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When Faith Fails You


Ever been angry with God? I have. In fact, I have been guilty of this many times. I know of people who have been angry with God for years and refuse to look His way anymore. They hold on to past hurts and memories, never healing or wanting to heal. They feel God has let them down and do not want anything to do with Him. Many are fueled by their anger and feel as if that is all they have to hold on to, while rejecting the love and comfort of a forgiving and merciful God that can give them the healing they need.

Even though I have seen the wonders God has performed in the life of others and heard many testimonies, I can only write from my own experiences and of my own testimonies in my walk with Christ. This story is not just about my anger with God, but about my self-doubts, faithlessness, my disbelief, stubbornness, and ultimately my intimate relationship with God. It is about why God came to call me “Faithful Daughter” during one of my lowest times. It was the name spoken to me in the midst of tears and anguish in an answer to a prayer.

Some will tell you faith is not something you can acquire instantly; I can relate to that. With me, it did not begin the moment I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. This journey of faith was a long one, and it became a journey full of bumps, obstacles, and many, many mistakes. Then why did God chose to call me by such a name? Even years after accepting the Lord in my life, I felt far from being faithful.

More than once, I turned my back on God, angry with Him because I could not understand why He would allow things to happen in my life or the life of a loved one. One of those things was accepting the death of my mother. I remember faithfully praying and praying for her healing, believing in the healing power of Jesus, believing in the false hope others gave me that she “was healed.” My journey with Jesus was a journey of powerful lessons, lessons of trust and of disappointments.

When my mother passed away at the young age of sixty-eight, I felt God had let me down. I could not believe what others were telling me about God anymore. I felt God did let people down. However, it was through this rough time in my life that I learned a valuable lesson. I learned that just because we pray for something or just because you “believe” it, it does not instantly put God in a place where He has to deliver. Nor do circumstances have to go the way we want it to go just because we tell God how things should go. Who are we to tell God when and how to do things? Then when things do not go our way, why do we get angry and disappointed with Him for not delivering? This was a very humbling lesson in my life that put many things into perspective.

I thought I was being a good daughter because I prayed, read my bible, and did all the things I felt God wanted me to do. I thought I had a relationship with Him. Why wouldn’t God answer my prayers? Little did I know that our relationship would be tested and shaken to the very core not just through the experience of losing my mother but also throughout many circumstances in my life.

Still now, after many years of walking in faith, I am still tested. I am continually tested through chronic health problems. There are days I feel as if I cannot go on. I am filled with doubts about my future, and ask myself often what would happen if I were not able to work and support myself anymore? Who then will take care of me when I can’t take care of myself? Then I am reminded and comforted by God’s promise in Isa 46:4 Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”

However, there have been times where I have reached a point where scriptures did not bring me comfort and I would pray, a dry prayer, devoid of emotion or feeling, asking God to rescue me. Fully aware that I should not base my trust in God by how I felt but by the knowledge that He is there for me, whether I felt Him or not. I learned through the years that God is faithful and will come through, maybe not in the way we expect or want, but He does come through. It is through this learning process that we are truly tested.

What do we do then when our prayers are not being answered? When things seem to take a turn for the worse with no relief in sight? Do we continue to unwaveringly hold on to our faith and develop a stronger relationship with our God or do we give up, disheartened and defeated, and fall away from Christ? It is different for many, some do fall away and some do struggle and hold on, but if you are in a place right now where you feel your faith is slipping, do not despair, there is hope. In the end, it’s about what’s in your heart.

In my many moments of doubts, I have often asked God [and myself], with all my imperfections, self-doubts, and many, many moments of faithlessness, how can God call me Faithful Daughter? I felt I was undeserving of such an honorable term. What did God see in me to bless me and anoint me with such a name? I felt unworthy, and many times a failure and a disappointment to God.

People often approach me, maybe seeing something in me that I do not see in myself, asking if I would help them in their faith and bring them closer to God, and I think to myself “how am I going to help others when I cannot even help myself?” Yet, even when I felt there was nothing left of me to scrape at the bottom of the barrel, God empowered me each time and instructed me on what to say when the situation rose. In empowering and helping others, God also empowered and helped me.

Then my health took a turn for the worse and I was sure this was going to be a turning point in my life. Prayer did not seem to bring the peace and comfort I desperately needed, and I felt as if I was losing my faith. In anger, I said, “God even though I’ve never seen you, I’ve always believed in you and held on to my faith, but unless you show yourself, manifest yourself in some way, I will certainly lose my faith. You have to give me something to continue to believe that I worship a living God and not some myth! God… speak to me!” Yet I did not hear from God. It was not until much later that God’s answer finally came to me.

Days passed. I felt numb. My situation was not getting better and I had no desire to pray or talk to God. People continued to e-mail me and message me asking for prayer and spiritual help, yet I had no desire to do so; I felt it was useless. It was during this season of doubt and turmoil I happened to come across something on television. I believe it was titled “Is the devil real?” but I cannot recall.

I watched the video until the end, and although I do believe Satan exists, I was convinced that many of the people who proclaimed to be possessed by demons were simply suffering from mental illness due to years of abuse, depression or addiction to drugs and alcohol. Yet, this gave me an opportunity to re-examine my faith; it made me ask if I wanted to live a life devoid of God.

Was not the purpose of Satan to see God’s children fall away and separate them from God? To convince them that there is no God? There is a lot of evil in the world and without God in my life, I would be at the mercy of Satan. Suddenly the veil was removed from my eyes and I humbly asked God for forgiveness; however, deep down I was still a bit angry with God for allowing some things in my life and not answering me the way I wanted him to.

