Loss and Bereavement
Many of us have experienced the loss of a loved one, the loss of a marriage, a relationship, loss of money, home etc. Most of us will at one time or another go through the grief of loss.
I faced loss the hardest at 29 when my stepdad died of cancer. He was only 65. It happened fast from the time they told us he had cancer to the time he died. He had esophogeal cancer. It took him in 6 months.
I still remember the day we found out. It was labor day and we were having a barbecue to celebrate as a family. He cooked the barbecue, but as he began to eat, he started throwing up and could not stop. Of course this prompted an emergency room visit where we found out he had a tumor in the throat area- hence the esophogeal cancer. They took the tumor out and told us he would be okay. I had a feeling he would not be okay as I noticed he had trouble keeping his balance.
My mom and him had been married 18 years when death came to claim him. It was very hard to let go of him. It was the first major loss I had experienced. My heart ached for a year. After that I still missed him terribly but each year has gotten easier. I guess you always miss someone though and have trouble understanding they are gone in your heart. I know that is how it has been for me.
(the picture with this story is of my stepdad and me at my first wedding.)
a poem I wrote
I wrote this poem after the death of my stepdad about him
I'll never see your face again
Or hear your laughter
As days go by
I remember you still
As you were
When you were still here
With swollen tears
And a heart that aches
I'll never again
Feel your embrace
Even though your spirit is here
It's just not the same
As hearing your voice
And seeing you near
No more tomorrows
Will hold you
Only yesterday remains
Yet the sun still sets and the stars burn bright
The morning becomes day
The day becomes night
But you are not here
And the sorrow and pain
That death can claim
Bring heavy hands
It's just not the same
And I wish that you were still here
With footsteps light
And laughter long
(the picture if of him with my oldest daughter at Christmas time)
My stepfather's death was not the only loss for me at that time. I lost a baby at 5 months pregnant about 2 weeks before his death, two weeks after his death I divorced my first husband after a nine year marriage and three children.
We all grieve in different ways. I think for me I was very scattered for many years following this time period.
My Dad also died in 2001 adding to the brokenness I felt inside. He died of a heart attack at 59.
My cousin died young in 2006. He was only 34 when he died. It was a shock to our family.
I put photos in a slideshow below of him, my stepdad, Grandad and dad.
All these losses changed me at a fairly young age. I began to appreciate those that were still alive, not knowing if they would be there tomorrow. I knew life was precious, that you never knew when someone would be gone.
another poem I wrote as I went through this.
My Father's Death
What do you mean
He's no longer here
What about tomorrow?
It was always there
I have written many poems on loss and experienced more than I would have liked to. Life before experiencing death seemed easier to me somehow.
I grew up from death.
I developed more compassion towards others out of these experiences then I had before. I now knew the pain of a broken heart, of loss, of death. It gave me a new way of seeing others pain that I carry with me still. I am forever changed by these losses.
(picture of me with my step dad and mom)
Stepdad and me 1999
5 stages of grief
Before I went through these deaths in my life my spiritual teacher taught me about the 5 stages of grief
Stage 1 Denial. This is the stage of shock. You may be saying this can't be happening to me. This isn't real. It's a nightmare. Your mind has trouble facing this has really happened.
I remember when they came to wheel away my stepad's dead body I thought they were making a mistake. I kept saying wait, he might not be dead. I could not believe he was gone.
Stage 2 Anger. Some may skip this step or go through this stage quickly. I think I go through this stage at the ending of a relationship more than I do with death.
Stage 3 Bargaining. At this stage you may go into a place of wishful thinking or trying to bargain with God. If it is the loss of a relationship you might try to make deals with your partner or they with you.
Stage 4 Depression. When you get to this stage you are beginning to face the situation. You may not want to do anything, but this is just part of the process.
Stage 5 Acceptance. Here you arrive once you have worked through the other four stages. We may go through all these stages over and over until we have worked through our grief.
Grief takes as long as it takes. It is different for everyone. For some they never can work their way through it. Some people may let go easier. Either way loss and death are not easy to go through and should be handled with empathy and compassion towards all involved.
Healing eventually takes place. The heart mends, even though we are forever changed.
