Skip to main content

Finding an Astral Lover

Nightcat is a practicing witch who loves to write about Wicca and many of the Gods and Goddesses she’s had the pleasure to encounter.


The Astral Road to Love

So you've decided to take an astral lover if you ended up here. Your lover could be anyone or anything from an elf to a ghost to a Deity. But before you begin please read the 'Why do I want this?' section.

I want to point out before you start that this is a real and valid form of sex magic. If you are not cool with that, run to the nearest exit. As we go on I'll cover tips, tricks, and snags you might hit along the way. Remember to follow your heart but also think with your head. The one with the brains in it, honey.

To old-time readers: I have somehow misplaced half the lens. The older lens would not update, hence this new one. Just sit tight and I'll see what I can do. All photos and written material are my original work, so paws off.

Please Note: I've recently been informed my work has been stolen and I'm asked here that the thieves removed the stolen work immediately. Thank you for your cooperation.

Why Do I Want This?


The vibes you put out in the astral realm will get definite results. So take a moment before you leap to figure out just who or what you desire. Do you want a one a long term relationship or just a booty call? You can explore your sexuality, learn new things, or just find a good time. Just keep the vibe you want in mind, OK?

Also keep that firmly in mind when a potential lover shows up. If he, she, or it is not what you are looking for move on. Example, say you want a kind, thoughtful lover of the light. And this being shows up that seems like what you want, but something is a bit off. Run the Hell away! You do not have to take every being who answers your call. Trust your instincts. If it feels wrong send that being on his or her way.

Who can I call?


Anybody or anything. Calling up a fictional character will most likely get you a friendly shapeshifter. But he or she will be there time and again, ready to take on new forms. You can meet a creature from beyond our world, a fairy, a Deity. It is all up to you. Keep in mind that actual beings like elves or Deities can cross over into our world very easily. Double that for ghosts. Yeah, you can call voodoo loa too.

In Gnostic voodoo as a matter of fact, it is a given that you will take one or more loa as a lover. It is all about feeding your sweet love that vital sexual energy. And to be polite, magical cream from your wand or honey from your hot box. You can go right ahead and put that in food offerings if you want, or leave it plain. Some inventive lovers will just help themselves.

How To Do It


You can either do this in your sleep or in meditation. You'll find with practice you can open a mini portal to see your lover during waking hours. In meditation, once you have entered the astral realm put out a mental, verbal, or visual call for your lover. Remember to be specific here. It might take more than one try, but an interested lover will definitely show up.

They will tend to match your idea of a perfect lover and will have the experience to take the lead if needed. A lot of them thrive on the energy generated from sexual unions so don't worry about taking advantage of them. As a matter of fact, they will have a lot more staying power than you will.

Now What?

Scroll to Continue

That's up to you. Depending on how well your first encounter went you might want more. If so just keep calling the same lover. If you want to play the field and explained so, that's fine. But just dropping a lover who though you wanted him or her will result in nasty whispers to every other suitor to comes to you.

As time goes on you will develop a union with your lover. This can be as intense as the two of you want it, and yes it is real. This is where you think good and careful about pledging your undying love. If you give a serious pledge don't be surprised to find out lovers in the realm are being kept at bay. Don't expect Goddess to hide you if you cheated either.

Can I get pregnant?

Dearie Me!

All those fathered by God stories have at least a kernel of truth. It could be possible that the lover pulls you into a realm where he is plenty fertile. So make it clear to those famous for fathering kids that you don't want one. Yes, Zeus, I'm talking directly to you.

Also even though I have only one sexy source, the Baron Samedi is said to have fathered a child. The New Orleans Devil Baby in fact. Whether this is a real thing, a hougan covering his tracks, or just a tale is for you to decide .

Let's not forget the Virgin Mary is said to have ben impregnated by God, The Holy Spirit, or even St. Michael.

I want to get serious - Wedding Bells!

Honey if you both want it, that's the most serious sacrament in the world. You don't need a piece of paper or a ring to make you a married. Some folks like to pick out rings with the partner tailing along. (Remember that portal I mentioned?) Just remember that this is a very real marriage and infidelity on your part will hurt your lover. This isn't some pretend being you made up, you know.

