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After you break up with your partner, which steps should you undertake? Which things should you do or not do? Sometimes, it is hard to know what to do during this 'hurting' period. The best thing you wish for is for the darkness to swallow you in its grasp.
Nonetheless, you don't need to despair. It will take time to heal from the hurt that has resulted from the relationship coming to an end. It will take time to recover from the breakup. There is the possibility of getting back together with your ex. You might lose your chance of getting your ex back if you behave in certain ways. Then again, how would you know it's a wise choice to get back with your ex? It might be the two of you were never meant to be together. If you get back together, your reunion might end up in the same situation you're in now.
In order to make sense of the steps you need to undertake in order to heal and recover from the breakup, whether it's a a good idea to try to get back your ex or move on; there are things worth considering.
First of all, you need to admit you're no longer in a relationship with your ex. You should not live in denial you're still in a relationship with your ex. You're deceiving yourself and you're inhibiting the commencement of the healing process. Thus, you aren't doing anything to deal with the hurt.
Next, do not try to suppress the emotions nor run away from them. The emotions act as an evidence a hurtful situation has taken place. It helps you face the fact the breakup did happen. Bottling up the emotions is denying the fact the breakup happened.
Third, do not reel in the hurtful emotions for too long. After you have experienced them it is time to deal with them. If you allow the hurtful emotions to continue for long they will affect you negatively – physically, psychologically, socially (relationships you have with people) and spiritually. Don’t allow hatred, anger, bitterness and other negative emotions take control of your life. Deal with them.
Fourth, breathe in the fresh air. Don’t hide from the public for too long. Don’t lock yourself in the closet for long. It will not help you in healing and recovering from the breakup, or make you feel good about yourself. There a lot of good things the world has to offer you which will aid you in knowing there is more to life than a breakup.
Fifth, forgive your ex if he was the one who hurt you. Don’t say you will not forgive him because he hurt you. Don’t think when you forgive him it is allowing him to escape from an hurtful act he committed. No, it is for your own benefit. It aids in breaking free the chains of negative emotions from having control of your life, that is, from dictating your life negatively. And, it also plays a role in aiding in the healing process.
Sixth, give yourself a break. You deserve better. Stop hating yourself. Love yourself. Treat yourself well. Appreciate who you are. Whether you were the cause of the breakup or not blaming yourself for long will not help in making the situation any better. You may say you deserve whatever has happened to you but no one in this world deserves to live life below average. You were meant to enjoy and live your life to the fullest as long you're repentant for the actions you committed.
Seventh, forget the past. Don’t live in the past, you are only blinding yourself to what is in the present. You are escaping from what you know is the reality. You are comforting yourself in what you know is no longer there. Life was never meant to be lived backward. And, you never know, the future might be better than you think.
Eighth, learn from the past. History repeats itself because people never take time to learn from the mistakes they committed. You will end up in another breakup if you haven’t learned several lessons from the failed relationship.
Ninth, change for the better. If there are behaviors and/or attitudes that you do possess and one way or another led to the demise of the relationship, purpose to change yourself to become a better you. If you don’t then don’t be amzed ending up where you're now when you engage in another relationship.
Tenth, learn to choose wisely. Don’t fall in love too easily. Don’t follow your heart blindly. Ensure you engage your mind but don’t be too critical. Ensure you don’t follow the heart to the extreme nor engage your mind to the extreme. Before you get into another relationship learn how to choose or accept a new partner in a different light than the one(s) you depended on.
Eleventh, you should not contact your ex. Your ex made it clear it’s over. Why is it you are begging to have him back into you Why are you undervaluing your worth? Why is it you want to get back with your ex when he treated you like trash? He treated you badly the reason you broke up with him, so why would you want him back into your life?
Not contacting is one of the other steps which will help you in the healing and recovery process. Also, it will help your mind in thinking clearing without being filled with hurtful emotions residing in your heart. When you don’t contact your ex whether through texting, calling or face-to-face it will help you in analyzing the relationship and your ex and deciding whether it’s good idea to get back with your ex or not. Many experts recommend that a person should exercise No Contact rule for a minimum period of one month.
Why do they propose this length of time? First, the healing and recovery process will have started. Secondly, you will have at least begun moving on. Therefore, your mind will be clear to judge things soberly without being controlled by the hurtful emotions.
How To Deal With A Breakup
Twelfth, don’t forget to forgive yourself. If you don’t forgive yourself it means you don’t love yourself. This isn’t good as you will consider yourself useless, you deserve to be hurt when it is not the case, you will never get another partner which is not true plus entertaining other negative thoughts. If you entertain such thoughts you will never engage yourself in any other relationship and when you do, you will end up in the same situation.
Thirteenth, don’t entertain the good memories of the failed relationship. You will feel good when you entertain them but not in the long run. Later, you might end up sad, depressed, hurt, bitter and it will affect your mood and how you view the world and people of opposite sex. Destroy the video tape so you won’t be tempted to watch the past good memories of which they are not helping you in anything.
Fourteenth, don’t beg for reconciliation. Don’t beg for your ex to give the relationship another chance. Don’t plead as if it means your world is coming to an end. Don’t beg as if your life depends on your ex. Don’t plead as if you cannot survive without your ex. Don’t devalue yourself by begging. When you beg it shows how needy you are and in life you don’t need to show neediness since it is a negative trait. You may be despised or manipulated.
Fifteenth, don’t contact your ex in whichever way. Now is not the time to get into contact with your ex. It is time to consider yourself, the present life and your future life. It is a time to relax from the tiredness of having gone through emotional turmoil. It is a time to allow the healing process to take its course. It is a time of learning, thinking and deciding.
Sixteenth, do what you love doing. Are there activities you derive great satisfaction in doing? Then, do those activities. Is it writing, reading, playing football or netball, watching movies, drawing or painting? They will aid you in forgetting your ex and the failed relationship and fill your life with meaning. You will begin enjoying life once again and appreciating yourself.
Seventeenth, how you present yourself including the choice of words you use goes a long way in portraying what kind of a person you are. The romantic lines, also known as pick up lines, aren't a weak technique to use to woo a girl (or a boy) or as tactic of seducing an opposite sex. It is fine as long you don't lie or exaggerate about yourself. Work out on the choice of words you utilize (and watch out if you're being lied to or deceived).
Lastly, don’t lose hope of getting another lover or being in another relationship or thinking another one won’t work out. You will. It doesn’t mean because the relationship failed another one is doomed to fail. It doesn’t mean because your ex was a ‘god’ to you none other comes close to his status in your life. It doesn’t mean you are loser because you always find yourself on the bad side of the road.
© 2016 Alianess Benny Njuguna
Alianess Benny Njuguna (author) from Nairobi, Kenya on September 19, 2019:
Thank you, Nd
Alianess Benny Njuguna (author) from Nairobi, Kenya on September 19, 2019:
Thank you, Nd
Nd from uk on September 19, 2019:
nice hub very helpful .
Alianess Benny Njuguna (author) from Nairobi, Kenya on January 23, 2017:
Yah, you are right. It was never supposed to be Love Your Ex but Indifference. It should be very close as it used to be, just normal friends. Thanx dashingscorpio for the correction.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on November 06, 2016:
The only one that is questionable is #7 "Love your ex".
It really comes down to how volatile or toxic the relationship was. Sometimes one is better off disconnecting and never looking back.
The opposite of love is "indifference" not hate.
Hating someone can destroy your soul while (letting them go) allows you to (move on) without dwelling on them. It's as if you never knew them.
Unless you have children together there is no reason to feel obligated to stay in contact with an ex especially it was very toxic or unhealthy.