StricktlyDating is an Australian writer who creates pages of original funny quotes and status updates.
100 funny status Facebook status updates about dieting, trying to diet, and excuses for not starting and failing failing a diet.
Funny status updates about dieting
- Dear stomach, you're bored not tired, shut up!
- Eat less sugar... You're already sweet enough.
- The toughest part of dieting is not watching what you eat... It's watching what other people eat.
- Losing weight is hard. Being fat is hard. Choose your hard.
- Going on a diet is like trying to forget someone you really like.
- I had a salad for lunch, then I came home and ate the entire contents of the pantry.
- It's hard to lose weight when you have an overactive knife and fork.
- Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.
- I've had it with diets. I lost 2kg this week, and no one noticed, and my jeans still do not fit.
- My mind says Victoria's Secret model, but my heart says chocolate and champagne.
- Keep calm and diet on.
- Eat clean, train dirty.
- Don't be afraid if you break your diet, fat people are harder to kidnap.
- It's hard to be optimistic when your fat pants are so tight.
- I went on a diet it was the worst four hours of my life.
- I'm just a girl, standing in front of a salad, wishing it was a donut.
- Today I ate a cupcake without icing... Dieting is hard work.
- Biggest lie ever - I'll start my diet tomorrow.
- My heart says chocolate and champagne, but my pants say, for the love of god woman, eat a salad.
- Diet's don't count on holidays!
- I'm not overweight, I'm just 9 inches too short.
- I'm trying to avoid all things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors and photographs.
- I followed my heart, and it lead me to the fridge.
- I hate it when I think I'm buying organic vegetables, and when I get home, they're just regular sweets.
- You're not a dog. Don't reward yourself with food.
- Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree, that means it's a plant, and chocolate is just like salad.
- I'm really into Crossfit. I cross my fingers and hope I can fit my big butt into my jeans.
- Whenever I'm sad, I find myself in my happy place, the fridge.
- I hate it when I buy a trolley full of fruit of vegetables and stop for takeaway fries on the way back home.
- Dieting is the only game where when you win, you lose.
- I'm trying a seafood diet, when I see food, I eat it.
- I've been dieting all morning, am I skinny yet?
- Four hours into a diet... I feel like I'm dying.
- I had a snaccident (Ate entire pizza and chocolate cake by mistake).
- I'm on a diet, I'm on a diet, I'm on a diet... OMG cake! Yum!
- Don't listen to your inner fatty. She's evil and misses cupcakes.
- the first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humour.
- Diet rule 1 - If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.
- I don't mean to brag, but I did finish my 14 day diet in 2 hours and 15 minutes.
- My head says "Go to the gym!" but my heart says "Stay on the internet and eat cake forever".
- If stress burned calories, I'd be a supermodel.
- Some days I'm right into green smoothies, yoga and sunshine, other days I just need a box of donuts.
- Dear diet, It's not me, it's you. I just don't think it's going to work between us. You're boring, tasteless and I can't help cheating on you.
- A balanced diet means cookies in both hands.
- Cheating on a diet isn't a mistake, it's a choice.
- How bad can a good diet get?
- It's all fun and games, until your jeans don't fit.
- I've been on a diet for weeks, and all I've lost is 21 days.
- Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
- A week does not a diet make.
- Junk food, junk people, junk thoughts, are all toxic for you.
- I licked it, so I have to eat it now!
- Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!
- Whoever said nothing tastes as good as skinny has clearly never had pecan pie.
- Hangry: Anger fuelled by hunger, a cranky state resulting from lack of sweet food.
- Diet? Over my bread body!
- Once you take the icing of a cupcake it becomes a muffin. And muffins are healthy!
- Happiness is, eating an entire sponge cake while your friend is on a diet.
- I lost 1kg in a week, and to reward myself, I ate a deep pan pizza, followed by 2 serves of chocolate brownies.
- A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
- I want to be like a caterpillar, eat a lot, sleep for a while, and wake up beautiful.
- Might start a diet. I may also win the lottery... Odds are about the same.
- Accidently went shopping on an empty stomach, and now I'm the proud owner of isle 6.
- I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
- Whenever I see the words 'Fat free' or 'low fat' I automatically think of a chemical experiment. Just eat real food.
- Just made a vegan, gluten free, soy free, antibiotics free, raw, non GMO, organic, fat free, low carb meal... I plate of ice.
- Even the word diet makes me feel sad.
- A diet means eating food that makes you feel makes you feel bored and leaves you hungry.
- I have a condition which prevents me from dieting, it's call being hungry.
- Inside me is a skinny lady trying to get out, but I keep her quiet with cake.
- Roses are red diets make me feel blue, I'd rather be fat than eat vegetables too.
- No one ever said a diet is as wonderful as a caramel sundae.
- Me: I wanna go on a diet. Food: ha ha ha, no!
- I'm on a French diet - Bread, cheese and pastries.
- A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the food limit.
- Panda's are proof you can eat all day and still look cute.
- There are two food groups in the world, the one you put cream on and the one you put chocolate on.
- I add cream to my weight-watchers and eat it with bread and butter.
- A diet is just code for a time when you eat food you dislike and still feel hungry.
- The fridge is a clear example that what matters is on the inside.
- Calories don't count on the weekend.
- Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.
- I had to eat cake, because it's somebody's birthday somewhere!
- Eat right, exercise daily, die anyway.
- I ate a donut without sprinkles on top. Diets are hard.
- I'm not fat, my stomach is 3D.
- It took a lot of willpower, but I finally gave up dieting.
- How I cut carbs... With a knife.
- I could give up chocolate, but I'm just not a quitter.
- Gluten free, dairy free, I just love my champagne diet.
- A triple cheese burger, large fries and add a diet coke please, I'm on a diet.
- This months diet is next months body.
- Eating makes me happy, so there!
- I wish there was a way to donate fat like you can donate blood.
© 2016 StrictlyQuotes
Tamara Moore on June 24, 2017:
Ha ha...love this! Your posts keep me smiling :-)
diogenes from UK and Mexico on December 16, 2016:
Reveal your sources, woman!
Good and funny
Audrey Hunt from Idyllwild Ca. on December 12, 2016:
"Diet? Over my bread body" This is yours truly. I enjoyed this hub so much. Thanks for making my day!
John Hansen from Queensland Australia on December 12, 2016:
Very funny. I will tell some to my wife, and others just chuckle to myself.