Why Do Marriages Fail
Satan is the best destroyer of marriages and hates married couples the most. His best feast is when he manages to split a married couple. He causes doubts between them and make it seem that there is no way out of a particular situation. Satan is very much aware of peoples' weak spots, and so approaches them from these angles.
People who listen to Satan's whisperings follow him instead of following Allah's commandments and live in fear and anxiety. Allah states that only one type of fear that will lead a person to the right path is the fear of Allah. The Quran proclaims that Allah, the Possessor of Infinite Knowledge, will give people the ability to distinguish between right and wrong if they fear Him.
This is one of the most important characteristics for a person to have. Discerning people who have faith know the difference between right and wrong, and thus are not fooled by Satan's games.
Below are some suggestions to wives in light of Islam to maintain a happy married life:
Avoid arguments. An argument is a fire in the house. Extinguish it with a simple 'I'm sorry' even if it is not your fault. When you fight back, you are only adding wood to the fire. Below is a very good story which provides a beautiful example of tolerance and patience which is essential for any successful marriage.
A man and woman had been married for more than 50 years. They shared everything. and kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoebox in the closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he never thought about the shoebox, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoebox and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the shoebox.
When he opened it, he found two hand made dolls and a bag of money totalling $20,000. He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and make a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the shoebox. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness "Honey," he said, "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?" "Oh," the little old woman said, "That's the money I made from selling the dolls."
Be Attentive to the Comfort and Wellbeing of Your Husband
A good Muslim wife should always be trustworthy and kind. She should strive to be cheerful and encouraging towards her husband and family, and keep their home free from anything haram (haram covers all aspects of harm, including bad behaviour, abuse and forbidden foods).
Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - taught us that any women who dies in a state where her husband is pleased with her, shall enter Jannah. Always treat him the way you would like to be treated. If you follow this rule, your marriage will have a much greater chance for success and if discarded then failure is just around the corner.
Regardless of her skills or intelligence, a wife should accept her man as the head of her household give him full respect and carry out his wishes with a clear conscience. She should take into consideration the needs and abilities of her husband and attempt to make him happy, even if she has to compromise sometimes. It is because men are given an extra degree of responsibility.
Allah says: “Men are the protectors and maintainers [qawwamun] of women, because Allah has given the one more [strength] than the other, and because they support them from their means . . .” (Qur’an 4:34)
The purpose of obedience in the relationship is to keep the family unit running as smoothly as possible. The man has been given the right to be obeyed because he is the leader and not because he is superior. If a leader is not obeyed , his leadership will become invalid.
Be Thankful and Show Appreciation
Appreciate and thank your husband for what he does for the family. Never make him feel that he is not doing good enough for the family or that you are not satisfied with his work or his efforts, unless, of course, he is truly lazy and not even trying to provide for the family.
The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wasallam) was reported to have said: ‘On the Day of Judgment, God will not look upon the woman who has been ungrateful to her husband.” Thank your husband constantly for the nice things he does as this is one of the most important techniques and to be the opposite is a characteristic of the women of hellfire.
Be Careful of Your Words and Maintain Good Relation With In-Laws
Be very careful what you say when you are upset. Sometimes you will say things that you would never say when you were not angry. If you are angry, wait until you calm down before continuing the conversation. Maintain good relation with your in-laws especially his mother. Do not say anything bad about his family.
Be Polite, Kind, and Patient, and Confess Your Mistakes
Treat your husband like you would treat your best friend. With our best friends we try to be polite kind and patient. With our spouses we often do not show these courtesies. Good marriages require patience kindness sacrifice love understanding forgiveness and hard work. Moreover, consider the reward in the hereafter for those who show patience:
Allah says, “Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full without reckoning (or measure).” (Qur’an 39:10)
When you make a mistake, admit it and when your husband commits a mistake, excuse him easily and if possible, never go to sleep angry with each other.
Be Content With What You Have and Lead an Easy Life
Don’t be jealous of those who seem to be living a more luxurious life than your family. The ‘rizq” is from Allah (SWT). In order to develop the quality of contentment, look at those people who have less than you, not those who have more. Thank Allah (SWT) for the many blessings in your life.
Have a Sense of Humour
Men seek women who are light-hearted and have a sense of humour. As Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - told Jabir to marry someone who would make him laugh and he would make her laugh.
