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You Need To Stop Texting... Now!

Robert is a staff writer at Relationship Steps and writes about dating, relationships and personal development.

Stop Texting!


The real reason why he flakes out on you...

Guys, for the most part, want a girl to put them in their place, to challenge them, and, of course, love them. They just don't know this, so they try to be the boss of you, complete with their own misunderstandings of how a relationship should work.

This digital age is a marvel of technology... and I'm not trying to change your life in one single way... except:

STOP texting the guys you like!!

He texts you, you reply and text him back, maybe you have long text conversations that really go nowhere. Or maybe a couple of months of cell phone texting being the main form of communication, through whatever mobile types of phone you use.

"Texts" are just hints to a whole story. They are nudges that try to turn into something. Emotionless words typed from a guy that just can't be bothered to dial you up and actually talk to you on your voice.

The guy you like, he likes to text you a lot. Why?

You want to read this now:

- Stop Texting, they have your phone number, make them use it, and call you back promptly. But don't answer the text for a minimum 24 minutes.

And keep your reply short to this: Say "Call me back from your phone, no texts right now please."

Now he has to talk with you, verbally. No more hidden meanings and unknown answers, better verbal and voice tone clues, complete with nervous silences and "hems and haws" waiting for words to come out of his voice box.

Pay particular attention to the way he says what he says. Listen to the tone of his voice. Use these verbal clues and his open/closed body language when you're in front of him.

This will tell you much more than you could ever get from a text message.

Ask any body language expert, and she'll tell you that communication is 90% non-verbal, 10% verbal. When you are face-to-face with a person you can decipher their body language and, right or wrong, you form a realistic image of them in your mind.

When talking with someone on the phone, your ability to decipher what they mean, the emotion in their words, is curtailed. Not so much information comes your way but you instinctively can decode their emotions through the tone of their voice. Happy, sad, angry, worried, it's all revealed through the vocal cords, the breaks in the flow of words, etc.

When you're texting someone, you lose the majority of the ways you can identify with what the person is going through at the moment they are sending you that text message.

When you receive the text message, well, a bit of fantasy invades your logic center and you immediately, based on past experience with the person and (a big AND) you add the emotions you assume are hidden behind the words.

Is he happy, sad, angry, shy, pensive, worried, excited, adventurous? The text doesn't tell you, so you automatically add the emotions, or lack of emotions, to the text you received.

And, surprisingly, your imagination fills in the required emotions that were not sent in the message. Here are few examples of text that there are very little clues to what is behind the words:
what are you doing?

do you want to do something later?

blah blah blah

And you automatically fill in these emotionless words to something more pleasurable to handle. Sometimes not so accurately too.

Here are the rules for relationships and texting:

- text messaging are only allowed if it's an emergency
- text messaging cannot continue beyond receiving his message and you texting him back telling him exactly when to call you back. No matter what message he texted you, reply a few minutes later (you don't want to think you're just sitting around waiting for him to contact you, right?) and always say this: "Call me in 10 minutes (or another designated time) and make sure he sticks to that call and time.
- If he doesn't know what to do together "later on" you MUST have a chosen thing to do. Example: he calls you after texting you. He says "Do you want to do something later?" and you should reply, always, with a plan "I want to go to the 7:20 movie and then have a dessert after the movie. Pick me up (or meet me at...) 6:30pm. See you then, by."

As a woman dating the usual guy that doesn't have a clue about how to treat women, then it's you have have to step up and make the choices when he can't or won't:

You choose what and where to go.If he "hems and haws" about anything, gives you a "whatever" or "some other time", just say "Oh, that's OK, I can get one of my girlfriends to go with me" and end the conversation quickly. And go according to your plan.I want you to know this secret:

Guys are very fragile creatures with their emotions being something they don't understand, for the most part. They are extremely afraid of any type of rejection from a woman, especially any woman they have an interest in.

And here's another secret, one you can use any time, all the time.

Everyone is more scared than you are, all the time.

Everyone is afraid of rejection.

Unless you're some type of a "freak or geek" people need human companionship to survive. And that fear of rejection, of not being respected, not being admired by your peers. Everyone is more scared than you are.

So no matter how nervous you are, everyone else is more nervous. Knowing this should give you much more confidence and power in your everyday life, especially when meeting new people. Stare past their facade and know that they are more scared than you are.

You'll be a winner from now on! And get what/who and where you want.

Back again to the topic at hand.

When you can end the hold of your texting habit and convert those messages from a guy into a follow-up call from him, you will gain the upper hand in the budding relationship and have better control over the things you do, with him as a boyfriend, because you've been strong and laid down the ground rules for how to you will be treated, how he will respond to your requests.

I am sure that he doesn't ask you to go places. He might "hem and haw" or give you the old "well, what do you wanna do?"

This is where you have to be prepared and have a plan ready. You respond "I want to go here for dinner then go see this movie". You have a plan. You are a strong and decisive woman.

If you're just starting to hang out together, plenty of text have been exchanged BUT if you ask him if he'd like to do something then he's got to check with his friend(s), and see if you can join them, with all these emotions and all these texts flying around and you're last in the link. That sucks. You're fifth wheel or worse!

In this article I have been discussing how women can make men, grown men, decide to do what it is that you want to do, (keep sex out of dating because you need to understand each other before you take this step of making a baby!) and remember that I am the person saying that it's OK for you to do this (I'm the guy that's on your side!).

Think about texting messages again:

It's sms communication of common words that have different abbreviations so that you can make a long message short. Very convenient to get messages to the right people and fast responses. Teens and twenty-somethings live and die by text messages.

Well, maybe not die but certainly live by the next message. That's good, that's what Twitter and texting is all about.

It is not about romance, daring, planning a life with that special someone.

Do you want to know why?

Because texting allows only a small 2 - 4%of the total communication emotional and logical content to come through and with that low of emotional content there is also a corresponding lowering of the "rejection fear" guys have with women.

Most guys have an insane fear of rejection by women.

This is why guys prefer texting to other forms of communication.

Email and text. It's safe, quick and you don't have to deal with the fact that you're putting the other person in a spot where they may disagree, make a face at you, and just walk away. Rejection at it's finest.

Texting does not allow such a close contact, thus no fear of rejection on his part.

While this may seem to be playing guys on a line... trust me, every guy likes to be helpful and gain more approval just like a small puppy, but you need to to be the strong one. Guys, for the most part, want a girl to put them in their place, to challenge them, and, of course, love them.

You can do this, now you know the secret.

Put it to work, change your life.

Honest information about dating men... and even more great tips on managing your life with or without men.

Thanks for reading and best of luck in life and love.
Your Friend,
Robert Lee

This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.

© 2009 Robert Lee


sosilly:( on February 09, 2014:

Where were you when I first made the error of trying online 'dating'? sure could have used this :(

I did the worst thing in tricking myself that I was falling in love. I tried to end it so many times, was the one saying 'it's not real if it's not in person' but I just didn't know enough to realise I was heading to disaster. Of course we never even met :( and I'm here ... over a year later and still making similar mistakes.

I don't know how to stop. I have hope inside of me and it won't go away. I'm 36 and never been in love, I dated one guy - but he just wasn't for me. At least he was real.

When you're very alone and isolated - no family and well 'friends' who are no longer real either - how do you stop falling for the idea of connection through text when it feels that it's all there is?

