StricktlyDating is an Australian writer who creates pages of original funny quotes and status updates.
How to break up when you want to be with someone else
Usually, the best way to end a relationship is by sitting down face to face and talking honestly to your partner about it. Give them the chance to express their feelings, ask any questions, and take some time to answer them face to face, so that you can part ways there and then, with a clean break, and set plans about dividing any shared possessions.
But when you’re planning on leaving your parter for someone else, you may hesitate to do it face to face, because it could just lead to yelling and screaming, and your things being thrown out the window! So instead, you may need to prepare to gather prized possessions ahead of dropping your bombshell, over the phone.
You see, this type of breakup is one of the worst situations for a partner to be in. Seriously. Even if they do not happen to be head over heels in love with you at this point in time, this situation, will hurt them very badly. It is because you are chosing someone else over them. It cuts deeply to think a parter has found someone better, more suited, more attractive, more fun. It can make them feel blindsided and effect their self esteem.
No amount of you being polite about it is going to make very much difference. It will hurt no matter how you put it. Therefore, to avoid the tears and the anger face to face, you could choose to break up via phone, and you could also avoid saying in the same conversation that the reason you want to end the relationship is because you have met someone new you want to pursue.
If you were to admit that you had met someone new, be prepared for many additional contacts about your breakup, as they try to piece together the when, how and why‘s of the new person in your life. Questions such as, have you kissed them? Have you been intimate? Was this person flirting with you? How many of our friends know about this? Mentioning a 3rd party will bring anger towards the new beau, feelings of embarrassment for being left for someone else, shock, depression and add heartache, feelings of someone stealing you away from them. They will ponder deeply, what is it about the other person which makes them better than you. Given a name, they may also do some online searching on social media to find a face, or drive bye your home to see if there is an extra car there, which could be the new love inside with you. They may even feel they need to confront them face to face.
Expect multiple contact attempts as they work through their anger as well as the loss of the relationship, and there is a moderate risk of the 3rd party being contacted in coming days should your former partner have enough information about them to make contact online. You definitely want to avoid this, so your new relationship is not affected by it.
If you tell your former partner the whole truth about why you are leaving the relationship, there will be anger, frustration and tears. There is just no way to leave a committed relationship for someone else and expect the dumped person to do and say nothing about it, no matter what the dumped persons personality. When they know there is someone else involved it gets messy.
You may have a better breakup just by explaining that while you did enjoy the relationship, you don't feel a strong enough connection to take things further. You don’t want to try to make the connection stronger, you want a clean break.
Saying something like that will still hurt a partner who loves you, but it's easier on them if they don’t know about the new person during the breakup process.
Though there may still be questions you don’t expect, while they process what you have said, and the truth often has a way of coming out, only you can decide what you need to do to end your relationship with the least amount of hassle possible, so that your ex does not try to interfere (Or continue contact with you for months ahead), when you are forming your new relationship.
Also, before you do break up, ensure you’re not just being tempted by thoughts of greener grass, because not all partners will take the former partner back after they have been dumped, and you may not be able to reconcile should you later change your mind.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2012 StrictlyQuotes
Ireno Alcala from Bicol, Philippines on September 06, 2012:
Two years ago, I had a very serious quarrel with the girl I intended to marry. Meddling of two families (with her sister and my sisters quarreling) opted me to back up. Even her relatives are still after me because of that painful incident.
Sorry If I hurt someone of your kind, but I'm hoping to never repeat my mistake.
StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on April 08, 2012:
It's so lovely to hear more about you msorensson! You are lucky to have such offers from successful men, and you are right to always be true to yourself! Thankyou so kindly for your comments.
msorensson on April 08, 2012:
Yes,I know,strictlydating...On a different scale, many of my men friends ask me to marry them..it is more for comfort, rather than romance..they are comfortable with me..Because most of them are highly successful, quite a few would welcome that offer..I feel bad when they do and really wish that they would find someone, but I cannot marry other than for love..the whole thing..and this is the reason we are friends..for life. They know that if I ever accept such an offer, there is at least a chance there can be romance. But to thine own self be true..I will always be true to myself..
StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on April 08, 2012:
Hi Camo Girl, so glad you've been good! All good here.
Thanks for your comment Msorensson I agree with you about that, it's just very difficult to leave someone for someone else without the other person feeling hurt.
msorensson on April 01, 2012:
If you cannot give one hundred percent of yourself..then leaving the other person will be the just thing to do, to give her a chance to find happiness elsewhere..
Camo Girl!! on March 12, 2012:
I have been good! i have just meet this guy and he makes me happy and how have you been doing?
swb64 from Addingham, UK. on March 10, 2012:
I would suggest folks should not leave someone for someone else, that will also fail, if one is not happy, finish it and have some time to gather your thoughts on what you really need, well wrote though!
StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on March 08, 2012:
Thanks Camo Girl! Nice to hear from you. Hope you've been going well ;)
Camo Girl!! on March 08, 2012:
Very Good Hub!!!
StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on January 18, 2012:
It seems like you're very much a gentleman.
Always lovely to read your comments, thankyou!
Dale J Ovenstone from South Wales UK on January 17, 2012:
Nice to read your hub, & your recommended advice for this dire situation.
Dating is learning about the partner you are with currently enabling you to see if you are compatible in every way possible, plus, more importantly, although you may think of me as selfish, but, it's what YOU want out of relationships & your life, because if you are not happy (& true to yourself) then others around you will feel the implications.
Relationship breakdowns will always be a heartache especially if one loves but the other don't, it hurts, but one must move on & seek what they want.
I would sit with my current lady & tell her right out that I don't think this is going anywhere, & we did try, hope you understand but I must move on.
Thank you for an interesting hub.
StrictlyQuotes (author) from Australia on January 17, 2012:
G'Day Bob! Oh dear, I dare not ask what real men know about women! And I'm sure it's not true about when they broke up with you, maybe they just didn't let you see their heartbreak.
diogenes from UK and Mexico on January 17, 2012:
Women have hardly ever bothered to commiserate when they broke up with me...I learned the hard way what real men know about women. Check with evolution Bob