5 Biblical Steps to Controlling Anger

Author:
Ronald E Franklin
Updated:
Jun 24, 2023

This article will provide five Biblical steps to controlling your anger.
Jametlene Reskp, CC, via Unsplash

How to Deal With and Overcome Anger Biblically

It’s happened to all of us. Someone has deeply hurt, wounded, offended, or frustrated us, and we become very, very angry about it.

That anger gets us in its grip and won’t let go. It seems to take over our minds, and we just can’t stop thinking about it. It’s like we are carrying around a 100-pound weight strapped to our backs, and we can’t get rid of it.

Anger Weighs Our Bodies Down and Negatively Affects Our Health

One of the most fundamental teachings of the Bible, prominent in both the Old and New Testaments, is that we cannot afford to continue carrying that weight of anger around in our lives.

Psalms 37:8 (NKJV) Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; do not fret-it only causes harm.

If we had a physical 100-pound weight strapped to our backs, eventually it would wear our bodies down and negatively affect our health. In the same way, the Bible says if we continue to carry around that weight of anger, it will eventually damage us spiritually and emotionally.

Anger Hurts Ourselves the Most

The one who is damaged the most by my anger is ... me!

Many times the person who has hurt me badly, or annoyed me, or frustrated me to no end, isn’t even aware of the anger I’m experiencing toward them—or they don’t care. Either way, my anger isn’t hurting them. But what it is doing is dragging me down emotionally. It’s destroying my peace and stealing my joy ... and often, it’s hindering my prayers. And that, the Bible says, is foolish!

Ecclesiastes 7:9 (NKJV) Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools.

All of us must confront this issue at some point in our lives: how can I break free from the grip of anger when someone has deeply hurt or frustrated me?

Here are five steps the Bible says we can take to help us take control of our anger.

1. Acknowledge Your Anger

I once had a friend who would say, when she was really mad, “I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed.” It was obvious to everyone around her that she was seething inside. But she felt she couldn’t admit to being angry because she was a Christian, and Christians don’t get angry, do they? Yes they do!

Ephesians 4:26 "Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath.

The Bible is very forthright about the fact that we will get angry at times in our lives. And that inevitable anger is not necessarily a sin. In fact, when handled rightly, it can be a legitimate, God-given tool that fulfills a definite purpose—to move us to take action to correct the situation that caused our anger in the first place.

So, it’s not wrong to be angry. But where we do go wrong is when we allow our anger to control us instead of us controlling it. And the first step to taking control over our anger is simply to acknowledge that we really are angry.

Probably the worst thing we can do with our anger is to sweep it under the rug and pretend it’s not there.

When we try to hide our anger, and refuse to acknowledge the rage that’s boiling up inside, eventually it goes underground in our emotions, and turns into bitterness and resentment toward the person we are angry with.

I’ve heard many testimonies of people who had some kind of illness in their bodies, and no matter how much they prayed and were prayed for, nothing seemed to help. But when God was finally able to get through to them and show them that the real problem was their bitterness and resentment against someone who had hurt them, their physical symptoms were finally alleviated.

So, the first step to overcoming the destructive power of unrestrained anger in our lives is to acknowledge that it’s real and needs to be dealt with.

"Probably the worst thing we can do with our anger is to sweep it under the rug and pretend it’s not there."

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2. Set Your Will to Forgive

Ultimately, there is only one way to escape the deathly grip of anger when we have been deeply hurt, offended, or frustrated. Sooner or later, we have to forgive the person we think was at fault.

Colossians 3:13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.

The key to being able to forgive is understanding that forgiveness is not a matter of how we feel about the person, but of making the heart commitment to no longer hold their offense against them. In effect, we make the decision to release them from the moral debt they owe us because of whatever they’ve done to us. And that decision doesn’t depend on how we happen to be feeling toward that person. It’s a commitment of the will.

Here’s an example. When I married my wife, the pastor who conducted the ceremony never once asked me how I felt about marrying her. But he very definitely asked if I was willing to commit myself to her "for as long as you both shall live." Once my bride and I affirmed that commitment, the pastor pronounced us husband and wife. The foundation of our marriage relationship was not how we happened to be feeling, then or since, but the commitment we each made by an act of our will to one another and to God.

In the same way, when I make the heart decision to forgive, and set my will to no longer hold what someone did to me against them, God registers my forgiveness in heaven. And it doesn’t matter how I feel about it.