Yet still feeling vulnerable and with a sense of worthlessness, I began to reflect on the name God called me many years ago and asked again why did He call me "Faithful Daughter." I remember thinking “God, I have not acted like a faithful daughter and should not even go by that name anymore. I have doubted and have acted unfaithful, then I turn around and come back to you; I am a failure…,” and then God answered me,

”that is why I call you Faithful Daughter, because you always come back to me.”

I discovered that day that I had never lost my faith and God knew this, that's why He has never given up on me. Although I waivered and doubted, and made many, many mistakes including turning my back on Him many times, God was never far. He never lost sight of me, and He will never lose sight of you. He knows our hearts, and He knows what we are going through. Sometimes we go through tantrums and pouting moments, and as a good Father He will not give in. He will let us simmer for a while, maybe even years, until we are ready to listen and learn.

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We are like lost sheep, but we have a good shepherd that knows when one of His sheep is lost and needs help, I am no exception. If you feel lost and unworthy of God’s love because you feel you failed him and have sinned, know that we have a forgiving, loving, and caring Father. He cares for His children so much that He will watch over us even when we walk away from Him in total rebellion. Why would He do that? Because He sees our hearts and knows we are lost without Him.

Luke 15: 4-7 reflects the tremendous love God has for us when Jesus said to the Pharisees and the teachers of the law,

“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.”

This is my testimony of the love God has for us, even when we are unworthy of His love. If you feel your faith has failed you and have turned away from God, just turn around. He is very near.

Be blessed in Christ Jesus!



© Faithful Daughter

All rights reserved. Any redistribution, reproduction, republishing, rebroadcasting or rewriting of part or all of the contents in any form or manner is prohibited without the express written consent of the author and owner, Faithful Daughter.

All rights reserved. Any redistribution, reproduction, republishing, rebroadcasting or rewriting of part or all of the contents in any form or manner is prohibited without the express written consent of the author and owner, Faithful Daughter.


Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on June 27, 2019:

Mariela, I am happy that God led you this post and has blessed you with it. God does not look for perfection in His children because Jesus Christ is our perfection. When God sees us, He sees His son and what He accomplished for us. God bless you.

Mariela on June 27, 2019:

I am so grateful for having read this post. I was feeling this way the last couple of days. I would ask for signs, and saw none. And yet coming across this post is the very sign of God speaking to me, showing me, that even when I stray, He will always be there to help me. Thank you (and thank GOD) for posting this, and for opening my eyes so i can see!

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on April 19, 2015:

Lucy, thank you for your beautiful comment, I am glad that it has blessesd you. I pray that our Lord will be with you and bless you always.

Lucy on April 19, 2015:

awesome thank you ,very encouraging I needed to read this .God is good and works through people like you to reach others.

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on February 16, 2014:


I can understand your inner spiritual struggle all too well. Many, of the faith, have the same inner doubts and ask themselves the same questions, myself included.

At times it does seem like God ignores our desperate need for help, and many times our prayers seem to go unanswered but I do not feel that it is because we are too unimportant to be blessed. I do feel that God has His unique reasons and maybe one day we will know the answer.

I do know that this life is only but a little while and we will suffer and go through many tribulations on earth but we are promised a better life if we hang on to our faith. So, please do not let go of that faith and hang on to it, even when it seems hopeless. I know all too well how close we can come to losing it; it is a daily struggle. We do have an adversary who is very real. I see this evil everyday and it is very real but so is our God. It will soon be over and we will not have to suffer anymore.

I will pray for you and I ask that you also pray for me. We are in this together and we all need each other. Please feel free to email me if you need someone to talk to.

May the God of mercy and hope fill you with His Holy Spirit and bring you peace and strength.


jay camos on February 16, 2014:

I am also in severe pain but keep wondering why God won't just answer my prayers despite unwavering faith for 21 of my 30 years on earth .Does it mean God ignores our desperate need for help just because he feels we are too unimportant to be blessed?

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on July 23, 2013:


Thank you for your gracious comment; I am blessed by it. You see right through what I wrote and have a clear image of how God is working in my life. Yes, you are right when you say it's where I'm heading and not so much where I've been or have done. God be with you!

mabelhenry from Harrisburlg, Pennsylvania on July 23, 2013:

This is such a powerful hub. It speaks through brokenness and to brokenness, it is ointment! I can understand why He calls you faithful daughter and I made mention of that in one of our early communications. It is not so much where you've been or have done it is where you are heading also into all the makings of His faithful daughter. It is God calling those things which be not as though they were. He knows your heart and is revealing it to you. Wonderful hub I really am glad you wrote it. Grace and peace.

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on March 18, 2013:


Thank you for stopping by and the comment. I agree, Moses and David had a very special relationship with God.

Frank Slovenec from San Francisco, CA on March 17, 2013:

You are right He is always right here! When I doubt I need to take it to the Lord He is closer than a friend..Moses has some pretty frank conversations with God, so did David in the Psalms..He loves us with an unquenchable love..thank you for the HUB

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on October 11, 2012:

jucherl roca,

In other words you are asking me why hasn’t God answered your prayers for “the welfare of many sinners,” or are you asking why hasn’t God answered many or all of your prayers?

If God answered all prayers, people will not die, it will be a perfect society, and everything that is written will not come to pass. The Bible will have to be re-written.

You quote John 14:13, and the Gospels of Matthew and Mark to prove that what Jesus said does not come to pass even when you have all the faith. This is where many lack understanding in Jesus’ spiritual teachings and take many things literally.

You said “I have the biggest faith I think no one can exceed but I am still in ordeals and pain.” However, you are expressing doubts about Jesus’ existence. You cannot have the “biggest faith no one can exceed” and doubt at the same time. And if you have read the Bible, Jesus says you will have troubles in this world.