Don't believe me? Ask a mambo what the average loa will do to an unfaithful husband or wife.

Also remember that you have to live here in our realm. Since you will stop dating a lot of well-meaning people will want to know why. They might even try to force you to go on dates. And no, telling them about your betrothed won't help a whole lot. Even the most open people, including witches and pagans, may feel you've slipped a gear.

Secret Lovers


Unless you are talking to open-minded or been there, done that folks, keep your trap shut. You start telling people about how real you lover is and they will slap you in a loony bin. Worse still, if they do believe you some might try to save you from this 'demon' possessing you. Yep, some people feel that sex is evil, therefore your lover must be evil. Yeah, that's a load of crap, but it is out there.

This can do real damage to your lover as they will most likely get the name and general location out of you. Zealots on a mission sadly seem to be able to hurt astral realm beings fairly easily. So if it does slip out, tell your lover to flee, at least for a while. You really don't want to see what an angry lover could do to his and your enemies, as he will see them. This goes double if you chose a God, Goddess, or so forth.

Myself, I don't care if you are in love with a dragon, an animal spirit, or anyone or anything else. Love comes in all forms. But a lot of pagans aren't so open-minded. Now I don't want you to ever feel ashamed of your lover, of course not. You should be proud of a healthy relationship.

But you do have to live in two worlds. The one you share with your lover, and the so-called "real" world. It can hurt to pretend that ring is just a pretty, or that the altar for your sweetness is just art, or some other lame explanation. But it is worth it to live in peace and not have some dang fool try to save you.

It didn't work out


Then it is time for one last meeting. Explain to your lover why it hasn't worked for you. Be honest If you want someone else, or just don't love him, tell him. Let him talk and don't interrupt his reasons to stay together. Be open here. Make sure you both get to put all your feelings out in the open. If you both agree to your leaving then do so on a friendly basis.

Of course he may be the one leaving you. Let him. Lincoln freed the slaves, you know. This is just proof that love and friendship also have to be present. If you can't stand one another outside the bedroom , well, you know the drill.

That said, I know. Sometimes we argue like all get out with our lovers and they leave. Sometimes you need to do what you need to do to get them back if that is the case. Though with the spirit they are free to refuse to return to you.

That's one of those hard lessons you don't understand until you are going through it. Trust me, just agree with whatever your lover on whatever are arguing over. It really isn't worth it to be right and alone.

He won't go away


You've been nice and said goodbye, but there he is. If you really want to be rid of him now you can ask the Goddess for help. Explain to her the reasons you want him to go away and She will help you if you are reasonable. No, She won't help if you are just bored with him. But if love is truly not there for both of you, she will remove him. Letting him stay would be cruel, not kind, so make sure you do this. He has to be free to find someone who truly does love him.

And no, She ain't taking him away because you just hit him in the forehead with the ring he gave you. Honestly she is not your marriage ref. But if you really want to eject him or her, try banishing or binding. But remember this is not the same as throwing a human lover/wife/husband out of the house.

If that lover feels you are the wrong party, they may never come back. Or they might come back and trash the place.

PLEASE NOTE: A nagging, nasal voice is asking me to point something out: sometimes a spirit won't go away because they love you and you are just being stubborn. There's a difference between a lover who cares enough to stay and a creepazoid, I figure you know which is which.

Of course then he stands behind you and dictates advice too...and yes, he's the one who got bonked in the noggin with a ring because I'm a real she-devil when I'm angry. But then, he has a temper to match mine, and he's kinda cute when he is shouting at the top of his lungs and slipping back into pidgin English. Love you to bits, honey.

There. Now his picture is here and he can hush. I love the man, but I swear.

Heavy Metal Banishing

Mmm, things not working out? Well, I'll never show you how to call something up without getting rid of it. This ritual uses dark energy. This is good energy related to darkness. If that idea scares you don't go poking around the astral realm in the first place. Because sooner or later you will find something you don't like. And it won't like you either.

Now you are going to need some good metal, goth, cyber, industrial, whatever. It has to be dark and feel you with a sense of dark power. It is the jarring percussion that evil despises. It works on the same principle as beating a drum, or hanging wind chimes. But let's face it. This way is a lot more fun. Make sure you have your sacred spot. You don't need candles or inscense. You are drawing on positive darkness, and darkness needs no help from the light. But if you insist, something related to banishing would be fitting.