3. Pray the Prayer of Forgiveness

Once we make the decision to forgive, we need to take action to put that commitment into effect. Perhaps the most effective way to do that is to verbalize our forgiveness to the Lord.

Acts 7:59-60 And they stoned Stephen as he was calling on God and saying, "Lord Jesus, receive my spirit." 60 Then he knelt down and cried out with a loud voice, "Lord, do not charge them with this sin." And when he had said this, he fell asleep.

When we declare to God our decision to forgive the person who hurt us, we recognize that it is primarily to Him that our commitment is made. In biblical terms, we establish a covenant of forgiveness with God, knowing His declaration that once such a covenant has been put into effect, it cannot be broken (Galatians 3:15).

From that point, our forgiveness of the offender is a spiritual reality. No matter how we might happen to be feeling about that person at any particular time, the fact that we have forgiven him or her means we will treat them as forgiven.

No matter how we might happen to be feeling about that person at any particular time, the fact that we have forgiven him or her means we will treat them as forgiven.
rforkel via freeimages.com

4. Ask God to Help You Deal With Your Angry Feelings

Realistically, it often takes time to really feel forgiveness, especially when the wound I’ve suffered is a deep one. But God is gracious. What I and many other believers have discovered is that when we make the heart commitment to forgive, God can bring our feelings into line with the reality of that forgiveness.

Proverbs 16:32 He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.

Of course, I am totally incapable of ruling my spirit on my own, and I’ll never succeed without God’s help. But when I take the turmoil of my emotions to God in prayer, He promises to replace that turmoil with His peace:

Philippians 4:6-7 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

There will be times when just the thought of the individual who hurt me brings back all the feelings of anger and bitterness seemingly at full force. But every time that happens, I take those feelings back to the Lord, and ask Him to replace them with the peace of God.

"The key to being able to forgive is understanding that forgiveness is not a matter of how we feel about the person, but of making the heart commitment to no longer hold their offense against them."

5. Refuse to Keep Thinking About the Offence

If you’re anything like me, when someone has deeply and unfairly hurt or offended you, your mind keeps going back to that offence over and over again. You think about what they did, and how wrong it was for them to do it. Perhaps you even fantasize about them getting their just deserts for daring to treat you that way. And every time you think about it, your resentment of that person grows.

Many times people who find their thoughts continually running in that angry rut feel that there’s nothing they can do to stop it. After all, they think, you can’t prevent such thoughts from invading your mind. But that’s not true! The Bible says we can do exactly that.

2 Corinthians 10:5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ

“Bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.” That’s what God calls on us to do when our thoughts seem to be out of control.

But how? Trying to just not think about something is a losing battle. Here is God’s answer to that question:

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things.

When I was a child in Sunday School, I learned a song that said,

Count your blessings, name them one by one
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!

There’s a lot of wisdom in that little song. We can’t just stop thinking about what has been done to us. Nature abhors a vacuum. But what we can do is push out the negative thoughts by pouring in joyous thoughts of what God has done for us. Here’s what I mean:

Don’t think about bananas!

What’s in your mind right now? Probably the image of a beautiful yellow banana. And the more you tell yourself to stop thinking about bananas, the more firmly that image will lodge itself in your mind.

Have you ever been in a car accident? I vividly remember the helpless feeling I had when I stopped at a red light and saw in my rear view mirror that the truck coming up behind me would never be able to stop in time. And yes, that drunk driver plowed right into the back of my car.

What are you thinking of now? Probably not bananas! Not unless you deliberately tried to hold onto that image once I drew your attention to car accidents.

So, here’s the secret to keeping your thoughts under control. Every time you find that your mind has slipped back into that same old rut of anger and bitterness, deliberately turn your thoughts to some of the many blessings God has brought into your life. You may need to write out a list so you’ll have it handy. And use the Scriptures. The Bible itself provides ample raw material for counting your blessings!

Colossians 1:12-14 giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light. 13 He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, 14 in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.

We Can Control Our Anger!

Letting go of our anger when we have been hurt is not easy. But if we put these biblical principles into practice, we’ll be well on our way to controlling our anger rather than allowing it to control us.

More on anger: 5 Things The Bible Teaches About Handling Anger

This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.

Comments

Arensshi from Philippines on August 19, 2020:

Thank you for this! I recently have anger management issues and I cannot seem to forgive my brother. Your article helped me a lot to sort out my feelings. God bless.

