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You and your husband have a loving, peaceful relationship, and everything might seem perfect between the two of you or from the outside. Deep down, however, you sense that he isn’t attracted to you and he may even be attracted to men. You might be so confused over these signs that you are left wondering, is my husband gay?
Why Your Husband Might Secretly Be Gay
Nowadays, sexuality is categorized on a spectrum: there is heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual, and much more. Human sexuality is complicated, and while we continue to squash prejudice in society and move towards acceptance, coming out to loved ones as gay can be challenging for a number of reasons. If you suspect that your husband or boyfriend is hiding his attraction to men, find out if it’s true. Your husband might be gay if you notice these 5 telling signs.
1. He Has a High Level of Homophobia
One of the most telling signs that your husband might be gay but hasn’t accepted it yet is if he expresses extreme distaste for gayness because he is afraid of being figured out. If your husband makes remarks about how he doesn’t like gay people or he goes out of his way to talk about gay culture in a hurtful way, he may be trying to hide his own feelings.
Your husband might feel insecure and consequently goes above and beyond to try to prove that he isn’t gay himself. He may have grown up with a religious background or with a family dynamic that doesn’t tolerate homosexuality. Many people are socialized to believe that being gay is wrong and having such feelings and attraction is bad and results in punishment. By putting down gay people and culture, your husband may be trying to make himself feel better about his own tendencies. This doesn’t make it right, but understand it must be hard for him to come out as gay because of they way society has affected him.
2. He Watches All Male Films
If you have ever caught your husband watching all male films, then this is pretty clear sign that he is perhaps bisexual or gay. A lot of men watch videos and some might have extreme taste when it comes to the full human spectrum of sexuality. However, if you catch your husband watching true male-male content, this is a very clear sign that he is attracted to men. If you are fairly open yourself or identify as bisexual, it may be easier to have a conversation with him about preserving your relationship and embracing one another.
3. He Doesn’t Want to Be Physical With You
Loss of attraction between two couples can be a result of fighting, affairs, stress, or simply a change in one individual’s physicality (e.g. they let themselves go). However, if your husband doesn’t want to be physical with you, it can be a sign that he has a tendency towards men and hasn’t really come to terms with it.
Does Your Husband Flirt With Everyone but You?
If your husband doesn’t want to be intimate with you but touches or flirts with his guy friends or you’ve caught him watching gay adult videos, he might be gay. Watch how he is with his male friends and then decide if he is attracted to them. Does he put his arm around them and smile and grab at them in a flirty manner? Does he act like he wants nothing to do with you and doesn’t even look at you when you are looking good (bare) at home? Take it as a sign that he may be attracted to men.
4. He Hangs Out a lot With One Guy
It’s totally normal for men to have male friends and to spend one-on-one time together. It’s also normal for straight men to have gay friends and to spend one-on-one time with them. But if one of his friendships seems to be getting all the attention and your marriage or intimacy is on the rocks, you may be onto something.
Does Your Husband Have a Secret Friend?
Does he have one special guy friend that he sees all the time? Does he put his friend first before your relationship? Is he very protective of his friend and does he often side with him over you? Does he give his friend special gifts, talk about him a lot, and remembers special details that he doesn’t remember for you? Is he always eager to hang out with him and do they hang out for hours, stay out all night, spend the night, and does he forget to check in with you? Consider these signs.
5. He is Overly Touchy With Other Men
Most men have a healthy respect for personal space and they will hug, embrace, kiss on the cheek, and dance with one another for fun, but it doesn’t go beyond that in most cases. However, if your husband takes it to the next level and gets flirty or gets especially flirty when he is drunk, then you may be seeing another side of his sexuality. Here are some questions to ask yourself:
- Does he touch other guys a lot or look at them at the gym or while you’re out?
- When he hugs his guy friends is it more sensual than friendly?
- Does he give out his number to many other guys because he wants to make friends or is he picking up numbers so that he can go clubbing?
- Does he not hug you or flirt with you in the same way that he does other men that he encounters?
It’s important to keep in mind that sexuality falls on a spectrum, and although it might be painful to recognized that your husband might be gay or bisexual, the kindest thing you can do is support him. You will get through this together as a couple. Practice love and patience and understand that this doesn’t make you unlovable or undesirable in any way.
This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.
© 2020 Brynn B Lewis