Pray to Allah
Make dua to allah for the well being of your husband and for your successful married life. By doing this daily you will notice increased love between you and your husband.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Barry on August 22, 2014:
One of the few things islam gets right is how a relationship should work between man and woman. Don't argue, man always right. Maybe I should talk my wife into converting!
fatima on July 07, 2014:
A very touching islamic article . May Allah help all Muslims in world to become better people nd have patience. Inshallah.please pray I have a better marriage as it not doing right good right now I pray for you all
aisha on January 18, 2014:
Asalama alaikum Its going to be nearly 6 years of my arranged mariage and evrything was going wel of da first two years I had little but was happy and al of a suden things started going difficult.i struggled through but now I just wanna give up its always me that puts al the effort in for mariage to work.he doesn't realise al I want is love and care not after money.i read quran n pray evryday n any wazifas to keep us goin but frm hart am gne weak n dnt feel strong anymre when hav a tif.just livjng life for kids sake n and allahs...hes testing me n my duas r dat he solves my priblems n makes my hubi see wat hes got before its too late.sisters do dua for me plz and any advice to how to keep up with al this.my health is affectd n always worryng n I got three kids masha allah to luk after...huda hafiz.
Arief on December 25, 2013:
Ya allah restore my marriage ya allah and give me justice ya allah I have always lost in life for trusting in you ya allah give me justice ya allah
Ya allah my life on earth is miserable in justice ya allah I depened on you ya allah and I lost everything ya allah in your trust and in your fear ya allah u have the powers ya allah u know what's best for me.
Ya allah I want to be with my wife and children ya allah bring me back my family ya allah .ya allah as I go to sleep ya allah let me know that my family will come back ya allah have mercy on me ya allah and let me have my family back with your will and power ya allah.
Ya allah I want my wife and children with me ya allah please bring them back to me.
Fathima on December 21, 2013:
Thankz fr ur great advise....
arif on December 02, 2013:
Ya allah restore my marriage ya allah n give me justice ya allah i hv always lost and beaten in life for trusting in you ya allah give me justice ya allah
Ya allah my life on earth is misreble in justice ya allah i depened on you ya allah n i lost everything ya allah in yr trust and in yr fear ya allah u hv the powers ya allah u know what's best for me.
Ya allah i want to be with my wife and children ya allah bring me back my family ya allah .ya allah as i go to sleep ya allah let me know that my family wil come back ya allah have mercy on me ya allah and let my have my family back with yr wil and powerr ya allah.
Ya allah i wnt my wife and children with me ya allah
Thaj on November 06, 2013:
Ya Allah m my husband should get a good job and should live happily for more years.
neva good enuf on October 30, 2013:
@Dania I so agree it's always the husband I'm a believer but when all emphasis is placed on a woman being a slave it's puts me off the religion. It feels like the woman is placed below even below animals in the hierarchy of things. I hate my in-laws 'coz they hate me, my husband will divorce me if I ever said anything bad to his family but goes on about how bad my family is on a daily basis. He won't even let me place a little dust near them let alone on the. Women need to feel that there husban devotion. I'm sick of woman needing to suck up to their husband and in-laws for their marriage to be successful.
Osman Goni ACA on October 07, 2013:
In conjugal life dispute may arise for many many reasons but it should be handled very carefully. when wife is in high tempered then husband should be soft in words and vice versa. After passing the hard time both husband & wife should go in the isolated place and may discuss the matter in cold mind. then obviously problem should be solved. However, in most of the time it was said to sacrifice of female. well!!! but husband should also have the mentality of sacrifice, cheerful in mind and should allocate the time for family because in most of the time women seek time from husband.
saara on July 09, 2013:
im married 4 months back due to silly reason my in-laws are not talking with me how i should solve the problem
Dania on May 10, 2013:
This article places the burden and scarifices all on the wife, overlooks the fact that a woman can do all of these things and still be in a miserable. I have done this and more...yet my husband hates me, abuses me physically and emotionally...so what now? These fancy words don't help...I would love to see a post telling men to be so submissive and compromising...seriously if they followed 20% of this advice most marriages would be better off. I am a devout Muslim, but I am begining to resent the emphasis that a woman should suffer and compromise because men have a need to be respected...so what about a womans natural need for love? Why cant there be mutual love and respect? I have found very little persuasive Islamic evidence that men need to treat their wives correctly, its almost ALWAYS about what a woman should do. It has brought me to a point in my marriage where I just wish to be unconscious and not feel the pain...
