So much for the fairer sex!
I've written this because I've encountered a lot of bitchiness in my lifetime and based on the number of visits I get to this article it seems to be a hot topic.
Would you consider yourself to be a bitch and do you know why you do it? Is someone bitching at you and you're trying to understand them or why they do it?
Is bitching just another form of bullying and is one worse than the other? Should we let idle gossip destroy our lives? I'll explore these questions, and others, in more detail below.
Is Bitching a form of bullying?
When a person tries to exercise control over another, whether it's coming from a female or not it is a form of bullying. So yes, when a woman is a bitch to someone else she is also being a bully.
Bitching is a form of abuse because it can be soul-destroying. No-one has the right to say something to someone else just for the sake of appearing/feeling superior. That's a bully in my book.
Which is worse, bitching or bullying? I don't see how one can be worse than the other. Both have the capacity to ruin someone's life. However, bitching can take various forms from bitching as in nagging or complaining, bitching as in bullying or bitching as in idle gossip to others.
People with sensitive souls can be easily hurt by someone's words. Words are immensely powerful, they can uplift you or they can sadden you, they can make you angry or they can have you weeping with joy. The tongue is mightier than the sword, as is the written word. So whether someone is saying something to your face or whether it takes the form of idle gossip behind your back, it can still hurt you equally and is therefore wrong.
Sticks and Stones
Ah, if only it were that simple to shrug off someone's hurtful comments by remembering the sticks and stones verse....
When someone says or writes something there is usually an emotional attachment that comes with it. It all depends on the individual interpretation as to how we react. A bitch/bully knows full well that whoever they are directing their speech/text at will feel diminished as a result. All bitches/bullies only target those who they believe are weaker than themselves.
So the bitch/bully sees the words one way, the recipient hears/reads them another and the victim chooses to react in a negative way, they are hurt. The fact that someone is a bitch means they fully intend to exert power over you, punish you even, in order to feel good about themselves. There is nothing heroic about being a bitch/bully despite how many disciples they've got worshipping them - that's only to give them kudos like some fly-by-night celebrity.
However, women tend to attack other women (and men) in a more cutting, evil, manipulative, sarcastic way and it's the way in which they do it that causes a lot of the damage, they play mind games.
Once someone chips away at you, constantly making you feel less and less good about yourself, you start to believe them. You believe you really are worthless, you believe you really are a wimp, you believe they have power and you have none.
Let's get one thing straight: They are a coward.
What Do Women Bitch About?
Anything and everything! The bitching I'm referring to in this article is that of idle gossip and face to face bullying.
I've encountered a lot in my lifetime. From bitches at school to a bitchy step-mother, to bitches in the workplace. Just when I thought I'd experienced them all, I then experienced it over the internet in the form of jealousy.
In most of my experience I blamed myself. It must have been my fault. There's obviously something about me because it follows me around. After years of soul-searching I've come to realise what it is: I'm too nice!
Women are so contrary, they say one thing and mean another, so I've often found myself in a no-win situation. I didn't particularly want to win as such, I'm not competitive, but I did want to be understood. There's no reasoning with a bitch, it's like reasoning with an alcoholic (something else I know all about..).
In my experience they have bitched because I'm blonde, I'm slim(ish), I lived in a big house as a child, I was a threat to their partner, I was in the way, I come home too late/too early/treat the place like a hotel, I'm good at my job, I'm intellegent etc etc - I could go on.
Without sounding like I'm blowing my own trumpet, all the above is what I came to realise. Before the realisation I probably thought the oppostie such as; they think I'm thick because I'm blonde, they don't like my clothes, they think I'm posh, they think I want to steal their partner away etc. All these thoughts were based on the way they spoke to me and the way I chose to interpret it. I was just one big walking target and each time I believed I was in the wrong.
What about trust?
I'm very cautious about who I trust. I do try to trust initially until something/somebody proves me wrong - that's just my positive nature to see the good before the bad.
