StricktlyDating is an Australian writer who creates pages of original funny quotes and status updates.
Cute, Funny 'About Me' Quotes And Status Updates
A huge selection of authentic, cute and funny ’About me‘ quotes, Facebook statuses and Tweets about yourself. Use these funny quotes to describe yourself in the 'About Me‘ section of your online profile page, or for funny status updates about you.
Funny Status Updates About Me
- I’m so old, I remember when taking a selfie wasn’t even fashionable.
- If your phone doesn’t ring, it’s probably me.
- Don’t make fun of me, make fun with me!
- I went from zero to hero real quick when I offered to share my umbrella in heavy rain.
- I don’t believe in selfies, so to get around this I just get my friends to take hundreds of photos of me posing instead.
- When I meet someone I make shoe contact before eye contact.
- I got so excited about it being spring, I almost wet my plants!
- I was into social distancing way before anyone was asked to do it.
- I am athletic, can’t you tell? I’m known to surf the web for hours.
- I use my phone so much, I'm sure it's going to start growing on my hand.
- I've never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that's all I ever need to know about that.
- I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, but if you'd like to see me as someone who is funny, gorgeous, rich, and famous, that's fine with me.
- I'm not unlucky in love, I'm just extremely good at being single! Let me know if you need some tips.
- I'm over being mature and politically correct. How do I get back to my childhood?
- I believe there's a time and place for decaf. Never, and in the bin.
- I'm slow to trust but quick to love. I wish too hard and I give too much. I'm not totally perfect, but I promise I'm worth it!
- I don’t suffer from shyness, I'm just holding back my awesomeness so I don't intimidate you.
- Strangers think I'm quiet. Friends think I'm outgoing. My best friend thinks I'm amazing.
- Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I really need it.
- I am living large and taking charge!
- Sometimes it takes me all day to get nothing done.
- I have a fear of speed bumps but I'm slowly getting over it.
- Sometimes I prefer to use my face for emoticons.
- I like my bed more than I like most people.
- I'm not concerned about my age, I don't feel a day over fabulous!
- I wish I was a little kid so I could take a long nap, and when I wake up people would just be proud of me.
- Not everyone likes me. But not everyone matter to me..
- I hope the next big trend in music is talent!
- I just like to be my selfie!
- Sometimes I use an ugly photo for my Facebook profile picture. That way more people tell me I look amazing when they see me in real life.
- I broke a mirror seven years ago and I'm still having bad luck.
- I have to be successful because I have very expensive taste.
- I can count the amount of boyfriends I've had on one hand, if I use a calculator.
- If I managed my bank account as well as I manage my phone battery, I'd be rich.
- If you don't like me, but you follow everything I do, darling you're a fan!
- I get ignored so often that my nickname should be "Terms and Conditions".
- Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out.
- Love me, hate me - either way, you're spending your time thinking of me!
- Cuddling is my favourite exercise.
- I know Victoria's secret.
- Caution: You might get addicted to me.
- There's always that one person who is going to annoy me every time they open their mouth.
- You couldn't handle me, even if I came with instructions.
- Deep conversations with someone who understands me, are everything.
- Dear YouTube, I will always skip ads.
- If you're cooler than me, does that make me hotter than you?
- If time is money, I am running out of time.
- I'm half princess, half ninja, deal with it!
- I'm not superstitious but I am super!
- If I'm sad, sometimes I'll sing to myself to try to cheer myself up, but my singing is so bad, usually I end up feeling worse.
- I hate it when I put on 15kg for a role, and then I realise I'm not even an actor.
- I'm into crossfit. I cross my fingers and hope I fit into my jeans.
- I'm almost perfect (When I heavily edit my selfies).
- Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it!
- Warning: You may not recognise me at all, until I apply my makeup.
- I wish I could donate my body fat to those in need.
- I'm not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
- I'm so hot, I make fire!
- I'm not ashamed to say, I've never loved another person as much as I love myself.
- I may have a bad mouth, but I can do great things with it.
- Judge me (when you are perfect).
- Be real with me, or just leave me alone.
- Normal rules don't apply to me because I am blonde.
- I thought growing older would take longer.
- I find acting like a grown up totally exhausting.
- It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes.
- Let me be me... Because once I change, you will miss the 'me' in me.
- My daily routine: Get up, be brilliant, go back to bed, repeat.
- Go ahead, judge me. But just remember to be perfect for the rest of your life.
- Sometimes I feel quite intelligent. Other times I have to sing the ABCs in my head to remember which letter comes next.
- I love it when song lyrics totally apply to my current situation.
- If you tickle me, I am not responsible for your injuries.
- To be honest, I get a little nervous right before I say Worcestershire sauce.
- When I get lonely, I set my phone's alarm to go off every few hours so I can imagine what it would be like to have people texting me.
- I am who I am: Your approval isn't needed!
- Admit it. Life would be so boring without me!
- I forgot to go to the gym yesterday. That's ten years in a row!
- This is me! What you see is what you get.