(picture is of me and my dad when I was a baby)
When I think of you
This is a poem for my Grandad who died in June 2010
When they told me you may be leaving us
So many memories of my life with you
Came to my mind
When I think of you
I think of family
All the vacations we took
Motorcycles in the desert
Three wheelers, two wheelers, that sidecar
You loved so much
And the way you would make it go up in the air
It would give me a pretty good scare
But it had a television in it
So, it was pretty cool to be in there riding along with you
When I think of you
I think about
All the things you loved to build
Best of all for me was the dollhouse you made
When I was ten
Furnished with thoughtful touches
You loved us like that
I think some may have missed
The beauty in your heart that makes you want to
Do things like build a butterfly house or a doll house
It is all out of love
When I think of you
I think of airplanes
You loved to fly
I speak often of the time I was 4 years old
Sitting on grandma's lap co piloting with you
You let go and made me think I was driving the plane
I was so scared
But you were always there
You always cared for all of us
When I think of you
I think of orange trees on the farm
Of Christmases come and gone
Of memories that live on
Your wacky humor I have pictures of
And I am so glad
We said to one another
I love you no matter what
Because I do
Photo Gallery of these loved ones from my life
This too shall pass...
Chicken soup always makes you feel better
Share your thoughts on loss and grief
bilafond lm on February 23, 2014:
This lens brings a flood of memories. Good lens. Death is inevitable. Imagine if there was no loss this life would have been meaningless.
Mary Norton from Ontario, Canada on January 28, 2014:
My father died when I was in university. My sister has stage 4 cancer and I think I am now in the bargaining stage. Thanks for this article.
traveldestinations on November 21, 2013:
Very nice lens on losing one to death. You must have been close to your step dad.
Anja Toetenel from The Hague, the Netherlands on July 28, 2013:
Very beautiful Lens, heart touching and I think 99% of people reading this can relate to it! I loved your poems and photos a lot. Thank you!
Aarron on June 06, 2013:
Let me share a link where I found some good spiritual understanding about death. I am sure it will help you. http://www.dadabhagwan.org/scientific-solutions/sp...
moonlitta on April 23, 2013:
It's so sad we have to part with people we love, and the younger they are the more difficult it is. However we have to accept what's happened- and keep the priceless memories of the wonderful beings we were lucky to have in our lives.
anonymous on March 14, 2013:
my grandfather dieded about 6 months ago so I read this lens
john9229 on February 28, 2013:
Touching... Thanks God what ever I have now.
VspaBotanicals on February 03, 2013:
Truly truly beautiful
Patricia (author) on January 09, 2013:
@anonymous: Sorry to hear! <3
anonymous on January 09, 2013:
heart breaking isn't it. I love my mother August 2012 it does hurt so much. We lost her so fast. Then lost my granparents to dementia and so, I lost a few people. My granparents aren't dead but they just aint them anymore.
Patricia (author) on January 08, 2013:
@anonymous: So sorry to hear! Death is so difficult. I will say a prayer for you!
anonymous on January 08, 2013:
As I'm reading this my father is dying. I am brokenhearted , so sad and scard. He is oin a nursing home with my mother . He contracted a cold which turned into pneumonia and at 95 he is worn out. He got through 3 pneumonias but this one took its toll o n hjim. I have no children, no other family and a troubled marriage, mo monies, ha nd to mouth. I have my parents who I cherish and I am so lost watching him slowly passing. He doesn't want to eat and very little drinking. He sleeps most of the time. I can't say goodbye,please help me ,
JuliaAnnPayne on January 01, 2013:
I have lost 3 people in one year and it was very tough for me but we need to stay positive and take one day at a time.
jennifer421 lm on December 07, 2012:
This is so tragic!! I know that losing someone close is like losing some part of you and you miss them your whole life knowing that you will never feel their presence in life again!!!
tarsummit on December 06, 2012:
I've lost my father 3 years ago and since then I'm not the same ... I miss him so much and the pain is unbelievable! I'm sending you big hug!
bilafond lm on October 31, 2012:
I have lost my SOn who had just passed 32 Years of age. I can completely relate to the pain. But such are the ways of Almighty and I can only bow my head into his submission and pray for all such Parents who suffer the pain - unbearable pain to bear this irreparable loss .