Because of my past experiences I do tend to keep myself to myself and have a handful of very special friends rather than lots of acquaintances. Most of my friends are men - men make excellent friends so long as the relationship remains platonic and they know where they stand. I've got women friends too but I just don't tick like they do, I'm not a girly girl and I certainly don't get pleasure out of idle gossip - which is why I think I'm given a wide berth.
I spent years and years trying to be accepted, to fit in with the crowd whether it was at school or the workplace. It took me a long time to realise that despite really wanting to find a special female friend I was probably sending out signals telling them to back off.
The more I experienced being shunned, the more I was isolating myself from the crowd; I was never meant to fit in. Whenever I connected with someone it always seemed to back-fire, as if they were waiting to stick the knife in or pull the rug from under me. People seem to get some sadistic pleasure out of watching a kind-hearted person crumble. It gives them a feeling of power.
So when it comes to trust most of us can only really trust ourselves.
Why Do They Bitch?
Reasons why they might be bitching at you
Women bitch for many reasons: Inadequacy, intimidation, fear, jealousy, resentment, envy, hormonal issues to name a few - notice how these are all negative emotions and therefore it shows they can't be feeling too good about themselves to begin with
Inadequacy - Somewhere along the line this woman feels lesser than you. There is probably an aspect of your personality or appearance that deeply troubles her, so rather than feel down about it she feels better by making you feel rubbish about yourself. If she is lacking that is not YOUR fault.
Intimidation - You probably intimidate them without realising it and you won't be doing it deliberately. You are more likely just being 'yourself' and that is enough to get up most women's noses. When someone is comfortable with who they are it makes other women feel less confident around them. Therefore they will dimish you to regain their sense of self-worth and try their best to break your happy disposition.
Fear - YOU are what they fear, so don't YOU be fearing THEM! This goes back to being yourself. You are probably all the nice things in life; caring/loving/giving/kind/sensitive/naïve. If you're slim and pretty on top of that you've no chance! Well, not until you learn to ignore them. They fear you will catch their partner's eye because you're so nice. They fear they might get overlooked for promotion because you're younger/cleverer, they fear all their friends will prefer you to them. All their fears are usually based on nothing except their own low self-esteem.
Jealousy/envy - probably two of the most destructive emotions. You probably have something that they feel they haven't got. It could be anything from a better car, bigger breasts, better lifestyle, better partner, better job. Women are conditioned to make comparisons, usually mostly visual ones, the biggest of which is one's appearance. So a lot of jealousy/envy will be directed at you because you look a certain way. If people feel inferior based on your appearance then they are probably quite shallow with low self-worth if they feel the need to take it out on you. If people are jealous of your lifestyle then maybe they aren't trying hard enough to change their own - it is easier to feel jealous/enviousof someone than address our own shortcomings and take stock of our lives. Some women actually enjoy being in this state, that is why they buy celebrity magazines because they can only dream of that lifestyle. Dreams can come true, with effort.
Resentment - A very destructive emotion because resentment can eat away at women for years, we have the capacity to carry something on and on and on whereas men tend to clear the air more quickly. To have someone hold a grudge against you is pretty hard to deal with because I'd like to bet you've done nothing wrong, they just don't like you. Well don't change your life in order to make them happy, they clearly want your life if they feel like that, or maybe they just want to be more like you. It took me a long time to realise that when someone is resentful towards you it is because you have a quality which they actually admire and would like to have in themselves. So stay as you are and continue to set an example.
Hormonal issues - this is a good one! Women blame their hormones all the time. It's okay for them to blame their lousy attitude on monthly issues but woe betide a man who blames their hormones - be fair girls! However it really can be down to hormones and we all know when hormones come into a situation we really cannot help it. So consider this aspect if a woman is being unkind to you. Maybe she's going through the menopause - a very frustrating and confusing time for a woman and maybe that is why she is directing so much negativity towards you? Menopause is a time where many women realise they are not seventeen anymore, more so in body than in mind. This is a time where they feel vulnerable especially when in the company of a younger, more attractive woman. Maybe some of this bitchiness is coming from your own mother because she resents your youthfulness? I've personally experienced this and wouldn't dream of being nasty to another woman, I'm the first to celebrate her good looks and attributes than be jealous.