Even though I know what you write is true.

Ive done the sexting and even pics and I know it's wrong for me - for how I feel, but I feel like I've lost myself to this and don't know how to come back from it.

Thanks for writing what you write though - all that's to be done now is pick myself up and dust myself off, live alongside the mistakes I've made :( and I suppose get on with it.

It's so hard not to fall for it when it feels like it's the only option you have to meet someone.

I had a relationship in my own head and heart and he just played me for the fool I allowed myself to be.

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Not only does this texting and so on allow zero effort; but now all these shows on tv like the batchelor or 'X wants a wife' and so on - all singles lined up like fools for one person to do with as they want....and not only is it seen as entertaining, but it's seen to be ok.

Do you have any ideas (other than a church lol) of where one can meet real people (not at work) especially when said one is also trying to find her feet without anyone around at the moment for support - where the heck are people who have time to connect with someone these days? Even for friendship.

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on June 05, 2013:

Texting like you would talk is open to all kinds of misunderstandings.

And what's wrong with a real phone call.

Seth on May 22, 2013:

Total bull crap! I'm a guy, and I know how to communicate over text messaging. The English language does have punctuation, you help express yourself. The most frustrating thing for me is when a smart gal doesn't take the time to communicate right over texts. See, you women think that by not adding "smileys", exclamation marks, saying "Lol!" or "hahaha!", think that by not texting that way, you're just making sure no one misunderstands you. When in reality, if you ever say, "Call me back from your phone, no texts right now please.", it sounds so incredibly serious, the guy is going to think you are mad or something. He's going to be unsure of your mood, at least. So you're actually miscommunicating.

Alright, look - why not just text like you would talk? Where's the shame in that? If you've got a good guy, he'll let you know if he's confused about something you said. And if he is, then clarify. If that doesn't work, sure -call him, get it sorted out, no prob. Why not. But that doesn't mean you have to sound like a damn stiff board every time he texts you!

builedy on April 10, 2013:

Greetings from Los angeles! I'm bored to death at work so I decided to check out your site on my iphone during lunch break. I love the knowledge you present here and can't wait to take a look when I get home. I'm surprised at how fast your blog loaded on my mobile .. I'm not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyhow, good blog! scan your pc

reva on September 20, 2012:

evre one need to stop txtt

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on July 15, 2012:

Hi Ace, You're a tough nut aren't you?

"Your way or the highway".

I'd like to know how well that works for you, in a year or so.


Ace on July 14, 2012:

Do this and I dump the chick. No time for silly nonsense, if she wants my time, she can earn it. If it is an emergency, I get that calls are needed. But no stupid games

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on June 18, 2012:

Hi Tris,



tris on June 18, 2012:

hi so should i stop txting the guy i like to get him to see me more then a friend.?

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on June 16, 2012:

You need to set up some "open communication" with him and ask him what the "relationship boundaries" are.

But really, it sounds to me that you're single whenever you're alone because he isn't sharing part of your day when you're apart.


Zeezee on June 15, 2012:


I loved your article, it was a slap in the face for me. I've been dating an "amazing" man for 5 months, we are so in love but he annoys me when he takes over 24 hours to write me back. I understand guys hate texting he even told me he tried to make time but something came up at work then I notice he writes friends on Facebook. If he has time for that surely he has time to text and say how am I? 

Is it just is woman that like a man to see how we are and ask about our day? He is incredible when we are together and he's planned our future together but I really hate when he ignores me. Shall I just tell him ? Or shall I just ignore his texts and tell him to call me and then tell him that When I don't hear from him I feel I'm single again? I just don't want to seem needy although all I want is a boyfriend to be involved in my life even if we aren't together 

 I would really appreciate your advise as this texting business could end what could have been a beautiful relationship :( 

lynn on May 07, 2012:

I can hear somewhat on the phone but its just a big hastle so texting is easier for me to get in touch with people.

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on April 21, 2012:

Hi Lynn,

I'm not sure how to answer the question other than:

If it's your ONLY way to communicate then yes, text away.

But I have to ask, how do you use the phone otherwise?


lynn on April 19, 2012:

What if texting is your only means of communication due to being hearing impaired????????

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on April 04, 2012:

Hi TD,

Congrats! Keep the conversations REAL and you'll have a great romance!

best wishes,


TD on April 04, 2012:

RP it worked!I tried this yesterday, He texted me good morning so I replied with "good morning, I would appreciate if you could give me a call later" & HE DID! Turns out there were a few things that he was waiting to ask/talk to me about instead of texting it to me. He also mentioned that he thought I didn't like for him to call me (don't know where he got that from) so I cleared that up really quick!! We were having a great convo & I told him that I needed to go & that I would let him go & take care of his business. He was disappointed and told me if I wasn't busy later to hit him up. IT WORKS PEOPLE!!! Thanks again RP for this great advice!!

Ranj on April 03, 2012:


I loved your advise, only today my new boyfriend said i starting to do his head in. I called him when he was in a meeting he said he would call me back but i continued to text him. That made in really angry and said that he had load on at work and i was starting to do his head in.. i text back sorry i didn't realise, promised no more.. anyway after reading your article it made me think i become insecure and anxious and keep texting him. I will not text him unless its in an emergency.. thanks alot.

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on March 26, 2012:

Hi TD, Any time I can help, just post a note!


TD on March 26, 2012:

Thank you LD for your article & your response!!

LD on March 26, 2012:


This article absolutely gave me a new lesson of texting, but I am not sure very much about it in my case, as I am not an English native speaker while he is, and sometimes we met some difficult in making conversation, even face to face. He keeps texting me everyday, not call. Should I apply your advise in this case?



Robert Lee (author) from Canada on March 23, 2012:

Hi TD,

Read the response I gave to "Topgirl", directly above your post, your situation is very similar.

Once you are caught up in this "texting trap" you have to be the one to initiate the move away from it.

Besides, texts were never meant to be an "immediate reply required" type of communication. That is where so many people get caught up in this mess. (I'll probably get heck for that statement but it's the truth!)

So just STOP and try to REFORM him before it's way too late.

Best wishes,


TD on March 22, 2012:

Hello RP. I met a guy 2 months ago and we have been texting on the regular since. We have only gone on 2 dates, one in which he initiated first & second in which I did (only because he expressed that he thought I didn't want to hang out w/him because I hadn't told him I did). The two dates were great. In the begininning, he expressed that he didn't like talking on the phone that often so we texted, all day sometimes and almost everyday. The crazy part is that we have had some very deep, intriguing conversations thru text. However, The texting has come down a bit, he usually initates most texts (goodmornings, how are you, etc). I initiate some also. However, texting is so impersonal. He calls sometimes, but its like a surprise.Also, there have been a few times when he doesn't respond or does so after an hour or a few hours but not all of the time. I have a liking towards him but feel like I only know so much about him. Is it too late for this behavior to change? He has indicated a time or two that he wants to see what will happen between us and asked me if I was down to see also. Last I texted him was yesterday to his response to my goodmorning text & he responded & reminded me that it was 30 days until my special day (bday. I texted him back asking how he was and he hasn't texted back. I'm not sure what to do.

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on March 21, 2012:

Hi Topgirl, I think you're earnest to keep what you have alive with him. Why don't you take the first step and only call him?