anonymous on October 31, 2012:
July 23, 2011, was one of the worst days my family has had to endure. It was the day I had to wake my mother up to tell her the police were at our front door wanting to see her. They were there to tell her that her only son, her baby, at the age of 33 had died. He had just come home for good for only 6 weeks after being in Iraq for the last 2 1/2 years supporting the Army at Camp Stryker. I heard the most heart wrenching, animalistic whimpering scream come from my mother's lips and I saw the life drain from her in her eyes all in the matter of an instant. I hear that scream every day of my life in my head, the power and emotion of that all come back in a instant in the form of a knot in my throat and a waterfall of tears stream down my face. How are we ever going to survive this? Later we found out that his accident made it impossible to have a normal wake and funeral. He was so badly damaged from landing full force head first in the concrete bottom of Beardsley Canal when he was thrown off his ATC going about 14 mph at 2am. We considered it a blessing that he had died instantly. He laid there in the dark, in the desert, for 3 more hours until a good friend of his went looking for him and found him. Iraq had given him severe PTSD and he couldn't sleep so he decided to take a ride. His friend is still tormented by the vision of seeing his friend in that state. It has given him PTSD and some of the worst nightmares he has ever had. That day we all lost so much, a friend, a son, a brother, an uncle, the stability and security of the patriarch of our small family. He was our natural born leader.
He always had a bear hug, advice, a smile and his crazy sense of humor to freely give to anyone. He couldn't stand to see a child in Iraq wear shoes that had holes in them so I would get a call from him to look for a delivery coming in the mail and to immediately ship it to him. It was imperative that the little Iraqi kid get his new shoes right away. He came to the aid of a fellow co-worker when his laptop died and he couldn't keep in contact with his wife and kids because he couldn't afford to buy another one. My brother ordered a new laptop from Dell for him. He couldn't stand the thought of his co-worker not being able to contact his family. He knew that contact with family in a war zone was essential to remain sane and hopeful.
Scott was my hero then and after his death he became iconic to me. We were gutted by his death but we had to make a important unexpected decision within hours of his death. A decision that we had to make in a time when we could barely function through the anguish and tears. Our phone rang and it was the Donor Network of Arizona. Our mom answered the call and how she mustered up the strength and comprehension to even make sentences is still baffling to me. They wanted to let her know that Scott was eligible to donate organs and tissues if we would like for that to happen. Mom told them she would have to think about it and talk it over with me. She hung up and immediately told me what they said. I looked at her for a split second and said yes. It is what Scott would have wanted. His outlook on it was, if I can't use it or don't need it - then give it away to someone that can. So in his last gift to the mortal world he gave over 50 people part of him. There are people that will be able to see and there are people that will be able to continue on living and making memories with their families and make a difference in the world. Continue on doing Scott's work. As the family of the donor, we think of it as the only good thing to come out of our tragedy. It almost makes it bearable. So it is a gift to us as well in that way. The Donor Network of Arizona astounded me with their true caring and honest desire to help you through the death of your loved one and they constantly contact you to give you hope and acknowledgment on how they deem your loved one and their family as true heroes to the world. They had organ recipients meet us to let us know their side of the donor process. They all cried and couldn't thank us enough for the second chance at life they were given. I was amazed and honored that most organ recipients donate their time, year after year, to donor appreciation events so that they can tell their side of the story. Their words and look of health truly astounded me and I was so very proud of my brother even more and proud of the donor recipients for helping others in this rather unusual situation we all were put in. I loved seeing the lust for life in their eyes, it reminded me of my brother. I truly thank them from the bottom of my heart which would never be enough.
The first year of his death we were cloaked in grief, numbness, denial, despair and terrible sadness. We would have desperate visions of him calling us or showing up at our door saying it was all a mistake, they misidentified him and he really was in Iraq. I went through serious bouts of movie like dreams and dramatic visions about him sneaking up to my room, sitting on my bed, leaning down to touch my hair to ease me out of my sleep. I would jump up and throw my arms around him and scream. I mean he did that before and he will do it again. At any moment it will happen, right? Heartbreaking revelations that would leave us devastated all over again.
