Kenneth Avery is a Southern humorist with well over a thousand fans. The charm and wit in his writing span a nearly a decade.
The photo below is of Jeff Foxworthy and while he is one of the best examples of good humor, I DO NOT imply or endorse Foxworthy for you to attend any of his concerts or buy any of his CD's or books simply because I used his name to help make one of my points in this hub. Thanks, Kenneth.
Jeff Foxworthy is arguably one of the finest men in our country. He is well-known for his down-home, good-natured, and clean human comedy. His big break was not that long ago when he wrote, produced and starred in "You Might Be a Redneck," was the piece that took-off like gangbusters. Foxworthy was on the lips of almost every American .This hub is in no way to be confused of me sitting here and pressuring you to attend any of his concerts, buy his CD's or books. Thanks, Kenneth. Again.
Now to take on two of the most-controversial topics: Christianity and church. Believe me, I am typing with kid gloves on. Now I personally have no axe to grind about Christianity or the church that Jesus said He was "going to build His church on a rock," although I do attend my local church, Hope Alive Worship Center, and the pastors are great people. I consider them close friends. Not one time have they or anyone who attends this church ever lifted (a) finger in judgement toward me. I love that.
But . . .we all know that they're certain places and sects where both Christianity and the church are sugar-coated, dressed in gorgeous coats, but never telling the truth. These are the ones that this old man plans to stay clear of. And notice that I did not slander anyone in these important places in the world.
⦁ Now for the "meat on the bone." Are you a very nervous, very perplexed Christian? Or is it that you are just a normal Christian who believes in The Risen `and see one of your heartthrobs of your college years. Now you feel great. You walk up to her and gently punch her in her ribs. She quickly snaps her head at you with complete surprise. And to her evangelist husband. Right now, you are looking really foolish, but not completely. You humbly apologize by saying, I'm sorry. You reminded me of my college love and she was as pretty as you. Sorry again. Walk away. Now. You did all that you could do, and still look normal to God and even the stunned wife of the evangelist.
⦁ While teaching a Bible class one Sunday morning, you catch the expressions of those in your class--cover their mouths whispering, but about what? Never mind, you think. Church people will be people. But upon the end of the class, your pastor, a very kind man, walks to you and whispers, do you always wear your pants unzipped at church? Normal. Yes, but still, not thinking.
⦁ This is a Normal Quiz-Question for The Sports Fans . . .you are a member of the choir and the group is really a fine-tuned bunch of singers. That is until your earplug (which is hidden) hears that The Chicago Bears have defeated The New York Giants which you respond with . . .well Alright! Attaway to go, Bears! This outburst causes the group to miss key sections to "Amazing Grace," and you, well, might as well know that you are a normal Christian, but may not be asked to sing in the choir again.
⦁ You and the wife are dining with the rest of the church body in their hospitality area. You are "wolfing-down" some great home-made potato salad, but you decide to feed it to your lovely wife with a fork, but you hear someone call your name at the same time your fork hits her left ear. Normal? Yes. Even gallant too, but you have to tweak your thinking especially at church.
⦁ This last, but all-important tip can be understood in the same mindset. You and your lovely wife attend a huge Gospel Singing in your civic center in your hometown. The joint is packed. What a time. When the first quartet finishes their second song, something happens that could only be explained as stupidity mixed with humiliation. As the group's second ends with the last note, you leap-up and cheer like you were at a College Football Play-off Game, First Round, and cheer to the top of your lungs, Yes! Great play there! Tear their heads up! Your eyes are jammed-tight as your mouth is doing the yelling. I ask. Is this what a normal Christian does? Sure. Just transilliterate your college football cheers for "Jesus Loves Me," and "Living By Faith," and be sure to say how embarassing this was, smile big, sit down and shut up. The truth is, a lot of Chrisitian football teams right at this singing are envious of doing what you just did. Kinda makes you feel good to be normal with a lot of other folks.
June 23, 2021____________________________________________
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© 2021 Kenneth Avery
DreamerMeg from Northern Ireland on June 26, 2021:
Way to go! Very funny Kenneth.
Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on June 24, 2021:
Now you have planted an image of that fork full of potato salad in your wife's ear. Ha!