I have no time for any of these emotions and if someone is being like this to you then try to understand that the problem lies with them, you are not at fault.
How Do I Handle A Bitch?
Ignore her, same as you would any bully. Once you accept that they have the problem not you life becomes so much easier. Stop worrying. Stop asking yourself what have you done wrong. Get on with your life.
It takes time and effort and initially it could make things even harder for you because the very act of ignoring them will attract more unwanted attention. Eventually if you are thick-skinned enough they will get tired of it and walk away.
The best way to deal with hurtful words is by being non-responsive. The minute you respond to something that is said or written you give it power. If you say/do nothing the only person hurting and feeling negative is the protagonist. They won't change but they will stop, they'll just find another muse.
Silence holds a greater power, keep your thoughts to yourself, learn to say nothing and walk away. It's easier said than done I know, particularly when it's coming from your own mum or step-mum - the very people you should be able to look up to and ask for advice from. So all I can say from that perspective is just try and understand why they do it, accept it's not you directly and try and let it go in one ear and out of the other. Like most things, especially when you have to live with them, time is the greatest healer. Be patient and things will change.
Rest assured that karma is always in action and there's no greater saying than 'What goes around comes around.' Everyone gets their just desserts.
Some links that may be of interest
- I'm A Bitch, Are You?
Article written by a self-confessed bitch
Mr Andy Anderson on November 25, 2019:
I'd like to add that this behaviour is not exclusive to women, unfortunately men seem to have picked up this behaviour too.
Max on April 05, 2017:
The reason Women bitch is because they hate themselves.... this is Freud 101 ! Women need to put a man in his place tell him he's no good because what they really want is a man who's got all his eggs in a row and for this man to tell them what's what !
Oh sure , you may be her pet project in a relationship or marriage but if she doesn't get what she wants which is cash a settled living and safe environment that you must provide then you're going to get walking papers and if you're married then she may screw Her divorce lawyer take half then call the cops on you for harassment !
Women are fucking two bit snakes in the fucking grass! Oh your relationship is working you say .. well this happens too and if it did you've got a lot of money or decent job or nice spread or she's damn ugly or a fat Hog!
The only way a woman is not taking a man to the cleaners is for you to stay a bachelor go Dutch lock up your expensive scotch and valuables and meet her in your own car and don't get plastered while out or you'll get robbed by her
Andres on March 21, 2016:
Im a 24 yr old guy and this helps me tremendously in how to understand my girlfriend. As a business man I don't find quite smart filling out the space with topics or subjects that don't add positiveness to my life. Like what her bff wore the other night, how other girls and guys cheat on their gfs, what her co-worker said about her kiddos & just things that simply don't matter to me. Any idea in how to deal with this without showing her that I just simply don't care about hearing any of that stuff? without being rude of course. Thanks.
Honeybun on August 28, 2015:
Thanks for writing this article. I'm 30 year old woman and also have no time for bitchiness. I don't see the point in it or feel any need to put down other women. I'm consistently faced with bitches at work both old and young. I notice that just after they've gossiped about me (within earshot) they approach me and smile and feign friendliness (what's with that?!).
I think they are deeply threatened by my intelligence and prospects, that I'm not like them. They are competent but all show no substance. I'm not that interesting so I don't know what they could be discussing at length about me! It's very sad. There's no use approaching a male boss about it as men are programmed to not see it, or stay out of it. I also blame the management for hiring insecure people to create this toxic work environment. I agree ignoring them is the only solution but keep it cordial and professional. Don't react to it, certainly don't throw hot coffee in their faces ;)
Charm Garcia from Philippines on March 05, 2015:
Thank you ^_^ it really helped me. being bitched is not that easy --- but not now. Your post helped me gain confidence. After years of being bitched by someone who I thought were good people really put me down. After reading this, I hope I've already learned how to deal with them. thanks again ^_^
ofelia on January 09, 2015:
Pretty much, you do the same thing right now! Why everything has to analysed ?
Keep your fears to yourself but share your courage with others.