Just stop right now and give him a regular phone call. If your call goes to voicemail think of how grateful he will be to hear your voice!

Don't let this "texting battle" cloud the future you wish for, give him a phone call now!



Topgirl on March 20, 2012:

Hi. I met a man who is a pilot this past weekend. We met online and had a great date. While my expectations were low when we started, the night progressed to a really fun and quite an intimate evening of conversation (not physically, although we did share a few kisses). We stayed up all night and I saw him off to the airport. We promised to stay in touch with him wanting to fly back here. He texted me from the plane before takeoff and we continued our conversation through the day. Finally I cut it off and said I would talk to him in a few days. Well, I caved and texted him a "hey how's it going" he responded "super busy with work, flying to x location to x location and then again to x location" He didn't ask how I was or anything. I haven't responded to his text from yesterday as I felt like it was a dead conversation, however, I really want to talk to him on the phone and make plans to meet up somewhere. He has the opportunity to bid for flights back to my city, however, it isn't necessarily easy in the next little bit considering his schedule is already set and aviation rules don't allow for him to exceed a certain number of hours per week. His current cycle is really tight with no down time for quite some period of time. I am afraid if we don't speak we'll lose the momentum. Do I sit by and just hope he calls, or do I text him back and say "hi x, why not give me a call instead of texting, I miss your sexy (geopraphic location) voice. I purposely left out identifying details to be able to remain anonymous.

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on March 19, 2012:

Hi Confused, I think you're right. Have him call you, forget the texts. The "relationship" you have with him now is for convenience only.

Play it by ear but stop getting excited about him.

Sorry to say but you're just not that high on his list of priorities.

I can understand it, him being a single working father, but still, he shows little in the way of common courtesy and isn't looking for a solid anything with you.

Friends and maybe a little whatever on the side, but don't expect much more until his lifestyle drastically changes.

Good luck!


Confused on March 17, 2012:

I have a long story, so here goes...I had a long term relationship with a guy in HS and I was friends with one of his friends, with whom I was attracted to. Thanks to Facebook we got in touch with each other. He called me a year ago we had long phone conversations and texting, he told me that he had always had a thing for me as well. He invited me to go to a work event with him (we live in different states now) to hang out. Then he stops responding to texts and calls. 6 months go by and I didn't hear from him, all of a sudden he texts me with an apology about not contacting me. He is a single father of 3 that gets little help from his ex (he has custody of his children). He flirts over texts says he cant wait to meet up again. I tell him that he should call me he doesn't. I go a few months without hearing from him again then I get a text that he misses talking to me. So we start texting again then all of a sudden nothing. Then in December I text him to see how he was doing, he acts excited to hear from me responds to my texts right away. Tells me that he was going to be up in my area that weekend for business but had to cancel because of child care. Then again I don't hear from him until this week, he sent me a text and I was happy to hear from him. We text back and forth and he tells me he will definitely be in my area for business next month he sent me his companies itinerary. He was away all weekend at work and we sent texts back and forth all weekend which made me so happy and excited...I know its stupid(I feel like I am trying to relive the feelings that I had for him when we were younger). I sent him a text last night telling him goodnight and sweet dreams and no response. At first I was a tad sad that I got no response, then I considered he was on EST and I'm on PST so I let it go. He then sent me a text in the afternoon, telling that he was sorry he hadn't responded sooner but he had been busy at work. I responded, that I understand he was working. He then sends me a text asking me what i was up to for the day. I waited 30 minutes and then responded, then asked what he was doing? Then again nothing...Then I see he posts his status on Facebook that he has a layover for 3 hours. I still get no response. His friends comment on his facebook and he replies to them the entire 5 people that commented on his status, and still has not replied to me. This speaks volume to me. I know that I need to not text him at all no matter how much I want to and if he texts me to respond with a call me. If he doesn't text me in a few days what do I do? What if he text me in a few weeks when he is here wanting to meet up? I need some assistance.

RubyAnna from London on March 06, 2012:

Hello. My story, is still going on. Mr hot platform guy, didn't contact me before our supposed 'date' on 15th feb so i deleted his number. End of story.

But, tonight, 6th/7th March at exactly midnight - I get a text from him saying 'When do we meet? Any day next week, if you are free. Hope you are great and shiny. x'

I do not get this guy at all. I was automatically responding, when I caught myself and deleted my response. I suspect he's had a few drinks and thought of the girl he met on the platfrom. Or he's on drugs right now - his text does sound a bit druggy! Lol.

Either way, I'm ignoring his text. What a shame he turned out to be a dickhead!

James on March 06, 2012:

Its irrational to expect two individual with different preconceived expectations to just do one medium of communication. What should matter is what they are confortable with. Its both genders that hide behind texting. And the women that complain about men texting too much are generally the ones that don't have much to say over the phone. Its a two-way street! Men are not here to entertain you! I love talking on the phone but awkward silences make akward relationships. Let chatterboxes be chatterboxes and let texters be texters.

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on March 01, 2012:

Hi Rain22, I think you've given this guy enough of your time. Let him miss you a little more and just stop replying to his texts. Find out what's really on his mind by talking to him only, no more texts!

Good luck!


rain22 on March 01, 2012:

how come when i text this guys he doesn't text back or text back a little sentence or phrase nothing about what i asked him but anything out the blue. when i don't text him and just move on talking to other guys he texts i miss you or i wanna see you. its just so cat and mouse . i don't know if i should stop talking or what.

RM on March 01, 2012:

Hi RP, Thank you! I feel the same way.. This is OVER.. I am so thankful that it happened in the beginning and I did not invest years into this type of relationship.

Thank you for the advice to ALL women and MEN.

Me especially because I am hearing it from a guy's point of view.


Robert Lee (author) from Canada on February 29, 2012:

Hi RM,

If, and only if, he makes contact with you, expect only a phone call, and let him have it!

He has disrespected you and should not get off lightly for this immaturity.

As well, know that your relationship is over. The trust has been broken and very few men can ever earn that back.

I don't think your guy is pne of those few men.

Good luck!


RM on February 29, 2012:

I am soo tired of this texting era. I wish men won't be such cowards. I am in a relationship with this guy and at first he was the one texting and texing and calling but now is the opposite, I was the one texting and calling until about a week ago. I stop because he's not returning my text and calls and I just wonder if he has changed his mind about me. I think I am older enough to understand if he doesn't want to be with me. But just stop communicating it's very unfair. I am wondering if I did something wrong. I just don't know.. It's been about a week now and nothing.. We used to talk for almost two hours every night for the period of almost three months.. Now it's nothing.. Why?? I cannot believe it, i am heartbroken and very disappointed. I used see him differently now I don't even think he can have my respect. I already know not to answer his text so I won't. Then, I think what if he calls? what am I going to do? HELP PLEASE

RubyAnna from London on February 17, 2012:

Hi, no good news to report. Wednesday came and went and no text, nor phone call from Mr Tube station man.

So, I've now deleted his number (otherwise I might have been tempted to contact him again, sometime in the future against my better judgement!) and he is now, no longer on my radar.

I never normally give anyone a second chance and think this guy is probably a playa - but he did have both of his grandmothers hospitalised the day he phoned me (they're 89 and 91) and said that might make it awkward for him as he didn't know what might happen.

So, in his case, I might make an exception if he does get in touch in the future.