Jeremy on August 16, 2020:

Thank you for this. I have been looking for ways to manage my anger and temper using my Christian values and this was Exactly what I was searching for.

Benjamin on August 12, 2020:

Thank you so much for this. God bless you

Sharon on July 01, 2020:

This is a beautiful wholesome article and definitely helpful. God bless you.

TJ on June 30, 2020:

Thank you for posting this article and sharing your wisdom with us. I’ve been feeling very angry with a person in my life for wrongs I feel they committed against me. It is not a good feeling to be angry, and it is not how God would want me to respond to the situation. I need to forgive.

Again, thank you!

JJ on May 26, 2020:

This is such an excellent article about handling anger biblically. Like to share this with my family in our Weekly Prayer Fellowship/Meeting. Asking permission Pastor Frank. Thank you.

Lisa on April 27, 2020:

I'm not sure if you're aware but ads for tarot readings are throughout your article.

skyla on April 18, 2020:

My friend is dealing with anger and addiction, he does not know God and I want to help him know God. I want to send him a prayer that will relieve him of his anger and addiction but I have no idea what to send to him because he is not christian and I don't want to come off too strong. Any suggestions?

Sarah on April 06, 2020:

This is fantastic and the scripture references very helpful, thankyou so much.

Remembering who God is, has also helped me in dealing with my anger and unforgiveness. Acknowledging who God is makes my anger seem insignificant and causes me to worship Him.

God is creator, merciful, loving, just, gracious, the only true source of peace and joy, comforter, He has a great sense of humour, is divine, all knowing and powerful... the list goes on....

Precious on February 12, 2020:

It's Thursday and I've been angry for something that happened on Monday. I've been rolling it over and over in my mind.

As a Christian I know that's wrong so I've decided to go against my feelings and seek to get over this. Read this article first and it is really helpful.

Thank you very much.

Cheryl on January 20, 2020:

Thank you for this conscientious report. My son is angry. He is in a Christian addictions recovery place. It runs 120 days. He has been there two months. I visited him yesterday. He said, " Mom, what I need help with is my anger.' They are not helping me with my anger." As I have been reading on anger, I am seeing anger and addiction can be a vicious cycle. Therefore I was searching for something that could help him. I like the way you lay it out. I will be sending him a copy, and hoping the Lord, our gracious God, will use it to defuse his anger. Please pray God supplies Shawn and his counselor with the proper tools, motivation and heart to instill in Shawn all that he needs for a victorious life. Thank you

Ronald E Franklin (author) from Mechanicsburg, PA on November 26, 2019:

In addition to the steps in the article, meditate on the following passages, and ask God to help you consistently (not just once or twice) put them into practice.

Matthew 5:44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things.

Instead of trying to will yourself to not be angry, replace anger with praise, thanksgiving, and blessing. If you are angry at some person, actively speak and pray blessing over them, even if you feel more like cursing them. And if you just are feeling angry at life in general, take time to focus on the goodness of God – think on and praise Him for the good things He has done and is doing in your life.

Ask the Lord to help you to consistently speak praise and blessing, no matter how you happen to be feeling at the time. You will probably have to do this over and over again. But when you consistently obey the commands God gives us in these passages, your angry feelings will eventually begin to change.

No Name on November 26, 2019:

Not sure where to begin, here lately I'm constantly getting angry over everything, I find myself saying the worst curse words, screaming, saying very hurtful things to those around me and constantly judging people that I don't even know. I have so much bitter and anger inside me that I just want it all to go away and start being the person I know God wants me to be, I have prayed to be released from this sin and I try so hard to stop the anger but no success. Any ideas to stop the anger are greatly appreciated

Christina on November 18, 2019:

Thank you so very much for your article. I have been struggling with internal anger for years! I get angry with people in my heart and I know that anger is murder in the heart. I just could never help it despite knowing the scriptures to apply. Your in depth article has really helped! Thank you brother!

Solomon on October 31, 2019:

God bless you with more greater wisdom to help us more than this,this advice is great and i know and believe when i begin to practice i surely will do away with my dangerous anger that keep me destroy my good things and fortunes

Britney on October 10, 2019:

I do not know you sir but I need to tell you how strongly your article and your words spoke to me tonight .. I searched the internet for ways to find God in the midst of rage and anger and I’m struggling through so much betrayal in my marriage that I lash out at other like my children and I hate myself for it- I will never give up and I know shame will keep me from God so I need to keep seeking my freedom through Him always .. your article just brought so many tears of hope to me and I graciously thank you for this tonight. God bless you

Heidi on July 15, 2019:

Thank you

james on May 31, 2019:

Add Your Comment..30yrs from Kenya.

