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God never fails...

The hand that stretches out only to give, give and give

The hand that stretches out only to give, give and give

The days when Swami got hospitalized were very tough times indeed. What started as a minor health ailment, became a major one and today it becomes so hard to hold back my tears thinking that the beautiful form has moved from the realms of the seen to the unseen. And when I say I am crying, I want to clarify so that am not misunderstood.

I need not write anything about what Swami means to us or what He has done for us. Each person has his/her own experience to speak for. This much I can say that even for a single moment, Swami has not lived for Himself but for all of us. He has loved completely even those who have tried to harm Him or tarnish Him. And His love has been of the Divine nature and anyone who has not had even an iota of a heart, has been overwhelmed.

If you need me, you deserve me.....

If you need me, you deserve me.....

God has a plan and thats all I need to know. That is all that is the basis of my Faith and Trust. That is all that is the reason for me to live. And so, even though feelings of sorrow and separation from Him envelop me, I tell myself that HE KNOWS BEST. And reaffirming my faith, I cheer up...........

But today, I cry because I realize how little I have imbibed of His teachings and how little am like Him. Those 'dark days', I was daily eager to get updates of His health and naturally so. The updates kept getting 'monotonous' and I was waiting for some positive change. I was wondering when Swami would will and come out of all that and lead a life the way I would love to see Him?

It is then that it hit me -

Was I ever so eager to know His teachings and follow them? How 'monotonous' it would have become for Swami to keep waiting for me to start living the life the way He wanted me to? How long has He waited for some positive change?

I remembered an episode that my friend Amey told me regarding his Upanayanam (sacred-thread) ceremony. When he was a boy of ten in 1989, Swami had promised his parents that He would do the Upanayanam for the boy. The whole extended family had arrived to Puttaparthi awaiting the interview in which Swami would conduct the ceremony. The D-Day arrived and passed by but Swami did not seem to call them for any interview. As days passed, the family members began to lose hope and, one-by-one, began to leave Puttaparthi for their respective home towns.

A week later, Swami walked down the aisle during darshan and seeing Amey's mother in the darshan lines told her to be ready for the ceremony in the evening. He exclaimed that He had been waiting for so long for that ceremony. In the evening, during the interview, when Swami said again that He had been waiting so long for the ceremony, Amey's mother replied,

"Swami! All family members had come here. They waited days for you and then left..."

Swami reply silenced them and hit then like a wall of bricks.

"You say you have waited for days! Do you have any idea how much I have waited for you?"

We count the number of days we wait for the Lord not thinking about the lifetimes He has waited for us!

You say you waited for me for few hours! I have waited for you for more than few births!

You say you waited for me for few hours! I have waited for you for more than few births!

And even today, I have the same thoughts and feelings. I say to myself that I have tried my best. From within, the answer is so straight,

"You have not".

"But I have done everything possible. I feel I love Swami so much and have done everything the way He wanted me to!!"

" If you have been the way Swami would have wanted you to, you would never feel a moment of separation from Him. You would never feel sorrow, for, Bliss is your nature and that is how Swami wants you to lead your life."

"So I have not become what am ought to........What should I do?"

"Forget the past (but not its memories and lessons), don't think about the future. Live in the present. Its Swami's gift and its the omnipresent."

Swami has come with a mission and as He has declared, it will never fail. How can such tremendously pure, Divine Love ever fail. I am convinced that we have no choice but to evolve. And if we refuse to, we will be forced to!!

Worldly love sacrifices the soul for the joys of the mind and body. Divine love offers the body and mind at the altar of the soul....

Worldly love sacrifices the soul for the joys of the mind and body. Divine love offers the body and mind at the altar of the soul....

If you liked this, you may also enjoy reading these:


1. Dialogue on surrender with Swami.

2. What to ask from God?

3. Sai Student.

4. God's timing is always perfect.


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© 2011 Aravind Balasubramanya


Chandni on January 19, 2014:

Very inspiring! Something to keep in mind at all times. Thank you. Jai Sai Ram.

KRISHNAN from BANGALORE on January 09, 2013:


Execellant Article brother.


Anonymous on November 17, 2012:

Thank you :')

Aravind Balasubramanya (author) from Puttaparthi, India on November 16, 2012:

@ Mark Aspa - Thank you for your loving words.

