Anything But That Honey!
Guys, we'll do anything for our girls. Hold doors for them. Pull out chairs so the can sit. We'll defend them from harm. We will even go buy sanitary products for them. Why? We love them that is why. However, how do we feel when our women ask us to hold their purse in public? We all say the same thing, Anything But That Honey!
We always end up doing it. So I've come up with a way of making it less painful. I suggest you buy your girl one of these purses.
Chicken Feet Purse
Should you get stuck holding this, you have an easy explanation. First off it's not a purse, it's a chicken carrier. Your girl has a chicken fetish and it's going to be your lucky night.
Guys will admire you for hooking up with such a kinky girl. Watch as word spreads and guys give you the thumbs up where ever you go in the mall.
Trust me no one will even look at you funny holding this purse. There's a gun in it. Sure it's not real, but no one is willing to take a chance that it is real. To make it more convincing roll a couple fake bullets in you other hand.
Of course if someone calls your bluff, you will be outed to the rest of the males as a wimp. Personally, I'd take the chance.
Warning.........Beware the anti gun people. They want it to be real so they can lecture you.
Beer Mug Purse
Again, what man wouldn't want to hold this? A giant mug of beer! You will be the envy of all the homeless alcoholics that roam the mall. To make it even more realistic, occasionally take a sip. Just don't let you girl catch you. She may question your sanity.
For even more laughs, when guys ask where you got the beer, send them on a wild goose chase. Makes holding this purse enjoyable
This one is obvious. You aren't holding a purse, it's dinner. Chances are guys will not even bother to give you a second glance. No one will pay any attention to you holding this.
Again, this comes with a warning. One of those homeless guys may try to steal it. You think holding a purse in public is bad? Tell you girl you don't have it anymore. R I P dude.
The Hand Purse
This is a different approach to holding a purse. The others try to disguise the fact it's a purse you are holding. This announces it. However, you will get a laugh.
Just pull on the hand and yell, "Help the purse is eating my girl!". People should be to busy laughing to notice anything. Don't let anyone help you or the joke is over.
Your goal is to keep them laughing until your girl returns. Then just give her the purse and quickly walk away.
It's the Mummy Head Bag. Trust me no one will bother you holding this. Anybody even glances at you just give them the finger across the throat gesture. They will back off.
You can even take it a step further. Give the head a name and talk to it. Guys talking to objects in public really aren't bothered that much. You should discover that people will take the long way around you.
We Can't Win
Guys, we will never win. We will always have to hold a purse in public sometime. At least if it's one of these the pain will be a little more bearable. The days of putting the purse on the bench next to you are over. Every guy knows that's a cheap trick to avoid embarrassment.
My advice is to do some research. Find a bag that is the least uncomfortable to be seen with. Go ahead and purchase it and give it to your girl.
Ladies, should you receive one of these purses, or something similar, realize it is an attempt to meet you half way. Please realize our embarrassment and work with us.
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mrpooper (author) on July 25, 2011:
@kimh039 Glad you laughed. Thanks for the shout out to us guys!
Kim Harris on July 24, 2011:
Thanks for the laugh, mr pooper and to all the guys who do hideous things for their girls:)
mrpooper (author) on July 24, 2011:
@ ExoticHippieQueen Glad you enjoyed and totally glad I didn't disappoint.
ExoticHippieQueen on July 20, 2011:
OMG! You really are too funny, Mr. Pooper. With a name like that, I just had to come see what you were all about..........and you didnt disappoint me! Up and funny!
Pamela N Red from Oklahoma on May 05, 2011:
These are great. I haven't seen most of them. I have seen the Chinese take out purse and thought it looked kind of neat.
Have you seen the ones that look like a football without the insides? There's also some that look like antique lunch boxes.
mrpooper (author) on April 21, 2011:
Thanks for the kind words MyMastiffPuppies.
MyMastiffPuppies on April 20, 2011:
Very funny! Great job on finding all of the unusual purses and you were excellent at coming up with a scenario to match! Voted up, useful, funny and awesome...
Emily40 on March 07, 2011:
Lol this so funny. Enjoyed reading it.
Fay Paxton on March 06, 2011:
You're so funny. I have a ridiculous assortments of purses and shoes, but I gotta get me one of those chicken feet purses.