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The Friend Zone

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In popular culture, the friend zone is a situation in which one member of a friendship wishes to enter a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not.

There's a difference between friendship and the friend zone.

While a friendship implies that the two participants want to be in that relationship....

the friend zone implies that one person is purely tolerating the friendship in hopes that they will receive more.

It's a massive breach in the trust of the crush as all the moments the two shared are overshadowed by the fact that the person with a crush had ulterior motives.

Being someone's friend is not a punishment, if you perceive it as one then you should be examining where the sense of entitlement to the other's feelings or body comes from.


The Friend zone as a method of shaming women

When a guy uses the term 'friend zone' in reference to his relationship with a woman, he oftentimes explicitly blaming the women for not returning his feelings.

"Friend zone" hence shames women for exercising their right to say NO, just as "SLUT" shames women for exercising their right to say yes....... and "BITCH" attacks them for calling you out on it.

Say 'Unrequited Love' instead

The term friend zone shifts the responsibility onto the crush and pressures then to grow an attraction for the person who is pinning after them.

Unrequited love highlights the crushing person's feelings and thus places the responsibility back onto them, telling them to move on.

How to avoid situations of manipulation

If you have a crush on your friend tell them about your feelings....

Your friend feels the same way?


Your friend doesn't?

Bummer, but it can still be a situation where you both are clear about feelings and expectations.



This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.


dashingscorpio from Chicago on September 17, 2020:

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"It's a massive breach in the trust of the crush as all the moments the two shared are overshadowed by the fact that the person with a crush had ulterior motives." (For the most part that is usually true.)

However there have been platonic friendships in which over time one person comes to realize they're falling in love with their friend.

Suddenly they find themselves torn between hiding their newfound feelings or blurting them out and risking losing their best friend.

However the term "friendzone" is not designed to shame women, call them sluts, or bitches. It simply describes the nature of a relationship from the person's view who secretly wishes they were more than friends. Rarely does anyone mention being in the "friendzone" directly to their "friend". You usually are unaware there is a crush.

Having said there are instances whereby a person actually does (know) or suspect someone has a romantic interest in them.

However they (choose) to pretend they don't notice and continue to accept favors/gifts and having them pick up the tab whenever they go out under the guise they're just "friends". In this scenario the "friendzone" exists because neither person acknowledges what's going on.

It's not the girl/woman who should feel ashamed because a guy is friendzoned. Being in the "friendzone" usually means someone was too (cowardly) to make their feelings and intentions known. They didn't want to risk being rejected early on or they pretended they were okay with just being friends after she did reject them.

Here's a "friendzone" test women can give their male friends.

Call your (male) friend and something along the following:

"I'm bored and horny. Do you mind coming over to spend the night?"

Guess how many of her male friends will respond this way:

"Ew that's gross! You're like a SISTER to me!"

My point is there are lots of women who (know) if they gave their so called friend the "green light" he'd be all over them in a heartbeat.

Being in a friendzone is a choice the person with a crush makes.

No one is "stuck" with anyone! Suffering is optional.

In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: Next!

Needless to say there are those who are fully aware when someone has a crush on them and they choose to bury their head in the sand to pretend it's not true while they enjoy having their ego fed.

As long as he never works up the courage to approach her the game will continue. He's welcome to help her move, set up her cable TV and computers, take her out for drinks, lunch, or movies for as long as he pretends to be her "platonic friend" or "play brother".

However she knows he would flunk the "male friend" test!

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