So, back to square one.

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on February 10, 2012:

Hello RubyAnna,

Thank you for the follow-up, I have been waiting to hear how things have turned out for you and I am so glad that it's positive news.

You have restored my faith in voice communications.

Have fun on your date, keep us updated.

Best of luck,


RubyAnna from London on February 09, 2012:

I wanted to update you on my 'gorgeous man that i met on the tube platform' and had texted but he hadn't texted back. you said, I should have rung him but i didn't have the courage.

Funny, in my circle of friends, the guys, said, well. you texted him a statement, not open or left with any way to answer you, so he might be too scared or thinkg too much time had passed so you should text him and leave it open, ask him something, so you get a repsonse.

However, all my girlfriends said do not bother, 'he's not that into you'. Wednesday night at 10.30 I thought sod it, I'll text.

And texted the following - -Hi John, you might not remember me, but we met on the platform at Tottenham Court Road tube a couple of weeks ago. I just wondered if you'd be able to meet for that coffee soon'.

Immediatley he responded - 'I've been meaning to contact you for a while now, sorry about that. I'd love to. Let's talk tomorrow and sort it out. Hope you are wonderful. x'

I responded ' No need to be sorry, life is always busy and things get away from one. I'd really love to talk tomorrow, so do give me a ring. Take care.'

I thought, okay, if he doesn't ring, I will delete his number and not give him a moment's thought. But I did think, during the day, if he'd ring.

Anyway - at 13 mins past 10 pm, he texted me 'Evening colourful one, free for me to call in 5 - I hope you are wonderful..x' i said yes. and he called me.

I'd forgotten how wonderful his voice is. He sounds so nice the reason I'd asked if he does voiceovers. Very Posh, upper class english accent, but deep and sonorous.

Anyway, We now have a date! Wednesday evening, 6 days from now, and he will text me to arrange a time to call and discuss.

So............ thank you for your help, and watch this space. I mean, who knows!

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on February 03, 2012:

Hi LJ,

He handled things badly. You have very right to feel disappointed and to express this feeling to him. Wait for him to call and if he texts you, reply "No more texting - call me at XXXX" and then have a very calm talk with him to make future plans.

Don't write him off yet, bad behavior can be corrected if he cares for you.

Good luck,


LJ on February 03, 2012:

Great article. I do have a question, though. I was supposed to be on a date today (you can so tell where this is going already) but then in the last minute he texted and cancelled, saying he was at work and couldn't pick up when I called him, asking if I was free on Sunday. I understood that he was working and couldn't call, so I texted back saying that I wish he had warned me sooner, and to call me at 21h to talk about Sunday plans.

He still decided to text, saying something about being free Sunday after lunch and that we'd talk later. I was upset by it but decided to wait for a little to calm down, so 3 hours later I texted him saying "I wish you had called when I asked you instead of discarding me with a text. Good night"

And now I don't know what I'm supposed to do next. I want to know why he cancelled things in the last minute and I want to know why he didn't call when I asked him to. But should I just ignore his texts, call him, allow us to talk through skype? I do feel a tad disappointed and don't really know what to do next. I'm not even sure of the way I handled it was okay in the first place.

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on February 02, 2012:

Hi Alex,

You missed the point entirely. But "the formula" you speak of is actual speaking.

I hope you get a clue and start to date someone soon because you really need to be taken care of in a big way.

Good luck!



Robert Lee (author) from Canada on February 02, 2012:

Hi EG,

Good for you!!

Now if others can figure out what you did right we'll have a lot more happy people around, instead of downed heads sobbing into their mini-keyboards wondering where things went so wrong.


Alex on February 02, 2012:

Im tired of these feminist movements.

I'm all for equality; however, you preach manipulation, as though it's appropriate to administer a formula when it comes to feelings of affection.

Now, for some men, I'm sure that texting helps them cope with the fear of rejection. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid of abandonment. Yet, by nature, men are not as cowardly as you suggest.

I've heard tale of a day and age when love letters were adored by sweethearts and lovers. Technology might change, sure, but love is eternal.

Don't neglect your feelings--it's wrong to do so.

EG on February 02, 2012:

It's intersting that the people negating your article sound very much like those who "fear rejection". I recently had this experience with 2 men-

The one I liked more out the gate, text me 90% of the time, and only called a couple of times to talk live (easy conversation). The other man only texted to arrange a time to call, and did call about every other or couple of days, which was a little awkward at first.

The texter and I got along great when we met for a couple of dates, and had a lot of chemistry, so I put more energy into texting him. The caller, not so much, but he was super nice, and a real gentlemen, just not as aggressive, or open about his feelings, as the other guy was being via text.

The texter kept texting, and it got hotter (via text). The caller kept calling, and we started to confide in each other (on the phone). The texter misinterpreted a couple of my texts one day, and responded according to his misunderstanding. I suggested he call and we talk, and when several days went by without hearing from him, I reached out again. He texted back that he thought I was mad at him. Even though, I texted back that I thought he misunderstood, and never was, he did not text or call me again, leading me to believe his feelings for me were never really genuine.

The caller kept calling, and after several long phone conversations, and a few dates, I was able to develop a deeper understanding of him, and began to care more and more about him. We are now dating very hot & happily, and we rarely ever text eachother. We like to hear eachother's voice when we talk because we like eachother- with out fear. I agree that texting serves a purpose, but at some point you have to move forward or you fizzle.

RubyAnna from London on January 30, 2012:

I will. I will also read everything you've posted to pick up some tips. Thank you.

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on January 29, 2012:

Hi RubyAnna, Give yourself time. Being single is important too!


RubyAnna from London on January 29, 2012:

Yes................ Not sure if I have the confidence to find anyone.....

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on January 29, 2012:

Hi RubyAnna, Excellent!! You handled that situation with poise, confidence and no lowering of your standards.

Still single??


RubyAnna from London on January 29, 2012:

Thank you for your comment R Pseudomen, but I don't have the courage to phone him. He obviously doesn't want to know me, So I wont push him.

Having said that, I once had a pretty casual relationship with a guy, who was fun, but it was what it was. One of the rules was we would always respond to texts as it was our only form of communication and we kept it short. A couple of times he didn't answer.

One time, he phoned and invited me to a club. I said, that was great, and he said he'd get back to me in the morning and find out the details of the club. Well. I woke up and texted saying how much I was looking forward to it..... And I had no response from him. For four days. I only texted the once.

That was Saturday morning. On the Tuesday, he sent me a text, which I ignored. I ignored the next 5. Some were apologies, some were saying sweet things.

I ignored them all. The sixth text, made me laugh and gave me the perfect riposte. it was, 'Babe, are you getting my texts at all, because you're not responding... I am not sure if you're getting them as I really, really want to make it up to you and hear from you.'

My answer was ; -

'Yeah, it's a real bummer when a person ignores your text isn't it?'.

That did make me laugh. and I dumped him.... by text.

Thank you.

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on January 29, 2012:

Hi RoxyAndy, Give him the opportunity to meet with you. If he doesn't meet with you then don't even bother texting him anymore.

Send him an email that says you're past such a fake relationship as you had together and you hope he can grow into the type of man that can appreciate an intelligent woman without feeling threatened in the future.