If you have stopped believing in Jesus, I cannot make you or anyone believe in Him. And Jesus does not force Himself on anyone. I can only lead people to Him. Then they either accept Him or reject Him. You cannot reject the New Testament and Jesus, and believe only in God. Jesus and God are One. Even in the Old Testament Jesus coming is prophesied. Read Malachi 3:1. It is talking about John the Baptist paving the way for Jesus. Also read what Jesus said to Philip in John 14:8-11:

“Philip saith unto him, Lord, shew us the Father, and it sufficeth us. Jesus saith unto him, Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me, Philip? he that hath seen me hath seen the Father; and how sayest thou then, Shew us the Father? Believest thou not that I am in the Father, and the Father in me? the words that I speak unto you I speak not of myself: but the Father that dwelleth in me, he doeth the works. Believe me that I am in the Father, and the Father in me: or else believe me for the very works' sake.”

You cannot accept one and reject the other. In John 14:6, “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.”

Lastly, read Matthew 10:33. What does it say will happen if you reject Jesus?

Please re-read your Bible and ask the Holy Spirit to give you new understanding. Not the understanding and teachings of men but of the Father. I will keep you in my prayers

jucherl roca on October 11, 2012:

FaithfulDaughter, I hope you are doing and feeling better and better now. I have a question for you; why did Jesus said "What ever you asked the father in my name, He will give!" And, "If you say to the mountain to throw itself into the sea, it will be as you truly believe and have faith of it!", but didn't come into reality, even though I am asking for the welfare of many sinners more than my own welfare, after all my patience and faith, love and trust in him. I still love, obey, believe and trust God, but now doubting the Jesus' and the new testament's existence. I still pray to God, but not in Jesus anymore. I wanted to be save, have eternal life, honor God until the end, join the best religion, yet, I'm still unhappy with what my faith leads, speaking for myself, I have the biggest faith I think no one can exceed but I am still in ordeals and pain. I hardly got enough hope to live this miserable life. Please share what you think is best to deliver me from loosing hope, now that I have deep doubts in Jesus' existence. I don't know how should I live again, now that Jesus is already erased in my heart, neither believe nor recognize him. If not because of his promise in the new testament, I will not have complete faith, now that his promise was not fulfilled, who should I believe and entrust my faith, but God alone. If God alone, what makes me different from the Jews or Muslims? I look forward to hearing form you, thanks and God bless.

May you be blessed more by God.

Kind regards,

Juchel Roca/

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on August 25, 2012:

Hi ignugent17,

Thank you for stopping by my hub to read and comment; I really appreciate your inspiring comment. I can write non-stop about our Lord and of how many times He's been there for me when no one else seemed to be. He fills my life and brings me peace, He restores my soul and gives me strength. I pray that everyone would come to experience this joy and peace that He gives.

ignugent17 on August 25, 2012:

Hi Faithful Daughter! I just want to thank you for sharing your beautiful realationship with God. You showed your faith and I admire you for that.

Have a nice day to you!

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on August 24, 2012:

Kim, I am so sorry that you are going through a rough time in your life. That you are reaching out tells me that in your heart you do not really want to walk away from your faith. I can't remember how many times I’ve had the same thoughts; it is something that many walking in the faith have experienced and are experiencing. But I’m going to ask you a few questions and you do not have to give me an answer, this is something you need to answer to yourself. What would you do without God in your life? Will your life be better without Him? Will your situation improve or will you be in the same situation you are in right now?

I am not going to tell you that by holding on to your faith and to continue to trust in God your problems will miraculously go away. I will not make you any promises that may never come true. Jesus said to His apostles that we would have trouble in this world (Jn 16:33). However, with God in your life, there is hope and blessed peace. The power of the resurrection of Christ is within you, and you can rise above your situation and ongoing problems.

As I said, I cannot make you any promises, but I will tell you of some of the many promises our Savior made to us, the same God who came in the flesh. The One who was without sin or shame but was tortured, ridiculed, and hung on a cross for our sins. Although He was able to, He did not spare Himself the agony and suffering He endured for us. Why? Because God promised us a Savior, a sacrificial Lamb, Himself… in the flesh, and He kept that promise.

God also promised us eternal salvation through Him (Rom 6:23). A crown of Life (Jas 1:12), and (eternal) life as a victor’s crown for being faithful even until death (Rev 2:10; Jn 10:27,28). But because He knows our sorrows, our weakness, and feels our pain, He promises power and strength to the weak and the powerless, and to those who put their trust in Him (Isa 40:29-31). And last but not least, He also promises us rest if we placed our burdens on Him (Mat 11:28,29).

Kim, God does want you. Pray, communicate with our Lord; He is the only One that can fill you with the peace and assurance you need. I will also pray for you. God bless you!

Kim on August 23, 2012:

Thanks for your willingness to be real. I have been considering seriously walking away from my faith. I am really having a hard season and coming out of a longer hard season! My heart hurts and I don't get what God is doing and find it hard to believe He would want me.

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on September 21, 2011:


Thank you for your kind and inspiring words. I often think of how God so loved King David in spite of his wrong doings. In the end, God had a purpose for David because our Lord was to come through his bloodline.

I will continue to pray about my health. I don't know why I haven't received physical healing, I stopped questioning Him about that but I haven’t lost all hope. You are right, not everyone gets healing. God has His reasons, but in my weakness, through it all, He has used me to help others.

Thank you again for stopping by and God bless you! from upstate, NY on September 21, 2011:

Faithful Daughter- Thank you for writing these heartfelt words in this well written Hub! David was know to be a man after God's own heart even though he committed adultery and murdered one of his faithful subjects. God looks for perfect hearts not perfect people.