This second year we functioned and that is pretty much it. We are like eternally lost. We realized that life as we knew it was over and that we needed to live in a different way. We asked repeatedly why this happened to us. Why did this happen to Scott? I felt terrible survivors guilt. He had made way more of himself at 33 than I had at 40. He was doing so much good and I had done nothing. He lived everyday to the fullest with positivity and energy. I sat and watched the clock ticking, with no desire and an ample amount of negativity regarding everything. Why wasn't it me? I got angry at God for taking him instead. I got angry because I didn't know what I needed to do to fix everything and everyone. I was just angry. I felt that in order to move on and release my anger I had to accept that he was gone forever and I was not ready to accept that. So it continued to consume me. Added to it was sadness, numbness, aimlessness even more of a shell of a person than I was before. Truth is I couldn't fix anything or anyone, including myself. I got angry that he never got married and had kids. I had married, gotten divorced and had two kids. He considered my kids as his, he knew he was their only father figure and he just slid into that without skipping a beat without even being asked - with a smile and endless energy. But I still was angry that I would never be an aunt. I would never get to tease him about getting his first gray hair. I got angry because he was going to teach my son how to play baseball, how to treat girls and how to give a car an oil change and now I had to do that and I had no idea how to teach a little boy about how to be a good man like he could.
But in reality, we somehow needed to find a way to go on. The hard part was to go on with purpose and meaning. I had to do something to honor Scott to help save myself, to help heal, to be able to live life and not to just take up space. The direction I found myself going in was the wrong way, I did know that much. I struggled with what I should do. I was seven courses shy of a B.A. in Criminal Justice, but not being able to financially continue on with that shot down my dream of wanting to save the world from the bad guys. I didn't feel it was a good fit at this point in my life because of what had happened. I wasn't strong enough to take on the world anymore. So what else was there?
10 years ago I created a company with my mom called, The Silkworm Garden. She made silk flower arrangements and I handmade candles. We even dabbled in floral arrangement rental - for weddings, meeting, etc. Our company took off to the point where we were tossing the idea of quitting our jobs to open a store. We were within 4 months of that step when 9/11 happened. The attack on our country devastated not only our country but the
BarryBuzza on October 11, 2012:
If you want another good read that helps one through the pain and grief of losing a loved one, read about my book "Good Mourning" here: http://www.squidoo.com/good-mourning
ShineRita on October 05, 2012:
I just want to cry right now. It really made me to think of my grandfather, grandmather and maternal grandfather.
TheBeautifulLife on August 19, 2012:
Today is one of my saddest day in my life, but i'am here on squidoo, looking for lense for my soul and i find few...Your is one of those, who moved me a lot. Thank you for really great lense. Mark
brightandshiney on July 27, 2012:
Very beautiful lens, I several close family members with in 3 months of each other, so I know how hard it is.
Blonde Blythe from U.S.A. on July 05, 2012:
Beautiful lens! Your poems are wonderful! :)
alina nicoleta92 on June 26, 2012:
Such and amazing lens... it really made me to think of my grandfather.
MissMissylue LM on June 11, 2012:
Thank you for a wonderful lens. I am currently dealing with the death of a loved one and found this helpful.
bilafond lm on June 10, 2012:
I see you have suffered a lot. This is how life is. nothing is permanent in life. Everything passes and as we go along we realise that the sequence with which we come into this is maintained. A father will like his children to bury him and when this cycle breaks it is when I feel a part of you is taken away. We all have our experiences. May you have all the joys and good health and remain strong.
antoniow on June 06, 2012:
Thank you for sharing this lens!
andreaberrios lm on May 19, 2012:
Beautiful honor and very touching lens! I know how you feel. God bless you..and Angel Blessing!
tricomanagement on May 05, 2012:
nicely done - shared in a way that all can feel your loss and know that it is a natural part of life - just a very hard one. Sorry for your losses
siobhanryan on April 18, 2012:
A very moving lens and a great tribute to your loved ones
squid-pinkchic18 on April 13, 2012:
You've created a beautiful lens here. A few years ago I lost my close grandpa, a friend, a great uncle, and a neighbor all in about four months. I've been consciously aware that you can lose someone at any time, ever since. I was touched by your words here, because I know it is a very, very hard thing to get through. Granted, I haven't been put in your shoes - but somewhere similar, so you're not alone. Blessed by a squid angel.
