Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan, the Enlightened being, says, “Imagine how much bliss you will experience if you become free from the thoughts of sex that arise? And just imagine how much bliss will be there when they are all gone forever.”
Oh! I have tasted this bliss. With God’s grace, the desire for celibacy was present right from birth, in me. It was not for any reason or any serious goal in mind, but the thoughts of sex or marriage were not my cup of tea from the very beginning.
We all may have heard this success mantra umpteen number of times, ’In order to be successful in life, one ought to have a goal; and then one needs to work towards achieving the goal.’
But when I look back, I realize that I just didn’t bother to set any goal, big or small, nor did I ever make any plans to track progress charts in my life. I never had an ambition to achieve anything great and major in this world, and therefore, was bereft of worries and tensions of all kind. I was always happy, flowing with the up and down currents of life and going wherever circumstances chose to take me.
If you ask what ‘my’ wish was, it was that of ‘Moksha (ultimate liberation / salvation)’. Yes! even before I knew the meaning of this word, my granny had instilled this wish into me, and she made me pray to God daily asking for Moksha. Little did I know then that celibacy and Moksha – the two had a great connection!
On the Way to Precise Selfless Care and Exact Guidance: By Two Precious Gurus of My Life
I grew up in the caring hands of my mother, who was my mentor, a friend, a philosopher, and a guide. However, her eyes were constantly looking for the safest hands in the world, in which she could entrust the right nurturing of my life. She finally found those hands, which could shower the choicest blessings on me to help me realize my lifetime wish, and guide me on the spiritual path that could fetch me the experience of eternal bliss. These hands were that of Pujya Deepakbhai, one of the best spiritual masters in the world!
The very first day I met Him, automatically a goal got set inside me. It was, “I want to become one like Him.”
The First Key to Living a Celibate Life: Revelation of the Root Cause of Non-celibacy
At the outset, things seemed quite simple. I learned in one of the Pujya Deepakbhai’s satsangs (spiritual discourses) that non-celibacy is ultimately an outcome of hunger for worldly happiness.
Listening to this, I was thrilled! That’s because I never had much longing for the worldly things or for the comforts or luxuries it offered. I was brought up in an environment filled with love, respect, security, satisfaction, and contentment from almost all aspects.
I do not remember even a single occasion where I had to beg for any worldly object or cry for some worldly desire to be fulfilled. Desires were scanty; whatever there were, there was no condition that they must be fulfilled. Therefore, I thought I am qualified to be a good celibate. But as I attended some more discourses, I soon realized that I actually had a long way to go.
The Subtle Cause of Non-Celibacy
Non-fading hunger of worldly happiness!
The Weak Point in Me Found!
My first weak point was that the nishchay was missing. Nishchay means firm determination. While explaining the significance of nishchay, Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan says, “What is nishchay? It is to stop all other thoughts and come onto only one thought. For example, from here, you definitely want to go to station, and from that station, you want to go by train and not by bus. If you make a firm decision, all the evidences for going by train will come together and make it happen. If your decision is not firm, then the evidences will not come together and your goal will not be accomplished.”
Wow! That was a master booster for me. With this revelation from Pujya Deepakbhai, I was able to make the nishchay of Brahmacharya (celibacy). This is the stepping stone to realize all benefits of celibacy.
Staying in His revered shelter, I was riveted to this goal. Pujya Deepakbhai is an awesome Master who strives so that we thrive. Day in and day out, He teaches us how to conduct ourselves, and time to time, also lovingly examines whether or not we are on the right track.
Why Non-Celibacy Prevails Despite the Wish of Getting Rid of It?
Lack of Strong Determination!
Identifying the Loopholes and Overcoming Them for a Pure Celibate Life
Following are the aspects that He emphasizes to keep an eye on, for strengthening and protecting the determination of celibacy:
- Dressing Up: I was never fond of ornaments, accessories, grand dresses, and make-up kits. However, through Pujya Deepakbhai’s discourses, I realized that I had an inner desire for looking good; so that whoever sees me likes me. Pujya Deepakbhai cautioned that this could persuade one to get attracted towards you, and thereby, make you slip in non-celibacy.