- I am the yummy pie!
- I'm not lazy, I just run on energy-saving mode!
- I'm not afraid of failing, which is why I do it all the time!
- If I had to describe my personality, I'd say good looking.
- Normal people worry me!
- I'm not lazy. Someone just stole my motivation.
- I'm only single because I'm too awesome for everyone right now.
- I'm naturally funny because my life is like a joke.
- If I say "the other day," I mean any time up to a year ago.
- You talk it: I LIVE it.
- I do what I must. My friends just adjust.
- I am here for your entertainment!
- I am still waiting for blessings that aren't in disguise.
- I'd be much healthier if I didn't have taste buds!
- I believe my vibe attracts my tribe!
- I cover my mouth when I cough, so people don't catch my awesomeness.
- Yeah, I'm F.I.N.E.: (F)alling apart, (I)nsecure, (N)eeding help, and (E)verything's wrong.
- I am the one your mother warned you about.
- I love chocolate so much I get emotional when I see it.
- I'm painting big a blue square in my backyard so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
Cool Status Updates About Me
- Perhaps I could be of assistance? After all, I happen to be awesome.
- I have a disease called AWESOME. Kiss me, I'm contagious!
- I'd rather eat chocolate than aim to have a thigh gap!
- I carry a knife... But it's just incase of cake!
- I'm an original, I don't need a label.
- They all call me crazy until they find out I'm right.
- I wish Facebook would notify me when someone deletes me. That way I could 'Like' it.
- I feel sad when I go to unfriend someone and they've already beat me to it.
- Take me as I am, or watch me as I go.
- Hating me won't make you pretty.
- Don't study me, you won't graduate.
- Keep calm, and ignore me.
- Half of me is a hopeless romantic, the other half is fairly thoughtless.
- They say dreams tell you something about yourself, but I dream of shapes. So I have no clue what a triangle and a hexagon means about me.
- I hope you remember me, like I remember you.
- I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me!
- Keep spreading those rumours, you're making me famous!
- I don't try to be better than anyone else but myself.
- I'm always trying hard to improve my selfies.
- If I don't love me, who will?
- I can and I will... Watch me!
- I automatically think you're signing off with lots of love when you type LOL.
- I believe that failure should be an option.
- I'm feeling awesome today. Deal with it!
- I can resist everything except temptation!
- I'm not a cougar, I'm a jaguar!
- I'm not immature, I just know how to have fun!
- I wish weekends lasted all week.
- It's my timeline, so I'll update my status as often as I like.
- It's my face, so I'll edit my selfies as much as I like.
- I respect those who respect me and forget those who forget me. Simple as that.
- I am old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway!
- Everyone I know is either getting married or pregnant. I'm just getting more AWESOME!
- I don't look back... unless there's a good view!
- I drink coffee for your protection.
- I'm tired with this day, I need a new one.
- I hate the smell of Monday mornings.
- Sometimes I spend all day cooking and then order takeaway.
- Haircuts are the reason I have trust issues.
- Sometimes I get excited about cancelled plans.
- I have a favourite eyebrow.
- I live for the moments you can't put into words.
- It's all about me... Deal with it!
- Normal rules don't apply to me (because I have big breasts).
- I don't care what you think about me. I NEVER THINK ABOUT YOU.
- You & I, we could make the world jealous.
- Life is too short. So why don't you love me before we run out of time!
- I taste so delicious you'll want the recipe!
- Dip me in chocolate and call me dessert!
- Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.
- I am more, without you.
- What can I say? I'm just different.
- I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
- I always keep my standards and my heels high.
- I haven't met Mr. Right yet, but I have met Mr. Fake, Mr. Player, & Mr. Loser. My middle finger loves them all!
- Heard you're a player. Nice to meet you. I'm the coach.
- I'm in love with my dreams, married to success, and having an affair with life.
- Even though I'm a clean person, sometimes I enjoy a messy lifestyle!
- I'll start letting my guard down when people stop giving me reasons to keep it up.
- I'm shy. Most people don't take the time to explore the real me. So I'd like to thank everyone who has. Everyone who didn't missed out.
- Why yes, I do frequently burst out in song!
- Story of my life: Searching for perfection, but it's always avoiding me.
- I talk to my pet as if it actually understands what I'm saying.
- I've learned so much from my mistakes, I think I'll make some more!
- Stressing and obsessing just ain't my style. All I want is someone to make me smile!
- Don't hate me until I give you a reason to. Don't judge me until you know the whole story.
- Glance at me, laugh at me, talk to me... be with me!
- You - Can't - Be - Me.
- Love, love, love ME!
- Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love.
- Love me or hate me, I promise it won't break me!
- Nothing about me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've known.
- I am the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
- I love what I did before the Internet!
- Me, perfect? NO!!!
- Giving up is always an option, but it's never my choice.
Funny Status Updates About Me And My Life
- I'm not weird, I'm just cooler than you.
- Some people are afraid of heights. Not me! I'm afraid of widths.