I want to encourage you to continue to pursue God about physical healing in your life and in the lives of others. It is true that though its always God's will to heal sometimes people don't get healed for unknown reasons. Blessings-WBA

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on August 30, 2011:

Hi Highvoltagewriter,

Thank you for your kind words. I know that there are many that are hurting, like you and I were at one time, because they feel God has let them down. It is so easy to blame God when bad things happen or things do not go our way.

When I wrote this hub, my one desire was to be able to reach others that are hurting and are struggling with God and their faith. I wanted to let everyone know that God loves them dearly and will not judge them when they come to Him with a repentant heart. I learned that after living in anger for a while, but Oh how sweet it is to fall back into our Heavenly Father's arms and be comforted by Him.

Thank you for your visit. I will check out your hub on faith, and the others as well.

William Benner from Savannah GA. on August 30, 2011:

What an honest hub you have here and I believe God will bless you greatly for it. I have spent most of my life angry at God and it got me know were. I was not until I decided to surrender more to his will that I started really developing my faith in him.

I have also written a hub on faith called "This thing called Faith" that I would love to get your input on. God bless you!

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on August 24, 2011:

Hi JD,

Thank you for the vote! And yes, God can be very direct with His answer. He makes it short and sweet.

You speak wisdom and truth when you say, "faith is not just handed over on a silver platter ~ to have increased faith, faith must be tested more and more."

Just when I think I have reached a level of faith that cannot be rocked or swayed, I am tested again; it is a life-learning process that helps us grow in Christ.

However, if I had to live my life all over again, I don't think I would change anything... well maybe a thing or two. Nonetheless, my journey, no matter how painful and disappointing it has been at times, has brought me closer to God, and that is something I would never trade for anything in the world.

Thank you for blessing me with your comment and for your prayers. May God bless you!

Judah's Daughter from Roseville, CA on August 24, 2011:

Voted up and beautiful, Faithful Daughter! I had to chuckle when I read why God calls you "Faithful Daughter" lol. Oh, that is how He responds. Just straight to the Truth and oh, so simple to understand.

Thank you so much for capturing your struggle with faith. I've prayed the words of the disciples "Increase our faith" (Luke 17:5). What we have to remember is, faith is not just handed over on a silver platter ~ to have increased faith, faith must be tested more and more. As Heb 11:6 tells us, "Without faith, it is impossible to please God".

Just yesterday, and even this morning, I am being ministered to by the Lord about faith. I realized that fear can take hold of me (begins in the mind and is rooted in past experiences and irrational expectations of the 'worst'-case scenario). We know how life can tip the scale just enough to bring devastation in one way or another and how frail we are...

The Lord simply told me "Fear is not of God". I 'saw' that if even catastrophe hit, God has already gone before me and has a plan. Always trust. Stop the fear and walk in faith. Don't let Satan steal your contentment within. Be joyful and let God's Light shine through you in the midst of any storm He allows into our lives ~ for it's all unto His glory and the increasing of our intimate faith in Him.

Yes, trials can be frightening, but without the LORD of those trials, where would we be? Where would be our hope? I thank God you are His Faithful Daughter and have such a ministry to others. I'm glad I read this today, as yet a confirmation of God's love for me. Bless you always and I am praying with you and for you.

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on August 24, 2011:


You have just voiced what many are feeling, but are reluctant to admit. Some people do not admit that they have problems due to fear of being labeled unfaithful or un-trustful. For some others it may be a pride thing. However, our tribulations allow us to grow in Christ, to mature and reach that level we need to reach to be able to serve in His Kingdom. The Bible speaks of edifying one another, praying for one another, and helping each other out, then how else are we to pray and help each other if we keep things bottled up and acting as if everything is ok? There is no shame in being transparent. I learned this in my walk with Christ and in the process, I have been able to help others and myself. I still struggle with my flesh though, but I have reached a level of maturity that one can only get by going through tribulations and making mistakes.

Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts and feelings. I am blessed to have met another brother in Christ.

lsin82 from Houston on August 23, 2011:

You have just laid out every feeling and emotion that I have battled with on countless occassions in my life. Countless times I questioned God, gotten angry with God, and felt disappointed with God because I could not understand why things did not work out for me the wa I wanted it. I didn't not understand why I. Couldn't see the blessings that everyone talked about being manifested in my life. I got so frustrated that I would get angry when I heard someone give their testimony about how God had moved in their loves. I mean, here I was trying to live for God, but all I seemed to get in return was suffering. This is a horrible mindset to be in. However it was one scripture that changed my life and my mindset...1 Peter 4:1-2...since Jesus went through everything you're going through and more, learn to think like him. Think of yoursufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you will be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead ofbeing tyrannized by what you want" ....This one scripture completely changed how I percieved my hardships. I understood that my anger and disappointment with God stemmed from my selfishness to have things go my way. I'm now learning everyday to submit to Gods will and learning to focus not on the storm, but on what God is teaching me in the storm. Thank you for this post. It is truly heartfelt.

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on August 21, 2011:


I cried through the pain you expressed in your words. I can definitely relate to what you went through in life, but I know that through all your pain, doubt, and disappointments He is with you, making you stronger while you develop a stronger bond with Him. You are not alone. One day our suffering will end. Remember His promise in James 1:12 “Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”

My flesh always struggles with my spirit. I come to Him all the time full of questions that never cease. I do not always get an answer and do get angry and upset with Him but in the end, I only hurt myself because I realize I cannot go on without Him.

When I wrote this, I spilled everything in my heart unashamedly. I have no shame in admitting I have failed, doubted ... sinned greatly against God. My only shame is that I have hurt my heavenly Father with my thoughts, words, and actions.

Right before Jesus was crucified, He was tortured and scourged, shamed, humiliated and ridiculed, spit at, His garments were taken and His body exposed, and then shamefully He was displayed at the cross publicly. There was no shame in Him and there was not pride in Him, yet He was put to death in shame. His pain and humiliation was not a secret, it was displayed before everyone for everyone to see. His suffering served a purpose for all of mankind.

