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The Awful Truth About Girl Scout Cookies

Girl Scout Cookies

Contrary to cleverly concocted conspiracy theories, evidence now suggests that girl scout cookies were not, in fact, used to pacify the Vietcong in Vietnam. Nor are girl scout cookies made of girl scouts, or other contentious nonsense. Sales proceeds were not to be blame for the overthrowing of the Shah in Iran, and girl scouts are almost certainly not reptilians.

No.

Instead, this hub will take an in-depth look at the history and contemporary nature of cookies by dispersing the campaign of disinformation cast over the rest of us by the perenially hungry and envious. Without further a-do I present to you the awful (and honestly  not so awful) truth about girl scout cookies.

Tim Curry, the villain in the blockbuster Loaded Weapon has contributed to the GSC gloom & doom campaign.

Tim Curry, the villain in the blockbuster Loaded Weapon has contributed to the GSC gloom & doom campaign.

Girl Scouts of America?

Our story begins on the well-kept walk-way of the youth organization known as the Girl Scouts of America (GSUSA). A youth organization that instills self-confidence, altruism and sense of order to the wild, unruly female populace of this day and age.

The first act of voluntary cookie selling (not to be confused with the for-profit variant known colloquially as hustling) took place in black-and-white 1917, in a far-away land called Muskogee (Oklahoma) by the pioneering Mistletoe troop. All proceeds from the sales of these ancient girl scout cookies went to charity (there, it is said).

After the vast success of this initial campaign, headquarters began to mull the idea of product expansion throughout the country. But it was in the glorious, sun-baked days of 1933 that a breakthrough occurred. The first ever business to business cookie sale was organized in Philadelphia, and the irresistible sugar cookie went viral (poor choice of words perhaps).

Muskogee in '88. The place where the GSC's founding Mothers gave birth to a legend. In honor of this event, the entire area is an open air museum, progress and time has literally frozen.

Muskogee in '88. The place where the GSC's founding Mothers gave birth to a legend. In honor of this event, the entire area is an open air museum, progress and time has literally frozen.

girls-scout-cookies

Baby Boomerang

Everyone loves cookies. Let's face it. It isn't a leap in faith, then, to see why the initiative took flight. Retailers began to queue-up for cookie licensing at such a profilic rate that girl scouts, the colorful drones of the enterprise, were accorded the benefits of a little trickle-down economics.

Girls were not awarded affiliate cash per sale, however they were given points, stuffed animals and other random objects as a reward for their unquestioned labor. Which is great, because otherwise it would be child labor.

As their popularity grew, the public not only expected their girl scout cookie, they also came to demand them. When times grew rough, as in the turbulent war-time year of 1943, shortages of flour and other primary ingredients led to a horrific tragedy that might well have led to this aricle being named Girl Scouts Calendars. I shall speak no more of it.

Cookie Resources

Girl Scout Cookie Types

There are dozens of fantastic authentic girl scout cookie types today. Although some are undoubtedly more popular than others.

According to a related Wikipedia article, to date, the best-selling cookies are:

  • Thin Mints (Responsible for 25% of all recorded sales!)
  • Samoas (19%)
  • Tagalongs (13%)
  • Do-si-dos (11%)
  • Trefoils (9%)

Conclusion

My research has led me on a roller-coaster ride that does little to discount the premise of this article. Girl Scout Cookies follow the absolute pinnacle of moral and financial standards. You'll excuse my defensive tone, but its just a cookie.

The haters can just -- (use the comment section for feedback ;) ) go away!!

I'd like to thank you all for dropping by, if you swing by Rome feel free to send my some cookies, preferably the 1936, well kept, sugar variant.

Thank in advance!

Comments

worst. cookie. ever. on February 14, 2013:

Savannah Smiles, a so-called "lemon cookie." More of a shapless mass of overcooked dough dusted with a lot of sugar and a very little artificial lemon flavor. Lose it.

kme on January 12, 2013:

Thanks to near full-time cookie sales, my two daughters have learned NOTHING in GS. In Boy Scouts I learned to build a fire, set up a tent, use a pocket knife, canoe, survive in the winter, swing a hatchet, clean a fish, swim in a river, and on and on. No indentured servitude required. In GS you learn to sell other people's cookies.

The sales fund their continuing existence to sell more cookies next year. It's a closed system which does little but enrich Kellog Corp.

Get outside and PLAY, join a team, or start YOUR OWN club for FREE.

tjr2jtr2 from Northeastern PA on January 12, 2012:

I was a Girl Scout - from Brownies through Senior - selling Girl Scout cookies taught us so much. I was usually the top seller in my troop AND selling cookies always paid for my two weeks of Girl Scout camp every summer. The funds from selling went toward the council, the troop AND every Girl Scout who sells earns funds. Girl Scout cookies is a win-win no matter how you look at it!

Teressa on January 08, 2012:

I was a brownie and a junior girl scout, and now my step-daughter is a daisy. Even as a kid I thought the cookies were terrible.

