Juliette Kando is the author of the best-selling book on facial exercises entitled Natural Facelift, published by Thorsons, HarperCollins.
No cosmetics or fashion can hide your true inner personality but any man can easily learn these 10 skills, previously perhaps overlooked, yet so simple to learn and easy to implement to make you much more attractive to women. What are those 10 skills? Only a woman can tell you how we consider external looks and personality traits on the inside. But first, what do we, women, see when we first meet you?
What is the first-time impression you make? On first impression, only looks can count - we shall deal with your personality later. The first thing to do is to find out what you really look like to outsiders, to someone who has never met you before. Having taken that step back, you are able to select and evaluate certain areas of your appearance that could be improved. We are not talking about fashion or cosmetics here. The process of learning these 10 skills is a positive journey to better yourself in all aspects of your physical behaviour and mental attitude. Incorporate them in your daily routine and lifestyle, later the 10 new skills will become automatic, natural, and will have improved your whole personality. To this end we begin by advising how to develop your self-observation skills.
Observation and Self Confidence
Take a few videos of yourself and observe. At the two extremes, the same person can look either like a worn out, depressed, "given-up-type" loser, or he can look happy, victorious, optimistic, strong and open to life's challenges. On what scale of 1 to 10 are you between those two choice margins of being fit and handsome or an unattractive slob? The good news is that you are completely in control of your body, your looks, and your self-image. Before you can find the confidence to change, it is necessary to identify the areas you are not happy about. This can be achieved through objective, self-observation. In short, if you don’t like a part of your looks or personality, then you can change that. Don't get me wrong, although that is also the philosophy of plastic surgeon addicts, we won't go there! Here we are improving the body via pure, sensible and naturally performed daily postural and movement habits to develop a healthy, positive and pleasant body language in day to day behaviour.
What Is Attractive to a Woman?
With a well-defined jaw line, wide shoulders, tanned skin, and an irresistible strong neck that women like to kiss, any man who goes to the gym can soon look like a male poster model. But is that really what women want? Most poster models are gay anyway - men seem to keep their best specimen to themselves. No, an acceptable transformation worthy of a woman's attentions is more than just a six pack.
How do you stand, how do you move? What does your voice sound like? Are you funny? Do you care? Have you got guts, courage? Are you going to be a good dad? The following 10 skills will help you get closer to being her charming prince. The first 6 skills deal with your looks, the remainder with your character. Happy skilling!
2. Body Awareness Improves Style of Moving
People go to the gym to gain muscle and lose weight, but how do they move? Are you a good mover? Or are you ungraceful and clumsy? Again, moving well can be learned from a basic understanding of
- planes of motion
- anticipation and reaction
and many other factors that determine your style of moving. Observe your daily movement habits. Which are the most pleasant, which are the most uncomfortable?
Perhaps when you stretch on waking up? When you run? Or having sex? Which movements most displease you? Driving? Climbing stairs? Sitting at the computer for hours? Examine your daily movement patterns and eliminate (if possible) or replace the nasty ones with better moves. Go dancing. Copy moves from others that you like. Imagine you are a young Travolta walking down the street and you will become him (to a certain extent). Learn to move adroitly, smoothly, economically, and gracefully (least effort for greatest output). Study the true meaning of body language and the overwhelming importance of facial expression.
3. Facial Fitness and Expression
Everyone makes faces at themselves in the mirror but that image you see of yourself is too familiar. Your mirror image is the opposite of how others see you. We are so used to seeing our face in the mirror that we do not notice its slowly acquired lack of symmetry. In all things beautiful and healthy, symmetry and balance are critical assets. How to correct symmetry?
Use two mirrors at 90 degrees to each other, or even easier, use a 3 way mirror to see the real you as seen by others. Or take a video recording of your face in action. Is one eye smaller, one eyebrow higher, a mouth corner drooped?
Now that you have identified those imbalances in your face you can begin re-training them back into place with targeted facial exercises to regain facial tone and symmetry in the face. What does your handsome face say when it speaks? How is the tone and mood of your voice? As the French saying goes, C'est Le ton qui fait la musique! (It's the tune that makes the music!)
