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Beginner's Guide to Fantasy Smack Talk

MacPharlain has been playing and writing about fantasy sports (including fantasy football, NASCAR, and golf) for over a decade.

smack-talk-guide

Smack Talk For Rookies

Talking smack is a critical skill to being a successful fantasy sports coach. This guide provides you an introduction to the various styles of fantasy smack talk plus tips and ideas to improve your smack talk skills.

Most examples are from fantasy football but these tips can be used to talk smack in fantasy baseball, hockey, NASCAR, basketball, soccer or any fantasy sport...even fantasy golf.

Take your fantasy smack talk to the next level in 2017!

Smack vs. Trash Talk

In this guide, the terms smack talk and trash talk are considered to mean the same thing. Some people get hung up on different definitions for each because they have no talent and lots of free time during fantasy playoffs to make up definitions.

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I Am The Greatest!

Self Promoting Smack Talk

Talking yourself up is a classic smack talk technique. Hey, if you don't believe your team will dominate the league, cruise through playoffs and win the championship, no one else will either.

Most people talk a good game before the draft but some turn it into an art form throughout the season.

There's a guy in one of my leagues who's a pro at this. He consistently hypes his team and abilities all season long. Nearly every post he makes mentions that his team will win the championship, that he'll give everyone a lesson in fantasy football, that he'll teach us how to evaluate players and make trades. The frustrating part is that he almost always gets to the championship.

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Rude, Crude and Obscene

Put the Trash in Trash Talk

This is one of the easiest and most common smack talk styles. Why? All you have to do is let loose with some name calling and foul language. You've probably been trash talking this way since 3rd grade.

Telling the target where they can go, how to get there and what will be done to certain body parts along the way is a popular tactic. It may also include a few descriptive words about family lineage and/or ethnic background.

Every fantasy league has its own personality and not all leagues appreciate cursing on their message boards. Know your league before dropping f-bombs.

Stat Based Smack Talk

Working fantasy stats into your smack is an easy way to show your opponent how much they suck. The numbers don't lie so you already have an advantage. Of course, only use the stats that make your team look good and your opponent look like junk.

Here are a few stats you can use...

  • Win-Loss Record - If your opponent this week is 0-5, this is almost too easy. As long as you have a better record, you can use this.
  • Fantasy Points- There are a few ways to work fantasy points into your smack:
    * Compare overall total scores
    * Look at the weekly points for each team and point out how many times you would have won against your opponent if you had played each other every week.
    * Project how many weeks you can afford to take off and still have more fantasy points at the end of the season.
  • Individual Player Stats - Compare your players' best stats against your opponent's players' worst stats. This may take more time to do right, depends on how closely you follow player stats.
  • Historical Fantasy Season Matchups - Reminding the league that you have an 8-2 record against your opponent over the last 5 years is great smack. Tell the world you own him.
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Educational and Informative

Belittle your opponents by offering them an "education" or "helpful advice" in fantasy football or whatever fantasy sport you're playing.

This is easiest when the target has just screwed up or made a questionable move or trade. Simply explain to them the basics of why dropping their second RB to cover a kicker's bye was a bad idea.

If they get upset or try to retaliate, offer to use smaller words next time.

At The Game by libertygrace0

At The Game by libertygrace0

Challenge Your Opponent's Manhood

Anything that tells the target they can't hang with the fantasy big dogs fits here. A common tactic is to state that your little sister, mother, grandmother or senile old aunt knows more about sports and can play fantasy football better.

Another variation is to suggest they would be better off with a more suitable hobby like knitting, bingo, tea parties or maybe a book club.

Easy Smack Talk Targets

Obviously you'll want to trash talk your next opponent. Here are some other potential targets to work your smack magic on and maybe gain a little league respect at the same time.

  • Whiners & Complainers - These are the owners who constantly gripe about their players or a league rule or anything else they can think to complain about. Show everyone you care and offer to call the 'Waaahmbulance' for him.
  • Under Performers - This includes any team that is not living up to expectations. Losing teams who had a top 3 draft pick or a team that only scored half their projected points falls into this category.
  • Teams Who Don't Learn - Everyone makes mistakes, but if a team makes a habit out of starting bye players, picking up worthless players, making bad sit/start decisions, pitching lame trade offers...then it's time to lay down the smack.
  • League Loudmouth - Is there a guy in your league with a bad case of diarrhea of the mouth? He's now your target for a full smack talk assault. Take every stupid post he's made and tear it apart.

Fake News Smack Talk

This video is a good example of taking creative and effective smack talk to the next level with a fake sports broadcast. The smack talker even got the target's sister in on trash talking the poor guy!

