The family jewels could probably benefit from a housing upgrade. While the subject of briefs may not interest the average straight man, be aware that most women do notice your drawers. Just because it’s a basic item most people never see, doesn’t mean you can’t wear something moderately attractive. You never know when you might get lucky. However! Don’t be thinking that’s a green light to drop into your local department store and purchase the trendiest style you can find. Why not? Because most of them are hideous. Seriously. Just because it says Gucci or Versace on the label doesn’t mean it’s sexy. Fortunately for you, I’m here to help. Below you will find a simple style guide with accompanying images. By the time you’re done reading, you should know what to avoid and what to buy.The goal is to wear something masculine and low-key, which translates into sexy.
Sexy Boxers She'll Love!
1. Boxer Briefs -- Yes!
Thank God for boxer briefs! These are the sexiest drawers a man can wear. And you don’t have to be a supermodel to wear them, either. They look good on everyone. And you can even wear white if you feel you must! The length should be about where it is in the top photo.
2. Regular Boxer Shorts -- Ok, but not nearly as sexy.
These are fine as long as they are made of a stretch fabric (not spandex!) and as long as they don't reach your knees. Um, unless they need to reach to your knees to ensure everything is properly covered – in which case, let me give you my number…
4. Non-White Tighty Whities -- Please, no!
Less yuck factor here, but still yuck. If you absolutely MUST wear this style for some reason, go with a dark color. Black, burgundy, navy blue, hunter green. But for God’s sake, keep looking for an alternative!
The only man I've seen look good in these is Robbie Williams!
3. Classic Tighty Whities -- Please, no!
Nothing screams “little boy” more than a pair of these. Even most of those Calvin Klein models looked silly in them. Yes, their bodies were fab. But that just wasn’t enough. The only man who ever looked sexy in these was Mark Wahlberg, and only because he had an underlying street-savvy persona that let him get away with it. I wouldn’t even want to see Daniel Craig in these!
6. G-String/Thong -- Double eeek!
A straight man should not even know this style exists. If I find a pair of these in your dresser drawer, I’m scheduling an intervention for you – we need to unmetrosexualize you immediately.
Honestly, I can't imagine anyone looking good in that thing. I'd burst into a fit of gagging giggles if I saw these on any man, no matter how hot he was. For God's sake.. don't do it, man!
5. Bikini -- Eeeek!
Just writing that made me feel queasy. No one looks good in these. No one. The banana hammock is a frightening thing no female should ever be exposed to. Not unless you want to send her run screaming from the room. I don’t care if you are built like Ah-nold - this is a fashion no-no.
Ok, now that we’ve found the best style, let me address a few other do’s and don’ts.
- You do want: Something made of soft stretch cotton. (Think t-shirt material)
- You do want: Something all one color. (Dark colors are best and have a nice slimming effect.)
- You do want: A pair that fit your waist. (Men can have muffin tops, too!)
- You do want: To keep your supply fresh. (Fading colors and stretched out material are not sexy.)
- You don’t want: Anything made of satin, silk, leather, spandex, etc. (These make you look like Larry from Three’s Company.)
- You don’t want – Animal prints. (Do I really need to explain this one?)
- You don’t want - Any other kind of silly prints. (No flowers, especially!)
- You don’t want – Giant logos on the waistband or anywhere else. (This is very tacky. A small logo on the waistband is fine, however, and probably unavoidable, anyway.)
- You don’t want – Anything too low cut.(Know when to say when!)
Calvin Klein makes nice drawers, but you don't have to shell out big bucks to look sexy. You can drop into your local Walmart and pick up something from Hanes or Fruit of the Loom and you'll look just as good. So what are you waiting for?