@ Sai Student - That is so beautiful and touching. Thank you for the share.

@ Anonymous - See the reply of "Sai Student" below. That answers you.

@ Padmaja Natarajan - Thank you. Those words touched me and made me feel so encouraged and special!

Padmaja Narendran on November 16, 2012:

jai sairam to you... words from your heart took me to swamy, you are doing a beautiful service....I quote swamy's words....We owe a debt of gratitude to the divine,which has not only endowed us with this precious human body, ,but which also sustains it. We shall be able oto enjoy this gifts of the divine only if we discharge this debt to the divine.It is by rendering service to other bodies saturated with the same divine, by doing righteous deeds and consecrating all actions in the service of society.....sairam

Anonymous on November 16, 2012:

But why do i always feel like His ignoring me, failing me every time?

Sai Student on November 15, 2012:

"Every instance,Every occurence,Every moment is YOUR PRASADAM to me..Though bitter in taste and tough to accept,O lord I am grateful for being chosen by THEE for this PRASADAM...I ACCEPT IT"......to justify,to argue,to reason, to console is but to question your will and ways!

Mark Aspa on November 14, 2012:

Thank you...this made me feel touched, even though many months have passed since its writing.

As you state, one aspect of Swami's mission is our own transformation...and because Swami's Mission cannot fail, perhaps we must not be too disheartened at the slow pace (in time).

For His Mission has already succeeded, in the dimension of Divine Reality: we are already Divine - and have ever been!

Aruna Sai on November 14, 2012:

Jai SaiRam! The same thoughts that Swami made me share today when I called to wish a student @ Brindavan for his birthday early morning today. Thank you Swami for the reassurance again and again and leading us all in the right direction every moment.

joyful joyful pleasing on November 14, 2012:

Bhagavan is everyone's heart. To day morning (15.11.2012) your thoughts came and to my surprise i saw your message in FB.

om jai sai ram om sai sri sai jai jai sai

Sankar on June 29, 2012:

Jai Sai Ram

adityainlove on January 08, 2012:

we have no choice but to evolve. And if we refuse to, we will be forced to!!

Arpita mallajosyula on September 11, 2011:

perfect timing..!! like i said it came like MEANT FOR ME... loved reading dis article afta so many days..!!

thnx a ton anna

SaiRam on September 05, 2011:

Sai Ram Brother,

I have to agree with @Achala Devi -the greatest effort we can make is to experience a glimmer of that Divinity that we are. The mind withdraws into it's source in stages (Ratan Lal) we do not help ourselves to realize that Divine principal by feeling we are not good devotees or not measuring up to Swami's teachings. His highest teaching is Love that that is what we are and where we come from. Seek that and all else will be revealed. Also I do not understand the statement that what started out as a minor ailment became a major one, Swami's physical form has been withdrawing from us in large measure over the last few years. Many months before his transition He was very ill. He at times had I.V. in his arm during darshan and is why He did not raise His hands during darshan. It was clear He was preparing to leave and for a long time. I saw it close up. So how can there be any surprise. And with kindness to His devotees He stayed in the hospital for extended time to get the world ready for that transition so it would not be a single day event that would send shock and tidal waves of angst and devestation across the Sai family. We are all Divine. We need not feel guilt. Greatest motivator is Love. Love for God Love for the God that is our true Self. Find that all else falls into place. Respectfully yours, me.

sandyparthi on September 03, 2011:

thought provoking article indeed..tanq so much.

yes, i remember Sanjay Sahani's speech where he says (ofcourse i can't recall it ad verbatim right away);" If we change even a wee bit the way SWAMI expects us to, then HIS Avatar (descent as ~) would not have been in vain..." i remember feeling extremely guilty and upset that day as i was unable to keep pace with HIS expectations of us.....despite trying hard. True, our tears now are for the shortcomings of our past, how we couldn't take advantage of HIS physical proximity when we had the chance and it was soo so much easier!!

It is extremely difficult to come to terms with the non-availability of HIS, as you rightly said, Enchanting and Bewitching Form…we cry almost everyday, expect HIM to walk out any moment, feel poignant esp. when they play bhajans sung in HIS melodious Voice in Kulwant Hall…

The lessons like “love My uncertainty; Everything is for your good only; My true residence is your pure heart..”hit us hard now.