Smack Talk Tips

  • The best way to smack talk successfully is to have a winning record to back it up.
  • Your team name can be used as part of your smack. Customize it each week to send a message to your opponent.
  • Never take smack talk personally. Once the other guy (or girl) knows they've gotten to you, they win.
  • Be smart about trash talking a team that you want to make a trade with. Wait until after the trade is completed before telling the league what a fantasy moron the guy is.
  • Wear a smack talking fantasy football t-shirt to your draft and league events.
  • Have fun! Get creative with your smack talk.
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Work Related Smack Talk

A lot of fantasy leagues are work leagues. If you're in a work league you can add office rivalry to your smack talk arsenal. Here are a few examples to get started:

"How come the IT guys have time to send out 50 lame trade offers a day but it takes them a month to fix a PC?"

"If our sales reps would sell stuff instead of checking their fantasy roster all day, this company might turn a profit."

"Wow, those accounting guys and their fantasy stats spreadsheets are pretty impressive...too bad they forgot a column for bye week."

Old School Trash Talk

The Crusher was a world champion wrestler for 30 years. He was famous for trash talking his opponents before a match. Watch and learn.

Introduction to Fantasy Sports

The best way to talk smack is with a winning record to back it up. These beginners' guides will help you learn the basics and some advanced tricks of fantasy sports.

Smack Talk Links

  • How to Dish Out The Smack
    An in depth analysis of laying down the smack. Learn how to recognize and use smackdicators.
  • Say It With An E-Smack Card
    Send your unlucky fantasy football or fantasy baseball opponent an electronic smack card courtesy of ESPN. Choose from several different cards and customize your smack talk!

Credits

At the Game used under Creative Commons from libertygrace0.

All other images used on this site were generated using ImageChef.


Comments

Lay down some of your favorite smack talk in the comments below. Just keep it clean (this is a G rated site).

Step Up To The Mic - It's your turn...

Lynn Klobuchar on January 07, 2014:

I listen, I do not talk. With a husband and three sons smack talk is just our parlance around here.

anonymous on September 14, 2013:

@anonymous: LMAO!!! Gonna use that one on my brother this weekend!!! Thanks!

socialcx1 on July 15, 2013:

My son constantly tells his kids "you can do it" and I think most of the time they believe it

OmarAndWill on October 08, 2012:

When it comes to talking smack I love sharing videos to illustrate my point. HAHA this always gets the other person furious since you are giving them a visual. Also make sure you talk smack on the players that are not doing so good, this works wonders!

=-) Great lense!

JospehLau on September 09, 2012:

Come at me, bro!

Well that one's not so good... lol

ShilohWhenkey on September 01, 2012:

My friends aren't ready for my smack talk game now. Thanks!

GregKuhn on July 15, 2012:

My favorite fantasy smack is to post a "League Update" on the league message board (when I am in first place). All I write in my post is: "League Update. I am in first place." It's so annoying to the other team owners. Ha, ha.

ppurdy on June 21, 2012:

Thamk"s for the help! Love it!

anonymous on April 04, 2012:

@anonymous: Easy "You're losing to a girl. Feel bad."

anonymous on April 04, 2012:

@jaywigz311: That wont work for me, Im a girl (currently #2 in my bball fantasy league out of 10 boys) give me some ideas ??

baseballbrains lm on February 22, 2012:

I hit auto generate on my word program and it came up with a page far more entertaining than this. Squidoo allows lenses with no effort put into them? Just kidding, I really like the lens, it's great. Great idea for a lens, and good job making it, keep it up!

anonymous on December 26, 2011:

[Just before kickoff] Steve - I just finished my New Years Eve feast. This load you're about to receive should have a hint of roast goose and sugar-glazed potatoes on it...

seosmm on November 29, 2011:

I love fantasy league. Nice lens!

jaywigz311 on November 17, 2011:

Awwwe, isn't that cute, you let your girlfriend set your lineup this week.

anonymous on October 30, 2011:

Does your husband also play this game???

anonymous on October 30, 2011:

After a narrow victory, promptly send an email to your victim saying, "you have just been dominated!!!"

kjbranch77 on October 27, 2011:

This isn't golf. The point is to get the highest score.

anonymous on October 13, 2011:

"Playing your team is easier than a bye week"

nsixx99 on October 12, 2011:

My best one ever came in the form of our fantasy guidebook for the year. I run our league and unfortunately gave one team their only win last year. So when we created the Toilet Bowl game (last place) this year I dedicated it to our one win team from last year.

anonymous on October 12, 2011:

Boy, the air sure is thin up here ON TOP OF THE HEAP!

DavidCzajka on September 29, 2011:

I play fantasy league on espnstar and other soccer related sites never tried NFL or other things. But you have gave me such great ideas.

