  • Confucius say. He who sleeps like a baby does not have one.
  • Keep your words soft and sweet, just incase you have to eat them.
  • Be nice to nerds. You might end up working for one someday.
  • What gets wet when drying? A towel.
  • What belongs to you but others use it more often than you? Your name.
  • My Doctor told me I should not work out until I am in better shape.
  • Anything is possible when you don't know what you're talking about.
  • Totally uninformed, or blissfully unaware. Whether the glass is half full is up to you.

Reader Poll

© 2013 StrictlyQuotes

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StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on April 17, 2017:

Thanks Tamara I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Tamara Moore on April 13, 2017:

Another funny one! :-)

Frank Atanacio from Shelton on December 16, 2013:

some of these are far love ur hubs :)

Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on September 11, 2013:

You have a lovely idea for writing all quotes a special and your own way of writing and sharing such quotes a very useful hub.

Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on July 31, 2013:

"Why is it called a TV set where there is only one?" A line I could use. Thank you for the laughs.

Linda Zhao from ShenZhen on July 30, 2013:

I'm not silly I just know how to have FUN. Thanks for sharing.

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