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on January 29, 2012:

Don't paint all men the same way! Then again, maybe he has such a fear of rejection that he simply can't imagine himself to be with such an awesome girl as yourself.

His loss!

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on January 29, 2012:

Hi Confused, Dump him. He's likely a "serial dater" not looking for a relationship, just a quick roll in the hay.

There's better men to share your life experience with.

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on January 29, 2012:

Kick in the pants for you!

Set up a regular time to skype each other and if the time doesn't work out then skip it until the next time comes around. Maybe every Sunday night at 6:00pm you skype each other, if the time doesn't work for whatever reason you hold off on messaging until the next Sunday date-appointment comes around.

This will either build anticipation on his part or relegate you to the "dump bin".

Either way you'll finally have your answer.

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on January 29, 2012:

Hi RubyAnna, It is very likely that you pushed too hard, too fast. But you can still give him a call and plan to meet for a coffee somewhere.

Just don't text him! Speak to him. It's the same number, right?

roxyandy on January 29, 2012:

Such a great article and true in every sense! Stumbled across this article since I'm having guy issues of my own regarding texting.

I will be the first to admit it's easy to fall into the habit of texting. I have recently deleted facebook and have no desire to start it up again due to the lack of proper communication. And now I feel the same way with texting and have also found myself in recent times calling people A LOT more. I think simply because I can find out a lot more about the person (moods) and it gives me an instant response.

This is my story about a guy. I was seeing this guy at uni since we had classes together. I was honest with him that I was going to wait for the right guy to come along to have a serious relationship with, and he made it clear he was 'soooo over relationships'. Long story short we didn't have classes together and since we live a fair distance apart our relationship would be based on texting COMPLETELY. I have not seen him since we had a mini break up when we ended uni together. Through texting though I would say I still liked him. But over time my feelings changed and I told him they would not go back to what they were. I can honestly agree and say this was because I never saw him and that is what builds a true relationship. The last status was that he was ready to try have a relationship with me but I don't want to see him at all now. However, all this being through text he somehow didn't get the message and would still just text. Most recently I thought, this has to stop so I told him that when he got back from his work trip to 'give me a call', also adding 'don't message me before then' (because i knew he would if I didn't make it clear this was important). So here I am waiting for a call and then he texts. I ignore the first, and then a second arrives and I ignore it too. He then calls at 1.30 in the morning and I ignore that too - like, cmon, i mean call me, but not at that hour!

So it turns out i am going to be in his town and decide to give him a call because I feel like I need to break up with him face-to-face because through texting the relationship won't go away (also because I feel it is the decent thing to do). But he doesn't answer. I am only going to be in his town for tomorrow only and want to meet up when it suits me. I will call again tomorrow morning. I am just wondering, if he doesn't pick up the phone again, should I break up with him over voice message? He has always been the one to reply instantly to texts and I know he wants to get back together, but I don't! And I feel as though he has ignored such a simple request to call me and I wish to be rid of this 'fake' relationship.

RubyAnna from London on January 28, 2012:

Well. the guy I met on the tube, has still not texted back, so I imagine that he never will. I just wonder why guys do that. Take your number, tell you they're astounded and the sheer luck of meeting someone as wonderful as you, then don't contact you at all.

Oh well. another lesson learnt - Do not bother giving a guy your number, tell them they can look you up on google and find you. Then, if they're interested, they'd find you. I think that is what I'll do next time.

Monica on January 27, 2012:

I have been dating this guy I met on for three weeks now. Before meeting he emailed me telling me how he thinks we would go really well together . We exchanged numbers and we mostly text I tried calling him he called back but the conversation was very short. I initiated meeting over that weekend so we don't spend too much time emailing and give a false imression of each other. We met he said he liked me when I told him he was the second date I have been on he said I needed more experience. We have been texting on a daily basis NO CALLS at allWe have been on 3 dates so far once we went out to eat, the other drinks and clubbing, and finally reataurant and movie at his house. . He wanted to have sex really bad but I told him I felt like I didn't know him. We kissed and fondled each other I slept over and we made breakfast and chilled and I left his house around 5pm. He told me to text him when I got home. When he said that I felt turned off like we are back at square one.

Confused on January 27, 2012:

I've always considered myself to be an intelligent woman. And yet I'm baffled by my own behaviours with this guy.

It's been two years of a long-distance "relationship" (he's on the other side of the country). I admit to participating in full-blown text conversations. I abhor it.

Why do I do it? He's doing his residency, working 80 hrs a week, on-call, night shifts, etc. All the excuses I use to justify why I accept his texting (i.e. if we don't text, I'd never hear from him).

It's hard enough to make plans to visit because of both of our work schedules. It's made even more difficult when we try to plan over text - especially with dropped messages, time delays, delivery errors.

We Skype periodically, which we both enjoy. But time differences and privacy issues don't always allow for it.

I've tried calling/leaving a VM. He either doesn't respond or he texts me back.

I've told him I dislike texting. I've explained how I feel when I don't hear from him (whether through technological error or him not responding). His response is that he's not a "phone person".

To make matters worse, he's definitely going through a low period in his life with friends/work/family (and, yes. I'd say he's depressed).

I know the information you've posted applies. I agree with what you've said. I'm just having a difficult time putting it into practice.

Any insight? Advice? Kick in the pants?

RubyAnna from London on January 27, 2012:

I met a really good looking guy on the tube platform last night. He gave me his number and then when I said, do you want mine, he said, I was too worried to ask you for yours in case you didn't give it to me. He acted overwhelmed. Said it was amazing to meet me.

Both got off at the same station, I live there, he was visiting friends. He hugged me. We exchanged texts along the lines of ''wonderful meeting you, what were the chances, we must meet and night night x'

This morning I texted 'Ah, so there is a text from a J*** H****** on my phone. I did wonder if I might have dreamed you up. Very glad that I hadn't. Lol. x'

So, far, no answer. Was this too much too soon? Should I have waited for him to text. Obviously, I will not text any more - but can anyone advise?

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on January 27, 2012:

Hi Dawnielle, Yes.

Once you give an ultimatum like that you need to stick with it. Or you're setting the ground rules for him to do what he wants no matter what you say because your threats are meaningless.

Good luck,


Dawnielle on January 27, 2012:

I'm dealing with a man that said he doesn't want a committed relationship with me, due to his financial situation. I leave him for weeks & he said he missed me terribly but then when I return he still keeps browsing and adding other women as friends to his profile on the internet. He knew from day one, that I didn't like that and I'm about to leave for good. Should I?

-Thank you

Lovelink on January 18, 2012:

So what if you tell him to call you back in ten and he doesn't? Do I answer if he calls me late anyways. Tell him I'm busy? Just ignore the call? Please help!!!!

TooFarGone on January 17, 2012:

I both agree and disagree with this. Yes, emotions in texts can be lost if you're not careful of how you word things. At the same time, as it is with me, a lot more thought goes into what I say in a text then when I improvise in an impromptu conversation. If you word a text correctly, it can hold more emotional value then any spoken response could. This is not a definite every time thing, but once in a while, on occasion, they do.

As for calling. I hate talking on the phone personally. It's like nails on a chalk board most of the time. I don't know exactly why this is, but everyone has their own feelings, likes and dislikes, pet peeves. Sometimes I think it is because I feel like I'm talking to myself. Other times talking out loud makes me feel unintelligent, and I hate that feeling. Talking on the phone is one of my pet peeves. If you ask me to call you, don't expect it to happen. I answer the phone for one person, and one person alone. My mother, strictly cause she's been there my entire life and know absolutely everything about me. Plus, she's incredibly slow at texting.

