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Funny Tennis Jokes and Quotes

Suzanne is a qualified beautician with experience as a freelance makeup artist.

Anyone For Tennis?

History of Tennis:

Known as the sport of kings, the modern game of tennis began in Birmingham, England as far back as the late 19th century. Believe it or not, the rules of the game have not changed dramatically over the years and it has enticed millions of fans worldwide.

Tennis is one of the Summer Olympic sports and has been a welcome addition to the Paralympics programme since 1992. The Grand Slam tournament , also commonly known as "The Majors" is the most prestigious of titles to win for players and consists of ~

The Australian Open - Melbourne, Australia (played on hard courts)

The French Open - Paris, France (played on red clay courts)

Wimbledon - London, England (played on grass courts)

The US Open - New York, USA (played on hard courts)

Growing up, I remember developing a passionate interest in learning this racket sport that had the great characters and personalities of the game. McEnroe, Connors and Nastase were often the culprits when it came to creating headline news and not necessarily for their skilful play.

There have been many great players through the years in both the men's and women's game. Funny Quotes have long been remembered and noted in Sport, tennis is no exception so here are a few famous and not so famous humorous jokes and quotes as way of a tribute to the Great and the Memorable.

Billie Jean King

John McEnroe

king of the funny one liners in tennis jokes.

king of the funny one liners in tennis jokes.

Martina Navratilova

a tennis legend with a great sense of humor, known to crack a one liner here and there.

a tennis legend with a great sense of humor, known to crack a one liner here and there.

Funny Quotes:

Billie Jean King

Tennis is a perfect combination of violent action taking place in an atmosphere of total tranquility.


When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40's shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait to reach 50 to start again.

Roger Federer

I would so like to be Lenny Kravitz

Robin Wiliams

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When the Williams sisters play tennis it gets pretty hot. When they start grunting, I'm in.

Rod Laver

An otherwise happily married couple may turn a mixed doubles game into a scene from Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.

John McEnroe

You cannot be SERIOUS!


Tennis; a racket sport in which two players compete to see who has the shortest temper, the worst memory, the poorest eyesight and the slowest watch.

Virginia Graham

Good shot, bad luck and hell are the five basic words to be used in a game of tennis, though these, of course, can be slightly amplified.

Billie Jean King

Ladies, here's a hint. If you're up against a girl with big boobs, bring her to the net and make her hit backhand volleys. That's the hardest shot for the well-endowed.

Bill Cosby

The serve was invented so the net could play.

Martina Navratilova

The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved; the pig is committed.

Jack Nicholson

Played tennis for years. But you can't improve at tennis after you're 50. You get to be in your 40's, and suddenly you're a doubles player.

Venus Williams

'Oh and Oh' is a tennis term . . . . It's a nice way of saying you took your opponent to pieces.

Memories of Wimbledon

the first leg of our journey

the first leg of our journey

Wimbledon SW19, the home of tennis and hearing tennis jokes and one liners.

Wimbledon SW19, the home of tennis and hearing tennis jokes and one liners.

my prized centre court ticket

my prized centre court ticket

queuing at Wimbledon

queuing at Wimbledon

Suzie interviewed for Australian television

Suzie interviewed for Australian television

NOW they decide to introduce the queue card!

NOW they decide to introduce the queue card!

Pat Cash in the flesh . . .No Joke!

Pat Cash in the flesh . . .No Joke!

My Own Funny Story - The Wimbledon Groupies

Back in 1991, two major fans of the tennis game, namely me and my friend Miriam, set sail across the Irish Sea from Dublin to the Welsh Port of Hollyhead.

From there it was a train to London followed by the underground tube to SW19, otherwise known as Wimbledon.

Having pre-booked accommodation in the village of Wimbledon, we were all set for 3 days of non stop tennis where would finally see our idols of the tennis world in living colour.

The first morning of the championship, the owners of our bed and breakfast offered to drive us to the stadium. We were over the moon as we wanted to be there at 4.30 am! Our early attendance was necessary in order to queue for tickets.