Many Qs remain unanswered but at least one thing we have learnt ? is not to Q His actions… that keeps us sane…

let us now strive to convey: ' SWAMI dearest, Your suffering has not been in vain…YOU have taught us that we should do our duty, come what may …we will NOT fail YOU, SWAMI, now, even if we may have in the past…

please bless us with the necessary courage and resolve…to think, speak and do what pleases YOU most !

Aravind Balasubramanya (author) from Puttaparthi, India on August 31, 2011:

@ Achala Devi - Am grateful! So beautiful and wonderful....keeping this message with me so that i can refer to it often.....Thank you Swami!

Achala Devi on August 31, 2011:

Thank you for sharing your heart and soul with us dear brother. I can't help thinking of Swami's words when you lament on how little you are like Him: "...You are God, you are Divine Atma, you are not this little body, mind or ego..." If we continue to think in terms of duality that will continue to be our reality. Swami has encouraged us to constantly affirm to ourselves that we are Divine Eternal Beings of Light. If we are to follow his teachings then I feel this is the first thing we must do - change the way we think of ourselves. It was for this purpose that He primarily came - to awaken us to our own Divine heritage. So let us today start to believe in ourselves as Divine and make His coming worthwhile. Let us focus on the little bit of light that we perceive shining in us; that little bit of love, that little bit of peace, that little bit of joy and goodness that we can see in ourselves and acknowledge that as a glimmer of the Divine being that we are. The more we focus on and nourish the good in us, the more it will grow. The more love we build into ourselves in the way we think we are, the more love will automatically radiate outward without any effort. Be at peace dear brother, you are ALREADY that Great Divine Indivisible Being. There is only One that exists which has manifest as the many. It is the One Consciousness that animates all the bodies in creation and you are that Great Divine Consciousness currently identified with that small body/mind/personality complex you believe is `you`,experiencing the limitation of the human body... the body experience is indeed limited, but now try to identify with the unlimited, eternal light and energy that you really are. Yes the human experience is painful, and the Divine experience is Blissful, it is meant to be that way so that through understanding what limitation fully is, we can fully appreciate the Divine that we really are. Keep your eye on what Swami is and know that He is the Truth of what you are, when you sing to Him you are singing to your own True Self ... what you behold you will become, so keep your eye on your greatness and not your limitation. You are so Divinely beautiful right now... there is nothing to become, only to realise it is already.

renuka on August 31, 2011:

jai sairam om sri sairam!

Aravind Balasubramanya (author) from Puttaparthi, India on August 31, 2011:

@ Spirit Whisperer - I dont know which statement triggered you. I just meant to say that so lost in His physical I am that I have not spent enough time in the teachings. The form is so enchanting and bewitching. Like everything worldly, it has two sides. One that gives so much joy ( have to agree to that - everyone pined for a chance with the physical) and one that gets converted to attachment. Trust me, how much ever time you get with the physical, its tough to say, "Enough". Thats why I say that am being made to evolve.

Swami speaks of the episode where the great Jnani, Uddhava, was sent to the gopikas in Brindavan that are ruing the fact that Krishna has left them and gone to Mathura. All the Advaitic ( mono theistic) philosophy of Uddhava gets defeated in front of the love and pining of the Gopikas. It ends with Uddhava bowing down to the gopikas and Swami says that the intense wanting is justified when it is a longing for God - form or formless. And for that, He says, the Gopikas were redeemed. Yes, Uddhava too had redemption.

They trod different paths to the same goal......

Yes! God wants us to realise our oneness with Him.

The gopikas have shown that missing Him intensely every moment of the life also results in oneness with Him!

Xavier Nathan from Isle of Man on August 31, 2011:

What about all the people who never met of saw Swami in the flesh and still they remained faithful? You were very privileged to have had so much time with him and still you are not satisfied. This surprises me. Why do you need His form and why do you pine because he relinquished his physical body? Jesus also tried to tell his apostles to rejoice because even death is an illusion. God is waiting for us to give up our illusions and realise that there is no separation between us or him except those made up by the ego. Thank you for writing this hub and being so honest about your feelings but just imagine what he would say to you.