My frail humanity is no secret to God and I will not make it a secret to anyone; I am a weak and sinful person, full of mistakes, fears, and doubts, struggling against the trials and tribulations of this world, but I am forgiven and loved by Him. I came to Him broken just like many of my brothers and sisters in Christ, and He is healing me. I’m not different, just forgiven. So, I pray that by writing this, I can help at least one person that is going through their own turmoil.

Thank you for being just as transparent, and for your words of encouragement. May the Lord heal your pain. May He richly bless you, and keep you safe and strong.

Linda Lambert/Heinz 57puppy on August 21, 2011:

Dear Faitful Daughter,

Let me frist start by saying that I am amazed and also very proud of you. It is so hard to truly express emotions, especially when it comes to negative toward the creator of the universe.this is the part that makes me so proud, because hardly anyone will communicate how they feel. That took a lot of courage and much bravery. I also look up to you because no one wants anyone to know that they fall down. Especially those who minister to others as they never want to look vuneralbe or even for that matter, human. So I say think you.

Now, to get to the point,I too have been so angry at God, I have doubted and blamed him. I would say, "You created this word with mere words, and yet you allow this or that." I felt so small in the eyes of others because How could I claim to to be a follower of Christ and feel the way I did. I blamed Him for the child abuse that I suffered from the hands of an adoptive mother who had severe nerve and mental problems. I blamed Him for not making my first mother love me or the rest of her family, which was very large, for not taking me in. I blamed him for allowing me to fall victim to sexual abuse, inside and out side the family. I was so angry with Him. I felt that I had nobody to come to my rescue and nobody who cared, not even my Father. My heavenly Father. He had allowed so much pain in my life. I found my self lost to self, hooked on drugs and alcohol and men. My life was a total mess and I would say to God in fits of rage, "You could have changed this; you could have just spoken the words, but you allowed people to abuse me my entire life!!!!" I loved God, like I loved my abusive mother, with mixed feelings of love, loathing, fear and fearful respect. Through it all though I desired to satisfy Him. Just like in my relationship with my mother, I sought GOD's acceptance, and never semed to get it. I found myself doing this in every relationship especially with one particular Pastor, I loved and respected Him so much but no matter what I did, I could never make Him happy with anything I did or didn't do.When Some of the people of the congregation started tearing me apart, my Pastor became passive like my dad and allowed years of abuse, by those in the church tearing me apart or down, because I couldn't rise above the depression the PTSD and panic and anxiety disorder. I finally started comparing God to man...(one who got what they wanted and then found someone better and left you crying and bewildered, abusive, unkind and incompassionate) How could a God who loved me allow so much pain? How could He stand by and allow this to happen? I just couldn't get it.

Through the years I have finally come to realize that I am human, I go through things just like everyone else. That God is threr even in the darkest times. You may not feel him there and He may not show up as an angel or a man or woman but He knows where you are, what you have been through. He understands our emotions. He created them within us.

Like a real Father, He expects us to get angry with Him. He isn't always going to do things to our liking but He will always do ehat is best for His children. Yes, there are still things I don't understand, Yes, I still question Him from time to time, but I know that I am not alone and that in the end of my life story when it all plays out, I will realize that He never let me down and if I continue to follow Him, that I never really let him down because there is nowhere that I have been that He didn't alwready know that I was going to be there. He knew, Faithful Daughter, that I would come back time after time, after all, He put that Love toward Him in my heart also and I can't live or do anthing without HIm.

Thank you so much for sharing and letting people know that you too are human and you have natural human emotions, that you are in no way Sister Super Christian...God Bless and keep wriitng, You do an awesome job.

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on August 21, 2011:


I am blessed by your comment. You have put into words exactly how I have felt many times.

In my painful lessons, I have discovered that God does not fail us, WE fail Him. As you, I have many times acted in my own strength only to find out that I cannot do battle in my own trials without Him. I am forever thankful that He is faithful and only small cry away.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. God bless you!

Stephanie on August 21, 2011:

Thank you for sharing your beautiful testimony. It's amazing to see how God shows up faithful in our lives even when we fail Him. Something I can relate to particularly at this present time. I used to be extremely angry with God due to circumstances and failed prayers and no sooner found myself lost in the world without Him. On my own trying to live life my way. Fighting the trials and tribulations of the world with my own measly resources. It is certainly not the way in which God intended for us to live. How painful it is to be separated from Him even through our anger.

I still find myself at these points of separation occasionally, only this time fueled by anger at my own failures and fear of His rejection. Yet has not the LORD held on all these years? Has HE not found a way to communicate His love, mercy, and grace?

Satan is indeed a liar and a thief who seeks to destroy our fellowship with God, even using our failures to communicate discouragement. But our God is mightier than that.

Thank you again for sharing your testimony with us. May God richly bless.

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on August 01, 2011:


Thank you for sharing your feelings and God's revelation in your life. For some, God's revelation comes to us through a slow and long process and for others, the journey is short. In either case, before He reveals Himself to us, it can be quite a learning experience that in the end will brings us closer to God. I have learned much in my walk with Christ, and by being transparent, I pray that I am able to help others pass over that bump in their road. God is a merciful and loving God, and if we learn to bask in His love, our problems and doubts would eventually disappear. Thank you for your loving comment, and I too send you hugs and love in Christ.

skye2day from Rocky Mountains on August 01, 2011:

Faithful Daughter You have shared your heart with the world. You are heartfelt and transparent. Your words touch my heart. I too have been there. I hope to never doubt again as just recently I had a revelation about my doubt. Hub living in the blessing. I was missing a link I needed to discover what it was in His chest of promises and treasures. I discovered. It was a long process and I am grateful for Gods goodness and mercy and ever loving tenderness. He loves you so much and I pray you do not doubt His promises again. I pray I do not doubt His word again. He will never leave or forsake us. Praise God precious sister in Christ. You are a gem. I love ya in Christ. Hugs to you.

