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How to Become My Perfect Man - 10 Male Attributes I Love

Juliette Kando is a dancer, choreologist, author on fitness and health, and Fellow of the Benesh Institute at the Royal Academy of Dance.


This article is targeted at an imaginary future spouse of mine. What is the first-time impression a man makes on me? On first impression, good looks and chemistry seem to dominate. However, once I get to interact with a man, no handsome face or six-pack will retain my attention without a guy showing certain must-have qualities. How does he stand, how does he move? What does his voice sound like? Does he have a sense of humor? Does he seem compassionate? Courageous? Is he going to make a good father? So many questions. To cover both aspects of a man's personality I have split the questions into two sections: (1) Looks and first impression, and (2) character and qualities.

Looks and First Impression

1. Facial Looks and Expressions
2. Hair Style - Please Don’t Shave Your Head
3. Beautiful Eyes
4. Tone of Voice
5. Proprioception - How Does He Move?

Character Traits and Qualities

6. Empathy and Compassion
7. Confidence and Courage
8. Curiosity and Intelligence
9. Integrity
10. A Sense of Humor

1. Looks

Everyone makes faces at themselves in the mirror but that image you see of yourself is too familiar. Your mirror image is the opposite of how others see you. We are so used to seeing our face in the mirror that we do not notice its slowly acquired lack of symmetry. In all things beautiful and healthy, symmetry and balance are critical assets. How to correct symmetry?

Use two mirrors at 90 degrees to each other, or even easier, use a 3-way mirror to see the real you as seen by others. Or take a video recording of your face in action. Is one eye smaller, one eyebrow higher, a mouth corner drooped?

Now that you have identified those imbalances in your face you can begin training them back into place with targeted facial exercises to regain facial tone and symmetry in the face.

2. Hair Style - Please Don’t Shave Your Head

What is hair for? We grow hair to protect the body against the cold. It’s as simple as that. A cat left outside in the winter cold grows thicker fur to keep him warm. Like a plant, hair needs light and air to grow.

Or put it another way, if you cover your head with a hat or a cap all the time, your body thinks it doesn’t need to grow any hair. So when a hat takes over the function of hair (to protect your skull), hair growth becomes redundant and ceases to operate. Could it be the case that bald men have inherited centuries of hat-wearing and are losing their no longer necessary hair? An interesting hypothesis. It is true to say that over several generations hair on male heads is becoming more of a rarity.

Receding Hairline over 2 Generations

The genetic resemblance of a grandfather and grandson at the same age. Observe Tomi's further receding hairline.

The genetic resemblance of a grandfather and grandson at the same age. Observe Tomi's further receding hairline.

The two pictures above show Gyula (my father) and his grandson Tomi (my son) at around the same age. Look at Tomi's further receding hairline. Please, boys, don’t shave your heads. Shaving your head eliminates one of your potentially most attractive features. Keep your hair on as women love to gently stroke it with their fingers when they love you.

What about Beards?

Having to shave may be a man's sacrifice for not having periods. While some well-groomed beards may correct the shape of a double-chinned jawline, a smooth face is more attractive to me. Plus, groomed beards take longer to maintain than to simply shave. For me, even a well-groomed beard seems like as a sign of vanity, but if you insist, watch the next video.

Beard Grooming Tips

3. Beautiful Eyes

For eyes to look good, they must also function well. Your eyes can become friendly, focused, clear, and bright by training them to be most efficient and expressive. The Bates method Better Eyesight Without Glasses offers easy-to-do eye exercises to prevent visual impairment in the future and to widen and sharpen your eyes. Check out the link under "Further Reading" on how to learn eye exercises.


4. Tone of Voice

How is the tone and mood of your voice? As the French saying goes, C'est Le ton qui fait la musique! (It's the tune that makes the music!). One of the main distinctions between men and women is in the voice. There is nothing more pleasant and reassuring than to listen to my loved one’s voice gently whispering kind words into my ear. When at the negotiating table, a man’s voice can be firm and decisive, yet courteous and generous, open for comments. Test your voice by recording it and find out what you like or don’t like about it, then correct it to your liking. Sing in the car to work, or at any other permissible opportunity. Changing habits is easier and more fun than you think. With some practice, your voice will be kind, gentle yet assertive – much more to my liking.