I'm like this no matter how much I love and care for a person. Even my sister, who is as close to a mother to me as my actual mother.

But I do agree, texting should not completely over rule a phone conversation. Just the simple sound of someone's voice can go a long long way and fill voids you didn't know existed. For me though, I'd prefer you text me and ask me to hang out and meet then to just call. That gives both face time and voice time. Why not? Stop letting phones control your life. It's come to an era where no one actually has to ever meet anyone face to face. This should never be. It's a far cry from being positive to the existence of humanity.

But like I said, everyone has their own feelings, and I'm glad you put this out there for people to read. It's worth the read. It's always good to get someone else' perspective on things. Thanks!

joshua on January 16, 2012:

i disagree. a real man doesn't want a woman to put him in his place, he finds his own place..he takes charge of the relationship and progresses it at the pace he feels is right and he takes control of the dates and what the couple does together...if the man doesn't, then the girl will slowly lose respect for him because he is no longer acting like the man should

msorensson on January 12, 2012:

Good advice!

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on January 11, 2012:

Hi Sweetmaggie,

I am also glad that you found this article... it's a tough world and it's just too easy "not commit" to a relationship with texting.

YOU, and every person out there, is worth a phone call, or a coffee date, to move forward with any type of friendship or relationship.

It's OK (I'll admit) for the occassional text between friends and significant others... but to center the relationship on texting is just plain WRONG.

I hope that my article, and the comments like your's, will save many people from walking down the path of "false hope" and find love with someone that knows how to communicate honestly and truthfully (and as verbally/intimately as possible).


sweetmaggie on January 11, 2012:

I couldn't agree more with your article RP. Its what I have been thinking for such a long time. I always said that nothing replaces talking to someone over a coffee and seeing their eyes, their mouth, hearing expression in their voice, a tilt of the head, a twinkle in the eye, all things that can turn a few dead text words into an entirely different thing. Texts are wide open to misinterpretation and they cause anxiety as we become slaves to the beep of the phone and how long it will take to get a reply to our text!

I was friendly with a widower recently - its 2 years since his wife died. We met twice and exchanged mobile phone numbers. He bombarded me with texts. Initially this was fine. But I got tired quickly. I didn't want to be pushy but emailed him twice saying how much I disliked texting for the very reasons I mentioned above. I asked him to either ring me or meeet again for coffee. He agreed and said we would meet again. We didn't so far. Over Christmas the texts got fewer and fewer. I was hurt but knew Christmas was hard for him. Then I decided to completely stop any texts to him at all. Suddenly he started up again asking how I was? When I replied he would quiet again for another day or so. It seemed to be all on his terms. Grrr!! Since New Year I have stopped again and that's it for me. My Christmas was tougher than it should have been because I kept waiting for his texts. I think I was just a crutch for him - but it was driving me mad. Texting is a false form of friendship and communication and really means so very little. If I am worth knowing, I am worth speaking to!!

I know this is a bit more complicated because this man is a widower - but the rules are the same. I am glad I was the one to put an end to the texting - it showed me very quickly the truth of things. I am also glad I came upon this article this evening as it completely backs up my own experience. It takes more balls to speak person to person - but surely we are all worth that!

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on January 11, 2012:

Hi Kim,

Thank you for your comment. It feels so good when someone "gets it" and understands the damage that can be done with extended texts in a relationship and vow to change to voice calls that allow two people to share so much more than characters on a screen.



Kim on January 11, 2012:

Thank you so much. This article is very insightful and "eye" opening. I have been pondering this frustration with texting with my current gent and realize....texts ARE frustrating...With admission, I detest talking on the phone but have asked my gent to call instead of text as I feel disconnected when texting. His response, "you initially told me you don't like to talk on the phone"...Yes..I did say that, but now I am saying I would live to converse with you. So many things can be misconstrued, misinterpreted and taken out of context...The questions arise: Did I text something wrong? Did I not text enough? Did I text too much? Did I put one smiley too many or not enough smileys? Did he understand my innuendo? Did my "autocorrect" make him mad? Did I respond to slowly--too quickly? Do I sound like an idiot? Does he understand what I mean or say? The list goes on and on .And then we JUMP for the vibrate or ring tone...and then give a crazy eyed blank or wicked look at our phone because it was not him or her...or see nothing at all on the screen. Our heart jumps then our heart drops. I feel like my relationship is with that "text tone" and not the person. I, for on,e have elected to ignore my gents texts and will communicate with him that he need to honor my wishes of a "cough, cough"-phone call--there I said it, I want to talk on the phone--if only for a minute or two. I want to hear his voice. Voices turn me on. I want to connect..a text does not connect. It is a "quickie" that leaves you wanting or wondering. An occasional text is fine...but to truly build a relationship--texting erodes the foundation of intimacy, connection and communication. So I, for one, give you major accolades RP for voicing why our "instant gratification" society is ungratified...duh...Anything worth value takes time, effort and connection. If not face to face, then on the phone or even "forgive me" Skype. I digress..and thank you.

Sheila Lee from Canada on January 07, 2012:

WOW is so "uncomplicated" that he bases his relationship with texts. Asking a girl out over text? How unromantic can you get? And he's comparing a novel that is supposed to be read by anybody to a text that is sent specifically to one person. That is like comparing apples to oranges. Sure, words can convey an emotion, but it can also be misinterpreted as well. Hearing the sound of a voice, the inflections, the tone, is much better than reading short-cut versions of words on a tiny screen.

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on January 07, 2012:


Lk im sure ur gonna txt emotis btr becuz u share sum secret chat w/ ur gf. duh. she'll do btr not hearing ur voice anyways.

And what real man needs to qualify their remarks with "You don't have to demand exactly what were doing over the phone"? (were = we are, I assume.)

Fearful of being caught in a lie, or are you truly so simple that what she sees is exactly what she gets?

For the sake of the next generation I hope you're a fan of birth control.LOL


WOW on January 07, 2012:

I am a guy myself, and I want all the women out there to realize that us guys aren't that complex. Sure, we can plan a date out over text! You don't have to demand exactly what were doing over the phone...that would completely diminish the purpose of being emotional in a relationship. If you don't think words can show emotion, try reading a novel sometime. Words can completely convey emotion! I text my girlfriend all of the time, and if something about that ticks other guys off, they certainly are strange ones.

Ps. I read some of these comments and you are just FULL of it RP.

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on January 05, 2012:

Hi Tim,

You will find redemption through communication. But while she's away keep the texts to a minimum and maybe call her every other day (or Skype!) and see how she's doing.

Good luck,


Tim on January 05, 2012:

This is a very insightful and well written article. It's funny, I ran into this post only a few minutes after deciding to significantly cut back on the amount of time I spend texting this girl I'm interested in. I am afraid that texting has already caused enough damage. I took the initiative and asked her out yesterday (face to face, the only way in my opinion), but due to some unforeseen and unfortunate circumstances, I will not be able to see her in person for about a month. However, through texting it seems as if we have exhausted virtually every topic, before I ever even began to think about the negative repercussions that such a limited form of communication might induce. I am afraid now that when I actually can spend time with her and try to truly get to know her, we will have nothing to discuss, and she will lose interest in me. It doesn't help that she is rather shy, and not the best conversationalist. Can I redeem myself, or is the damage I may have caused our potential relationship irrevocable? I realize that my question may be beyond the scope of this article, but any advice you can offer I will gladly accept. Thanks!

