A believer, in recovery, looking to the Bible to know who I am in Christ.
Let my cry come before you, O Lord; give me understanding according to your word!
Hiding Does Not Work
Some days, I hurt and don't understand why. When I feel shame or anger, my thinking gets cloudy.
I want to hide it, unfeel it. And I've tried (cause that's such a healthy thing to do).
Hiding does not work.
There's no running from it. I must cry out. (Maybe not in the middle of the grocery store...) But I need to feel it. If I refuse to feel this, I isolate myself from feelings of joy, respect, kindness, and forgiveness too.
I need to welcome the feelings. Not hide. No denial.
The feelings might be there because I caused damage, or because I feel betrayed or misunderstood.
Open About How I Feel
The Psalmist says, "Let my cry come before you, O Lord." This is being open about how I feel here. In the depth of my pain, I don't understand. I just feel bad. Feelings aren't understanding. Being honest about them can lead to understanding.
When I get real, then, I begin to understand. "Give me understanding according to your word." I can begin to get at it.
I can sort it out with His word.
But if I wallow in denial, even looking in His word will be futile. My pain must be honestly expressed.
Lord, May I Not Hide From My Pain
Lord, may I not hide from my pain. May I tell you about it, cry before you. There's no point in ever trying to hide anything from you. I don't have to be strong for you. For when I am weak, then I am strong. Lord, help me understand my shame. Feel it. And lay it at your feet. You have said, "Come to me you weary, and I will give you rest." If I need conviction, may I feel it and repent. If I don't, Lord help me understand and give it over to you. May I use your word to understand right and wrong. Today.
Blessed be the Name of the Lord.
© 2022 Arseayli