5. Proprioception - How Do You Move?

You may go to the gym to gain muscle and lose weight, but how do you move? Are you a good mover? Or are you ungraceful and clumsy? Moving well can be learned from a basic understanding of

  • gravity
  • planes of motion
  • breathing
  • flow
  • anticipation and reaction
  • timing

Examine your daily movement patterns and eliminate (if possible) or replace the nasty, uncomfortable ones with better moves. Go dancing. Copy moves from others that you like. Imagine you are a young Travolta walking down the street and you will become him (to a certain extent). There is always room for improvement. Learn to move adroitly, smoothly, economically, and gracefully (least effort for greatest efficiency). You can easily improve your posture and movement style by doing yoga or tai chi. and by making full use of the "Further Reading" links at the end of this article. I don't want to keep repeating myself. You can find many other articles on my profile that will help you become a better mover.


Now that you are better equipped to become physically attractive to women, find out which character traits and qualities will make your personality match your looks. There are five more tips to consider.

6. Empathy and Compassion

Do you like animals, nature, life, children? Do you care about anything else but your looks? Can you put yourself into someone else’s shoes? Gallantry, empathy, and helpfulness, as part of your body language and general demeanor, go a long way towards making you a more attractive man. Always listen and be pre-emptive and aware of what the person you are with is trying to do. Giving a helping hand before they have to ask is a great asset to have and repays itself in many ways.

7. Confidence and Courage

Are you willing to take risks? Would you go out of your way to help an old lady across the road? Would you dive into the river to save someone from drowning? Do you have the courage to defend your point of view, even if it is politically or socially considered “incorrect”? Sports like surfing or rock climbing demand courage. With fun-to-use fitness equipment like a gravity inversion table or a yoga swing you can train to be more courageous. Once your are confident to take risks with safety, your entire character will loosen up and become more daring.

8. Curiosity and Intelligence

Are you open to new ideas? Many couples grow apart because one partner has decided to stop growing mentally. Never stop questioning the myths and dogmas put into place by society, history, advertising, or mainstream media. Be forever curious and questioning.

Learning new things every day keeps you young and alert, it creates new neurological pathways in the brain. Never stop feeding your hungry brain with new knowledge and new puzzles to solve. For example, try a new way of playing Sudoku with colors instead of numbers. Use it or lose it.

9. Integrity, Honesty, and Humility

Be honest, with strong moral principles. Don't tell lies as they will only draw you, and those you lie to, deeper into confusion. I, as a woman, only trust a reliable man, a man I can count on to keep his promises.

Be modest and humble, admit the errors of your ways and try to correct mistakes. Once you can control your ego, you become less aggressive and less likely to manipulate others. Please don’t be a control freak! I have the brains to think for myself, and I have feelings in my heart. Be open to my views and respect my intelligence.

A Liar Will Always Be Found Out

Lying is a road towards self confusion and losing reality.

Lying is a road towards self confusion and losing reality.

10. A Sense of Humor

Laughter is the best medicine. Smiling and laughing instantly boosts your mood, reduces tension, and stress levels. Men who have a good sense of humor are witty, with fast thinking reactions. They are positive and happy and, more importantly, they make me happier too. However, there is good and bad humor. Farting and toilet humor, as well as gross language, are no-nos. Also, don't use humor as gossip or sarcasm. To be really attractive to me, be funny, and make people laugh without offending or demeaning anyone.

Vote In All Honesty

To Sum Up

With external issues like

1. Facial Looks and Expressions
2. Hair Style - Please Don’t Shave Your Head
3. Beautiful Eyes
4. Tone of Voice
5. Proprioception - How Do You Move?

Plus the personality traits of

6. Empathy and Compassion
7. Confidence and Courage
8. Curiosity and Intelligence
9. Integrity
10. A Sense of Humor

Training towards perfection in all areas of your being improves your appearance and your performance. Even if perfection is, as we all know, never attained, it is the process that counts. As soon as you start on your journey to self-improvement by being the best that you can be every day, the rewards of your diligent efforts will immediately pay off in your appearance, your behavior, your karma, and, most importantly, in your own physical and mental health and happiness.