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on January 05, 2012:

Hi AnonMouse,

Afraid to speak with your real voice (name)?

Just because YOU have nothing to say doesn't mean that SOMEONE you're DATING doesn't still want to HEAR your voice to get a HINT of how you EMOTIONALLY FEEL about THEM.

And it's not "over analysing things", it's being a REAL MAN not afraid to Voice his OPINION.

And YOU know what that says about YOU... LOL.


AnonMouse on January 05, 2012:

I disagree with the article. You're trying to make dating seem like a game of one upmanship. Some people are bad on the phone, some people express better themselves via the medium of the written word. You are essentially saying, Call or no don't bother. In short, either call or we do not communicate. That makes no sense and to try and form a relationship on the basis of arbitrary rules based on opinion is not rational. The best way forward is to communicate; if you prefer calls, let the guy know. Stop playing mind games and things will go better.

Ah, you say, but look at all the positive comments I've received about my article. Of course you will receive positive comments. Given the article title is "You need to stop texting now", surely people attracted to the article are those who agree with that sentiment.

You are, unfortunately, over analysing things here.

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on January 01, 2012:

Hi Niko,

You're an idiot.

I am a MAN.


niko on January 01, 2012:

the person who wrote this article is in need of deep and prolonged psychological therapy geared towards multiple objectives: a: Lose the nuts she has begun to grow return back to being a woman. b: Begin to love men instead of hating them. c: realize that as she behaves right now, no real man IN HIS RIGHT MIND would ever touch her with a long stick.

John on December 29, 2011:

Yeah I agree with your article. The fact that you shouldn't assume others' emotions is correct, but as you said, if you know the person really well which is often the case for me, then it's easier to tell how they mean it. When there is a scenario where a statement is open to interpretation, simply don't over-analyze it, or ask for clarification.

However, the intent of your article is correct in almost all cases. There are ways which you can text and be okay, though. That's all I'm saying.

Have a good one.

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on December 29, 2011:

Hi John,

You seem to not agree, and agree. Life isn't this confusing. One of the reasons why I wrote this article is to help people realize to not depend on interpreted emotions.

You don't know if I'm laughing at you or being serious as I write this. So are you the joke here?

No, of course not. But texts do not convey emotions unless you really, really know the person well and even then there are always sentences that are "open to interpretation" that may lead to an unintended argument. Or worse, a friend has grabbed your phone and is texting pretending to be you.

Do you still know who you're communicating with? Of course not.

Good luck in the New Year, I think you're going to need it.


John on December 28, 2011:

I think it's easy to read other people's emotions through texting, and personally find it extremely boring to talk on the phone. However, I believe you are correct in the fact you should not base relationships on texting; meeting in person is way more important. Also, since there is a little mystery in texting, you do tend to associate certain feelings with some messages. As long as you teach yourself not to do that and base the relationship on how you feel when you're in person, I believe you'll be okay. Even if you text every now and then.

If a man actually goes with the way a girl treats him if she does so according to this article, he is whipped. If he wants to put up with that much inferiority, so be it. I know that I'm definitely not one who likes to follow. I like to be a leader, and I will lead relationships in the right direction myself.

Interesting article though.

firesign on December 27, 2011:

This was helpful to my situation. I am in a mostly text relationship with a man that I grew up with. His mother and my mother is best friends. Both are widows. He and I both have been put into situations where we have to look after our mothers. He works 80-90- hours a week. And to top that off, he has a wonderful heart, but is not too pretty. I feel that his self-esteem is low and he is scared to say what he feels. Any time we speak on the phone or in person, he gets nervous. And I can tell it. His conversation goes to work. But just as soon as I am out of his sight, he texts me with more personal conversation. He speaks of things he would like to do with me in the future. He asks about my kids, talks about his.

So I think that is why a lot of men use texting more than calling. Shyness and fears.

Jade on December 26, 2011:

Hello RP. I've just read your article and you're right. Texting doesn't have any emotion attachment nor anything personal. Relationships needs to connect on the emotion and personal level. I've grown up without any guidance since I was six and been responsible for my siblings since. I've learn the hard ways in relationships with men. I appreciated men like you trying to help others to find happiness and avoid getting hurt. I will do just that, no more texting. Thanks.

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on December 23, 2011:

Hi Lucy,

Stop right there!


The language used to communicate in any relationship should never be "open to interpretation".

If you have to guess what the true meanings are with what he says to you then your relationship is on avery rocky road, you just may not yet know it,

My advice is to be speaking plainly with him and if he gives you ambiguous or noncommittal answers, question him more, but politely.

Don't get fooled by double-talk.

Remember, when you have to guess his meaning with the words he's using then you're only romancing yourself.

Good luck!


Lucy on December 17, 2011:

I'll try! Thank you. Just find it so hard to read him.

But I'll give it a shot.

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on December 17, 2011:

Hi Lucy,

Yes, stop texting. If you've read through the comments you'll find the success that others have found by telling the guy to call her as a reply to his text.

Do you really feel so insecure that any type of communication from a guy is better than no communication at all?

It's time to put a value on yourself, on your friendships and on your relationships.

You'll find your expectations of how others treat you rises with your self-value and the true value of your relationships will become more important to you.

Good luck,


Lucy on December 17, 2011:

Hey, I'm currently seeing someone, he texts me once a day, and only once. Not sure if that means he's interested or not. Beginning to hate texting. I would call, but don't want to bother him. We might be going to a show together soon though.

Thanks for writing this, I guess I'll stop texting.

Carrie on December 17, 2011:

Thank you RP,

Thanks for answering my question! To answer your question about messaging, sometimes I am the first, sometimes he is the first. They really are just long conversations that take place for days and days.

We do have honest, friendly conversations. He said that he doesn't want me to get the wrong idea about who he is as a person.... He's convinced that I can get to know him through messaging. I don't think he is hiding anything. Not long ago, this came up accidentally, and he said that he has nothing to hide from me. But I shouldn't believe everything, since you suggested that he may be LIEING to me about something.

I agree that texting can be very one-dimensional, because one can make assumptions and interpret things wrong. However, it seems that we understand each other very well. We honestly get along well, and agree on most things. If I don't understand something, he takes the time to explain it to me.

For now, we call each other friends. Maybe it is just a long-distance friendship, and the love can be a FICTION that I have imagined.. But I know that he does CARE about me. He even said he would cherish the day that we meet again. Little things like that indicate that he likes me.

He seemed upset that he couldn't visit. I found out through a different person that he was looking for a way to visit. But he did tell me he had a desire to visit, and that it didn't work out-- he will try to visit during Spring Break or Summer. He told me that it's in his intentions to see me in person. I actually asked him yesterday if he would want to talk on the phone, and he said yes! So I think this could be a better way of communicating: talking on the phone sometimes, rather than messaging daily.

I guess it may be helpful for you to know the age group here. I'm 18 and he's 21. He's currently in college and told me that he will definitely try to come see me.