4. Tone of Voice
A main distinction between men and women is in the voice. There is nothing more pleasant and re-assuring for a woman than to listen to her loved one’s voice gently whispering kind words into her ear. When at the negotiating table, a man’s voice can be firm and decisive, yet courteous and generous, open for comments. Test your voice by recording it and find out what you like or don’t like about it, then correct it to your liking. Sing in the car to work, or at any other permissible opportunity. Changing habits is easier and more fun than you think. Before long your voice will be much more to your liking.
5. Hair Style - Please Don’t Shave Your Head
What is hair for? We grow hair to protect the body against the cold. It’s as simple as that. A cat left outside in the winter cold grows thicker fur to keep him warm. Like a plant, hair needs light and air to grow.
Or put it another way, if you cover your head with a hat or a cap all the time, your body thinks it doesn’t need to grow any hair. So when a hat takes over the function of hair (to protect your skull), hair growth becomes redundant and ceases to operate. Could it be the case that bald men have inherited centuries of hat-wearing and are losing their no longer necessary hair? An interesting hypothesis. It is true to say that over several generations hair on male heads is becoming more of a rarity.
Receding Hairline over 2 Generations
The two pictures above show Occi and his grandsonTomi at around the same age. Look at Tomi's further receding hairline. Please, boys, don’t shave your heads. Shaving your head eliminates one of your potentially most attractive features. Keep your hair on as women love to gently stroke it with their fingers when they love you.
What about Beards?
Having to shave may be man's sacrifice for not having periods. While some well-groomed beards may enhance the shape of a double-chinned jawline, a smooth face is more attractive to most women. Plus, groomed beards take longer to maintain than to simply shave. A well groomed beard may be taken as a sign of vanity, but if you insist, watch the next video.
Beard Grooming Tips
Vote In All Honesty
6. Beautiful Eyes
For eyes to look good, they must also function well. The Bates method Better Eyesight Without Glasses, offers easy to do eye exercises to prevent visual impairment in the future and to widen and sharpen your eyes. Your eyes can become friendly, focused, clear and bright all by training them to be most efficient and expressive. Check out the link under "Sources" on how to learn eye exercises.
Now that you are better equipped to become physically attractive, find out which character traits will make your personality match your looks. There are four more skills to learn.
Do you like animals, nature, life, children? Do you care about anything else but your looks? Can you put yourself into someone else’s shoes? Gallantry, empathy and helpfulness, as part of your body language and general demeanour go a long way towards making you a more attractive man. Always listen and be pre-emptive and aware of what the person you are with is trying to do and give a helping hand before they have to ask is a great asset to have and repays itself in many ways.
Are you willing to take risks? Would you go out of your way to help an old lady across the road? Would you dive into the river to save someone from drowning? Do you have the courage to defend your point of view, even if it is politically or socially considered “incorrect”? Sports like surfing or rock climbing demand courage. With fun-to-use fitness equipment like a gravity inversion table or a yoga swing you can train to be more courageous. Once your are confident to take risks with safety, your entire character will loosen up and become more daring.
9. Curiosity and Intelligence
Are you open to new ideas? Many couples grow apart because one partner has decided to stop growing mentally. Never stop questioning the myths and dogmas put into place by history, advertising or mainstream media. Be for ever curious and questioning.
Learning new things every day keeps you young and alert. For example, try a new way of playing Sudoku with colours instead of numbers to feed your hungry brain with new puzzles to solve. Use it or lose it.
10. Honesty and Humility
And lastly, be honest and humble. Don't tell lies as they will only draw you, and those you lie to, deeper into confusion. Be humble, admit the errors of your ways by being the best that you can become every day. Please don’t be a control freak! Women have a brain to think for themselves and feelings in their hearts. Be open to their views. Strive for perfection, recognising that you will never be the best in the world and be happy with your lifelong progress.