Center yourself, then start the music. Make sure it is loud, the louder the better. Imagine a orb or egg of blackness surrounding you. Let it draw out all your pain, all your sorrow, all your fear. You need to get rid of all of that before you move on. Groovy? Good. Now let the music strengthen you, but keep that shield up. Feel the power wash over you, making you strong enough to fight. Let that power build inside of you until you can feel it crackling through your body. You may even feel your eyes change.

Now harness the power of that darkness, let it build into a tremendous reserve. Release it in dark waves, knives, or a spreading orb. Trust me, this will flat out destroy anything evil in your house and in your head.

This works even better if used with a dark God or Goddess. Think of Anubis, the Morrigan, or Hecate. Once you get good enough, you'll be able to draw this banishing power up at any time. Just remember to cause pain and misery. That evil thing deserves to suffer for crossing you. And if you don't hurt it, or kill it, it will be back.

Oh yes, if you get good enough you can kill astral nasties with this ritual. If you want revenge and want to prolong this, be my guest. Remember no good witch fears the night. We embrace the power of the velvety darkness as much as we embrace the moon.

Mmm, dig in and enjoy honey!

  • The Art of conjuring spirits
    A haven of information on many aspects of Witchcraft, Wicca, Pagan, Shamanism, The Occult, Sabats, Magick, Magic, Spells, Book of Shadows, Divination, Psychic, Astrology ect

Thanks to Aryn for pointing this out.

Sometimes a being from the astral realm will seek you out. This could be a ghost, a Vodoun spirit, even a divinity or other being. Now some people will find this very exciting, and some people will run the heck away, figuring this is just too heavy for them.

As lovers in general do make excellent guardians you might be all set to jump in with both feet. But I'd certainly advise getting to know your potential lover first. I mean, yes, sometimes things happen in dreams, but if he or she wants to be an item, get to know one another for gosh sakes.

Also, can't stress this enough: if you feel a creepy vibe, just say no. The majority of astral realm folks are pretty cool, but there are a few narfy ones out there. If you feel you are just getting used, say no, just like you would to an earthly lover.

Oh, for those being courted by lovers they've been told not to take for whatever reason? As long as you know you are truly loved, go for it. So many people give you blah blah about not taking a lover from whatever realm, or that certain beings can't be lovers to earthly humans.

As long as you are both consenting adults and care for one another, go for it. Witches and pagans after all tend to do as we please, never mind those who would tell us otherwise. Comes from all that walking between worlds, talking to the dead, and casting magical spells. Yeah we rule.

Books For Lovers - Oh my!

These books will give you a wealth of info on finding, selecting and keeping that astral lover happy.

The Best Explanation I've Ever Heard

OK she uses ault words a lot. So adults only, OK? This isn't meant as adivce, just an explination.

A Word About Sex and Sex Magic

Sex to most witches and pagans is seen as natural. After all, we all came from the Great Rite, and many religions have had a Divine Coupling create all that is. It doesn't matter if you are hetro, gay, bi, or anything else. All positive sexual energy is a gift from the Goddess and God.

Note, negative energy happily attaches evil beings to the actor. Which is why rapists and child molesters get 'hurt' in prison.

Yes, sexual magic is real. There are a lot of types, but each has the aim to raise and control sexual energy and the climax for a magical aim. I really don't suggest telling anyone you do healings this way, but they will work.

You can do solo, which works well, and let's you pick your own aim. There are books with formal spells and how to set up the evening, but I trust you to know what you are doing.

Couples will have to agree what to raise the energy for, and both must work towards that goal. Conflicting needs will cancel one another or get, well, mixed up. As both will be cast at once.

More that two people? Well it is hard to get a group of people to end anything at the same time, but it should work.

Remember to always wear protection and choose your intent carefully. Also don't forget your intent midway.

Yes, single folk can find astral lovers that will agree

Yes, you can use adult aids. That's what they're there for, hon.