Thanks again :) Carrie

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on December 16, 2011:

Hi Carrie,

Thanks for asking this question. Let me ask you one: who messages who on facebook first? Are these just very long conversations taking place over days and days?

Texting and messaging are very much one-dimentional and any emotion conveyed by typed text is fictional and assumed.

Are you getting an honest conversation from him or are all of the emotions you feel towards him in your own head?

My own concerns about a relationship carried on over email and texting, when there are much better options available, limits the honesty of the relationship and deludes both people into imagining what the other person's emotions are.

The LOVE is a FICTION in your own HEAD.

Guys prefer texting because they are then NOT EXPOSED to EMOTION and without being INVOLVED EMOTIONALLY they avoid their VERY REAL FEAR OF REJECTION.

And EQUALLY they have LESS INVOLVEMENT in the RELATIONSHIP so if there is a BREAKUP the guys can say that THE WOMAN WAS TO PUSHY, or EMOTIONAL, or CLINGY and a hundred other ways guys explain REJECTION from WOMEN.

If your guy doesn't want to be honestly involved with you he will avoid any type of two or three dimensional communication. He will make you dependent on your own emotions to carry the relationship forward without equally involving his own emotions.

In a nutshell he's lying to you.

YOU have to figure out WHAT THE LIE IS and what he's HIDING FROM YOU.

I hope this makes the issue of texting as the primary communication channel clearer for you.


carrie on December 16, 2011:

Hi R,

What if the person I'm texting to lives in a different state? I'm messaging him thru facebook because he doesn't have a phone. We text almost everyday, for over a month now. I met him twice in person, but we didn't really have a chance to really talk. It was after he came this summer, that we started messaging thru Facebook. Our messages get really deep sometimes, and we're good online friends in a way. He wanted to come visit me, but it didn't work, so he's trying to come by this Summer. I suggested that we skype, so it's more personal, but he told me he doesn't “do Skype.” I don't know what to do, he thinks we could make it work. We're pretty much just friends, but I don't know what to think since we talk a lot.

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on December 11, 2011:

Hi Dannie, I wish you had found this article sooner too.

Love is precious and should not be wasted on some idiot guy that wants to lie to you and play the field.

Don't feel too badly for yourself though, this is how the media raises males these days (they don't deserve to be called men!) because their parents don't teach them values.

So no more texting as the main source of communication and you'll find "him", the man that deserves you.

Good luck!


Dannie on December 11, 2011:

Seriously, this post is so informative! I was left confused by this guy I've been dating for months. I thought he was mysterious (because i could never fully decipher what he meant or how he was feeling). He would never respond to my texts right away but when he finally did he would have the perfect response. I assumed early on that we would definitely become exclusive but I was wrong. Months and months went by and I started to feel like he was stringing me along. If only I had read this posting I would have been able to weed out the bullcrap and find out whether or not we were compatible.

layla on December 07, 2011:

Hi R,

Thank you for your great post,I got to know a guy thru friends and unfortunately we live in different countries and we got to know each other alot thru texting ans sending images thru blackberry, we rarely call each other and he decided to come and see me and he doesn't want to get attached before we see each other and i think he is right but how can i wait and stop my self from texting him till he comes and he still doesn't know when he is coming coz he is really very busy..he deosnt text me much like before but i trust that he is coming i just got so confused coz nothing is keeping me going on and i cant put my self on u have a solution for me?i think he is worth it !

G on December 06, 2011:

Hello R Pseudomen,

Thank you for thee advice. I'm one of those persons that is really shy and scared on facing woman, but I will be brave and face her.

I'm going to keep on trying and convinced her that she is the one for me.

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on December 06, 2011:

Hi G,

Yes, it is a bad idea. It sounds like you're "text-stalking" her.

If you want her to fall for you, how would you date, also by text? (sarcasm)

If you really like her you'd face her with your feelings, not text them.

And remember what Judge Milian of the People's Court says "Say it, forget it, write it regret it." A text may end up being more permanent that you intended, especially if your love sours on her and you find someone else, then she shows the text messages to your new love. Ouch!

Get real, talk to her in person and good luck!


G on December 06, 2011:

is it bad idea to keep sending text messages of how you feel to a person that isn't interested in you?

I mean i really like this person and I sent her text messages describing my feeling towards her, sometimes I get replies and sometimes i don't. I'm wondering if I keep sending her text messages maybe someday she would fall for me.

girl on December 06, 2011:

thank you, i found this so helpful

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on December 04, 2011:

Hi srriahf,

I'm happy you found my article too!

Life is a 3-D experience and we all lose something as we take away the dimensions. We lose vision, we lose sound, we lose touch and now with texting we lose all of the physical indicators that help us to decode the real meaning behind the message.

Face-to-face and ear-to-ear communication, in its various ways, allow us to assess the emotion behind the message and maybe even a more honest understanding of how something is being said instead of just the words, do you get me?

Now, with texting, all we have are letters on a screen, emotionless and easily misconstrued.

If we don't add emoticons [and other such emotional dots and dashes] then where does the sarcastic person begin to communicate? Or the honest person even when she is misunderstood?

Verbal communication allows us to understand the emotion behind the words. And dependence on electronic communication is very much open to miscommunication.

Did you know that email was never intended to be an “instant” message? The inventors of the email system could not know, effectively, how fast or slow electronic communication would be received.

How do you feel when you don’t get an instant reply to your instant message? That empty time period is one of the most controversy-creating events of any relationship, beginning with “Why didn’t you answer me?”

As for your question in our current electronic age you are not going to be able to completely escape the text message without being described as a Luddite. But you should limit text messages to information and not emotion. This distinction is most important to every relationship.

While love allows for intuition texting does not.

Good luck!


srriahf on December 03, 2011:

I totally LOVED this! I have had this thing with this guy were we have texted almost everyday since the summer. I mean, we see each other too (LOL) but there was a lot of stuff that he was saying via text that I was like...hmm, how does he mean that? And why does he never call me? I was getting fed up because now he is saying he is interested in me but he just sends text messages. I came across your article because I was just telling a friend of mine that me responding to his little texts makes him think that that is okay and that all he has to do to get by and impress me or work for me is send texts. Nope! Step up the game, buddy :) So I did some googling and came across your article for good proof!

This article was such a revelation and SO true! I am going to begin to test it..even though I am semi-scared to talk on the phone with boys! But, practice makes perfect LOL! I already have my bridge sentence. A lot of the time he will ask me how my day has gone and I will reply: "Why don't you call me later and find out? ;)"

Wish me luck :) And where should the texting stop? We have like, these little texting games where we send pictures and have these phrases we use...oh dear, this is sounding ridiculous now. We have become WAAAAY to set in these texting habits. But at what point in a text back and forth does it need to switch over to talking?

Robert Lee (author) from Canada on December 02, 2011:

Hi Melly-Mel,


And this is the forum "hubpages style" to keep questions to be related to the article. But I'll do my best to answer anything you ask.

Have a great first date!


Melly-Mel on December 02, 2011:

Hiya RP:

Just an update. I sent him an email and told him that I rather talk to him than continue to email/text. He called the next night and now we are going on our first date Sat. I've got to learn to be totally direct in this courting dance! Thanks! Btw, I wish you had an open Q and A forum....

alhjari on December 01, 2011:

it is good

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