Betty L Khoo-Kingsley on August 31, 2011:

I've never had an interview with Swami but he sent many human angels to help me

everytime I needed help...and so for me, Swami has never left...i still sing to him,

dance gigong with bhajans to Swami ....and I still pray to Swami to solve all my

problems...and of course I THANK HIM every single day.

Iain B Romanes on August 31, 2011:

Thank you Brothers and Sisters for your messages.

We are all Swami's conduits. HE "speaks" through us all with perfect synchronicity. SAI RAM.

sarita mohanty on August 31, 2011:

Though He is not with us physically but ever within us.He is the best among best.

Rajinder Sood on August 31, 2011:

Very thought provoking. Though the form is gone,we can't be separated. To constantly think is"to see good,be good and do good"

Anonymous on August 30, 2011:

"Forget the past (but not its memories and lessons), don't think about the future. Live in the present. Its Swami's gift and its the omnipresent."

A very beautiful phrase to keep us going. Thank you very much sir.

Shruti on August 30, 2011:

Well.... to start off.... it got tears in my eyes.... we all miss HIM for many many reasons.... But what you said is true.... most of the time I am upset as I am uncertain about the future..... and if I am following His teachings or even Him.....very profound!!!

Priya Lakshman on August 30, 2011:

Nice one..No separation..He is within..

Balasubramanya Subbarao on August 30, 2011:

"Forget the past (but not its memories and lessons), don't think about the future. Live in the present. Its Swami's gift and its the omnipresent."

What a profound statement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aravind Balasubramanya (author) from Puttaparthi, India on August 30, 2011:

@ Aarthi - I read an inspiring article by Phyllis Krystal. In that she says - "It is so tough for me to love someone. And so, I tell Swam to love them through me. When it is tough for me to do something, I tell Swami to do it through me for He has all the capacity." I feel that this is a beautiful and easy way to evolve - let Him do everything through us.

@ Perry Naik - These thoughts add so much meaning to the day......Thank you

@Hemant - Very powerful message indeed - to love Him is to follow Him! Thank you.....Nice to see you here!

@Joan - All of us are Swami's children! Touched with your love and affection. Really, that faith that "God has a plan" is a very consoling feeling.

@ Shyamala - Pray for me sister that my love for Him grows every moment. It is only He who does everything

@Bandana Koirala - Hearing Swami chant "Sooo...Hummmm....." in His sweet voice is such an uplifting experience. What you say is right - we have to remind ourselves that we are Him!

Bandana Koirala on August 30, 2011:

Super reflection Arvind..Swami always wanted us to meditate on "So Hum"..I can still vividly recall how Swami taught us how to chant SO Hum in PoornaChandra Auditorium. So it is a matter of constantly reminding ourselves that we are Him and act like Him..lets pray that Swami Himself holds our hand and leads us to HIM!

thanks for sharing!

Shyamala on August 30, 2011:



Joan Morgan on August 30, 2011:

Aravind - you have spoken my heart too! Yes, I struggle with this (the Form that is) almost everyday and yet I know deep within me that God has a PLAN and it is with faith and love that I am able to smile everyday. Thank you so much for sharing ... you are a gem! You are truly Swami's boy!

Hemanth on August 30, 2011:

Very true. Unlike us, Swami will never give up on us. Also as Swami says, To really love Him is to follow Him.

Perry Naik on August 30, 2011:

Great thoughts to ponder for everyone every day!

Aarthi on August 30, 2011:

Amazing article, Aravind! Short one, compared to many of your earlier ones, but profound!

I was myself crying a lot today, 'coz I can't see His beautiful form anymore. That void is something that can't be replaced.

But then, I remembered what Swami has told many times. He has been waiting for our transformation for countless births. How patient He is! Mere crying at His physical exit amounts to nothing. Living life the way He wants is what would really make Him happy.

I felt my thoughts just got reflected in your blog post today, bro! Thanks for writing this!

It is indeed very very tough to evolve and reach the level that Swami expects. As you said, we just have no choice but to evolve. And if we refuse to, we will be forced to. Hard fact but that's the reality! The faster we take efforts to become what Swami wants us to be, the better it is for us.

Anjali Sai on August 30, 2011:

:'( gud1

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