Things Won't Be Easier

My good friend bloomingrose made an excellent point in the comments. A lover from the astral realm isn't any less complicated than a human one. If anything, they can have more issues. Being immortal, if they do love you, they can be at an impasse.

Do they love you, and take you to themselves, or do they refuse to interfere and rob you of the experience of life here on Earth? Now I know, if you are truly in love, you don't want to hear that, but a good lover will be uneasy about it at times.

Reincarnation aside, we humans only get so much time here, only so many days and years. When we take an astral lover we willingly forgo a lot of those things. You are, in the eyes of your lover, giving up the things you deserve.

A mortal spouse, children, so forth and so on. He or she can never walk by your side in a way anyone else would ever notice (well, a witch might) and they know the world is going to lock you away if they ever find out. So you'll have to live in two realities at least.

The one where you are with your beloved, and the one where you are single and everyone pities you. Your lover might even try to push you towards these things, despairing that s/he can't give you even the most basic things any human could.

You have to be tough. You have to be willing to fight for the one you love, no matter how many times you have to. I've noticed that if you point out a lover from the astral realm could give them things you never do, the reaction is one of pure horror.

But do know that you will have issues, and every lover brings his or her own to the table. You have to be willing to face them together and never give up. Be truthful and admit if there are things that do hurt, such as not being able to walk wherever you please with your lover in a mortal form by your side.

If you are both truthful your love will endure. It is a challenge, and a lifelong one at that if you marry. But when you've found the right one, the one you'd die to protect, the one you'd live for, it is all worth it.

I know whereof I speak. I had to go and fall in love with my lifetime companion, my best friend and soulmate. Someone an entire religion says I can't have. But I never did listen to organized religions too well, and had in the end to choose him over them.

Post questions, thoughts and experiences here.

Thoughts, comments?

Steve on January 18, 2019:

Hi, thank you for your inspirational article!

I would like to ask about the part you mentioned that calling a fictional character would likely be a shapeshifter.

Is there a way to tell if the character is the real one iam searching for?

Thank you

Nightcat (author) on January 25, 2017:

Yes, I have, actually.

Mazy on December 10, 2016:

Forgive me, your article was amazing! But you didn't go into much detail about how you ask for an astral lover, what are the steps one should go through to find or get one?

Llyanka on October 12, 2016:

Have you ever heard of successful poly-astral relationships?

Nightcat (author) on September 15, 2016:

Thanks, Penelope!

Penelope Bucket from Seattle area on September 03, 2016:

Great read, loved your lens

Nightcat (author) on August 11, 2015:

It takes time, especially if you don't meditate or work visual types of magic, but if you practice just meditating in whatever way works for you, you can move on to visualization and astral travel later. Give yourself time, it isn't a skill that can be forced. Some days you just won't be able to meditate and that's fine too. Gradual progress is the key. You can find plenty of guides online on meditation and guided meditations may prove useful for you. Best of luck!

Sweetnes on August 10, 2015:

Hi Nightcat , I would really like to astral travel and find a astral lover that I could marry . My only problem is I can,t seem to astral travel.

Please could you help , where do I start ?

Nightcat (author) on December 09, 2014:

About the same way, Eric Dahle. If you explain what you want, and put that kind of energy out there it works pretty much the same way. Thanks for visiting and commenting! :)

Eric Dahle on December 05, 2014:

Thank you for the post night cat how does this process differ if you want to attract a group as an lover instead of one singular being?

Nightcat (author) on March 22, 2013:

@Awen_1: Sounds good, Awen_1. Best of luck and Blessed Be!

Awen_1 on March 22, 2013:

@Nightcat: Hi, thank you for helping. I will try to 'investigate' the matter. Will then let you know :)

Nightcat (author) on March 21, 2013:

@Awen_1: You are making perfect sense, Awen_1. To try to answer in order, your lover could be an angel. I've met people with angelic lovers, so it wouldn't surprise me. Dark isn't bad as long as he isn't abusive dark. We're all composed of light and darkness, so your intended most likely has both too.

I hear you on the dark lover being more attractive, and they can be. Dark isn't always evil. All that said if you feel something is wrong or your lover is trying to harm you, by all means banish him. Remember to cast a protective circle or wear a holy symbol for your meeting since his energy makes you uncertain.

