Never say never.
This has always not ever been a consideration, thought, or need in my life. Married for 15 years. 5 children. That in itself is enough to consume every minute that a day has to offer. My marriage good, not perfect. What I would call average. Two full time working parents with a basketball team of children. Always on the go. Still, always found time for each other once children tucked in for night.
So, on a trip home to visit family with just children and it happened. Always meet up with old friends. Once a summer actually. How is it that this man that I have known from the 6th grade rubs elbows with me and it turns into LOVE like I have not ever experienced in my entire 37 years of life. For him the same. We have always been in casual contact thanks to social networking. But never in a million years could I imagine my heart beating for another man. One that I am not married to. One that is married himself. From the rubbing of elbows? Please do not judge. I may have been one of those people to judge before I experienced this.
So this trip back home led to us seeing each other casually 3 times before I returned home. Innocent play dates with kids. Lunch. Even a movie. But the hug goodbye, talk to you whenever was the biggest eye opener I have ever had in my lifetime. From that day on, I have not missed a day of talking with this man. And we are going on 8 months. Texted the whole way back down south. Talked daily about day to day life. Laughed at the same sick humor most would not get. Was returning back north to pick up kids that I left with grandparents. Could not wait to see him again. At this point, we both agreed that we were long lost best friends. Nothing sexual. Gosh,both married with kids and both our spouses knew of our growing friendship and need to talk. Not that they were "happy", but it was ok. Texting turned into daily face to face phone chats. Oh, how I just loved to see him. And just talk nonsense. My feelings grew so deep so fast. And so did his.
Fast forward to the trip back to get kids. This man that I now call my soul mate, became the love of all loves. Love I didn't even feel on my wedding day. We met the very first night there back home. Alone. In an apartment (furnished) that was his grandmother's (deceased). Talked for hours over a bottle of wine. Then it happened. We kissed. And I mean we kissed. I never felt a kiss from the tip of my head to the bottom of my toes before ever. And I don't think I need to mention what happened from there that night. About 4 times. Or going into NY to broadway and dinner and having the time of our lives. Both of us catholic. Attending church together holding hands in the pew. And feeling as though god has blessed us both in the most amazing way ever. Finding your true best friend. Lover. Soul mate. Euphoria that has never ever been experienced by either one of us until this moment.
Then realizing the true short comings in our marriages. Both of us married in early 20's. Never experienced adulthood single. Married too young for foolish reasons. What to do with what we have found in one another and what we have lost in our spouses. To be continued.........
Paul on December 15, 2017:
And the devil snows even more out of Marriage because he hates it. And in the end it will be called an adulterous marriage by God ! Because again man separated what he has joined together. Enemies mission accomplished. Or have faith and do what is right in Gods eyes rather than your own
Shadowgal68 on September 30, 2017:
This is interesting but helps me in a good way. My husband and I have been married for 15 yrs and together 19 yrs. Minus the 5 kids your story resonates well in my heart. I was so lonely at a point in my marriage but adored my husband. I sacrificed so much for him and did everything in my power to make him happy it just seems as if it's never gonna be enough. I began having an affair with the most amazing guy in the world who absolutely adored me and all of my insecurities. I have never felt this from my husband, not even on our best days. We were just a beautiful married couple on the outside but I was dying on the inside for him to fall in love with me. He is just simply boring at home but seems so happy when he's away. Fast forward to now. My lover went through tragedy in 2014 he lost his kids their mother and grandmother in a car accident. Last year we decided that we were going to prepare for a life together. I played a dirty game with him and had no clue on how to leave my husband for fear of not being able to live a lavish lifestyle because he made alot less money and also afraid people seeing me as the bad person to end the marriage. I was so selfish in fearing it may not work out because of his Haitian culture and made excuses not to leave. Although my husband has done everything under the sun for me to leave...I just didn't feel it was right. So in May my lover decided to moved on and will not communicate with me period. He has found someone he apparently else. I've reached out to make sure he's ok because we agreed no matter what we'd always be friends but hw will not even respond. Without him I'm so sad, angry at myself, and heartbroken. May was the last contact I've had with him. I wish I had the opportunity to do it all over again...I would be with him. I miss his friendship more than anything in the world. I now know that sacrificing your happiness just to be married and look good to the outside worls isn't the way God meant for it to be. My advice to anyone when it comes to love is to follow your heart and wait on God's answer on who your soulmate is. You will know it as soon as you meet them. We jump at what SEEMS and LOOKS right and always end up with the wrong person which either leads to divorce or years of being unhappy and cheating which is all wrong. I thank God for allowing me him to cross my path and although it's been a struggle not having him in my life...each day gets better and he has served his purpose in my life. I now am focusing on getting back on track with all of the things in life that I passed on or allowed to pass me by. I'm traveling now, loving myself 1st, and trying to walk in my purpose. Best of wishes to each of you!!