Thanks

iracer JLo on September 26, 2011:

Smack talk is the icing on the cake for my fantasy league. Great ideas in here, nice lens.

RedHotDesign on September 25, 2011:

Excellent! lol

anonymous on September 21, 2011:

This is one of the latest from our fantasy league:

Hey TD's! How would you like your serving of Whoopa@*? I can serve it piping hot with a side of KickBu%# or in a to-go container so you can take it with you to the shed out back? And don't worry about taking too much. I've got enough for even the next time we meet!

cmcbrien on July 12, 2011:

Love it!! No fantasy league would be complete without a little smack talk between "friends"!

anonymous on November 22, 2010:

Long Shot is my team name...Nice little exchange between my friend and me. I am the first and 3rd comment:

"When I win this week and next week, I can rest my starters week 13 just like the Colts...it will be 3 weeks from week 12 that I will have a meaningful week....it's a tough life"

"Yes I'm sure being a d-bag is tuff,I mean each week you gotta come up with new ways to sink to new lows...but I will absolutely enjoy when you don't win it all" (he was serious)

After I won 140-86 "Say it Marv, 'He takes it hole and dominates!' I think Yahoo just told me to 'Finish Him!' Up, A,B,A,C,C,C,A,C,B, Down 'Brutality!' 'Long Shot Wins'"

I love fantasy football!

Ruth Coffee from Zionsville, Indiana on November 22, 2010:

I think I would need a lot of practice and some one-on-one tutoring.

anonymous on October 27, 2010:

After this weekend your team is going to feel like a Brett Favre text message. Full of shame, regret, and will ultimately come up a little short.

anonymous on September 10, 2010:

Your going down faster the Monica Lewinski

anonymous on July 15, 2010:

Don't sing it - BRING IT !!!

anonymous on July 15, 2010:

@anonymous: holy O' hell!!! good 1

anonymous on March 31, 2010:

@anonymous: hilarious, just used this on facebook.

anonymous on December 22, 2009:

You're going down faster than a Kardashian at an NAACP Convention.

anonymous on December 12, 2009:

You're going down like a 2 dollar hooker

anonymous on December 01, 2009:

@RuthCoffee: your as ugly as someone who won an ugly contest. B00M!!

anonymous on October 26, 2009:

Your pathetic looking team reminds me of a slinky, basically good for nothing, but its still going to bring a smile to my face when I push them down a flight of stairs.

anonymous on October 25, 2009:

Hey kid, you're almost as fast as OUR water boy!

anonymous on October 20, 2009:

Your team managing is worse than my hemmerhoids..

anonymous on October 17, 2009:

Dude

anonymous on October 09, 2009:

make your moves make your trades I'm gonna kill you like you have AIDS

anonymous on September 29, 2009:

I like talking smack at WWW.sportsmackoff.com live durring games.

anonymous on September 25, 2009:

Your going down like a 16 year old on prom night!

anonymous on September 20, 2009:

your team is GAYER than AIDS!!

anonymous on August 27, 2009:

You're going down faster than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest

Ruth Coffee from Zionsville, Indiana on July 28, 2009:

I totally lack this talent, but I look up to those of you who excell in the field...impressive!

anonymous on May 20, 2009:

Your chances of winning are about as good as Michael Jackson's chances of opening a day care center.

anonymous on March 14, 2009:

"I've beat up bigger guys on the way to the fight!"

KimGiancaterino on December 14, 2008:

Congratulations on your Giant Squid Awards nomination!

clouda9 lm on December 12, 2008:

OMG the Crusher smack talking was great! Congrats on your 2008 Giant Squid nomination...woot! (http://www.squidoo.com/2008-giant-squid-awards)

anonymous on December 03, 2008:

You are going down like a Tijuana whore

WinAtBlackJackEasily on December 01, 2008:

A very cool lens. Nicely done. Who doesn't like some good ole' fashioned trash talking.

freaknoodles1 on November 21, 2008:

Sometimes you don't even need smack talk, like when you're the only girl in the league and no one can beat you.

(Which style of smack talk is it when you talk smack about how you're so good that you don't need to talk smack???)

anonymous on November 21, 2008:

Congratulations on your 2008 Giant Squid Awards nomination and good luck! - Kathy aka "Pretty Bullet"

anonymous on October 22, 2008:

your going down like a priest on an alter boy on sunday!!!

anonymous on October 17, 2008:

How about "You Suk"

:|

anonymous on September 25, 2008:

You are going down like a lawyer on a hunting trip with Dick Cheney.

anonymous on August 31, 2008:

Are your parents cousins who also suck at fantasy football?

anonymous on August 29, 2008:

Good game, LOSER!

driewe on March 25, 2008:

Good guidelines between smack and trash. 5 stars

Fun With Fantasy Football