- Liking for Sweetness: I always had a very, very strong liking for sweet behaviour, sweet nature, sweet people, and sweet-looking things. Although there was no liking or belief of sweetness in sex, Pujya Deepakbhai guided me that dwelling in any kind of materialistic sweetness stalls one’s progress towards the goal of celibacy. I was able to recognize this from my past experiences. He showed me a step-by-step path to resolve this craving forever, and I must say, I have come a long way now. Not that I do not like sweetness anymore, but I can digest bitter much more than before. The outcome? I now neither like sweetness such that it hurts my goal of celibacy nor do I dislike bitterness such that I get inclined towards sweetness again. This is called equanimity, which has already begun in me.
- Praise: I have received a lot of praise from all fronts of life. However, when Pujya Deepakbhai explained that praise can prove to be the biggest pitfall in your journey of celibacy, I noticed my hidden craving for praise. Although, I would always run away from the scene where people are praising me, I was secretly endorsing it and liking it within. With this trait, you never know when you may fall a prey to someone’s ill intentions who can lure you into non-celibacy by singing your praises even if they are wrong.
- Attraction: I had a great tendency to get attracted to good qualities. Whenever I found them in people, be it male or female, child or adult; I felt attracted towards them. Pujya Deepakbhai cautioned me that this tendency stands the risk of getting attracted to someone whom we may think has good qualities, but she or he may only pretend to have them. Moreover, he also enlightened me about a fact: “By getting attracted to anyone or anything in this world, even if it is not a physical attraction, will take you away from your Soul.” How true! To constantly dwell in the Soul is Brahmacharya (‘Brahma’ means ‘Soul’ and ‘Charya’ means ‘To dwell in’) – and that is what I am striving for. Thus, any attraction outside simply means non-dwelling inside (in your Soul). So, with just this understanding, my tendency of attraction has begun to fade.
- Attachment: To accomplish the goal of Brahmacharya, it is imperative to transcend gradually from attachment and arrive at the station of Pure Love, a state in which love neither decreases or increases, is unconditional, and is completely free of attachment and abhorrence. However, I’ve always liked attachment. I also liked all aspects of spirituality, but I never wanted to let my attachment for my loved ones go. Moreover, I had severe attachment for myself, which I didn’t even know. All credit to Pujya Deepakbhai, who dug this out. For making me come out of attachment, He first gave me the goal of Pure Soul; and thereafter, with great patience and compassion, He consistently hammered my attachment left, right, and centre! As a result, I can finally see my own attachment losing its grip on me. I now understand the lesson that He daily teaches us: Attachment will cause suffering and grief; whereas, Pure Love, which is the nature of Soul, will yield eternal bliss.
- Egoism: I was very conscious of my own good qualities. People told me, and internally I agreed too, that I am so good, I am so very nice, I am polite, and that I have no ego in life. Pujya Deepakbhai alarmed me saying, “This itself is ego.” He explained, “I am a Pure Soul. Besides that, whatever I feel I am, is all egoism!” This was the biggest eye-opener for me! I realized that without my knowledge, my energies and tendencies have always remained silently engaged in setting and garnishing my various illusionary images of ‘I am…’ such as I am very humble, I am honest, I am loyal, I am gracious, and I am innocent. With so many subtle wrong beliefs, I could see how far I was from my Soul; how far I was from my goal of Brahmacharya, i.e., dwelling in the Soul.
Obstacles to Living Pure Celibacy Life
Liking for sweet people and things
Hunger for praise
Now that I am holding the expert Master’s hand, I know that no matter how far I am, with His divine grace, one day I will surely get there – I will dwell in my Soul fully and totally. Thus, I will smoothly complete my journey on the path that leads to the accomplishment of celibacy only by understanding and a scientific approach. Through this approach, one can realize that true and lasting happiness is not in sex but in Soul (the true Self)!
The Scientific Approach to Celibate Life
© 2019 Dipali Gandhi
manatita44 from london on February 12, 2020:
Lovely Hub! You are explaining in an unusual way but some insight here. The lady teacher also explains in a different way, I mean, it's not like a Ramakrishna or Sri Chinmoy but it is still meaningful. The life of continence is indeed a blessing.
In Yoga we aim for purity in thoughts, words and action, even in the dream state. Just another way of saying Chastity, Poverty and Obedience, like the West, but more meaningful to the Sannyasin/I. So happy for you. God speed!!