Kay on April 07, 2012:
I lost a good friend to the flu. You never expect that! I still miss her so much! Very nice page here! I am sorry for your losses as well.
Beth Buckley from Portland, OR on April 02, 2012:
Very beautiful, healing lens on universal topic. Thank you for sharing your story so that others may find peace and healing on their journey.
AussieWolf on March 28, 2012:
lost My mother and sister within 12 months. that was 7 years ago. Yet the pain is still as fresh as yesterday. Beautiful Lens.
anonymous on March 15, 2012:
Blessed by a Squidoo Angel who misses her mom very much.
Mairis on March 15, 2012:
Angela F from Seattle, WA on February 17, 2012:
My favorite line : With footsteps light, And laughter long
(because I can so relate - my niece, sister and father all died between 2000-2011. More have followed). And as you wisely stated: Grieve takes as long as it takes.
anonymous on February 14, 2012:
it is so difficult.
Malu Couttolenc on February 08, 2012:
Losing someone close to you and that you love so much is hard. I lost my mom on May last year it is still hard for me, not even a year yet. And as my birthday approaches it gets worse because I was born on her birthday and this will be the first without her. I also lost 3 close cousins at young age, they were all between 19 and 22. Ii is hard and guess we have to get over it even when it seems impossible. I miss my mom
sheezie77 on January 22, 2012:
Thank you for sharing this! thumbs up
anonymous on January 18, 2012:
Returning to bless this labor of a loving heart...
kathysart on January 12, 2012:
Ahh me where to start.. it is so difficult. I have had many losses and each one has been painful. In my family we lost 2 adults under 30, 2 children, and grand parents. I always kept thinking I saw them.. I would think "Oh there you are", but then I would remember that no, I would see them again as they had passed.. they were actually dead. It is a reminder that we will ALL one day die. I write poetry as well about it all.. that sadness that never leaves. Beautiful lens and heartfelt poetry. Angel blessed.
VillaDejaBlue on January 11, 2012:
CanInsure on December 29, 2011:
This too shall pass is an uplifting statement. I have another for you; "The only thing you can count on is change." I live by this. I have lost people I have loved and I believe that everything happens for a reason. I hope you have begun to heal. Nice tribute to your loved ones.
VarietyWriter2 on December 18, 2011:
Sorry for your loss. Blessed by a Squid Angel :)
Ruthi on November 25, 2011:
Your poetry and prose on this page show the depth of your emotions, your compassion for others. Indeed, this too shall pass, but we are forever changed.
mrducksmrnot on November 12, 2011:
Loss of any loved one is always hard. We must carry on with Life and let how they shaped and helped us live on in our life as we do the same. This is part of healing to me.
anonymous on October 26, 2011:
DEATH IS NORMAL BUT HOW CAN I GET OVER THE ONE I LOVE
anonymous on October 04, 2011:
My dad passed away more than 20 year ago and I have seen many close friends lose theirs or their partners! IMO, death is not to be scared of! We tend to miss the loss of the loved ones, more so in selfish ways I figure! I've been through NDE (near death experience) and so am scared no more! :)
I wish you much love and great strength though, as your work is significantly beautiful and deserves all the respect! :)
Jan T Urquhart Baillie from Australia on September 29, 2011:
It's difficult to know what to say. Sadness, joy, recovery, they're all mixed together. Thanks for sharing.
gottaloveit2 on September 25, 2011:
I wish I was a squid angel so I could bless this lens. It's very beautifully written. It's obvious, through your poetry, the depth of emotion you were feeling and probably still feel. My sister died at 36 and my dad died at 89 five years ago. I'm my 94 year old Mom's caregiver and joyful every single day she's with me. Thanks for your wonderful insights. Adding this to my When Death Looms lens. It's a great complement.
