You Only Get Three Great Loves in Your Life
I think we all have that friend who "falls in love" with a new guy or girl every month. Personally, I think it's funny because there's no way I would consider that love. Lust may be a better word for such a quick infatuation with a new person. Even though modern culture has degenerated love into a shadow of its former self along the lines of "friends with benefits" relationships and other various forms of "love" the real thing still exists and it's very rare. In fact, I think you only get three great loves in your life and each one is there to teach you the important lessons you need to know at that period in your existence. Let me tell you why..
The first love happens when you're a teenager in junior high or high school. This is the puppy love that gives you that initial taste of what love is supposed to be. This is love at its most innocent and purest. In fact, you might not even consider it love until you look back on it many years later in hindsight. This is the love that gives you your first kiss, first time you hold hands, and maybe even your first sexual experience. Most of the time though, it doesn't physically go past a kiss or hand holding. This love isn't usually the person you end up marrying, but that doesn't make it any less important. You never forget this first love because it's the one that introduced you into what relationships and dating are supposed to be like. Even though you have no idea what you're doing at the time, you'll always remember your first kiss or the first time you went to the movies with a boy or girl. Like it's been said, you never forget your first.
You probably ended things with your first love for the dumbest of reasons when you look back on it now. At the time though, it was probably the biggest deal in the world. You got your heart broken or you broke someone else's for the first time and that pain felt like it would never go away. But it did and you might laugh about it looking back on it today. That first love wasn't without its lessons either. It taught you many things like taking a risk and asking out your crush and going on that first date. It also taught you to deal with heartbreak and having the strength to move on gracefully.
As you are reading this, you probably had someone's name in mind all this time right? They were your first love and now you're wondering how they're doing today. With social media so popular, it's not that hard to find out what your first love is up to and whether they still hold an interest for you. While time and circumstances might have driven you two apart, maybe there is something still there that can bring you back together. Although it's a long shot, sometimes that first love really is the one you go back to after you realize you got it right the first time and everyone else was just a stop along the way back to them. Regardless of your future with your first love, they'll always hold a special place in your heart and mind, if only as a memory.
The second love is really the toughest of all three because it teaches you all the big lessons and hurts like hell to be honest. The second love is what I like to call "the one before the one." This is the love that you think you'll end up with, but really it's just the one that teaches you the most and prepares you for the real deal that comes next. The second love is the one you probably meet in college or during your early twenties. It's the one you fall for hard and fast because you think it's the one you've been waiting your whole life for (which is only 20 some years at this point so slow down). This second love might be one you get physical with quickly so hormones like Oxytocin take over and you get attached fast and think you can't live without this person. Because you're using your heart more than your head at this time, you're not really thinking and seeing the red flags that are showing up. You're so into this person that you're blind to any of their faults. When that honeymoon stage ends though, you're most likely disappointed to find out that your person is not the one you idealized them to be. They have fallen off the pedestal you put them on and they can't get up. They just can't measure up to the person you built them up to be in your head.
Sometimes it'll go even further and they'll betray you and break your heart in a way that you never saw coming. It'll be the most painful thing in the world because you loved this person so much and expected to spend the rest of your life with them. When you break up, this person leaves a void in your life that you struggle to fill. You'll try to though, but no one else will be able to take their place. At least not for a long while. So you might just give up on dating altogether and spend some time soul searching and finding yourself instead. This person is the catalyst for change that pushes you to work on yourself and see what it is that really makes you happy. In the end, you'll be grateful for this love and everything it teaches you. While you may have lost the person you loved, you ended up finding yourself which is the greatest gift in the world. Now you're ready for the big leagues.
The third love is the real deal. They are endgame and everything you have ever wanted in a partner. I can't tell you when you'll meet them though, because they'll only come into your life when you are ready to receive to them. The third love only shows up when you have developed a certain respect and confidence in yourself. This is when you have standards that you won't lower for anyone. They come at a time in your world when you're not really looking for them because you're too busy living your best life. Ideally, this should be in your late twenties or early thirties, but it could be different for everyone. The longer you take to not settle for less than you deserve and really love yourself, the more you prolong their entrance into your life.