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on July 29, 2011:


I agree, this planet, this existence is not our home, and yes, God is truly faithful, even when we turn away from Him. What would we do without Him? I cannot imagine my life without Him. Thank you for your beautiful and uplifting comment. I am happy that it blessed you.

sonfollowers from Alpharetta, GA on July 28, 2011:

This was very insightful. Great, great stuff. This broken place in which we live is most certainly not our home, and God is still faithful to us even through the pain and suffering in this life. And like Peter said, "To whom shall we go?" Thank you for your story, your encouragement, and your insight. God bless.

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on July 26, 2011:


Thank your for stopping by and commenting. Yes, I agree, our God will carry us and carry us home, and will watch over us. God bless!

ChurchOfOpenSky from Forbes, New South Wales, Australia on July 26, 2011:

Verses 1-4 The heathen insulted the Jews, as if their idols Bel and Nebo were too hard for Jehovah. But their worshippers cannot help them; both the idols and the idolaters are gone into captivity. Let not God's people be afraid of either. Those things from which ungodly men expect safety and happiness, will be found unable to save them from death and hell. The true God will never fail his worshippers. The history of the life of every believer is a kind of abstract of the history of Israel. Our spiritual life is upheld by his grace, as constantly as our natural life by his providence. And God will never leave them. The Author will be the Finisher of their well-being, when, by decays, they need help as much as in infancy. This promise to Israel, enfeebled and grown old as a nation, is applicable to every aged follower of Christ. When compassed about with infirmities, and perhaps those around begin to grow weary of you, yet I am He that I have promised to be, He that you would have me to be. I will bear you up; carry you on in your way, and carry you home at last. If we learn to trust in and love him, we need not be anxious about our remaining days or years; he will still provide for us and watch over us, both as the creatures of his power, and as new-created by his Spirit.

- Matthew Henry

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on July 25, 2011:


I love that verse you gave, and your comment is very much appreciated. Thank you for stopping by. God bless!

Tamarajo on July 25, 2011:

Beautiful story. Favorite part was how you acquired the name "Faithful Daughter" because you keep on coming back to Him no matter what. That really is faithfulness and it will be a testimony of Gods goodness to a devil who had it all at one time yet rejected Him.

This verse comes to mind

He who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him diligently.

Reward is coming for those who believe and seek Him diligently.

Bless you for sharing your faith through trial and tragedy. A great testimony of His love and goodness no matter what.

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on July 25, 2011:


Thank you for your beautiful comment. I feel that we all have been where I've been in someway of another. I pray that it will reach many that have turned their backs on Christ, and turn them around. I cannot imagine living a life without God. God bless!

Jo_Goldsmith11 on July 25, 2011:

Faithful Daughter...You are so inspiring! I can certainly relate to this writing. May God Bless you and I pray you hold on his hand firmer with each passing day! Welcome home sister! :-)

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on July 25, 2011:


Thanks you. I'm glad this hub inspired your new hub. I come across many, many people in the same situation as Renae. It is a very lonely and sad world, I know, I've been there and I still struggle with it. But I have come such a long way in my walk with Christ that my struggles and doubts are short-lived. I wrote this from the bottom of my soul, to help those that are suffering.

I will check out your hub.

jagandelight from Florida on July 25, 2011:

This article is truly inspiring and my heart was touched by Renae's comment that I wrote a hub-Don't give up on your faith, piggy backing on to your article. If you get a chance check it out.

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on July 24, 2011:


Thanks for reading and commenting. God bless you!

Dexter Yarbrough from United States on July 24, 2011:

Thanks for sharing, Faithful Daughter! Many will be touched by your testimony. Stay blessed.

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on July 23, 2011:


Your words of wisdom and love pierced my heart. It is an exact mirrored image of what lies in my heart. You speak truth. When we are in the midst of trials, we cannot see clearly God's purpose for our lives but even in the midst of this, there is yet another lesson to be learned. This is where we learn to trust Him with our lives because we know, as you say, "deep inside of us is the nagging persistent suspicion that there is more to life than what has happened to us." We know deep inside that there is a purpose for all this pain.

There are many lessons that come with suffering, and we should always press on forever seeking His countenance. Once He brings us through the fire and we learn to reach that intimate communion with our Lord, there is nothing more in the life of a believer that can satisfy us more; it is for us as the air that we breathe.

May the Lord continue to be the author of our lives.

Thank you for your beautiful words and your vote. May God bless you!

RevLady from Lantana, Florida on July 23, 2011:

A beautiful and beautifully written hub Faithful daughter,

Coming from your heart it touches and ministers to the hearts of others, even mine. How glorious!

Faith is indeed a process that grows and strengthens as we are called upon to experience life's troubles and pains and learn how God truly operates in the life of His children. All true saints are suffering saints even as our Lord suffered for our sake.

I can relate to your experience and agree that in the darkness of difficulty, we do not always see God clearly or feel His presence. And even though God is still revealing Himself to each of us in the midst of our suffering and chaos, we have a hard time realizing and recognizing His presence. When we are faced with a crisis, it is difficult to relate to God as omnipresent, omniscient, and omnipotent. When we survey the reality of what has happened to us, we may not see ourselves transformed by God’s grace and find it a challenge to accept the truth that even then, the Spirit of God continues to seek more intimate communion with us.

Yet, deep inside of us is the nagging persistent suspicion that there is more to life than what has happened to us. All the meaning which existed prior to the difficulty cannot be ignored.