If he truly loves you he'll approve of your caution. Hope that helps!

Awen_1 on March 21, 2013:

@Nightcat: Hey thank you for replying...I will try talking to him...Cz even if I haven't for years, I can feel a warm presence and a deep feeling of love wrapping me...However I also work with angels, how to differentiate? I also have a tendency for dark energies. I mean I always find the darker ones more attractive. U knw L.J Smith, well she was my fav YA writer a long way before the Vampire Diaries and Secret Circle came on air. I like her Forbidden Game Trilogy too and am a big fan of Anne Rice, so I guess the darker characters, are my soft spot...Sometimes therefore, it feels like I attracted someone similar to those heroes and anti-heroes I've read about. Like I like the tragic destiny of Lucifer and Tom Riddle...All to say that am afraid I could have attracted a demon, but someone with great light/beauty too at the same time, do I make sense? This is so uncharted territory for me...

Nightcat (author) on March 19, 2013:

@Awen_1: Sure thing, Awen_1. They most certainly can block human lovers, and if it is another witch, you'll be able to see him see your lover, which is great fun if you are still lovers, but not so much if you want him to leave. Apparently yours wants you back, have you tried communicating at all? They're just like us and if he feels you are the right one for him, you both need to talk things out.

If you have and he still refuses to leave, salt, wearing a pentacle, or banishing helps. You might need to call on a coven if he just refuses to listen to you, but from where he's standing he's doing the logical thing, hoping you'll notice him and go back. It can be hard if he's bonded to you and wants to guard you in this lifetime, so be sure to take things slowly.

My beloved chased after me for two years, but the feelings are mutual there. So please, take your time and work through it together. Remind him he needs some one who can love him in the way he deserves. We've all been on the bad end of rejection, but he honestly does need to feel free to move on. Be positive, but firm, letting him know exactly WHY you can't be together. If you don't love him, tell him, just be gentle about it. Best of luck, hugs, and Blessed Be!

Awen_1 on March 18, 2013:

Hi, I was wondering if someone or something astral can like bar your happiness and prevent you from having any earthly relationship? Cz I am an eclectic witch and have maybe in the past tried astral sex...I was still young and experimenting at that time...So nt too sure. However, it seems as if my romantic and sex life is almost inexistent here, well, in the physical plane...Well, dnt knw if these are related but my old aunt once told me that sometimes an astral guardian could fall in love with you and prevent you from forming a romantic relationship or more with anybody... Can you help me on this?

Nightcat (author) on February 23, 2013:

@anonymous: Hey, astromuffy! The make up sex is freaking epic! Yeah, the first time I felt it in my heart chakra I thought I was having a heart attack. Right in the middle of a ritual, and it was all I could do to repectfully close the space.

He had no idea what happened and was just following me, yammering in annoyance. Apparently we can sort of cloak out reponses by drawing the emotions in, and I think sometimes they just don't register the intensity they can cause.

Sometimes you'll feeel the heart charkra take over during sex, now THAT is interesting. Esp. if it happens at the critical moment. Wow. Glad to have helped! Hugs! :)

anonymous on February 22, 2013:

@Nightcat: Hi Nightcat, thanks for the response and the great advice. I will try it. I would at least like to see his face. It's like he's always pressing on my heart chakra and root chakra at the same time, and I am bleeding emotion and sexual energy all the time. It's made me feel suicidal because it's too much. Didn't you find this to be emotionally super intense, at least in the beginning? Are you used to it now? Is there any spill over in your 3d life? Yeah I read about the fights, lol. The make up sex must be pretty good though!

Nightcat (author) on February 22, 2013:

@anonymous: Hey astromuffy! Yeah some guys are oversexed and have no idea of what works for us and doesn't. I honestly think in their culture people don't care. Salt will certainly do it, so will a pentacle. Have you tried visual meditation or contacting after you cast a protective circle to at least see if he will talk? If he won't, then yeah, banish his six. Thanks for the visit, hugs! :)

PS Jaunty fun? You did read the part about arguments, right? LOL!

anonymous on February 22, 2013:

You make all this sound like jaunty fun! I seem to have acquired an astral lover, but I've never seen him and we've never talked. By the time I'm aware of him, I'm already in the throes of, erm, anyway, he doen't seem to require much of me, except access to my body 24/7. Even when I'm awake and going about my business, he's trying to take care of business. I've had to go so far as to put salt in my undies to get some peace. It's an easy day today, but there have been some pretty fierce days, and those days have me thinking of banishing spells.