Lyla on April 04, 2013:
Assalam alaikum sisters, just like everyone here, I've also been having problems in my marriage. I've been married for 9 months now but we've only been living together for last 2 months and the last month has been nothing but arguments, day in day out, Subhan'Allah. Now we're both on the verge of splitting up. May Allah swt guide us all to the straight path and give us the strength and patience to work on our marriages, as this is a gift from Allah swt.
Aisha on January 19, 2013:
Salam everyone, we have been married for 8 months and I was very happy with my choice of spouse but lately I feel nothing is good for him. The minute he wakes up he starts complaining about the house being too cold, or the food being to blant etc. nothing bothers me more than him complaining about my cooking because I have applied full efforts by learning to cook by watching youtube recipes and to be honest I don't even cook for myself I only cook for him..but he is not appreciative and complains about my cooking 95% of times. When he does complain it hurts my feelings cus I cant take negative people. I have told him many times to not say it cus its discouraging to someone who is new at cooking. Not to mention I work as well and with the little time I have left I use it to cook and clean the house. It hurts sometimes so much because I try to make it as elegant as possible and I feel very proud that I made something so delicious on my own and when he says its not good enough makes me want to leave the dinner table and not talk to him for the rest of they day. Then he forces me to talk to him and doesn't understand y I am upset. It takes me days to get over the whole ordeal and I don't think him saying sorry is a real resolution to this problem. Please help.
Aziza on January 15, 2013:
Let us always pray to ALLAH to guide our marriages in the correct direction. Every girl has a dream on how she likes her marriage to be, May ALLAH make all our dreams come true.
As the saying goes Prayers with faith move mountains. In what ever situation you are always remember to pray , and depend 100% of Allah and in sha Allah all will be fine.
email@example.com on January 06, 2013:
I have done many mistake in my marriage life
salMAA on December 26, 2012:
LET SAY THAT I HAVE AGREE TO ALL OF YOUR COMMENTS AND THE TEXT ABOVE, BUT IN REALITY IT IS NOT LIKE THAT ITS ALWAYS TO WAYS TO MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK ITS NOT ALWAYS THE WIFE THAT HAS TO COMPROMISE IN HER LIFE TO FULFILLED AND PLEASED THE HUSBAND AND THE IN LAWS ALL THE TIME EVEN IF THE SAY THAT YOU HAVE TO BOW IN FRONT OF YOUR HUBBY HE NEED TO LOOKS INTO THE REALITY AND START TO MAKE A MOVE IN LIFE AND ALWAYS BE THANKFUL OF WHAT HE HAS IN HIS LIFE NOT JUST FOR HIM FOR THE LIFE THAT HE HAS CHOSEN TO CARRY WITH HIM AS HIS WIFE AND HIS FAMILY TOO AND THE NEEDS AS WELL
Zubair Ahmed on November 29, 2012:
A very nice hub thak you for sharing. I hoep and pray that many more sisters will read this hub and gain knowldege and the willingness to practice these very basic but important traits.
Too many in our society both sisters and brothers are too quick to judge and seek revenge through divorce rather than practice patience and resultion, this is causing many families and most of children heartache and lives of misary.
I pray that Allah (SWT) gives us all the ability to practice the good habits you list in this hub.
Sardar Khan on July 18, 2012:
Thanks for this lovely information although being Muslim we all know that Satan is the best destroyer of marriages however, we try to listen more to him and forget Allah. Hope after reading this we do the opposite.
Clifton Bradley on July 15, 2012:
Islam getting stronger in the USA, Chicago, IL at Mass Al-Farooq at 8950 South Stoney Island on the east side of Chicago.. To brothers and sisters world wide .. Allah is the greatest ..... Here is a video on Islamic marrage . copy and past this link http://youtu.be/X_fdb8deGiI
M.Hassan on June 09, 2012:
Assalamuwalikum.I really appreciate ur writing.but i need a suggestion from u for a very weird kind of problem as it really troubling me a lot. i m married to a muslim guy for last 2 yrs who is an engineer by profession.basically he is liked by many people for his behavior and kind heart. i also love it. but my problem with my husband is that , he visits to a man in every thursday evening ,according to him the man is a pir ( who possesses some super natural power),but as i know and heard from many ppl that the guy is a fake pir who does many black magic ( as i don't visit him he says bad about me to my mother in-law, and i have heart if one disbelieve him he does bad on them-- that's why I am really scared about myself and our married life. last few months me and my husband had strong fights on this issue .As i tried to convince him not to pay visit to that man's place and still praying to ALLAH SWT to make him realize what mistake he is doing by going to the man and wearing tabiz given by that man.not only that my husband and my mother in-law strongly believes in Majar and also believe in pir, fakir and awlias, they strongly believe that they can give anything if we want from them.As a muslim girl and as an Ummat of MOHAMMAD (SW) I only fear ALLAH and our beloved Prophet.I believe we can only pray to ALLAH (SWT) for anything we need, or incase of any need he the one to rescue us,to show us the right path of truth and can ask only to our Holy prophet for his support for the life after death. now i need a piece of advice of what should i do for stopping my hubby to go the so-called pir's place?