When they do arrive, it'll be like serendipity at its finest. You'll just happen to be at the right place at the right time when you meet them. You won't have to work hard or force anything to happen either. It'll just unfold the way it's supposed to with minimum effort on your part. Most likely it'll be love at first sight and you'll know they're the one right away. If not, you'll definitely figure it out pretty soon. The thing you'll notice about this person is that everything is easy with them. You won't have to force a square peg into a round hole like you have before. It'll just be natural and balanced like never before. They'll be into you just as much as you're into them. You won't have to play the guessing game with them. They'll be good communicators and never leave you wondering about their feelings. You'll find yourself losing any preconceived notions of how and where you're supposed to be living. It won't matter where you are because as long as they're with you, that's home.
After meeting your third love you'll realize why it never worked out with anyone else. You'll see how it all happened the way it was supposed to happen for your greater good. You had to get through the painful stuff and learn all the hard lessons so you would be ready when you meet this person. The third love is never early or late, they are always on time.
So you might be thinking, well I have way more than three loves in my life. To that I would say, of course you do. They're the in-between loves that come and go in our lives without leaving too much of a mark. They might start quickly and end the same way. Or they might be the loves that leave us questioning whether they are actually love or not. These little loves aren't life altering or catalysts for change. They are just placeholders that come between our three great loves that make us recognize the real thing that much more when it comes along. They're special in their own way, but like fireworks they make a little noise until they disappear for good. In the book of our lives, the three great loves have chapters, while the little loves in between are merely footnotes. If you want to speed up the process of bringing your third great love into your life, start working on yourself. Make yourself a priority in your life and see how quickly your world changes. When you love yourself enough to know you deserve the best and won't accept anything less, that's when true love comes a-knocking.
Wherever I Go by OneRepublic
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2019 GreenEyes1607
Comments
dashingscorpio from Chicago on March 31, 2019:
" I think you only get three great loves in your life .."
That's a choice!
Truth be told we limit our options by how we choose to exclude.
For example if I said my "soulmate" must live in the U.S. I would have eliminated approximately (6.7 Billion people) sight unseen!
If one continues with other requirements like they must live in the same state they just eliminated possibly 300 million other people.
This is all before we get to other preferences such as race, religion, height, weight, educational level, income, hobbies and interests...etc. It's no wonder people have a hard time finding love!
During our youth we pursue relationships without having taken the time to figure out who (we) are let alone know what we want and need in a mate for life. We allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate our relationship choices.
It's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!
After experiencing heartaches and betrayals we begin to craft our own mate selection/screening process and "must haves list".
However any "list" one could put together the odds are there are millions if not billions of people who possess those exact traits!
Romance novels and Hollywood movies have convinced us that "true love" is for the {lucky few} and we have this idea that "scarcity" is really what makes love valuable.
Some of us want to believe there is a God in the sky who made just (one person) for only them. Sure he may have put you in Milwaukee, WI and your "soulmate" in Hong Kong, China just for the fun of it, but that's what makes finding love a real adventure in their eyes.
The "Soulmate Myth" also takes things a step further.
Although most people espouse the importance of communication the truth of the matter is they believe their "soulmate" will be someone who (instinctively) knows what they want and need!
It's not uncommon to hear someone say:
"I shouldn't have to {ask} you for....etc."
"If you {loved} me you would....etc."
Imagine a wife complains to her husband on Monday about him not buying her flowers in 10 years. On Tuesday after work he buys her a dozen roses. Does his wife jump for joy? Probably not.
A part of her {resents} the fact (she) had to nudge him about it.
Sure communication got her what she wanted in principle but what she really wanted was for it to be (his) idea!
His wife feels like she shouldn't have had to (ask) for the flowers!
As long as we insist upon holding onto unrealistic romantic myths we are going to have unrealistic expectations which lead to us being disappointed over and over again.
People love to say: "You can't help who you fall in love with."
But the truth is when you do fall in love it will be with a person that you have (chosen) to spend time with and get to know.
Odds are if you refuse to go out with or talk to someone you're not likely going to fall in love with that person.
The myth about "the one" is us simply choosing to believe there are finite opportunities to find love in an infinite world.
In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: Next!
Bilal27 on March 29, 2019:
I love to have romance
