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Locked Out Players Could Seek Jobs Based On Their Last Names

The Gray Eagle of Boston Made the Hall of Fame, But Tris Speaker Could Have Chosen a Career as an Orator


For a group that has been unsuccessfully trying to speed up its product for over a decade, it did not take long for them to shut things down. As its contract with the players union expired on 11:59 p.m. December 2nd, the baseball owners took just one minute to impose a lock out at 12:01 a.m. on the Third.

That ploy in labor relations means that no baseball transactions can take place, and team sites will be off limits to any Major League players. Checks will continue to be sent during the interim, but salaries could be held back if the lockdown lingers after the New Year.

Assuming the worst, that there is a delay to the start of the season, players may have to find other lines of work. May I suggest that some could seek new careers, just on the basis of their names. For example, the long-time St. Louis Cardinal ace could find work as a wainwright, someone who makes wagons.

Here is a roster of current and former players whose names could steer them to an occupation outside of baseball.

Catcher Bill Plummer

Since there were few leaks in Johnny Bench's game, Plummer was not very busy as the backup catcher on the Big Red Machine.

First Base, Matt Carpenter

He carved out quite a career at various spots in the St. Louis infield, but he could probably make the cut doing the same occupation as Jesus.

Second Base, Tony Taylor

Philadelphia's alliterative infielder, simply by altering by one letter his last name, could make a suitable clothing specialist.

Shortstop, Joe Tinker

Tinkers were once ubiquitous as menders of silverware or other metal utensils, so the magnificent range of the Chicago Cubs Hall of Fame shortstop might have come in handy in the erstwhile business.

Third Base, Pie Traynor

Pittsburgh's most famous tender of the hot corner could have pursued a field necessary to keep people on the diamond, as long as he had an extensive supply of athletic tape.

Left Field, Dusty Baker

Known mostly now for his managerial legacy, Dusty once retired could have undertaken a job making donuts and bread.

Center Field, Brett Gardner

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Longest-tenured current Yankee, should he decide to leave the Bronx Bombers, might find work at gardens not named Madison Square.

Right Field, Joe Carter

He steered several teams to postseason victories, and his name indicates he could have found employment as the driver of carts.

Designated Hitter, Darrell Porter

Since he began as a backstop for St. Louis, the slugging Kansas City and Texas DH could fill in behind the plate.

Pitcher, Steve Barber

After Jim Bouton discussed him frequently in Ball Four, his Seattle Pilots fellow hurler might have become the most famous haircutter outside of Seville.

Pitcher, Dennis Cook

He dished out a lot of curves pitching for the Rockies, so it would be interesting to see what he could serve in the kitchen.

Pitcher, George Medich

Based on his last name, the Texas right hander quickly became known as Doc.

Pitcher, Jim Brewer

His goal was to avoid giving up line drives, but with that surname he might have been a hit with tailgating fans.

Pitcher, John Butcher

As long as he recorded outs no one would have a beef with him, but with his last name he might need beef to stay solvent.

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