It has been my discovery that when we are able to affirm God’s love in the midst of our own suffering that is a victory. When we are able to defiantly shove a fist at the evil one and say, like Job, yea though He slay me, yet will I trust Him that is a victory. When we are able to perceive our whole life in the context of little victories, we deepen our appreciation of how God is working in our life.

Sometimes, we get so lost in our moods and in how we want things to be or wish they were that we forget about life's daily triumphs that God so lovingly and graciously permits us. He speaks to us through our daily triumphs. All glory to His name!!

May God continue to bless you and use you in His service Faithful daughter. Voted up and shared. Love, peace and joy in Him who cannot fail.

Forever His

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on July 23, 2011:

Alastar Packer,

I agree with you on your take on "possession." I also agree that pure evil exists. I saw the movie of Emily Rose and that was something I happened to muster enough courage to watch, as I normally do not like to watch these sorts of movies, but I was not aware of other tapes on this person. I'm not sure I would want to watch them. I've seen horrible things happen to people, and have come face to face with evil myself. I much rather concentrate and focus on our Lord, and pray for this world.

Thank you for your visit and kind comment.

Alastar Packer from North Carolina on July 23, 2011:

Pure evil exist, of that there is no doubt. Therefore there is great love.Sometimes the bad seems to have the upper hand in things. I believe that most 'possessions' are people with psychological, emotional problems our attention seekers. However there are cases where real evil has taken over. A good but horrifying example on the internet are the tapes of that poor German girl from the 70s, the one Emily Rose was based on. And yes Faithful Daughter, you will reach many with your story of love, wisdom and hope.

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on July 23, 2011:


AMEN! I felt it in my spirit when I wrote this that somehow it will reach many who are hurting and going through a difficult time, just as I did.

You are so right. I did not know then when I was going through my trials that God was preparing me for the plans he had laid out for me, and there were many moments where I struggled with God. He had to prepare me and strengthen me to be able to help others. Things are so much clearer now at this stage of my life.

Thank you for your words of wisdom. God bless!

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on July 23, 2011:


My sister in Christ. I am also blessed to have you and all my other hubfriends in my fellowship circle. May we all help and edify each other in the name of Christ.

Blessings in Christ's name!

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on July 23, 2011:


Thank you for your visit and comment. I'm sure we all have our own testimony of faith to give. The trials and tests I've endured I will never regret; it has as you said, increased my faith. God bless!

jagandelight from Florida on July 23, 2011:

Your hub is reaching people who is hurting and alone. God test us in our faith because he wants to know that he can trust us with what he's about to give us before he gives us. "will we still serve him although we are going through troubles and storms?" the test is not for him but for us, he already knows the outcome. I have found that whatever area you are called to into ministry that is where you are tested the most, because you have to be able to stand strong on the rock Christ Jesus when things go wrong in ministry and believe me they do.

Sunnie Day on July 23, 2011:

I am so blessed to have you guys in my faith circle too..sending a big hug today...Dusty, faithful daughter,and Hpyh..

William Kovacic from Pleasant Gap, PA on July 23, 2011:


Sounds familiar. I think it's something we can all identify with. Faith, by its very nature requires trials and testings for without these there would be no faith and your faith would never grow. Bless you!

50 Caliber from Arizona on July 23, 2011:

My pleasure and I'm pretty sure we are on the same page. I so enjoy biblical exchanges along with just happily learning with an open mind as well as an open bible to be sure I'm learning a lesson that is outlined by truth, thank you again, dusty

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on July 23, 2011:

50 Caliber,

I also am thankful to have you in my fellowship circle. Sadly and regretfully I have been angry with God on a few occasions, not due to His fault but due to my own fault and because of my own expectations; I am a wretched sinner as the song says. However, through these lessons I have come to learn much and have an intimacy with God that maybe would not have come any other way. My walk with Christ has been one of many lessons that have prepared me for the plans He has laid out for me.

I have also become angry at this new movement called "churchianity" as you so truthfully point out. However, the lessons I learned here as well have helped me look beyond the frailties and weaknesses of humanity to see a greater purpose, God's plan for humanity and how I can serve Him. We must forgive those who hurt us even in church, I have. I do not partake in church activities anymore because many of today's churches have nothing to do with God, yet I have true fellowship with others and I'm serving God in many ways. As a matter of fact, I am serving God more now than when I attended church every week. If I happen to find a true Word-teaching God-serving church, I would not hesitate to attend their building services.

Thank you for stopping by. God bless!

50 Caliber from Arizona on July 23, 2011:

I often read about and have seen people mad at God and having been at various cross roads of life that involved loosing people from my being able to speak to them again, be it death or other causes, I cannot ever recall once being mad at God. I look back and see where I left God for periods of time and seemed to find my way back and find that there was no shame in returning. It seems I have directed my anger at churches who say they are of God but have represented themselves to be of the clicks of man and by going to the churches there was no relief found in their numbers. I grew a distaste for churchianity that short of a miracle or funeral I won't darken the doors of another building.

I have found learning in fellowship and some of it is right here on the hub pages, I see a few of them are right here in your comments.

I think you have written a message of good value and I thank you for being part of my fellowship circle. Honest offerings of experience or understanding, as you have presented are my daily bread, thank you for fulfilling the portion I pray for each day, peace 50

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on July 23, 2011:


Thank you for your kind and beautiful words. God has proven Himself over to me more times than I can recount, this is just one of those many.

Again thanks. God bless!

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on July 23, 2011:


I agree, it is hard for the loved ones left behind. I am sorry to hear that your mom was suffering also. I know your mom and mine are with God now where there is no more suffering or pain.