Robert Louis Stevenson
embraceyourself on March 19, 2014:
I think women who tend to be at the receiving end of the negative actions of female bitches should just do this thing: STOP being nice ALL THE TIME and just BE YOURSELF. WE DESERVE to be happy AND successful and if that bothers some insecure women, that is THEIR PROBLEM. Growing up I have often been the 'target' of jealousy from other women, including my own female family members and close relatives, as well as female co-workers and acquaintances. Like the writer I initially thought it must have been some flaws on my part, even though somewhere in the back of my mind I'd always suspected it has more to do with those women i.e. jealousy, poor self esteem, feeling threatened, lack of confidence etc.
Also choose your friends CAREFULLY and GET RID of women or so called female riends who put you down. After experiencing catty behaviours from female friends in the past, I am now more selective of who to let into my circle of friends. Personally I have found married (happy marriages mostly) and elder women with a secure family life or career to be more emotionally secure and hence feel less threatened by other women be they younger or older. They are often also a good source of advice and comfort.
Actually the more I think about it, the more I realise that most times those who are truly blessed in their life are often the ones who are 'targeted' by female bitches, not the other way round.
So ladies, if you are facing some female bitches in your life right now, know this: YOU ARE BLESSED and the REAL LOSERS are those bitches.
ian-addi on March 11, 2014:
elenacocina on August 09, 2013:
Thanks for this, it has really helped me after being shouted at and put down by someone I thought was a friend. I started to defend myself but then just stayed silent the whole time they carried on shouting. Then I walked away. I have not spoken or contacted them since. You have convinced me that she has the problem and that I have done the right thing in my response!
victoria91 lm on February 26, 2013:
This is a very interesting lens.
hazel-i-moon-1 on January 10, 2013:
Been there done that!
arshanashyam-nirhoo on December 01, 2012:
Thank you for this phenomenol article......saving it for my three daughters. So easy to process now when you are constantly on the receiving end of envy, spite and jealousy. I have a tendency, from a little child, to always smile at, motivate and praise other women, however I found that reciprocating behaviour from female counterparts were extremely rare. I have found peace and solace in the arms of a tender, loving husband, who thankfully is my soul mate and leaves very little space in my life to have to fill it with "ladies night" or female friends. I have one female friend from high school who is an absolute angel and is kind, caring and generous, and for these two gems I am eternally grateful. I really hope women will, in future, try to adjust their bad habits of being manipulative and spiteful. Seldom do they realise that once they end these negative qualities, they are rewarded with an abundance of amazing luck and good blessings. Sadly their egos probably dictate that this article is not directed at them at all.
ti8er123 on November 23, 2012:
So tru...so much bitchiness at work...i keep to myself and don't really involve myself in what goes on but i can still hear the whisperings and bitchiness and it makes me feel uncomfortable at work...i hate the office because there's too many women...i should have worked in a less female oriented organization.
it doesn't matter if I keep to myself, i can still HEAR IT around me. its never ending...
justmelucy on October 23, 2012:
Awesome Lens. I am one of those that doesn't complain, need to have things my way or even be picky about food much less bitch. I even feel uncomfortable typing it. As a result, I have recently learned that my inability to express myself and my feelings has made me a victim of verbal abuse in a long drawn out domestic abusive relationship. The scars and broken bones have healed but not the vicious assaults made to my mind,body and soul. I am glad to be on my way to Victory as healing and cleansing take place.
Onemargaret LM on September 22, 2012:
Wonderful lens and so very true!
daveswife on September 21, 2012:
Wow! I truly thought I was the only female that felt like this. Huge revelation to me. Sounds like such a cliché but you sound like you have written about me. I get sick and tired of cliquey women saying one thing to your face and another thing behind your back. I feel sorry for men as they have no chance! Thanks so very much for writing this, it is excellent.
RestlessKnights on August 21, 2012:
I want to quote Rodney King and Jack Nicholson, and ask: Why can't we all just get along? But since we apparently can't, your lens is quite useful, well done!
pheonix76 from WNY on August 07, 2012:
I think that everyone can have their "bitchy" moments, some more than others, it just depends on the person.
