Anamika S. Jain has been a social media consultant for six years. She has written more than 200 articles on relationships and dating.
Rebound Relationships and Signs
What is a Rebound Relationship? Are you or your Partner involved in a rebound fling? What are the Signs to identify a rebound relationship? The thought of writing on this topic came to me after I saw one of my own friends suffering from the aftereffects of such a relationship. The definition given for such a relationship according to the Wikitionary is ‘A relationship usually short in duration and used to help mend the broken heart.’ In other words, it can be called a bounce back relationship or a relationship formed too quickly after the breakup of a significant love relationship. Many times people involved in relationships also get into rebound relationships if they want their existing relationships to end especially when they have already emotionally distanced themselves from their partners.
For many Rebound flings serve as a distraction to forget the hurt, emotional pain and loneliness after the break up. Many people get into such relationships as a quick fix to forget their old partners and move on with their lives than feeling miserable over the relationship which ended. For some others it is the fear of being alone after a broken relationship which prompts them to get into the dating scene again fast. I understand that it is quite natural that one would want to leave behind a bad relationship and move forward in life, but majority of times rebound relationships only bring regret and further hurt. However, there are many signs to identify if you or your partner is involved in a rebound relationship.
5 Common Rebound Relationship Signs
As I have written above, a Rebound Relationship is a relationship one may get into immediately after coming out of one. It may happen after a divorce or break up of a love relationship. Rushing into rebound relationships often end up with more hurt and pain. Have you or any of your friends rushed into a new relationship immediately after breakup only to get into a relationship with someone who was obviously all wrong and then regret? I have seen it happening with many of my friends and people who are known to me. But that is one of the most common after effects of Rebound Dating.
It is only natural to feel lonely or scared of being alone after a break up. But it would be wise to give your heart some time to heal. There is no point in getting scared to date again after a failed relationship. All you have to do is accept and believe that the earlier relationship was not meant for you than holding on to it and crying over it and that something better is in store for you. Dwelling on the past can only make one miserable. Many times after a break up people look out for comfort or shoulder to cry on in others and get into such relationship and often confusing it with a new relationship. Given are some Signs of identifying a Rebound Relationship.
- Getting into a Relationship too fast: This is the most common sign of a rebound relationship. Especially if you have been in a long time relationship which went sour it is a natural feeling that you may want to bounce back to forget the hurt and pain of the previous relationship, get over your ex and get into a better relationship. It may act as a distraction or a form of catharsis, but remember not to allow your sense of urgency to rush in the wrong direction causing further heart break.
- Expecting the Qualities of Ex or those he lacked in New Partner: Another common sign is expecting your new partner to make up for the shortcomings and mistakes of the old partner or expect him to have the qualities and traits you admired in your previous lover. It is also a normal tendency among many to draw comparisons between your current and ex boyfriend and talk openly about it. This type of behavior can make a person to be too demanding and ruin the new relationship too and end up being miserable.
- Using Others as Rebound for self satisfaction or as a Tool Of Jealousy: Many people get into a rebound mode with the intention of hurting their ex or to show that they do not matter anymore without any intention of commitment or involvement and masking the purpose with the new person involved. It can be either way and usually someone ends up being used or hurt as a result because once the purpose of the rebound relationship is served that person would be abandoned. Beware of re bounders who may use you distract themselves from the pain of a broken heart and then move on leaving you to pick up the pieces. It is always best to be honest with your new relationship partner about your intentions. If you find yourself being used by a re bounder who has recently broken off a long term relationship it is best to let the relationship develop slowly and not allow your new partner to set the pace fast.
- Unhappiness: Many times people who get into rebound relationships as a way to hit back at those who abandoned them. They may show themselves as outwardly happy when actually they feel miserable and guilty that they are doing something wrong. If you are in a relationship to soon and unhappy with the present partner then it is probably a rebound fling you are into.
- Not able to forget Ex: This is another prominent sign that though you may have jumped into a new relationship soon after your breakup or divorce you keep thinking of your ex more than your current partner because you have not fallen out of love with your ex still. One may also not feel the same or better comfort level with the new partner because of this and may end up drawing comparisons between partner’s thereby ruining the new relationship with your own hands. If the old relationship interferes with the progress of a new relationship then chances are that you’re stuck in a rebound. Similarly, if you are involved with someone who had a recent break up and he/she keeps rehashing problems from the past relationship within the new relationship this is a clear sign that they haven’t moved on enough to fall in love again. It also could be a sign of rebound affair if you prefer frequenting places you have gone with your ex along with your new partner. As long as you harbor feelings for an old love a new love can’t happen. According to Feng Shui you have to make way for the new by clearing the old.
When you develop a relationship quickly after one ended, it is rarely based on love and most often does not last for long. However, for many rebounding can feel like love because of their craving for love and commitment. Many may convince themselves that they are in love when in reality they are really missing the relationship they left behind. It would be a wise move to give yourself some time after a break up and not rush into another relationship immediately as your judgment is clouded usually after heartbreak and you are likely to take a wrong decision. Many times when we are hurt we tend to do wrong things which we are likely to regret later. So it is better to experience and try to heal the pain than taking misguided attempts like rebound relationships to avoid the pain altogether. Experiences can make a person stronger and wiser so try to Deal with the pain of your old relationship before moving onto another one. That way you would be doing yourself and your new relationship partner a favor.
