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Cheeky Facebook Status Updates And Comments

StricktlyDating is an Australian writer who creates pages of original funny quotes and status updates.

Cheeky status updates and comments to use in places like Facebook and Twitter. Since you’ve already read 100 status updates about today.

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Cheeky Facebook Status Updates And Comments

  • Is this Sookbook or Facebook? Because I'm having trouble distinguishing between the two today.
  • Dear friends who aren't aware of this: nobody cares to see a photo of what you cooked for dinner, or wants to see a photo of it.
  • Dance like no one is watching, because they are not.
  • Life is way too short for long dresses.
  • Never forget who was there by your side right at the start. No one.
  • I'm feeling very attractive today. Deal with it.
  • I can't believe how hard I have to work to be this poor.
  • You do realise that "Getting meds" in Australia means shopping for tampons?
  • I'm tired with this day. I need a new one.
  • When one door closes another one opens. Or you can open the one that just closed. That's how doors work.
  • If someone tells you you're one in a million they're telling you you're one in 50000. How is that a compliment?
  • Some things happen for a reason. And sometimes that reason is because you have been a complete idiot.
  • It's called Karma. It's spelt - you deserve it tenfold.
  • If you want to whinge on my timeline just comment on your own photo all day, so we can all put a face to the whining.
  • I woke up, looked in the mirror and realised I'm looking HOT again today! Woo hoo!
  • She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten.
  • Nearly a billion people use Facebook but the word still comes up on my spell checker.
  • I tried counting all of my problems
  • You have 3000 Facebook friends. And you still need to take your own profile photo.
  • Nothing makes me smile like 5pm on a Friday does.
  • Nothing makes me smile more than the muscles in my face.
  • Politeness has become so rare that others mistake it for flirting.
  • Cake. Because no good celebration ever ended with a fully raw salad.
  • Immature is just a word really boring people use to describe those having fun!
  • I'm over being mature, how do I get back to my childhood?
  • I'm so bad at spelling even my auto-correct has nothing.
  • If no-one sees you in the clothes you're wearing today, you can wear them tomorrow too!
  • Sorry to hear you're not invited. I'll be thinking of you while I'm having fun!
  • Nobody knows me like you don't.
  • Don't say you want to see me when our breakup meant you didn't want to see me any more.
  • Got to love my timeline on a Sunday when it fills up with cheeky pictures from the weekend.
  • When you go to the shop for milk and come back with someones phone number. Cheeky!
  • My door's always open for you to feel free to leave.
  • Just back from the Gym. Now eating fish and chips and feeling sneaky!
  • I can date three people at once. What's your talent?
  • Sometimes I get excited about cancelled plans.


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  • Dear Karma, I have made a list of people you missed.
  • If you're cooler than me, does that mean I'm hotter than you?
  • Chocolate is nice but shoes are carb-free!
  • Don't worry about me, worry about your eyebrows!
  • Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka is cheaper than dinner for two.
  • Smile! While you still have your teeth!
  • I'm not concerned about my age, I don't feel a day over fabulous..
  • Isn't it ironic that the best things in life either make you fat, drunk or pregnant!
  • No one is perfect, but you have to give credit to those who try.
  • Don't put words in my mouth. I have plenty to say.
  • If they can make windows bullet proof why can't they make phone screens drop proof?
  • For a short period of time, I was the youngest person in the world.
  • I wasn't ignoring you. I was just doing something more important.
  • Running away won't help you with your problems. Unless you're fat... Then run!
  • During the day I don't believe in ghosts. At night I'm a little more open minded.
  • Please don't interrupt me when I am talking to myself!
  • My life picture is all wrong, I want to take a new one!
  • You're so old you were probably around when vodka only came in vodka flavour.
  • Hey mister, you don't have enough remote controls to control me!
  • Excuse me, while I forget my age and try to party like a teenager!
  • Let's have a moment of silence, for people who can't have silence (Because they have kids).
  • Bathroom selfies. It doesn't matter how good you look, all I see is the toilet in the bathroom, and think it probably stinks!
  • I would never be able to cheat on you. Because that would require two people to find me attractive.
  • If you don't treat me like a princess I'm not interested. I want the fairy tale.
  • You're looking quite cold. Would you care to use me as a blanket?
  • Give me pizza please. I could not care less about achieving a 'thigh gap!'
  • I just want to rage against the successful.
  • "I like your hair!" Thanks! I grew it myself.
  • Samsung has more Galaxies then what we know the universe has.
  • But the wine wasn't breathing...So I had to give it mouth to mouth!
  • You might say it can't be done. But don't interrupt me when I'm doing it.
  • Roses are red, you are boring, I'm going to bed.
  • Everyone has that one friend they know they can go a little crazy with.
  • You'll go broke trying to dress that rich.
  • I checked my diary and I have no time for you next year either.
  • I checked my schedule and I won't care about you tomorrow either.
  • I didn't text back, but I replied in my mind.
  • Some girls look cute in an over-sized shirt. But I just look like momma bear.
  • I hate the smell of Monday mornings.
  • I would be more entertained with a sheet of bubble-wrap.
  • I'm bored with my life. Is Angelina still adopting?
  • You made me laugh so hard tears ran down my legs.
  • If sleep is so important why does class start so early?
  • I did not call you silly. I was talking to Siri.
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© 2013 StrictlyQuotes

Comments

Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on September 13, 2013:

Awesome style of sharing cheeky quotes you have interesting hubs and I very much enjoy reading your work

StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on May 24, 2013:

Then remember MsDora, immaturity is only something boring people use to describe fun people! Thanks for your comment!

Thanks Sunny River and kidscraft it was lovely to read your comments.

And Bob, I was wondering what that sound was when I was leaving my house... Woo Woo! :)

Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on May 23, 2013:

Voted Interesting and Funny! I can think of some pe0ple I'd like to hear some of these quotes; but they might call me immature.

kidscrafts from Ottawa, Canada on May 23, 2013:

You found a new list of famous FB quotes ;-)

I love this one " I'm tired with this day. I need a new one". I felt so tired this morning that I could have said the same about my night and go right back to sleep! I feel better now that I am really awake ;-)

Thank you for sharing!

diogenes from UK and Mexico on May 23, 2013:

Ha ha ha...they must sound a siren when you leave the house, strictly!

Bob x

Sunny River from A Place Without A Name which resides somewhere between Fantasy and Belief, just north of Reality on May 23, 2013:

Very funny! Thanks for the laugh! :)