Brenda Barnes from America-Broken But Still Beautiful on July 23, 2011:

Your testimony is beautiful and well written. It is inspiring and encouraging. Thank you Faithful Daughter.

bulldogrocks from Colorado on July 22, 2011:

Faithful daughter I see that God did answer my moms prayers of going home. She was very sick and in the hospital for 5 months. So now I know God had a plan since she was suffering. It is always hard for the people left behind.

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on July 22, 2011:

Thank you Sunnie for your beautiful words; I really appreciate them.

As my hair gets grayer, I am reminded of Isaiah 46:4 more often. It is a beautiful and comforting promise for those with doubts like me.

God bless you!

Sunnie Day on July 22, 2011:

"Isa 46:4 “Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you"

This is truly one of the most uplifting and beautiful hubs..I bookmarked as I will read it time and again..Thank you for sharing your wonderful testimony with brought a smilie and comfort tonight.

God bless,


Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on July 22, 2011:

Hi bulldogrocks,

Thank you for commenting and sharing your feelings. I'm sure that was a very painful time in your life. I know it was for me. I was torn between holding on to my faith and grieving for my loss. I am not angry at God for taking my mom. I was angry because He did not answer my prayers. He later revealed to me that He was answering HER prayers; she had wanted to go home for quite sometime.

After that revelation, I felt bad for being selfish and wanting to hold on to her. My mom was very ill and in a lot of pain and I had forgotten the many times she mentioned she wanted to go home to God. I am at peace with this now because I know He answered her prayers. I hope you have found your peace with God as well. God bless!

bulldogrocks from Colorado on July 22, 2011:

Wow I really liked your post and I too have been angry with him especially after my mom passed away at age 66. I thought it wasn't fair that I had to bury her at such a young age. She had me late in life I was only 29 yrs old and her grand children were only 8, 6 at 22 months. I feel sad for them because they will not have the memories of her.

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on July 22, 2011:


Thank you for your comment and your vote, and also for being a follower. I will have to look into your book. I do like to read about our Lord. I am very interested to see how that question gets answered. I feel as believers in Christ, we are not immune to the problems this world brings, but it is how we handle them through Christ that’s important. God bless!

Reynold Jay from Saginaw, Michigan on July 22, 2011:

I enjoyed this very much. You have this laid out beautifully and it is easy to understand. Keep up the great HUBS. Up one and Useful. I'm now your fan! I am working a series of 5 novels, “Seeds from Heaven” that touches on a lot of the things you mention. One might ask, “What would the Messiah’s message be today if he traveled the Earth during our time?” Book one is now published, “Lean against the Wind.”

Evie Lopez (author) from Sunny Florida on July 22, 2011:


I feel your pain my sister. I too live in constant physical pain. When I wrote this, I was in a lot of pain and I am still in pain. I understand you perfectly and what you are going through. But you have a friend in me. I will pray with you and for you because the devil is a liar! Yes he is a deceiver, a corruptor of God's Word, and he prowls like a roaring lion lookting for someone to devour.

I pray in the name of Jesus that the enemy leave your mind and body, and stop telling such lies. Do not listen to him, resist him and he will flee from you. He is lying to you when he tells you, you are not acceptable to the Lord, you ARE! The devil wants to destroy you but God has better plans for you. He will see you through this and then you will be a testimony to others of what you went through. I am speaking in past tense now because I know Jesus will see you through this. He will put people in your life that will help you, you'll see. I know because I went through many of the things you are going through and our God saved me, and He can save YOU.

You will find a church, a church of believers and you will lead healing ministries all in the name of Jesus.

God bless you and keep you!

Renae on July 22, 2011:

It was like I were reading my own. Testimony, exsept when I fall away from GOD, I hear the enemies voice in

My head, telling me that I'll NEVER be acceptable to the LORD. If I truly knew Him, how I get angery at him? HOW could I. Think he'd keep taking me back? Thats why YOU keep getting more Chonically ill. Thats why no ONE wants to be around you. Darkness surrounds me. I fall into deep despair, feelings of unworthiness and thoughts of suicide flood my whole being. I hate the night that's when the oppression and terrors are at their worst, depression has made me immobilized. I have no home church, no family of believers. I call around to churches in the day TIME, begging for help and prayer,to know avail, I feel cast out by the church, I'm often asked or told that I'm in sin, for feeling this WAY, I feel abandoned by GOD. Even my childern avoid me, I'm bearly hanging on. I've heard the strongest prayer you can pray is(JESUS help

Me)I hold on tightly to my faith. But I have No life, I merely exist. I'm house bound because of my chronic pain. I feel as though I am being punished. I cry out to GOD everyday,to please just end my suffering, give me the strength, at least to endure it. I beg Him to send me a Friend, a prayer partner, a godly word grounded, prayer warrior. Even the LORD himself said it is NOT good for

Man to be alone.iron sharpens iron. And if one should fall another is there to pick him up, to stand in the gap.the EP

World knows this truth, they give sponsors in their programs. The church needs to get OUT of the comfort of their four walls, and reach out to the hurting dying, there are millions more like me, I m sure, believers that can't get out, or who have been hurt by the church. Not to mention the lost who may never enter a church. So some churches go out and win souls. What happens to those pour souls after that? They need disciplesed, trained, rooted and grounded in the word, an accountability partner.they need to see and feel the love of JESUS, around them. If JESUS were walking the earth today, he'd be in the streets, in the homes. Just like he did 2000years ago. Let the church arise,he sent them out 2by 2 to wrack n to save that which was lost, to lay hands on the sick that they would be HEALED! He said that his disciples would do greater things,then he, with the filling of the holy spirit. JESUS wouldn't be in our beautiful church buildings. Its the sick whovn

Need a doctor. When we stand before him, he will ask, HOW many did YOU bring with you? Help us! We're crying out PLEASE!!

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