Debbie from England on September 14, 2011:
Blessed by a Squid Angel ;)
whoisbid lm on September 04, 2011:
My mum died just over two years ago and last month my father died. They were both quite young and no-one expected them to die at that age. I am now without parents. To be honest I feel very sad and for a while it was overwhelming sadness, especially when I spent the last 3 weeks of my father's life taking care of him. I don't think that I will ever get over losing my parents because they were like angels to me. What does encourage me is I know somehow they are still around but this is something too wonderful to grasp at times because I am just a mortal living in a broken and messed up world. When I can glimpse the possibility of seeing them again my heart becomes glad. Yes! We will see our loved ones again.. that I know for sure but I can't prove it to anyone ;)
Holley Web on August 29, 2011:
Very touching and my heart goes out to you. Many times sharing the stories helps with the grief. Thank you for sharing :)
Patricia (author) on August 17, 2011:
@anonymous: Wow! I am sorry to hear that you have had this happen! My heart goes out to you!
anonymous on August 17, 2011:
Dealing with death of a loved one is not easy. My dad died in June and my son was murdered 30 days later, in July. I never thought for one moment that I could sit here today and write about such back to back losses. I remember crying so hard for when I lost my dad. We were very close and I couldn't see living without my dad. He was my all. But 30 days later, I forgot that he died. I just remember the knife that went through my heart from the news of my son. I'm better, much better... I don't know how I got here or when I arrived. All I can say is I am better and still healing everyday. I can admit however, that writing about them over and over and over again is a key factor to getting the healing process going when you lose a loved one...
SeanVernall LM on August 03, 2011:
I lost my mother to cancer in 1998, a week before our birthday (we shared the same birthday). I was turning 26 and she was turning 67. As with your step-father it was a relatively short process from diagnosis to her departure (4 months). You poems really express what I was feeling at the time, and how I continue to feel to this day. Thank you.
julietarot lm on June 29, 2011:
The stages of grief are helpful to know about as you can experience such a rush of different emotions.The loss feels awful and almost indescribable. Memories are such precious things.I put all my photos of my dad in an album and that helped.
TapIn2U on June 17, 2011:
Each one of us have our own ways of grieving. Your poems are very touching. I'm glad you shared this to us. Hugs to you! Sundae ;-)
Debbie from England on June 03, 2011:
I'm glad you've listed the stages of grief and loss. As you say, it all takes different people different lengths of time to go through. I had some very sad news yesterday so I found this lens very reassuring. Blessed by a Squid Angel ;)
davidcompass on May 17, 2011:
Great Lens! I really liked the way you used writing poems to cope with loss of your loved ones.Thank you for the courage to share.
yourgoldenfuture on April 20, 2011:
MargoPArrowsmith on April 19, 2011:
I have lensrolled this to "Hospice: It Saved My Dad and Gave My Mother a Good Death"
awakeningwellness on April 07, 2011:
Your poems are all so beautiful and such wonderful tributes to your loved ones...giving you a big hug today! :)
Michey LM on April 03, 2011:
Very nice tribute for people in your life...
I lost my husband 6 years ago (cancer) and since then I just get through all stages, I am at acceptance now, but it still hurt.
sallemange on April 02, 2011:
Very touching. My partner's father died last week. He was a such a friend to me and I miss him hugely.
Lorelei Cohen from Canada on April 01, 2011:
Thank you for sharing this very emotional moments. Blessed.
blue22d on March 25, 2011:
My heart and hugs go out to you. I lost my husband of 42 years September 3, 2010. Several years ago I lost my sister and aunt. My worst year was having my brother-in-law, my dad and my husband's best friend die within three weeks. Only God through time and family and friends heals. Great lens, well needed. Squid blessing to you.