. thanks a lot for your article, its was of more helpful and i did take a step of sharing this message to about four hundred men,

To me, i was a victim of anger,unable to control and further more i end up damaging my life , friends become my enemies, hatred to entire family, and many more negatives results from Anger,

am now able to control it, by for principle of controlling anger.

1.acknowledgement .

2.forgiveness ..

3.God's help

4.pray to forgive..

and.

5.by forgetting all.. and start new.

Shalom...

Ronald E Franklin (author) from Mechanicsburg, PA on May 19, 2019:

James, trying to live righteously through self control just doesn't work. That's what the apostle Paul talks about in Romans 7:14-25. But he also assures us that a righteous life is possible in Christ. He gives the key in Romans 12:1-2. Verse 2 says,

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

So, the key is having your mind renewed by saturating it with the word of God. You need to be studying the Bible in an organized way every day. The way you think will determine the way you live.

This is very difficult for any of us to do just on our own. Most of us need someone to walk beside us, provide biblical instruction along with encouragement when we mess up (1 John 1:9), and hold us accountable.

I strongly advise you to go to your pastor and share your desire to be mentored (discipled). At the very least, find a friend whose Christian walk you respect and ask him to be your accountability partner. Your pastor may be able to suggest such a person.

james on May 16, 2019:

i have been going through your articles, and i see how useful is to my life.. earlier and often during my salvation time, i have been doing even things that are not good before the eyes of Our Mighty God... and sometime am not able to control my self how can i control myself pastor

Jay C OBrien on March 15, 2019:

The Bible was originally written as separate books by separate authors over a great span of time. Constantine collected the books into, "The Bible." After about 1,000 years the Protestants removed several books from the original Bible. Mormons added books to the Protestant Bible. Thomas Jefferson removed most books from his, "Jefferson Bible." Which Bible do you follow?

Veronica on March 14, 2019:

This is probably the best info for anger I’ve read online. So practical. I’m very thankful to you sir.

Endashaw Yonas on October 29, 2018:

It is very nice, advice to a way give up anger.

Ronald E Franklin (author) from Mechanicsburg, PA on August 12, 2015:

Thank you much, Danny. I appreciate that.

Danny Cabaniss from Shawnee, Oklahoma on July 25, 2015:

Excellent! Such wisdom! Thank you so much for writing something so practical!

Ronald E Franklin (author) from Mechanicsburg, PA on September 16, 2014:

Thanks, Charito1962. As I share in another hub, God gave us the emotion of anger for a purpose - to motivate us to correct the situation that caused the anger. But whether that correction happens or not (it usually takes cooperation from others, who may choose not to cooperate) we still ultimately have to forgive. And you're so right - it can be very hard to do!

Charito Maranan-Montecillo from Manila, Philippines on September 16, 2014:

Beautiful hub! Yes, I believe that anger - when not justified - is simply a waste of energy! We all have to learn to settle down and look at the situation objectively. It's hard, but the only solution is to forgive the offender.

Jay C OBrien on September 15, 2014:

I hope some day you will join me in the "Peace Testimony."

I renounce war and fighting for any purpose or under any pretense whatsoever.

Ronald E Franklin (author) from Mechanicsburg, PA on September 14, 2014:

Thanks, Jay, for reading and commenting.

Jay C OBrien on September 14, 2014:

Now this is a good Hub!

Let me add the following, God does not condemn so we should also not condemn.

In the story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) the father ran to the son and welcomed him even while the son was far off.

An Adulteress was presented to Jesus (John 8:4) and Jesus did not condemn her.

Jesus said in John 8:15, You judge by the standards of Men, I judge no one.

By condemn I mean a judgment to the extent of creation of negative emotions. It is the negative emotion which is the sin.

You have properly written that forgiveness is the key. Forgiveness removes the negative emotions within us.

To help us forgive remember we do not have perfect knowledge. If we knew more about the person, we would have a reason to forgive them. Try to understand what the person is going through to drive them to anger.

I invite you to read the Hub, "GOD DOES NOT CONDEMN, we judge ourselves in a mirror held by God."