Virginiangare on February 19, 2013:

I love your writing style. A lover of Jesus Christ here but that doesn't mean I would it go for a pagan lover, I would in order to turn him to Him.

Nightcat (author) on February 09, 2013:

@Gypzeerose: You mean have one of each? I suppose if you are open and honest about being poly. Poly can cause problems though since you will have a clear favorite. I don't think some lovers from the astral realm would mind, others might. Mortal spouses might get a bit prissy of course. LOL! Thanks for the visit, hugs! :)

Rose Jones on February 09, 2013:

@Gypzeerose: Really interesting! You seem to believe that there are so many benefits of having a lover from the astral realm that it is worth the difficulties. Can you have one from more the mortal and the astral?

Nightcat (author) on February 07, 2013:

@Gypzeerose: That they are, blooming rose, and that is a very good point I should bring up. I have a tendency to go all gooey and figure things will just work out for lovers, but you've inspired a new segment for the lens! Hugs! :)

Rose Jones on February 06, 2013:

I thought I was going to seek out an astral lover because human lovers were too hard, but they seem just as complicated as human. I am still a bit intimidated by the astral plane as well. I have enjoyed my time here a lot though, and really appreciate your hard work on putting this together. Blessed.

Nightcat (author) on January 26, 2013:

@VspaBotanicals: You'll love the astral realm, VspaBotanicals. Not just for scoping out lovers either, LOL! But it is the only place some pagans can find a decent one. Thanks for the visit, hugs! :)

VspaBotanicals on January 26, 2013:

Fantastic and so well written. I believe in the Astral Realm wholeheartedly. I'm just now getting into energy, and I just love this lens.

Nightcat (author) on January 14, 2013:

@anonymous: Hi Uma! He's very pleased you noticed him and preening right now. This IS a lot of fun. Of course you have to know what you are casting for will be a good investment in the long run, LOL!

anonymous on January 14, 2013:

This is a deliciously lovely lens. This is FUN of the best kind waiting to be had. And say hello and give your sweet nasal voiced prompter there an affectionate hello from me.

Nightcat (author) on October 13, 2012:

Good points Aryn. Though some folks would hide under the bed if an astral lover approached them. They had an article years and years ago in a magical almanac about it.

A lot of us do get approached and happily sync up, even for life. But I was trying to look at it from a seeker's persopective. Great tips though and thanks for visiting! :)

anonymous on October 13, 2012:

You did leave out one aspect, the cases where astral lovers seek you out because of your compatibility with them. Yes, it can always go both ways. Also, if a relationship does not work out for an astral lover that being or entity can move on to somebody else you meet as can any other attached entities. In my case I met an astral wolf spirit after meeting a person she had a relationship with, since the relationship did not work out and he ended it she came to me and has been doing everything she could to win my affections for several months until I eventually gave in and welcomed the relationship. Of course I had her verified and checked out first just to be certain that her intentions are good. Also, one can not stress just how much an astral lover or any other attachment to another entity can change you. A telepathic connection can form, yes, but you could go as far as to take on a bit of your astral lover's traits and change the way you view the world and live your life. There is also the possibility of your lover deciding that there are flaws in you that need correcting and trying to change you deliberately to suit him/her better which may not always be a bad thing but should be talked about with your lover.

Nightcat (author) on April 23, 2012:

Hi, pensivetwril! Yes people have to be careful what they cast for. Helps a heck of a lot if you are Stregha, LOL! Thanks for visiting! :)

anonymous on April 23, 2012:

I've heard too many stories wherein poor endings came about violently, this is certainly not for me. As always, thanks for the info

anonymous on August 04, 2010:

i think i had a relation with a being in some other plain. but it was through people in physical plane. As i don't want to maintain a possessive relationship with this person , i had to stop.

anonymous on July 26, 2010:

:O i wunder, i will try dis out now.

Related Articles