Patricia (author) on March 08, 2011:
@darciefrench lm: Ah, thank you Darcie!
darciefrench lm on March 08, 2011:
Came by to give you a virtual hug - much love to you.
jvsper63 on March 08, 2011:
It must have been hard to write this lens. I am sorry for all your loses.I never lost a baby I have had many loses. My mom died at 53. I was 15. My nephew died at 33 .A year and a half after that my sister also died at 53 his mom. The same age as my mom was when she died. That was really hard because she was like my mom. There is a 20 yr. difference from first born to my youngest brother so she was 16 yrs older then me. And I had to watch her suffer through her son's visious murder. Before she died. Really special lens.That you are sharing with us. I wish you the best life can bring to you...Joni
anonymous on February 23, 2011:
You have me all misty eyed here....so sweetly done. I could feel the love in your poems and Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On is perfect here. We lost my Dad to malignant melanoma and I still miss him. There was a year when people I cared about and loved kept passing, it was endless loss that brought me low. Poetry is a wonderful outlet in our grief, lensrolled to my poetry lens and about to feature this labor of love. Thank you!
anonymous on February 06, 2011:
I lost my grandpa when I was seven, my 18 year old brother when I was ten, but the hardest was losing my dad last year. He made it to 90, and I do have peace in my heart that he's in the presence of the Lord. I think of him everyday and really miss caring for his daily needs for two years. I wouldn't trade that growing-closer time with him for anything, and I'm looking forward to being together again one day. Thank you for your thoughtful Lens and for sharing your heart!
CofCJenny LM on February 03, 2011:
You learn to live with the loss, but I don't care what anyone says. It never gets easier. The more time that passes the more I would give anything for my loved ones to still be here. But life goes on...
Michelle Collins from Florida on January 31, 2011:
My cousin was murdered in 1998 & I lost my Aunt to lung cancer in 1999. It is very hard to deal with losing people you love. Very touching lens!
LissaKlar LM on January 29, 2011:
My 3-week-old niece died of SIDS in 2008 it was awful. Thanks for sharing your story.
Heather Burns from Wexford, Ireland on January 29, 2011:
I've lost too many loved ones and it never gets easier. Parents, 2 sisters, and my best friend. It changes you forever.
anonymous on January 29, 2011:
It is sad when you loss a loved one. I have a grandniece that just passed away at the age of 17 due to cancer. And that hit me really hard, burying our grandkids hits us older folks harder then someone our own age.
kidsandbibs lm on January 29, 2011:
Death of a loved one is the most painful thing in this world. I know how it feels.. my brother died when he was just 19.. those days were really painful.. i searched the net reading about souls, reincarnation, NDE and read many books.. some by Dr. Brian Weiss. My bro's site is http://www.thefrozenmemories.com
anonymous on December 20, 2010:
Death is the greatest reality.It is important to carry forward good work done by our loved ones.
javr from British Columbia, Canada on December 18, 2010:
We often share our grief which helps. This lens has been blessed by a Squid Angel.
KokoTravel on December 18, 2010:
I have lost many dear people in my life... my brother, dad, grandson, grandmother, uncles and aunts, friends and even pets, who have been like children to me. It doesn't get easier as there is always a piece missing. But I still talk to my loved ones, as if they can hear me and sometimes, in my dreams, I seem to get a response from them.
Life is strange and none of us knows what the future brings for any of us.
Carol Fisher from Warminster, Wiltshire, UK on September 16, 2010:
It's brave of you to share your feelings on the death of loved ones. Blessed by an Angel.
ccgala4 on August 28, 2010:
Losing someone dear to you is never easy. After losing a close loved one, I found funeral poems to be of some comfort to me during the bereavement time. There is something about the eloquence of its words and the way it reached my soul for comfort.
Thanks for sharing, it was a very touching lens!
Barbara Radisavljevic from Paso Robles, CA on April 28, 2010:
Thanks for letting me know about this lens. I was touched by your poems. my dad died at 70 of cancer -- just five months after a successful bypass surgery. He developed a tooth ache, double vision and just generally felt sick. The eye doctor and dentist sent him to his regular doctor to get an OK before treating him, and at the ER they discovered the lymphoma. Two weeks later he was gone. Guess it was a very aggressive form. So I know some of the grief you felt when you lost your step dad. I will also lensroll this to Being There for a Dying Loved one. I am truly sorry for all the loses you have suffered.
LoKackl on March 22, 2010:
Thanks for sharing this story. Don't know how I missed it before. 5*/fav/roll to bereaved-children (my new 100percent charity lens to benefit Ryans Heart -- to help kids heal after death of a loved one). You're one of the heavy lifters jewelsofawe!