EmilyCadette on January 08, 2012:

I did not even complete this article because of being completely surprised at how horrible this is. I am a Girl Scout. Our troop does not get the prizes but rather cookie credits. Soldiers receive our boxes and I know that they love them. We do not make our cookies, why? Because we are to busy planning for different projects. Plus the people who make Girl Scout cookies are EMPLOYED and nobody these days will trust someone selling cookies they made. We are good people. Yes, Girl Scout cookies do cost a lot, but it's a FUNDRAISER, so the cookies are like a thank-you for donating gift. And the two people reading this article are those who don't like Girl Scout cookies and Girl Scouts. There are so many others who love Girl Scouts who are not reading this article. I know I am rambling, but this article stressed me out. I'm sorry.

Kristy on January 06, 2012:

Wouldn't it be so much better if they sold cookies they actually made and they would be able to keep more of the profits for their troop instead of making Brownie Bakers corporation wealthier?

Minor on January 06, 2012:

I'm appalled at the low quality of these cookies and they are really just garbage - look at the ingredients. Why can't they teach the girls to promote something healthier? They can still sell cookies but really, why provide more garbage for already obese Americans to shove down their throats? The Girl Scouts should be leading by example - not selling cheap, Chinese-made cookies. This is really disgusting to me and highlights so many things wrong with this organization putting fund raising above the example that these girls should be setting. Instead, they are teaching them Business As Usual - just sell whatever you can to make a buck regardless of the outcome. I would buy a healthier alternative as I love cookies as much as anybody else. However, I am not supporting the Girl Scouts in this effort even if I was to put them out for the rodents at work to consume.

MikeNV from Henderson, NV on October 19, 2011:

We always bought the chocolate mint. The bigger problem was having to buy from every girl who hit the neighborhood in succession.

James Nelmondo (author) from Rome, Italy on August 24, 2011:

I wholeheartedly agree carl, it is undeniably a form of child labor.

carl on July 27, 2011:

The problem I have with GSUSA is the huge administrative fees taken out of these poor girls profits which support people at the top being paid hundreds of thousands of dollars a year in salaries.If this organization doesn't break child labor laws then it should.From what I read on the Better Business Bureau site very very few GSUSA organizations which are credited by the BBB and there by opened themselves up to scrutiny of the public. But of those few that did the portion of cookie sales which goes to the organization is 50% with less than 20% actually being used to fund programs for the troop that sold the cookies.When youb take a child and send them out to work then you take the profits from that child in order to make a living off of it and to pay your salary it should be termed illegal and child slave labor.

Laurel Rogers from Bishop, Ca on July 23, 2011:

Phew! We don't know each other so well-I mean at all!-so I was mighty confused. Cheers!

James Nelmondo (author) from Rome, Italy on July 23, 2011:

I think you're every bit as serious as I am :) (which is to say, not a lot)

Laurel Rogers from Bishop, Ca on July 23, 2011:

Poor cookie, he's always going against the grain! ;) You do know I was/am being facetious, right?

James Nelmondo (author) from Rome, Italy on July 23, 2011:

Lorlie! The hazyness of that phrase is intentional, the kind of stuff I'm talking about would push our political correctness to the limit. The cookie monster would certainly NOT approve in this case.

Laurel Rogers from Bishop, Ca on July 23, 2011:

"Random objects" must be defined, don't you agree? Cookie Monster would have nothing to do with randomness-or with objects other than cookies, for that matter.

Can you help me out here?

James Nelmondo (author) from Rome, Italy on July 17, 2011:

Only girl scouts seem to want to defend girl scouts! telling! :P

Princessellierose on May 27, 2011:

I'm a girl scout and THAT IS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT TRUE

James Nelmondo (author) from Rome, Italy on January 28, 2011:

Thank you Natasha!

natasha on January 27, 2011:

wow whoever wrote this is a loser and clearly knows nothing about girl scouts at all...

James Nelmondo (author) from Rome, Italy on October 10, 2010:

Thanks Steve, Peg and KKalmes for your feedback and time! I am left wondering who actually voted for "ponzi scheme" on the poll though, I'd like to shake their hand!

KKalmes from Chicago, Illinois on October 10, 2010:

Hello TG, love Girl Scout Cookies and the information of their inspirational beginnings.

Peg Cole from Northeast of Dallas, Texas on October 10, 2010:

Once upon a time I was a Brownie Scout but I never "flew up" to Girl Scouts. We had cookie sales in the middle part of last century and I sold my share of thin mints door to door. We were foolishly brave back then.

SteveoMc from Pacific NorthWest on October 10, 2010:

Since my grandaughter is a girl scout, and I am her supporter, I generally buy about 10 boxes. But then the co-workers are all a bunch of hogs and wipe them out in no time.

James Nelmondo (author) from Rome, Italy on October 09, 2010:

Never! :)

miss_jkim on October 09, 2010:

I hear the undertones of a disgrunteled Girl Scout. Were you cheated out of your sales incentive?

I personally love those Thin Mints.

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