Naz1 on May 08, 2013:
I did not know what rebound relationship was just before i incidentally got the term from the net and read it. I am separated with a child, but after three years of of separation i started with a new relationship with a guy in my and within one week i was in bed with him. I just after separation did not tried to get in to relationship fast it took me some time and unless i got the opportunity in my office.
Scuba78 on July 01, 2012:
I am very sorry to read of these bad marriages, and will be praying for you all. I have a similar story to tell if you are interested in reading it. So, here it goes: My ex and I were a couple for nearly 4 years, and I wanted to marry her except for her bad behavior in year 4. She was rude to my parents and never apologized for it, so I hesitated to ask her to marry me because of that. We were also different religions, so that obviously make it difficult. Anyway, about 4 months after we inevitably split up, she met this snake on the internet who charmed her and fooled her into an engagement. Her mother saw how sleazy he is, and even tried to stop the wedding. However, Sleazardo managed to outflank her mother and they got married. He then isolated her nearly 1400 miles away from her friends and family in this new house he bought. So now she is trapped in this awful marriage to this jerk, and she is isolated from her friends and family. I say JERK because he is a JERK. He yells at her if she mentions that she misses me, and he also controls her and tells her what she is/is not allowed to eat and stuff like that. Even though it's been about 4 years since we last spoke, I still have dreams about her and we get back together. However, when I wake up, I remember that she is a married woman and I cannot interfere with that no matter how bad that crazy "marriage" of hers really is. Any advice on how to deal with this problem I am having? Help!
Paige on June 03, 2012:
Thankyou for this article.. it helped me understand what's going on better. All I can do is wait and see when it fails ...
Bryce on April 29, 2012:
My girlfriend broke up with and then started to date other guys 2 days after breakup so now i see that she is filling in the pain with others and that it is very unhealthy this really helped me understand a lot thank you!
Nia on April 12, 2012:
Very useful information.
alltoohard on March 30, 2012:
after 2 years together, holding his hand through a brain tumor surgery, a blended family of 7, bought properties, got engaged, tried for a baby, renovating our home etc he still slips up and says My house (when referring to where he used to live with her) and randomly mistakes where he is and who is with! It is hurtful and painful. I feel like a filler/replacement. We met 3 months after he separated form his wife (15 year relationship). he tells me he loves me and i'm the best thing that has ever happened to him but im not so sure.....
michelle on March 14, 2012:
i figured as much, i know i wasn't the best gf and all but still.. we dated for three years were thinking of getting married and all of that, and i had a moment of jealously and he blew up and ended it then 12 hours he was already dating someone else he just met 2 days before! i asked if he ever loved me or if he regreted anything and he regreted ending the relationship and he still loved me, but it all changed a couple days later he said he didn't mean and he was "in love" with the new gf.. its gonna be a failed relationship i just know it but i hope it doesn't hurt her as much as it hurt me
Porchia on January 30, 2012:
Do rebound relationships end in marriage? And if he is getting married, why does he tell me he will always love me and he misses me and my son?
ghada on January 20, 2012:
pls guys answer me.my ex dumped me over a big mistake i made.we had GREAT love.but after 3 to 4 months he got into a relationship.cud it be a rebound ?
Lilly on October 25, 2011:
This article hits home.
After I fell in love with someone for several months (And he did with me, we had a very strong connection to each other), out of the blue he broke up with me. He made it clear I was a rebound to his last girlfriend (Although I truly think I was a rebound to his deceased wife who died a few years ago because he wasn't serious with the gf and I heard his complaint was because there were a couple things she liked that I didn't).
Few days later, he started looking for a casual thing with someone opposite of me. I hope the next woman doesn't get a broken heart like I did.
Mathew on October 20, 2011:
I find your articles useful. My wife doesn't enjoy sex with me. However much I try to please her in bed, she does not seem to reciprocate. More often, she refuses to have sex with me. I have started looking for other relationships outside marriage as a result of this. Help, could this be a falling marriage?
Tomas Via Aira on September 06, 2011:
Wow I Think Im One off The Rebound :((
Janell Rhiannon from CA, USA on March 06, 2011:
ugh... that's all I have to say...ok, honest, last two marriages "rebound central"...awful. I lost my fiancé in an accident 13 years ago...never quite get over that kind of thing. Got married too quickly, then stayed too long, then re-married at behest of second husband...see what I mean...awful.
dessa05 from philippines on February 22, 2011:
Thanks for this hub. It's a big help for me. I feel the pain is so relieved by your good advice in your article. I really appreciate you hub.God bless u Anamika
Justsilvie on January 11, 2011:
Good advice. Rebound relationships rarely last and you gave very good reasons why.
Anamika S Jain (author) from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India on January 05, 2011:
@H P Roychoudhury Thanks for the Visit. I am happy you agree to the points made by me.
H P Roychoudhury from Guwahati, India on January 05, 2011:
Nice hub. This is the process of life.
Anamika S Jain (author) from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India on January 04, 2011:
Thanks Tatjana-Mihaela for your appreciation! A Happy 2011 to you too. May God give you Good Health, Wealth and Happiness this Year and always!
Tatjana-Mihaela from Zadar, CROATIA on January 04, 2011:
Great advice and suggestions Anamika - I enjoyed your Hub very much.
Happy 2011 !