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Funny Facebook Status-Funny Status Lines

Funny Facebook status? Funny status lines?  You are not serious right?

As of September 2009, Facebook has now three hundred million members all over the world making it one of the leading social networking sites. Imagine that! And one of the things that Facebook users enjoy doing is updating their statuses. There are different postings. Some are downright silly, funny, corny, while others are serious or inspirational. I've noticed a lot of family and friends post their thoughts or whatever activity they are engaged at for the moment. Well, it's a great way to keep in touch and connect with some people I know.

Obviously, I am in the mood for something light and funny for the day. Here are funny facebook status lines collected or gathered which you are free to use and modify as you wish. Enjoy and if you want to add some more..go ahead!

Funny Facebook Status

  • used to have no life. Now I have a laptop and Facebook!
  • knows she's bored when she has thoughts of what the cat would look like shaved !!
  • is trying to decide if she has an attitude problem today, or not.
  • I'm actually quite pleasant until I'm awake
  • When she came home I had laid a trail of roses to the bedroom...I had candles lit everywhere, jazz playing in the background and wine chilling with me waiting for her in my the next thing I need to do is introduce myself......
  • giving "the silent treatment" only matters to those who want to hear what you have to say.
  • secretly stalks slimey children's toys
  • wonders whether he'll ever see psychedelic cowboy boots
  • is eating a hearty meal of spectacular hair implants
  • is trying to sell a useless set of feelings
  • says don't you hate it when you miss a call by the last ring, but when you immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail? What did the person do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
  • obsesses over spectacular slam dunks
  • is not scared of heights.... just widths!!!!
  • is your father's brother's nephew's cousin's sister's uncle's brother's friend's second cousin's former roommate on your mothers side.
  • is trying to stop being indecisive, but is not sure about it...
  • has THOUGHT about getting out of bed... still thinking, still thinking...
  • says I get this funny feeling that people are reading the things I type here but maybe I'm just being paranoid.

I Don't Like to Hear Myself Think!


More Funny Facebook Status

  • is wondering if they could invent a self cleaning oven, why can't they invent a self cleaning house?
  • says watch out causeI know karate...and 7 other Japanese words!
  • thinking its funny how,When people talk to God, it's called prayer. When God talks back, it's called schizophrenia !!!
  • will not be responsible for her actions if she doesn't get some chocolate soon
  • is playing loud music to keep from hearing her own thoughts
  • says why is it that whenever there’s two women in a profile pic the hot one is always someone else..?
  • The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
  • is pretending that she doesn't exist
  • Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
  • I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up
  • First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering
  • is thinking about doing something! Now just got to think what that something will be!!!
  • you know you are having a bad day, when the bird singing outside your window is a vulture
  • doesn't understand what the fascination is with Camping...You work hard all year to pay your Mortgage/Rent, only to spend your vacation pretending you're Homeless
  • thinks the best part about his job is that his chair spins!
  • says people are always asking what's the meaning of life, why dont they just look it up in the dictionary. Duh!!!!
  • Apparently you have been misinformed, because the ONLY advantage you have over me is... you can "kiss my ass" and I cant...

  • wonders if there is a cure for "dumbassness" if so, I know a few people who need a dose.
  • says I'm tired of chasing my dreams, I'm just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
  • you know you need to get a life when you've just spent half an hour compulsively rearranging your trees in Farmville.
  • had a brief but terrifying bout of sanity, but everything is back to normal now.
  • is riding a pink giraffe wearing her underpants and a top hat
  • is on strike! she will not be talking to anyone, until her demands are met. she wants a baby monkey and an army of Scottish squirrels!
  • Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk
  • was almost killed today when he fell off a horse. Thank god the walmart employee saw me, came over and unplugged the thing
  • would like a refund on this life.
  • if you cant laugh at yourself, ill be happy to do it for you
  • To make it straight, she pulls it. 2 make it stand, she rubs it. 2 make it stiff, she licks it. 2 let it “IN” she pushes it. !!!! True! Threading a needle is not easy!!!
  • Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent
  • says If this was 1999, would you have ever thought 10 years from now you could sit on the toilet while updating your facebook status???

standing on her front lawn with her pants down waiting for Google Earth to come by and take her picture..

  • is trying to keep her eyes open when she sneezes
  • eanie, meanie, minie, moe, caught a Tiger with his ho.
  • has just had Guinness Book of Records on the phone, they want to measure my ironing pile..
  • When it comes to driving, anybody going slower than me is an idiot, and anyone going faster than me is a maniac.
  • Dear Winter, I think we should spend some time apart... I'm gonna try to work things out with my ex, Summer...
  • If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is broken
  • I'm telepathically cleaning my house! So if you're really nice to me, maybe I'll "think" about cleaning yours too!
  • is offering her children on buy 1 get 1 free
  • wonders if fish ever get thirsty???
  • is now on two diets...because she was still hungry after just one
  • is planning a night he can't remember!
  • is going into me when it's safe to come out
  • wonders if we ain't meant to have midnight snacks why is there a light in the refrigerator?
  • is caffeinating.
  • says it's been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom....
  • is thinking if you give a person a fish you feed them for a day, teach a person to use facebook and they won't bother you for weeks.
  • is single...and you're going to have to be freakin' awesome to change that!!