Natalie W Schorr on January 28, 2010:
Lovely lens - I have lensrolled it to my Gifts for Grieving Families.
Maurice Glaude from Mobile on January 24, 2010:
Very touching story. And now you are dealing with another. I feel for you. My thought are with you. Thanks for sharing the steps of grief. I can recognize them in my own life and even in relationship separations. It's surely something I'll remember.
jgelien on October 25, 2009:
Thank you for sharing your poignant story. I had never lost anyone close before I lost my parents. There is no preparation for that. Your poem is lovely and heart-wrenching. Your stepdad and dad were very blessed to have you as their daughter.
Deb Kingsbury from Flagstaff, Arizona on October 25, 2009:
My father died of esophogal cancer as well. He was 82. It was extremely difficult to see what he went through. There was a time when he thought he might have "beaten it," so to speak, but we quickly realized he hadn't at all.
I've not lost anyone else close to me, but I've witnessed grief a number of times in Search and Rescue, as recently as two nights ago. It's difficult to watch people's lives change so suddenly with the death of someone they love.
happynutritionist on October 21, 2009:
This lens caught my eye as this week I'm remembering the passing of both my Mother-in-law, and my Dad, who passed within 8 days of each other...I mention it a bit on my "Seeing Jesus for the First Time" lens.
Thanks for visiting and your comment on the lens my Yorkie, Aspen did ;-), the Yorkie Pictures and Art lens. She's real excited that you took the time to say hi.
Askyourquestion on August 18, 2009:
Very nice lens! You've put together a great collection of information and resources on a sensitive topic. I'd love it if you'd stop by my lens on dying smart and say hello when you have a chance.
anonymous on March 17, 2009:
i lost my mother on 2-17-09 and it has been one of the worst things i have ever had to deal with i just can not seem topfunction and go on i take it one minute at a time i spend most of my time crying and greiving it has made me realizethat i am not alone reading your alls comments thank you and god help everyone vonnie in kentucky
Tiddledeewinks LM on February 22, 2009:
Sorry for your having to suffer such loss. I lost my mom to breast cancer (age 73) in 1994, and my dad (age 100) in 2004. My best friend (Old English Sheepdog) was my greatest loss in Nov.2007. My heart still aches. I know we all have questions about why we must love so much, to lose it all and suffer the emptiness of missing those we love so much.I know divorce is also for some of us like a death, too. Some people just don't try to understand our grief.
Mickie Gee on February 13, 2009:
I lost my little sister when I was 11 and she was three. I learned a lot about myself from this experience.
I also lost my husband to cancer when he was 45 and I was 44. I went to a grief recovery support group. This was the very best thing I did to help myself through this trying time. No one understands losing a spouse better than another widow or widower.
The best advice you gave on this lens is the quote about "This too will pass." It does pass. The feelings do not go away, but it gets better as time goes by.
religions7 on January 02, 2009:
Great lens about a difficult topic. Must have been hard to loose your stepdad so young.
anonymous on December 08, 2008:
Hello, I'm Tipi's sister & just noticed you visited her yesterday--I tend to visit people who visit her or that she features now and then. We lost our Dad to malignent malanoma too many years ago. I appreciate how you personalized the 5 stages of grief--I've never seen them presented better. A lovely, sensitive lens.
Paul Hassing on December 07, 2008:
A very moving lens. Strange how losing my mum also led me to write a poem at www.surrealshortstories.com/the-onset-of-grief . You may also find www.liferal.com interesting. It's a word I invented: the opposite of funeral. Thanks for your lens, and for visiting mine. Best regards and more power to you! P. :)
Wendy Henderson from PA on November 13, 2008:
Jewel this is a wonderful lens. I love the way you write from the heart.
anonymous on November 12, 2008:
As I read your lens I could feel for you, I lost my father when I was 11 and he was 39. I too have a lost a baby in the second trimester. Through all my sorry and sadness I never lost sight that one day I would be OK. It has taken many years & a ton of tears but I can finally say I AM OK. Thank you for sharing. I have a poem on my page about my fathers death if you'd like to check it out.