Liveliferead LM on July 16, 2012:
Great lens, I might add, that as a man, men are starting to bitch just as much as women sometimes, it is becoming very sad.
Millionairemomma on June 20, 2012:
I think you gave great tips.
Natural_Skin_Care on May 25, 2012:
I think jealousy, insecurity, and boredom are primary reasons. You made great points. Like you, bad experiences made me limit myself to a few close friends.
blondebecky on May 23, 2012:
Loved it, so very true
pinkrenegade lm on May 20, 2012:
Great lens. I specifically love the part on how to handle a bitch.
Marcia (author) from England on May 09, 2012:
@curtis-eagle-eye-mullin: Thanks for your comment and I did what you requested :-)
curtis-eagle-eye-mullin on May 08, 2012:
i can relate! thanks so much, you're awesome--this really helps... love heals everything ;)
utuzzz on May 06, 2012:
curtis-eagle-eye-mullin on April 21, 2012:
Marcia (author) from England on February 28, 2012:
@limited279: Thankyou for your comments - I like receiving feedback on this lens and it is generating some varied responses. Your wife sounds just like me :-) and you are right, life is too short.
limited279 on February 27, 2012:
My wife has never been one to bitch or as I say complain much. This is something I find to be a great quality in her when not only women but most men even complain, bitch, and argue about stupid little things far too often. Life is far too short to spend it complaining, great lens!
Marcia (author) from England on February 24, 2012:
Chrisssy, thanks for your comment. Funnily enough, I agree with what you had to say - maybe I looked at the subject from a victim's point of view and you're right, sometimes we deserve to be bitched at, and yes, we all do it from time to time - myself included!
chrisssy on February 24, 2012:
I disagree with a lot of what is said here because everybody has been in a bitch more than just once. Anybody who says they don't bitch is far from telling the truth and the person getting bitched AT is not always the victim
Ram Ramakrishnan on February 08, 2012:
Great topic for a lens. The world will never be without its share of gossip-mongers. As you have rightly said, once we accept this as an inevitability, handling it becomes far easier.
kathysart on December 04, 2011:
THUMBS UP... with zero bitching.. lol
anonymous on September 21, 2011:
as a dude, you sure helped me, thanks for the insight into a woman's mind. If you like to browse lens as I do, mine has a great educational topic with poll questions for my readers to do.
whiteskyline lm on September 05, 2011:
I love the title! And you make some very valid points. Yes, an attack is a cry for help :)
Marcia (author) from England on August 24, 2011:
Thankyou mrducksmrnot for your comments. I agree with what you say and I have noticed those who go on have usually got some real problem and bitching is possibly their cry for help; they are angry at the world around them and hitting out. Just my opinion. Glad you enjoyed the lens.
mrducksmrnot on August 24, 2011:
A most wonderful lens for sure. You cover it all and more and it's from the heart. I've learned that even when someone bitches keeping quiet and not responding is best but also Listen to what was said because sometimes it it a plea for help but mostly not. But for the one's plea for help be sure to go back even if it is bitchy. It could change their life also. Love this lens. God Bless You for pouring out your heart and not bitching.
anonymous on August 04, 2011:
Ignore them, the key to getting along without bitches....and keeping silent, yup, I'm learning that one!
Marcia (author) from England on July 21, 2011:
Well bensen32 I'm not one of those types fortunately, just invest in some cotton wool or some earplugs.... Thanks for your comment and for visiting my lens on 'what women want from men', I appreciate your visits.
bensen32 lm on July 20, 2011:
Good lens interesting read. going to read your other..what women want from men should be interesting.
Tolovaj, we forget? I don't know who we is but I hardly have time to forget :) Some remind me on an hourly bases. hehehe
Marcia (author) from England on July 09, 2011:
Ha ha and thankyou, glad you liked it. I have no time for bitchy women and gossip-mongers.
Tolovaj Publishing House from Ljubljana on July 09, 2011:
Well written, we often forget how bitchy can a lady be. Ops.Did I say a lady? You know what I mean:)
tlkool1 on June 21, 2011:
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