It has been several months since you broke up with your other significant. You haven’t fully recovered from the breakup but you are trying your best to move on with your life. While you haven’t totally forgotten your ex, you don’t usually think a lot about her. While you do miss her, you aren't desperate to get back with her. It is obvious you are trying to pull through and come out of the break up in one piece.
Out of the blue, several months later your ex contacts you. You begin developing mixed feelings. Why is she contacting me? Does she want us to get back together?
There might be the possibility she wants the two of you to get back together. If it is not the case, below are reasons why she is contacting you several weeks or months after the two of you broke up.
1. She Misses You
Relationships bond people together – emotionally. Therefore, when a person doesn’t hear from his/her partner, it is natural for that person to miss his/her partner. When you get to know a person for a lengthy time, not seeing that person or hearing from him/her for some time might lead you to miss him/her very much. It doesn’t necessarily imply he/she wants the two of you to reunite or he/she still loves you before the two of you broke up.
2. She Wants Solace
It happens her boyfriend has travelled to a ‘distant land’ where normal communication - using a cellphone - is difficult. The only means of communicating with her partner is through social media sites. At times, she might not hear from her partner for several days. She is lonely. She misses her other significant whom she dearly loves. It may take weeks or even a month having not seen or hearing from him. How will she find solace in the midst of loneliness she feels because her lover is far away? You. Yah, right! You, her former ex will be her pillow or a teddy bear for the time being. Hearing from you will lower the level of loneliness she is feeling.
3. If You Are Deprived
She wants to find out if you are still needy. Do you still feel deprived of her love? Have you been waiting for her call or text? Are you behaving as if your life is at the tip of her forefinger? Will you do anything to have her back in your life? After a month or two are you still feeling you have been deprived of something and you crazily want it back? She wants to know how needy you are and what action to take after making a careful assessment of your neediness of her.
4. If You Have Moved On
Have you moved on or are you still trying to find your feet? She wants to know if you have moved on with your life. She wants to find out if you still have thoughts of her or whether you have safely locked the thoughts about her at the back of your mind. If she finds out you have moved on or you're moving on with your life, then there are two possible things she will do: try to contact you the more for the likelihood of getting together or come to a conclusion it is also time for her to move on.
5. She Wants to Revert to Her Former Ex
Maybe her relationship with her boyfriend failed. They parted ways. Now, she is thinking about you. She wants the two of you to get back together. When she contacts you she will deduce whether you are missing her, needy or you’re moving on with your life or you've already moved on. When she analyses her deductions she will be able to know whether it will be worthwhile to give a try for a comeback. More often than not it will be noted exes tend to go back to the person they were familiar with (their exes) than the ones they are not familiar with (new partners).
6. Something Reminded Her About You
Something triggered her mind which reminded her of you. Whether it was a song, paint, photo or even a movie; it reminded her of you. When she is reminded about you, she will begin missing you or will increase the intensity of missing you (even if she had stopped missing you). It can be anything which triggered her stored (and possibly forgotten) memory of you and she cannot help it. She will develop a longing for you which will force her to contact you (if she gives in to the longing).
7. You status
She wants to know your current marital status. Are you still single with no strings attached or have you found a new partner? How beautiful or handsome is your new partner? Has the breakup affected you to the extent it has become hard for you to find or get a new partner?
8. If You Have Deleted Her Number
Yah, your ex would want to know if you still have her number on your phone list. She might not start the conversation by introducing her name on the assumption you will know it’s her. By contacting you using her number which you used to communicate before the breakup, she will find out whether her guess is right - you deleted her number(s). If you have never deleted her number several months after the two of you broke up, it implies to her that she still holds a special place in your heart.
From this analysis, she might decide to increase the rate of conversation so as to get back together, or she just wanted to know if you still have her number.
9. Fairing On
How are you fairing on with your life? It is normal for an ex to contact you to know how you are doing. If you have dumped your partner, it is reasonable to want to know whether the dumpee has recovered from the breakup or is still grappling with it. You will not feel good as a dumper to realize your ex has never recovered or healed from the breakup. You will feel sad to realize the breakup affected your ex negatively. His life looks a mess like an atomic bomb that has hit an area and has caused shattering destruction.
10. Handy Contacts
Her purpose of contacting you is to request you to be friends. It doesn’t feel good when she and you (her ex) are living like enemies. Even if you don’t call or text each other, the feeling you are on good grounds is enough to make her feel good about herself. Also, knowing you will always think good of her is enough for her to ask you two to be friends.
11. Unsure Of Contacting You
She is unsure why she is contacting you. She feels something compelling her to call you but she doesn’t know what it is and why it is persuading her to contact you. It is not that she is missing you, still loves you or wants to find out something. She doesn’t know what is compelling her to contact you. She feels the need to contact you.
12. She Still Loves You
For some it is hard to imagine while for others they have been expecting it. Whether she is in another relationship or not there is the possibility even now she loves you. You are still her number one. You are still her heartbeat. She loves you therefore she finds it hard to suppress her feelings for you.
13. The Silence
She can no longer tolerate the silence. It is too much. Maybe she had anticipated you would occasionally call or text her. She feels she cannot survive another minute in the atmosphere of silence. It is killing her which to say the least is very tormenting.
14. Devil’s Game Plan
Your ex may be playing ill-behaved game. She is playing with your mind. She might be enjoying seeing you suffering. For whatever reason she is playing the devil’s game, it is only her who knows the reason why she’s doing so. It may be she wants to hurt you, wants to see how you will react when she calls you or a number of other ‘devilish’ reasons.
How To Respond When Your Ex Contacts You
If she texts you take some time before replying. With the call you can decide whether to receive it or not. Even with texts you can decide whether to reply or not bother at all. Nonetheless, it will not hurt to receive the call or reply to her texts. Ensure your conversation is casual and in moderation. Don’t talk or text too much. Don’t come out too needy. Don’t talk about your failed relationship. Act like you two are casual friends.
Warning: Don’t jump in too quickly if she asks for reconciliation. Assess the situation. Avoid another heart break because another breakup is bound to happen.
One more thing: If you feel you don’t want to talk to her, the best way to go around this is by telling her you don’t want to hear any of her. The conversation needs to come to an end. You are moving on with your life because that’s what she wanted. Remember to do it in a courtesy and respectful manner. It will pay a lot and she will respect you a lot even in years to come.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2017 Alianess Benny Njuguna