A Liar Will Always Be Found Out
To Sum Up
With external issues like
1. posture and body language
2. style of moving
3, facial fitness and expression
4. tone of voice
5. good hairstyle
6. beautiful eyes
Plus the personality traits of
9. curiosity and intelligence
10. honesty and humility to top it all,
you have ten 10 skills to improve your looks and personality forever. Training towards perfection in all areas of your being improves your performance. Even if perfection is, as we all know, never attained, it is the process that counts. As soon as you start on your journey to self-improvement the rewards of your diligent efforts will immediately become visible in your appearance, your behaviour, your karma, and, most importantly, your physical and mental health and happiness.
PS: You may have noticed, there is not a word said on cosmetics or fashion in the 10 Skills to Improve Looks and Character. Cosmetics and fashion fads don't make a man. Just eat healthy food for good skin, dress clean and comfortably suited to your mood and the occasion.
Good luck! You may want to put your questions and share your progress in the comments section below to learn from many other guys who are in the same boat: trying to be more attractive to a potential partner.
Dardan on October 02, 2014:
wow, thanks a lot, this can show me how to look better and still stay in the friend zone
SHIYON on September 15, 2014:
Give me ur hands..u r right
Juliette Kando FI Chor (author) from Andalusia on September 01, 2014:
You are welcome Dilip. You're cool when you are happy with your own progress.
dilip on August 31, 2014:
I was feeling ,i m not the guy for talking to new ones nd be the cool guy...but after reading these tips I really feel confident towards the future,nd thanks for the tips!!!
Crystal Eye Candi on August 27, 2014:
Love that you mentioned empathy. Basically, a man with a pure, loving and sensitive heart masked by a "tough" exterior is one of the most attractive combinations you can achieve. Don't be afraid to be loving. But don't walk around trying to impress.
Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on May 10, 2014:
I voted you up and away for this story. It was informative, interesting, and very colorful. Rats! If I had only had this piece back in the day. Sigh.
I left you some fan mail, and now following you.
Now if you would, I cordially invite you to check out a hub or two of mine and then be one of my followers.
I would sincerely appreciate that so much.
Kenneth/ from northwest Alabama
Juliette Kando FI Chor (author) from Andalusia on August 01, 2013:
Life is one long fruitful road towards never achieved perfection.
Tim from Los Angeles, CA on July 31, 2013:
I'm always trying to improve myself. Thanks for the tips!
AJ Long from Pennsylvania on January 28, 2013:
You are welcome to well deserved comments! Older men--not me :o) - would really benefit from your tips to reinvent or reinvigorate themselves and their image.
Juliette Kando FI Chor (author) from Andalusia on January 28, 2013:
I am very flattered by your comment. Keep self improving for great results.
AJ Long from Pennsylvania on January 28, 2013:
Sue Adams...Wow! Very nicely expressed and very thought provoking! I like how you call them skills--like a sport--they need to be practiced. All 10 of these skills men take for granted or at worst ignore. Wonder what would happen if men took these to heart and worked on just a few of them? Well, I gtg--I need to practice my Brad Pitt walk and practice a few of your suggestions. (Seriously, you should write an ebook about these, Sue Adams--or some kind of handbook.) Thanks so much!
Juliette Kando FI Chor (author) from Andalusia on August 26, 2012:
Than you for your comment Eswar. What you say about attitude is so true.
eswar from India on August 25, 2012:
Nice hub, excluding the lots and lots of beauty accessories that are available in the market for both men and women, being beautiful, handsome is a matter of attitude not a calendar age that you can fix it as and when you want. It is our consciousness of life, youth, and joy that determines this. we must create an interest to love ourself first then must create within ourselves a love o life; we must not be content to watch life go by; but we must be willing to take part in it. Very good hubs you got Sue, i am much interested on the topics you picked, will pull me back here ;-)
Juliette Kando FI Chor (author) from Andalusia on April 16, 2012:
How well you understand Ms Dora. The trouble is getting the guys to reveal their feelings, even to themselves, as you can see from the very few comments left here so far while stats show many reads. hmmm, interesting!
Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on April 16, 2012:
Can't vote, since I'm not a man, but I know the men will find this hub very useful and interesting. Your message is clear: "Handsome" on the inside is the foundation for "handsome" on the outside.