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It is imperative to be cautious how you react after you break up with your partner. This is because when a relationship is severed, it becomes difficult for an individual to think logically thereby undertaking actions which appear right to do but in effect are negative.
These actions will jeopardize the commencement of the healing process thereby impeding you from recovering from the breakup. Some people take many months and years to recover from their breakups because of the actions they undertook or things they neglected to do.
Additionally, how a person acts after a breakup determines the state of the breakup. Some actions undertaken by a partner can result in their ex not wanting to reconcile with them.
The following are 18 things a person should not do (or do) to allow the healing process to begin its course and the surety of recovering from the breakup.
1. Express The Emotions
Expressing hurtful emotions is nature’s way of dealing with a painful episode. It does not signify weakness but an understanding something hurtful has taken place. It is a bold step since you are not escaping from what you know is a fact. In reality, expressing your emotions is the first step towards healing and recovering from the breakup. Don’t suppress these emotions. Don’t run away from them.
2. No Contact
After the break up, don't text or call your ex. This is not the time to beg for another chance or reconciliation. You need your 'me' time to think things through. You need time to sort out your thoughts. You need time to heal from the wound created in your heart. Not contacting your ex aids you in analyzing the relationship on the positive and negative side. This will put you in a good position to know whether to give the failed relationship another try or not.
3. Contain The Emotions
After experiencing the hurtful emotions for some time, it’s time to deal with them. They have run their due course, now it’s time to say goodbye to them. You are now aware a hurtful event has happened; it’s now time to deal with the hurtful emotions. Do not let the emotions continue running their due course for long as they’ll end up taking control of your mind, and ultimately your life. When they become part and parcel of your life, they will affect your life negatively. You need to deal with them.
7 Things You Should Never Do After a Breakup
It is difficult to forgive someone who has wronged or hurt you. It feels like you are condoning his behaviour thereby giving him the leeway to hurt you the more. This is not the case. In some situations, you can forgive and condone the behaviour. In other cases, you’ll forgive but not condone their behaviour. Forgiveness is for your benefit. It sets you free from the captivity of negative emotions such as anger and hatred.
5. Remember Not The Past Wound
When you have forgiven your ex, forget the wrong done to you. Try your level best not to revisit the past hurt(s). If you do so, you’ll never heal from the hurt nor recover from the breakup. You will live your life similar to a person who is haunted by an unseen force. You’ll end up not functioning well in your day-to-day activities. Try not to remember the hurt.
6. Stop Blaming Yourself Or Your Ex
Blame game. Either you’re blaming yourself for the demise of the relationship or your ex. You can blame yourself or your ex for as long as you want, but how will blaming help you in the long run? Whether you were the cause of the breakup or not, blaming yourself or your ex for an extended people will not help in anything. As a matter of fact, it is you who is going to feel the blunt of hurt. Accept the relationship didn’t work out, and if you were the cause of the breakup pledge to become a better you before you fall in love with another person or before you reunite with your ex.
7. Stop Stalking Your Ex
You should stop the habit of trying to find out how your ex is doing. Is her relationship with her current 'man' going well? Stop reading her updated statuses on social media sites. They will not help you at all. You are just doing yourself a disfavour. Stop trying to find out how she is doing. What matters now is how you are doing. Have you at least recovered from the breakup, and are ready to move on with your life?
You have a life to live. Stop living someone else’s life. Give yourself a break and concentrate on yourself. Stop living like a zombie.
8. Stop Listening To Love Songs
There is nothing worse than listening to something which makes you sadder than you are. They will make you feel unhappy and a pathetic creature that deserves to be pitied. They will increase the hurt or the wish to be in your ex’s arms. The songs will create an illusion you’re in the relationship or you may begin fantasizing the breakup never occurred. You might become bitterer, your hate towards your ex will increase and you might form a low opinion of yourself (not loving yourself).
You need to listen to uplifting or inspiring songs. Songs which will comfort, encourage, motivate and challenge you. Songs of hope and which will strengthen your inner-self.
9. Don't Live In Denial
Face the fact. The relationship is over. Don’t live in denial the relationship hasn’t yet come to an end. You are just deceiving yourself. You are living in a fantasy world. You are denying yourself what is rightful yours - your ‘real’ life. You are trying to live someone’s life which you know isn’t a good thing. Accepting the fact will allow the healing process to begin thus ensuring your recovery from the breakup. Don’t live a life that doesn’t exist. It never works. You are only fooling yourself.
10. Not Too Close Of Friends
If you end up becoming platonic friends, you will never move quite far in your life. Your life will be revolving around your ex. You should become casual friends for your own benefit. You don’t want to always remember the good old times. They will not help you. You will be living a wishful life - out of reality with the real life - no longer conscious of the current status of your relationship. In any case, if you get together very soon because you've become platonic friends another breakup is bound to take place.
11. Don't Rush Into Another Relationship
Don’t rush into another relationship to escape the hurt you know you’ll feel. Don’t jump into another relationship to show your ex you haven’t been affected and you’re better off. Not only are you hurting yourself the more, also you are hurting the new partner you’ve run off to be with. Before engaging yourself in another relationship, ensure you have healed from the hurt and have recovered from the break up. You don’t want to cause problems in the new relationship because you haven’t healed and recovered from the previous breakup.