Mariam on May 19, 2012:
I had been quite with my husband lately for no appearant reasons but just negative thoughts. I googled Ya musababul as bab and found this site. After reading this I realized how wrong I had been in treating him like that.
The thing that made me cry was that Allah will not even look at a woman who is ungrateful to her husband and I realized I was being just that.
Thanks for sharing!
shazi on December 12, 2011:
great ful verse of allah .still i did not marry .alhamdulillah i learnt how to be with my patner... in future...insha allas i can be a good wife to my patner in future.....jazakallahair to show us the correct way....
mubee on December 11, 2011:
these r really golden rules .may my Allah make follower of these rules so that i become a gud wife and hv gud married life .InshahAllahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Sabitharasheed on November 30, 2011:
Thanks alot .allah great
Subair Abdulakeem 4rm Nigeria(email Saa.firstname.lastname@example.org) on November 13, 2011:
Ali on October 27, 2011:
Mash'Allah that was a nice read please visit my site Insha'Allah http://www.getdeen.com
I F Khan (author) from UK on October 22, 2011:
mashallah!! i am so happy for you. May allah fulfill all your wishes. ameen.
noor tariq on October 22, 2011:
asalam alae kum firdous main nae apke bre mae parha jab parha us waqt bohut parshan thi main wo sub parh rahi hn jo apne parha muje wo parhte hoe takreban 1 month he hoa hae k mre life bilkul change ho gae hae aur ALLAH PAK per yakeen rakhti hon k mere tamam parshania dur ho jaen ge apki thank ful hon ALLAH PAK apko hamesha khush rakhe.ameen.
shereen on October 01, 2011:
U must always remember that u r very special in the eyes of Allah swt!U dnt need a man to take u down and belittle u!A marriage is a sacret bond between 2people,that bond was blessed with the name of Allah,ameen!and we as humans 4get that,but let me tel u all sumthing,dnt ever that a man abuse u,get out from there,he will never change!U rather make the change b4 its 2 late,our muslim men of 2day lost there yahkeen/imaan and u name it!The ummah need 2 make lot's of dua for our so called leaders of the pack!wasalaam
ukhtyifty on September 26, 2011:
I F Khan (author) from UK on September 20, 2011:
Power4Allah & infidel
please visit this hub. might be helpful
Power4Allah on September 20, 2011:
Asalam Alaykum, Alhamdulilah for all those tips. Although, us Muslim women need to be patient towards our husbands, they need to be patient as well. I'm living a life with my husband of 7yrs, we have 2 beautiful boys who are angels Mashallah. My husband and I have had problems all through out our marriage. He does not care, has no responsibilities, living like his single, flirts, exchanges numbers with other females, always kicks me and my kids out, hangs out with his mates day and night, doesn't support financially on me and my kids, doesn't get intimate with me, always rejects me, calls me names and so on. I've been beaten, abused and thrown out. Alhamdulilah I've remained patient but to wat extent do we draw the line because Allah swt doesn't say to live a life of torture. I'm afraid of divorce but my husband is to arrogant and proud to conversate about the issues so we can resolve it. Alhamdulilah I work hard, do more than wat is expected from a wife should do and it's not appreciated. He can go on forever not talking to me and ignore me like I'm a slave or a wall at home. Alhamdulilah it's all in Allah swt's hands. I just feel so down and worthless. Wat do we do on circumstances like that? And Allah swt knows best. Jazzakullah khayron.
Zeba on September 19, 2011:
Thankq so much such for a wonderful advice, this should really work out for all the Muslim wives. After reading this you made me thank Allah and my hubby for eveything he has given to me..Jazakallah!
infidel on September 18, 2011:
So its basically just shut up and do whatever he says???