PS: You may have noticed, there is not a word said on cosmetics or fashion in the 10 assets that I look for in a man. Cosmetics and fashion fads don't make a man. Just eat healthy food for a healthy body and for good hair and skin. Dress clean and comfortably suited to your mood and the occasion.

Good luck! Please put your questions and share your progress in the comments section below to learn from many other guys who are in the same boat: trying to be more attractive to us, women.

Further Reading

How to Lose your Double Chin

Better Eyesight Without Glasses


Natural Facelift

Studies Show These Things Make Men More Attractive to Women


Dardan on October 02, 2014:

wow, thanks a lot, this can show me how to look better and still stay in the friend zone

SHIYON on September 15, 2014:

Give me ur hands..u r right


Juliette Kando FI Chor (author) from Andalusia on September 01, 2014:

You are welcome Dilip. You're cool when you are happy with your own progress.

dilip on August 31, 2014:

I was feeling ,i m not the guy for talking to new ones nd be the cool guy...but after reading these tips I really feel confident towards the future,nd thanks for the tips!!!

Crystal Eye Candi on August 27, 2014:

Love that you mentioned empathy. Basically, a man with a pure, loving and sensitive heart masked by a "tough" exterior is one of the most attractive combinations you can achieve. Don't be afraid to be loving. But don't walk around trying to impress.

Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on May 10, 2014:

Hello, Sue

I voted you up and away for this story. It was informative, interesting, and very colorful. Rats! If I had only had this piece back in the day. Sigh.

I left you some fan mail, and now following you.

Now if you would, I cordially invite you to check out a hub or two of mine and then be one of my followers.

I would sincerely appreciate that so much.

Kenneth/ from northwest Alabama

Juliette Kando FI Chor (author) from Andalusia on August 01, 2013:

Life is one long fruitful road towards never achieved perfection.

Tim from Los Angeles, CA on July 31, 2013:

I'm always trying to improve myself. Thanks for the tips!

AJ Long from Pennsylvania on January 28, 2013:

You are welcome to well deserved comments! Older men--not me :o) - would really benefit from your tips to reinvent or reinvigorate themselves and their image.

Juliette Kando FI Chor (author) from Andalusia on January 28, 2013:

Hi ajwrites57,

I am very flattered by your comment. Keep self improving for great results.

AJ Long from Pennsylvania on January 28, 2013:

Sue Adams...Wow! Very nicely expressed and very thought provoking! I like how you call them skills--like a sport--they need to be practiced. All 10 of these skills men take for granted or at worst ignore. Wonder what would happen if men took these to heart and worked on just a few of them? Well, I gtg--I need to practice my Brad Pitt walk and practice a few of your suggestions. (Seriously, you should write an ebook about these, Sue Adams--or some kind of handbook.) Thanks so much!

Juliette Kando FI Chor (author) from Andalusia on August 26, 2012:

Than you for your comment Eswar. What you say about attitude is so true.

eswar from India on August 25, 2012:

Nice hub, excluding the lots and lots of beauty accessories that are available in the market for both men and women, being beautiful, handsome is a matter of attitude not a calendar age that you can fix it as and when you want. It is our consciousness of life, youth, and joy that determines this. we must create an interest to love ourself first then must create within ourselves a love o life; we must not be content to watch life go by; but we must be willing to take part in it. Very good hubs you got Sue, i am much interested on the topics you picked, will pull me back here ;-)

Juliette Kando FI Chor (author) from Andalusia on April 16, 2012:

How well you understand Ms Dora. The trouble is getting the guys to reveal their feelings, even to themselves, as you can see from the very few comments left here so far while stats show many reads. hmmm, interesting!

Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on April 16, 2012:

Can't vote, since I'm not a man, but I know the men will find this hub very useful and interesting. Your message is clear: "Handsome" on the inside is the foundation for "handsome" on the outside.

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