12. Stop Hating Your Ex
You will not benefit at all by hating you ex. You are only making your life more difficult to live by. Hatred is a negative emotion. If you let it continue manifesting itself in your life, it will turn out destructive especially affecting your mind and physical health in negative ways. The only best way to deal with hatred is by forgiving your ex.
Top 10: Things Not to Do After a Breakup
13. Don't Revert To Your Former Ex
Don’t go back to your former ex to escape the hurt or to find console or to think this time the relationship will work out. Deal with your pain. When you have healed and have recovered from the breakup, you will know whether it is acceptable to get back with your former ex (though it is not advisable). If you haven’t healed and recovered from the breakup, how can you survive in another relationship?
14. Don’t Broadcast the Breaking News
Don’t broadcast to any and everyone about the breakup. You should only do so to your close friends or those you feel need to know about the breakup. For the others, they’ll get the news when they ask about you and your partner (ex). Neither should you broadcast the negative traits of your ex to the whole world. And, don’t try to justify yourself to feel good or for your friend(s) to feel sorry for you.
15. Don't 'Pull' Yourself Down
Don’t be hard on yourself whether you were the cause of the breakup or not. Don’t hate yourself, love yourself. You might feel you are unworthy, useless, a fool or label yourself negatively yourself. It may feel you deserve it, but no, you don’t deserve it. Either way, whether you were the cause or not, don’t be too hard on yourself. Soften a little.
16. Forgive Yourself
You might forgive your ex but find it difficult to forgive yourself. This is especially the case if you were the cause of the breakup. If you were the reason for the breakup, it would be wise to ask your ex to forgive you (not to reconcile but for a clear conscience). If he does or doesn’t forgive you, take the other step of forgiving yourself. If you don’t you will be living a bitter-depressed-hurtful life. You’ll end up hating yourself – not loving yourself - which will turn out disastrous in your future life and relationship(s).
17. Don’t Do Something Crazy
She ended the relationship. As far as you know the breakup didn’t affect her. You want to show her you have an upper edge against her. So, what do you do? Change your fashion style to a ridiculous one instead to one that will suit you for the better. Go for strange tattoos and post photos on your social media sites for the sake of showing her that you are well off. You are just hurting yourself. Don’t do anything crazy to show your ex you have a life of your own, the relationship hasn’t affected you or you are faring well. Do things that will build you up for your own sake, not for somebody else’s sake.
18. Don't Pretend You Are Fine
No one is immune to hurt. Remember, you are not alone and is not a sign of weakness accepting you are hurt. If you pretend you are not hurt, know you are fooling yourself. Don’t pretend to yourself or any person who asks you about the breakup that it hasn't affected you or you're doing fine when it isn't the case. Don’t say, “It is nothing,” or “I am doing great” when you are not.
© 2016 Alianess Benny Njuguna
Alianess Benny Njuguna (author) from Kenya on February 08, 2017:
@Keisha, my sympathies. I know how it feels for I have been in your situation. I will be speaking from a man's perspective coupled with what I have learned through research in regards with relationships.
If he truly loves you, his actions need to be at par with the words he speaks. If he rarely calls you nor pick up your phone, then he no longer has feelings for you. You no longer interest him. Relationship is about communication. Early on in the relationship it's easy to know if someone loves to talk more than send texts or prefer to send texts more than talk. In your case it looks he was more into talking but now doesn't talk a lot.
If he says he loves you then he considers you special then he need not behave in such a manner. What you need to do is stop calling him. He is taking advantage of you. You are his backup plan. If the relationship he is in fails, he will come back to you. You are someone he can run to if what he has been doing on the other side fails.
Do not call him. Apply no contact rule. Do not call him for days and weeks. It will hurt but purpose to do that. During this period stop thinking about him and the relationship. Concentrate on yourself. Move on living as if you don't have a lover. Do your things. It is hard but he is enjoying your neediness on him that is why he is behaving so.
Keisha, don't let anybody despise or take advantage of you. Do not let him treat you like a doormat. You deserve a better man. You have a life to live. Do not boost his ego. Let him learn you are independent, and happiness and fulfillment doesn't come from having a relationship with him. Don't beg or plead to him. You deserve better. Let him know that by not contacting him in whatsoever way. He is just playing your mind. You never know, you will come across a better man than him and your feelings for him will die sooner than you expected.
keisha grant on February 07, 2017:
he claims he loves me but very hard for him to call nor he does not pick mine ....the truth is i am into him a lot ...i do face a lot of trauma pls help me
Alianess Benny Njuguna (author) from Kenya on October 30, 2016:
Thank you dashingscorpio. True, one needs to stop 'romanticizing the past.' She was not the one. Out of the 7 billion people, surely one cannot be 'mourning' to get back to an ex when there are still singles out there. Good advice, dashingscorpio
dashingscorpio from Chicago on October 22, 2016:
I'd also add - Stop "romanticizing the past" and looking at the relationship through "rose tinted glasses". She wasn't "the one"!
In order for (her) to have been "the one" she would have had to see (you) as being "the one"! At the very least a "soul-mate" is someone who actually WANTS to be with you!
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
- Oscar Wilde
If someone dumps you it means they clearly don't think you're "special".
Thankfully there are over (7 Billion) other people on this planet! Odds are there are thousands if not millions of other people who would love and appreciate you. Every ending is a new beginning!