If you want to connect with me on Facebook, click here!


shaira on July 03, 2012:

i love facebook because it make me feel good jejeje

Elixir Lee from Los Angeles, California on June 10, 2012:

HAHA! These are great. You should also check out this huge collection of different types of FB Status updates

mo on June 04, 2012:

still laughing hilariously! lov it

Twan on April 07, 2012:

Haha! The first one is the best!

Keep it up.

asley on April 04, 2012:

haha larious to somebody hmmmmm i have a frog named jeniffer lopez just thought u needed to know ya so hey hey jal-o

joseph on April 03, 2012:

that was kinda nice :)##@@

martina dazz on March 16, 2012:

it was funny..........

Hollister boy on February 20, 2012:

ladies add me on face book.

Brendan on January 28, 2012:

I see that several of mine are on here!

miro on January 28, 2012:


Jason on January 23, 2012:

I thought it was cool

nedkc on January 22, 2012:

i do not get it

sophie williams on January 19, 2012:

this is so funny i stole a few for my fb and i have had endless comments thnk u 4 making my day :) xx

nikashi_designs on January 05, 2012:

Have to say, that was some funny lines. I like, "you know you are having a bad day, when the bird singing outside your window is a vulture" Thanks.

Sexy me on January 02, 2012:

Funny xD !!!

Ayoosh Adores U on December 24, 2011:

omg i thought i wont laugh but i did like hell!

roshan on December 22, 2011:


Eme Michael on December 22, 2011:

Thanks For Giving Us Such Wonderful Knowledge.Really i like your information. For Those Who Enjoy Statuses On Facebook, We're Just Trying To Make New Funny Statuses For You Guys Hope You Guys Really Like Our Funny Statuses And You Can Also Get Latest Statuses From

Infobrowser from UK on December 18, 2011:

This article is a Jackpot for Facebookers! Thanks =)

I've put up a short article about funny Facebook features if anyone would like some more entertainment.

blueeyes on December 13, 2011:

actually giggleing at these mate dont think have ever updated my status as much in the last 5 mins than i have done in the last 4 years !!

LOL Angel! on December 12, 2011:

is holding him/herself hostage and if u ever want to see me again pay me 1Billion dollars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D =D =D =D

I swear my pillow could b a hair stylist.................. I always wake up with the weirdest hair styles!

Amit Kodi on December 08, 2011:

it was fun reading this!

Put ty tang on December 07, 2011:

Funniest comment: Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time...hilarious and great advice.

sum1 over the rainbow on December 04, 2011:

its soooooo funny seeing ppl hav posted 2 years ago lol 2 funny

Richa Sharma on December 04, 2011:

hahaha all are mind blowing yar..

Bryan Dunstable on December 01, 2011:

Holy crap this is funny stuff lol

penny on November 25, 2011:

sometimes i don't understand how people act to become ur friends in the smetime ur worse night mares.

numbsain on November 22, 2011:

hates it when you wait too long to answer nature's call and it goes to voicemail.

Thinks sarcasm is just soooooo great.

wonders why those tiny blurry people I always see in the distance never come closer. I'd like to hold a little blurry guy in my hand.

Binita Pokhrel on November 15, 2011:



HAD A MUCH TIME.................

Mathi yazhagan on November 13, 2011:

happy children's day

patricia gemayel on November 07, 2011:

hahahaha nice quotes

jennifer on November 04, 2011:



bernard baruiz on November 03, 2011:

so nice!

maria on November 02, 2011:

ur mom is so fat she tryied killin herself by jumpin out of her basemrnt window hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah lolol

7amudi shkeir on October 27, 2011:


JDB on October 25, 2011:

Like (insert fb thumbs up here)

sanjeev on October 24, 2011:


Eme Michael on October 22, 2011:

its really really very excellent stuff in your blog.very good to reading your stuff. For Those Who Enjoy Statuses On Facebook, We're Just Trying To Make New Status And You Can Also Get Latest Statuses From There Facebook Statuses.

jjjj on October 21, 2011:

aaaaaaaa on October 21, 2011:

super likable

i will digg it

rocky on October 08, 2011:

To make it straight, she pulls it. 2 make it stand, she rubs it. 2 make it stiff, she licks it. 2 let it “IN” she pushes it. !!!! True!!! Threading a needle is not easy!!! :P :P diz was awsme manh :P

Komal on October 08, 2011:

Its more commnts

Anonomus on October 07, 2011:

"Childrens laughter makes me happy. Unless I'm in a dark abandoned hospital and my flashlight isn't working properly