So we joined (yes, JOINED) the existing bodies in the queue, not paying too much heed with goings on.

All we were focused on was Who would we see! I was wondering would I get to see ice cool Lendl or swoon over Pat Cash, the sex on legs Aussie?

After what seemed like an eternity, 3 hours after starting to queue, we became more conscious of what was going on around us, we were finally starting to wake up after travelling the best part of 24 hours.

The first thing that struck us was how well all the other fans in the queue were dressed.

We were dressed in our track suits, newly purchased Wimbledon t-shirts, stylish trainers and baseball caps.

The other stalwart followers of the game were dressed in neat, immaculate looking crisp white shirts and well pressed black skirts or trousers. A little over the top for serious queuing maybe?

The next thing we noticed was we were the only ones sitting on the ground on our picnic rug, flasks of coffee at the ready.

How odd, did we not normally see the die hard fans queuing at this event every year on the BBC news and were they not sitting in camp chairs, on rugs and even in tents?

Something wasn’t ringing true so I decided to take a wander up the queue and see if I could find some answer to these questions.

At the top of the queue, some hundreds of bodies later, the reason for our puzzlement became crystal clear. There I was met by a sign saying “All those attending Interviews today, please queue here.”

We had been in the WRONG QUEUE.

We asked one of the beautifully attired people where OUR queue was and they indicated it was around the other side of the complex.

Wishing them all the best for their interview, we left rather sheepishly under the guise of our baseball hats and then had a great laugh over it!

Only to us would this have happened to . . . . The things you have to do to be a Tennis Groupie!

Our first day there we saw not a tennis ball hit - rain, rain and more rain! Typical Wimbledon weather we have all come to expect.

Instead we had to drown our sorrows in a few beverages and sample the customary strawberries and cream. Thankfully our prayers were answered for days 2 and 3 when we saw non stop action on the courts.

Did I get to see my idol Lendl? No, Day 1 saw to that I'm afraid but I did get to see and photograph a bare chested sexy Aussie by the name of Pat Cash!

Oddball Out!

Tennis Jokes:

After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's recreational preferences:

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball
5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf

Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become!

A Few Tennis One Liners:

Q How many tennis players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A What do you mean the bulb was out?? It wasn't out it. It was in!

Q Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player?

A To them "love" means nothing!

Q Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?

A When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court!

A Quick Poll

Author Info -

Read more about this author, her bio and her full body of work @ Suzie HQ

© 2012 Suzanne Ridgeway

Funny Tennis Jokes and Quotes Comments

Suzanne Ridgeway (author) from Dublin, Ireland on October 05, 2012:

Hi teaches!

Great to see you here! Sport has always had its characters and tennis has produced some awesome ones! Having been to Wimbledon in the McEnroe, Borg and Boris era, some of the antics showed have stuck with the players and this topic was definitely a fun trip down memory lane for me! Appreciate your comments and delighted it gave you a laugh!! :-)

Dianna Mendez on October 04, 2012:

How funny! I love the one-liners. Didn't think anyone could make tennis a fun event, but you managed to prove me wrong. Great share!

Suzanne Ridgeway (author) from Dublin, Ireland on October 02, 2012:

Hi Effer!

Howde do dee over in the big apple! Great to have you visit me here! Glad you enjoyed this bit of humour! I got up nearly 2 hrs ago just to take a painkiller, saw comments had been left here ( like waking up to santa!!) and I am still here! Better stay up now and do some more writing!!! After I get my caffeine fix I think.

Appreciate your support ,enthusiasm and votes as always! :-)

Suzanne Ridgeway (author) from Dublin, Ireland on October 02, 2012:

Hi Bill,

Great to see you buddy! Glad you enjoyed this bit of humour down memory lane at the same time. I grew up with the greats like you and being at Wimbledon in the era of Lendl, Borg, Martina, Boris, Stefan . . .the list goes on and on . .was an incredible experience I will always remember. I remember being in the queue daily for tickets outside the stadium, getting centre court tickets for my idol Lendl with a great line up of other matches, only to not see a tennis ball hit all day . . .RAIN!!! Thanks so much for your warm comments always and your support in sharing!