- I don’t lie about anythin, except my age.
- Someone is thinking about you... okay, it's me!
- Sometimes I talk to myself, but only when I need expert advice.
- Screw the bad boy with the tattoos and attitude. I'll take Prince Charming, thank you very much!
- I'm happy. I love my life. I have everything and everyone I need.
- I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner!
- I'm wondering who ate my bowl of sunshine this morning?
- If you feel like you're not on the same page as me, maybe it's time to change the story.
- Think I'm tripping? Tie my shoes!
- Can't stand me? Sit back down!
- Got a problem with me? Solve it!
- I'm not random, you just can't think as fast as me!
- GET. LIKE. ME.
- I came. I saw. I made it awkward.
- I eat glitter for breakfast so I can shine all day!
- I look in the mirror and think to myself "Shine on you crazy diamond!".
- You'll always be my friend... because you know too much!
- Whenever I feel bad about myself, I just remember I'm not you!
- I'm going to make the rest of my life the best of my life.
- I'm just trying to be a nice human.
- I have drama, and I have memories. That's life: Live it, love it, learn from it
- I can't help but notice that 'awesome' ends in 'me.'
- Keep calm, and remember I am awesome.
- When I text someone and they don't text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from excitement.
- I feel pretty and witty and bright, and I pity anyone who isn't me tonight!
- In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you exactly as you are.
- I don't chase them, I replace them!
- I am too hot to handle and too cold to hold.
- There are plenty of fish in the sea but until I catch one, I'll be standing here holding my rod.
- Some call it stalking. I call it love.
- I am the chocolate you've been craving for!
- It's my life: Remember that when you're talking about it!
- If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best!
- I take responsibility for what I say, but I am not responsible for what you do not understand.
- People like you are the reason people like me need medication!
- Feisty, stubborn, sarcastic, outspoken, blunt: Hmmm... are these my good points or bad? Who knows! Who cares! It's still gonna be me!
- Don't try to fix me: I'm not broken!
- You make me smile without even trying!
- I'm a good girl (with a lot of bad habits!).
- Get to know me, get to love me!
© 2010 StrictlyQuotes
Ana Paola on May 02, 2019:
So funny and creative! I especially loved: "I am athletic, can’t you tell? I’m known to surf the web for hours."
Janemaree from Australia on May 05, 2018:
I love this! Such a great collection of quotes.
Audrey Hunt from Idyllwild Ca. on March 01, 2018:
Love this list of about me quotes. Especially the "I'm so old (taking photos) line. We sometimes take ourseves to serious. This article is a good antidote for this.
Elizabeth Mcin from Monterrey, Nuevo Leon on November 15, 2017:
oh that´s awesome!!!
Anusha Jain from Delhi, India on October 19, 2017:
Haha. That's such an Awesome collection!
Most of them were cute and/or funny, but some had real deep meanings.
And when saw the I "literally" have your back picture, I was thinking, pictures actually are so much more powerful than words. Not only can can add meaning to words, they have the potential of completely changing the meaning along with the context.
Great post, thanks a lot for sharing this.
Ellie Croker on July 23, 2017:
This is amazing! xx
larryward90 on December 11, 2016:
Yanglish on April 13, 2016:
Very good and precise combination of photos and quotes. Good work.
smruti on February 05, 2016:
very nice Nice quotes i like it all..
Kristen Howe from Northeast Ohio on November 02, 2015:
Kristen Howe from Northeast Ohio on November 01, 2015:
I love them all! Since I'm on Facebook, I can relate to some of these sayings! Nice work!
T on September 29, 2015:
Audrey Hunt from Idyllwild Ca. on September 22, 2015:
I'm back again because I enjoy your hub so much. Everyone should read this. Sharing and thanks.
Kazhi_who on September 10, 2015:
Wow. This was awesome.... Like me! Lol✌
Anand raj on May 13, 2015:
Wow nice status
Audrey Hunt from Idyllwild Ca. on May 07, 2015:
"I'm living large and taking charge." What a fantastic hub this is. Unique, well-done and fun! Voted up and across and will share. Thanks a bunch.
Christy Maria on January 04, 2015:
Really enjoyed reading this! It was funny, witty, and interesting! Great job
Ali on November 03, 2014:
Awesome!! Love all of them. Great job explaining them.
murtaza on October 21, 2014:
gaju on June 19, 2014:
Sarah on March 19, 2014:
This is amazing! thanks a million for your help. I couldn't have done my description essay whithout you.
KryssiNykki on February 19, 2014:
lol..... i love it.
Shwetha on January 14, 2014:
Aj on May 04, 2013:
Amazing, thanks so much!!!
Sherry Hewins from Sierra Foothills, CA on February 07, 2013:
Funny! Voted up and sharing.
Pardeep Thakur on June 01, 2012:
Thanks so much!!!
me on April 30, 2012:
love this page
StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on November 18, 2011:
Thanks for all your lovely comments, I really appreciate your feedback :)