PRIYA DAS on October 05, 2011:


abhee on October 01, 2011:

nice collection

*sumbody stole my english roughbook whn i was in school




nw it is known as 'oxford dictionary'

shannon dawson on September 30, 2011:

hahaha this is so freakin funny XD on September 21, 2011:

i want some funny pics on facebook so help me get one

E.V on September 17, 2011:

It's this time of nite - When my mind goes into overdrive- WHAT THE HELL WERE GOLDILOCK'S PARENTS THINKING OF?.&.HOW THE F#CK DID THE BEARS GET A COUNCIL HOUSE?

sabith sabu on September 17, 2011:

2ha 2hi

loappe orekeno scorpio on September 16, 2011:

oh...??tht was much fun and hav laugh

siddharth goswami on September 16, 2011:

its realy vry funny nd fantastic yar....mindblowing...outstanding....thnk u :)

Chihiro susimiya on September 16, 2011:

This was so9 useful and funny!!!

raymond pacada on September 11, 2011:

i love to online in fb,,, i want to see more updates about it.. to chat friend... and to see pic.... in short i like it... ROFL....... hahaha

Manu on September 04, 2011:

good work ..... keep it up........

nour on September 03, 2011:

i got my last feelings


thandie mhlophe on September 01, 2011:

loliiiiiiiiiiiiiing this is really funny

Lerah on August 28, 2011:

love it!haha

krazy.d on August 28, 2011:

funny, need to add more though,

kripesh on August 26, 2011:

i m having so much fun by reading this

Me on August 23, 2011:





aquib arman on August 20, 2011:

here is some cool comments but i want more...

nikma on August 18, 2011:

thanks 4 posting it.... relly had fun reading thru.

ashiq raj on August 05, 2011:

thank for that

marty on July 09, 2011:

three letters "lol" super cool

stella winx on June 24, 2011:

haha..its g8 tym iz on f.b

Lol itz my fav plc 2 sit n enjoy my tym!!

nyc status abv...hhehe :)

Judithc on June 10, 2011:

I was laughing when I saw the one about buy one child get one free! I actually posted that up before I read it here! Haha funny to know other moms think the same.. But I love my kids:)

Gerrard on May 29, 2011:

Kewl....It was nice..

Robyn on May 05, 2011:

` lmao if yu aint got no facebook !

cheerfulnuts from Manila, Philippines on April 13, 2011:

"you know you need to get a life when you've just spent half an hour compulsively rearranging your trees in Farmville."- I got to tell this to my dad, haha!

lesli on April 11, 2011:


subekchhya on April 09, 2011:

thumbs up

Eiddwen from Wales on March 30, 2011:

A great hub.

Take care


arti on March 24, 2011:

these are the best posts ever, you ROCK !!!!!

Shada on March 22, 2011:


diva99 on March 22, 2011:

cool unz.. was rely lukin for sumtin gud 2 post.. i posted 1 of the statuses and som1 immediately likd it.. usually its nt noticed... thnx a lot, realy helpful.. keep it up!! :))

Abhishek Sachan on March 21, 2011:

hey..interesting funny stuff....loved it

Olanrewaju sunday on March 17, 2011:

My brother and sister....i beg 4 ur pardon...I am a student and am looking the person that will sponsor me to school...please help me...and GOD will be with you all adieu 4 now.

SADMAN on March 09, 2011:

friggin' hilarious... good job maite (:

wexie woodcock on March 07, 2011:

i wuv it

vishakh on March 03, 2011:

nice status

virk on March 01, 2011:

i got fed by reading these funny things again nd again so this all seems boring 4 me, please add some new one's.

brieanna on February 28, 2011:

lol so so funny:)!

prototype on February 24, 2011:


heaven on February 17, 2011:

lol luv it

Chinmay Bokil on February 16, 2011:

these is a real funny stuff ! Thanx 4 sharing !

amol chaudhari on February 12, 2011:

hahaha funny...!!!

jag on February 10, 2011:

great for relaxation.. love it!

wizbitz on February 06, 2011:

One word===> "hahaha"

Ana on February 04, 2011:

Ok...;-). I had a laugh!

NAZ on January 31, 2011:

u rock thanxxxxx

Slim Jim on January 30, 2011:

That was amazing.

crunchy on January 12, 2011:


imtiaz arab on January 06, 2011:

this is crazy.... and i loved it!

aastha on December 27, 2010:

hilarious.,.,thanx for sharing.,.,

Rena on December 26, 2010:

These were very clever.

indi collier on December 21, 2010:

ahha made me lmao on all of em lool :) xx

shahista on December 15, 2010:

lol!!!luvd it... :*

devanshi on December 15, 2010:

every1 really keeps out the request of farmville!!! haha

Nidhi kapoor on December 07, 2010:

I m Loving it...

diana kaminskaya on December 04, 2010:

I looove this(:


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