Marz on September 15, 2011:
My husband is sleeping with another woman.im the mother of a 15month old.he abuses me and so does his family and then they say im the culprit and that im a bad person.my life is hell.he doesn't touch me and calls me an ugly pig.im an independent working woman.im subjected to a lot of abuse all the time.dear sisters please for me so that this man gets on the right path and may Allah grant me sabar as i cannot separate from him due to society pressures :'(
Saima on September 15, 2011:
salaam alikum real nice topic i enjoyed it that's because everything is related to me and my life apart from the dolly part thanx may allah reward you for sharing it with the other muslim sisters we all need to learn from our mistakes.
MuslimGirl on August 26, 2011:
To the above comments Be strong try to make the marriage work rather than go the other direction leading to divorce. Pray to Allah SWT about your concerns in your marriage but whatever you do, do not give up, it is dificult and it feels like your being punished and suffering in silence, please have faith in Allah SWT beleive that he is there to listen to your problems, pray Quran often and blow within your home, say Bismillah before you enter and leave the home, do this to have Allah SWT protect you and your home from shaitaan. I hope i have been a great help and i hope things work out For you Insha'Allah.
Remember if you feel the marriage is breaking and its a mistake, pray Istikaarah namaz seek through the Almighty Allah for which decisions you make and InshaAllah subhanawatallah he will answer you in his own time and he will have a plan InshaAllah.
Muna on July 19, 2011:
Asalam 3laikum I love the hub. Unfortunately it is soo hard to make a marriage work..It takes two people to do it. Yes men too bend the rules a bit. I am currently in a mental abusive relationship i am trying everything but I have came to the conclusion my husband is not on this earth.May Allah bless us with janna and forgive our sins ameen.
KAUSER on June 04, 2011:
I had a tough life and at 31 got divorced.I have 2 daughters aged 11 and 7.He was a useless humanbeing.Had no time for wife or kids.He felt he only came in this country to earn for his family in Pakistan.I put up with it for 12 years but eventually gave up.Today 2 years on im happily married to a man who treats my daughters like gold and me like a queen AND THE BEST THING IS THAT I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO GET HIM A VISA.He is british.Allah always does what is best and may he guide us all.Ameen
fatima on June 01, 2011:
thumbs up to Aisha's comment. I am also running 2 businesses and paying actually 60% of everything. Still not one nice smiling loving word after Assalaamu Alaiqum comes from his mouth for me. After 5 years i am now in doubt if i should let him continue mistreat me like this. Ofcorz there is a lot i am not telling you all at the moment. But i guess you understand that there are many valid reasons for me to consider the option of divorce. Guess i am just too scared for the pakistani community at 32 and no children, coz he decided in the beginning of our marriage family planning of 3 years. It has been 5 years now. I am very much in doubt of our future together and his motives. Alhamdulilahi Kulli Haal.
nas shan on May 29, 2011:
thanks for this lovely information although being muslim we all know that Satan is the best destroyer of marriages however, we try to listen more to him and forget allah. Hope after reading this we do the opposite
Huma on May 26, 2011:
Super article ! Loves it :)
Aisha on March 25, 2011:
Hmm... What about if I do every other things that a man do? I`m running 2 companies and going to school. I pay the bills 50-50 and my husbands temper make him suddenly speak to me impolite and demand obedience. So many of us Muslim Women are obiedient and that`s way not apprecieted... Men use their power to do bad things sometimes... :-(
S on March 24, 2011:
I am going through an extremely tough time in my life right now - due to my marriage. I pray that Allah helps me and my husband on the right path. Ameen.
jemila on March 07, 2011:
All praise and worship is due to Allah all mighty, my he send his peace and blessings upon the prophet mohammed (PBUH) and his family and companions and all the other prophets InshaAllah. I to am facing marital problems - InshaAllah may Allah bless and guide us all and save our marriages and put love and mercy between the hearts of all the spouses especially the ones facing hard times. InshaAllah may we remember this is a test and may we become strong in our deen and as husband and wife inshaAllah! Jzkl x
fatima syed on March 07, 2011:
Great suggestions,these suggestions will definetly help women to set there lives and make them more conscious about their married lives.
shazia on December 23, 2010:
Thanks,i too facing same problem . may allah kareem help all of us in making happy married life
I F Khan (author) from UK on June 12, 2010:
NEHRA from MAURITUS on June 12, 2010:
helpful suggestions, May ALLAH help all the women to set things right in their marital life . AMEEN.
khadijaabdul from USA on December 15, 2009:
Nice hub, I like the topic never argue, and the story, wow, I hope I can do that, never argue to my husband and do something and make money out of it, hehehe, anyhow thank you for the hub, it refreshes me, sometimes we forget our roles.