4 Communication Styles & How They Affect Relationships
Communication is arguably the most important part of a successful relationship.
How Do You Communicate?
Have you ever felt like you and your partner are always on different pages whenever a conflict arises? Perhaps after spending an exceptional amount of time explaining your point of view to someone, they just don't get it, and it seems like you are constantly moving in circles. This could be a communication issue, yet it is through communication that we can get what we want or need from others; it is how we feel seen and heard and how we avoid and solve conflicts in any relationship.
Identify Your Communication Style
Communication style, also called conversational style, is how people like to interact and share information with others. It is the concept that makes someone sound harsh and insensitive when they talk, and it is also what makes you suppress your emotions when you have been hurt. Communication is one of the crucial ingredients in any interpersonal relationship; therefore, knowing your communication style has great potential to improve how you connect to other people and can significantly impact the quality of your relationships.
Adopt Healthy Skills With Practice
We all have different communication styles that we like to use to express our desires. These styles may have been influenced by what we see modelled by family, friends and the media. Even if these adapted communication styles are unhealthy for maintaining excellent relationships with others, we often resort to using them because we believe they will serve us well. However, in doing so, we may prevent ourselves from having the authentic, intimate connections we genuinely desire.
In this article, we will explore four communication styles. We hope that you will reflect on the styles you see in yourself and others and how those styles affect your relationships.
Passive communicators often hold their tongues rather than expressing their feelings.
1. Passive Communication Style
Are you someone who likes to bottle everything up? Instead of confronting an issue head-on, you tend to neglect it because you want to maintain peace, neglecting your feelings and needs. Your mantra is "I value my peace." If this sounds like you, you are a passive communicator.
Characteristics of a Passive Communicator
- Does not make eye contact during conversations
- Laughs when expressing anger
- Speaks apologetically and softly
How This Affects Relationships
Passive communicators often struggle to have their needs met in a relationship because instead of speaking up and expressing their feelings, they prefer to keep quiet and defer decision-making to others. They can be laid-back in many situations. This does not mean they do not have an opinion on the matter, but they are just uncomfortable sharing it for fear of it upsetting their partner or causing a conflict or confrontation.
Although this might seem like a promising approach for safe communication when a conflict wants to escalate to violence, it also harms relationships as undiscussed problems can lead to tension and stress from trying to understand your partner, consequently leading to resentment over time. It has often been seen to annoy other people around them because it makes communication more challenging and potentially leads to misunderstanding. If two passive communicators are in a relationship, and both parties do not consciously try to resolve issues by speaking up, it can be a train wreck waiting to happen.
Aggressive communicators are prone to yelling during hard conversations.
2. Aggressive Communication Style
Do you often act defensively or demanding when confronted by others or while voicing your feelings? You believe in saying things as they are and expressing your opinion. You find yourself using harsh words or raising your voice when speaking. If any of this sounds like you, you are exhibiting the traits of an aggressive communicator.
Your mantra is "Say it as I see it with no filters." Aggressive communicators are the exact opposite of passive communicators. They are very expressive with their feelings—mainly at the expense of other people's feelings. This makes it hard for them to connect with anyone, as their behaviour is often alienating and hurtful to anyone on the receiving end.
Characteristics of an Aggressive Communicator
Aggressive communicators are often seen as poor listeners. They are the typical example of being quick to speak and slow to listen. They interrupt or talk over others and frequently use threats to get what they want from others, as they are only concerned about their own needs and not the needs of the person they are communicating with.
- Tries to intimidate the other
- Maintains direct eye contact
- Uses harsh tone
- Yells/shouts
How It Affects Relationships
In relationships, aggressive communicators often come across as insensitive due to how they express themselves, leading to animosity among couples. They can be emotionally explosive and very unpredictable, causing their partners to walk on eggshells around them.
Passive-aggressive communicators tend to ignore or avoid necessary conversations with their partners.
3. Passive-Aggressive Communication Style
These are the silent-treatment queens and kings. Denying something is wrong with your voice while your attitude and demeanour say differently, giving sarcastic comments or acting dismissive—does this ring a bell? Perhaps you have once acted this way or can recognize this pattern in a friend or partner. This pattern is consistent with the passive-aggressive communication style, which is a unique blend of passive and aggressive styles. They appear to be passive externally and aggressive internally. This means that they can act peacefully with people outwardly, but they are subtly acting out their anger in such a way that tends to be manipulative without them even realizing it.
Characteristics of a Passive-Aggressive Communicator
Passive-aggressive communicators have difficulty acknowledging and expressing their anger. They indirectly communicate their emotions and feelings, hoping the other person will notice. They have limited consideration for the feelings and needs of others, and they leave people perplexed with their concealed messages and emotions, which makes it look like a form of emotional abuse.
- Sulking
- Fake sweetness in verbal expressions
- Complaining
- Avoiding conversations
- Masked anger
- Sarcasm
How It Affects Relationships
This communication style is one of the major styles that leads to conflict in relationships. Partners of passive-aggressive communicators are always in the dilemma of deciphering what they want because there is always a disconnect between what they say and do. Their indirect approach to communicating their feelings to their partners can lead to mistrust and even escalate matters, resulting in many unresolved issues and misunderstandings that confuse and frustrate their partners.
Assertive communicators clearly, calmly and confidently express their needs/feelings.
4. Assertive Communication Style
Do you express yourself clearly and confidently while remaining sensitive to the feelings of others? Do you listen without interrupting, and can you have a respectful conversation in a clear and calm tone? If you answered yes to all these questions, then you are probably an assertive communicator.
This is one of the healthiest ways of relating with people as they know where they stand with you; there is no confusion, making it the ideal way of communicating. Studies have shown that it is one of the most effective communication styles that foster strong connections. When assertive communicators are not cool with something, they are emotionally expressive and encourage open dialogue.
Characteristics of an Assertive Communicator
People who communicate with an assertive communication style do not play mind games. They have an honest, direct and respectful way of communicating their feelings and needs without hurting others.
- Expresses feelings/needs in a straightforward way
- Listens well to the other person
- Maintains comfortable, relaxed eye contact
- Presents open body language
How It Affects Relationships
In relationships, assertive communicators often experience fewer conflicts with their partners due to the effective communication of their emotions and needs. This leads to a more satisfying relationship where there is mutual respect and trust.
Becoming a good communicator is a lifelong process.
How to Improve Your Communication
Did you figure out your communication style? Is it a combination of multiple styles, or do you fall into just one category? If you've identified with the first three communication styles, you may have an unhealthy approach. This could be contributing to issues in your relationships and difficulty connecting with your partner and others.
The good news is that anyone can improve their communication with practice and patience because becoming a good communicator is a lifelong process. If you find yourself holding back, it might be beneficial to work on building self-confidence to express yourself. Conversely, if you tend to communicate aggressively, it could be helpful to focus on managing anger. Ultimately, being assertive by using confident and empathetic communication can lead to healthier, long-lasting relationships.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2024 Precious Olalere