I just got pinterest so will be going back to many of your hubs to pin now that I have it at last!!! :-)

Suzanne Ridgeway (author) from Dublin, Ireland on October 02, 2012:

Hi Kimberly,

Congrats on more work! You power house!

Thanks for commenting here and your votes most welcome! I did enjoy that quote too by Martina! Thanks for visiting:-)

Suzanne Ridgeway (author) from Dublin, Ireland on October 02, 2012:

Hi Jeff!

Yep, who would have pegged RF a Lenny fan! Appreciate your thoughts and comments always! :-)

Suzie from Carson City on October 02, 2012:

WOW...looks like Roger is top pick.....and I love this hub, Suz. Really great...funny...entertaining. I appreciate all the tennis quotes, jokes and info!! Wham!

Bill De Giulio from Massachusetts on October 02, 2012:

Hey Suzie. Great Hub. I can appreciate a tennis hub as I played a lot when I was younger. You've got all of my favorites here and some great quotes. I can still hear John McEnroe uttering those words. Great job. VU and sharing.

Kimberly Vaughn from Midwest on October 02, 2012:

Great hub Suzie! I probably have not given tennis two seconds thought until I read your hub today! I am probably going to see it a lot differently now. I especially liked the ham and eggs quote. Voted up!

Jeff Boettner from Tampa, FL on October 02, 2012:

Pretty cool Federer said he would love to be Lenny k. Nice read, up and sharing.

Suzanne Ridgeway (author) from Dublin, Ireland on October 02, 2012:

Hi MJ,

Thanks me ol' petrol head buddy! I just started the AP so looking forward to picking up lots of tips and tricks! Glad you enjoyed this, didn't know you followed a bit of the tennis - good to hear! Appreciated all your votes and sharing on this, I have to get on board with Pinterest and Tweeting. Cheers again MJ :-)

mjkearn on October 02, 2012:

Hi Suzie HQ

Congrats on the AP and you'll do great, I have no doubt. Go Girl.

WOW, great hub and greater laugh. No engines in this sport but I do watch Wimbledon every year and thoroughly enjoyed reading this.

Another fine piece and all thumbs up, votes, usual suspects, ticks, shared, faced and G+'d.

Maybe I should tweet and pin as well. Just to be sure, to be sure and practice the blarney.


Suzanne Ridgeway (author) from Dublin, Ireland on October 02, 2012:

Hi denisemai,

Welcome and thanks for the lovely comments! 6 am, seems ages ago here as it is 2 pm!! Roddick I did love to watch and you are right, he did have some hilarious comments. Federer is one of my favourites but I have followed Martina for years since her beginnings and being a fellow left hander, I have a tendency to rate her big time!! lol

Thanks again, enjoy your day!

Denise Mai from Idaho on October 02, 2012:

Funny! It seems Roddick had several humorous quotes but it's just shy of 6 am here so my brain can't seem to recall any. I'm happy to enjoy the sport of middle management. I voted Federer but Serena's my favorite player to watch. Thanks for making me giggle so early. :-D

Suzanne Ridgeway (author) from Dublin, Ireland on October 02, 2012:

Hi Sunshine!

Wow, that was quick girl! Thanks so much for your lovely comment, delighted you enjoyed! Fun to do and had a laugh compiling! Lenny eh?? Maybe I'l start calling you that now LOL !

Serena is definitely up there, I actually have a few I can't decide on! Cheers again :-)

Linda Bilyeu from Orlando, FL on October 02, 2012:

I so wanna be Lenny Kravitz also! :) What a fun hub tribute to tennis. I selected Serena as my top choice. Thanks for the smiles this morning!

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