Hixp on November 06, 2016:
Going through the same thing now. 22 years together 3 kids met someone at work and although we've only recently kissed hugged expressed how we feel of one another my feelings for her are deep. We are both married don't plan on ending our marriages or going any further with a relationship between one another but I feel so much for her in a non-sexual way . Its like she gets me and I get her we have so much in common and are able to talk about any and everything laugh together about the stupidest things that wouldn't be funny to anyone else. I truly believe she is my "soulmate" I hope in our next lifetime we find one another to see how things work out. Mywyly D.O
Cody Stout on March 30, 2016:
I am not sure how interoperate the negative and the positive of this experience. I fell in love with my coach.....I tried to completely seperate from my husband before hand....but it didnt seem to matter to him or anyone else. So I lied....I told everyone the marriage was shaky....and it was but I suppose I never told my husband how felt. For some reason the idea of working anything out seemed like failure from the start. After being with someone for ten years....u have a good idea of who they are and what their capabilities are. Let me back up tho.
I had my first son when I was 19 with a drug addict...drug dealer.....I was so young and nieve that I had no idea until I looked at the posistive symbol on the pregnancy test. Needless to say we pushed forward the best we knew.....turns out the guy was gay too....So in the end....I had the baby and he went to prison for a couple years. We had no contact.
So I was single with a baby and an obvious low standard for men at that point. I dated....slept around....hit up single sights. And thats where I met him....yahoo singles. Searched black males between the age of 20 and 30 in my area. And it was almost hap hazard how we got together. He was the first guy to be nice to me and really had no criminal backround or dis any drugs. BINGO! So we eventually got together and we lived together for eight years. Had a child together and finally marries in 2012 but with much hesitation on my part. One, I refused to take his name: Second the only thing I could think of while we stood there and said "I do" was how this was going to end in divorce. But he was so damn persistant. I even resorted to treating him like crap so he would want to seperate. I even told him how I felt and he still wanted to stay together...to work it out. But at that point Id lost all respect for him.
So I took up martial arts. The only woman in a small group. I went once a week and became really passionate about the sport. I began competing....it felt great. I loved the club and I adored my coach. We started texting and talking about the club outside of practice. I looked for excuses to spend time with him. I didnt even know what was really happening....and then about four months later....it hit me. Things got physical. Id never felt so comfortable with someone. Now he was single...and was constantly getting burned by crazy women...so he was standoffish at times....he had other things going on. Niether of us planned any of it. But we road that wave and we got closer and closer. It was a risk....but so is living. I couldnt let myself settle. I knew my husband would never make me happy even tho he was complacent in our marriage. He plays the victem card very well....
So I filed for divorce and moved in with my two sons. Was it ideal? No! Was it without a tremendous amount of shame and guilt? Absolutely not! But when we are alone....when are in that moment, truley connected....heart to heart.....none of it matters.
Maya on February 12, 2016:
My dear, same thing happened to me. Exactly. But in addition to that, it is so normal to meet your Soul mate later in life. And to be judged by the whole world - like I am being judged. But staying strong-so you should. Love
Monteal on January 09, 2016:
This is the sickest article on excuseing ones sin i think ive ever read! How dare you help others to excuse theres !
Ive seen this before and it leads to terrible distruction of your childrens lives !
You know nothing of Love , to call lust love ! And to leave someone faithful to be with a cheater , cheaters cheat
God did not send this man to you
Love Is Real on January 26, 2015:
I have found someone and we did leave each others spouses for each other. He said I gave him the courage to do so. He said he was waiting for me all his life. I feel the exact same. He is divorced now and we have been together but have put a break on things until my divorce is over. I will be a hard 4 months but I know that I will make it through. He said he would wait for me and I believe him. He has never lied to me before. He has been upfront from the start. He knows all about my life and things I have not been so proud of. I really don't know what else to say other than I pray that he is there waiting for me but if not I am a better person for knowing and loving him. He has shown me what real love it and I needed that in my life.
marie on September 03, 2014:
majnan i can respect where you are coming from. thru many life experiences myself i believe(as wonderful as honoring family heritage may be) we live in a world of one. our own individual being. we come into this world as one and we leave this earth as one. all the people in our lives even the those closest to us are traveling among their own journey just as you are yours. if the two of you have discussed this and you believe it within your most inner core she is a your current soul mate a strong link to you than to gently part ways with your wife and set her free to find hers may be a very good option. maybe its ok for us to follow our hearts. im in absolute agony. ive meant a soul-mate of mine. He's my neighbor. We live in a rural setting so there is plenty distance and trees between us(and a wife, kids, my husband to be). I yearn for him so deeply it makes my heart ache. I whisper to him in the night, joyfully hoping, he can feel me too.
Michael on July 18, 2014:
Wilbur i like the change. For Deb though, i am also from a broken family but it didn't change me at least not permanently. Your caught in a notion that is making them be the bad guy. sort of like a child would make a parent a bad guy after spanking them. An average life with average marriage isn't the way to go. the idea is to be happy. not to be miserable with your joyous kids running about. marriage is about working as a team to get over all obstacles. your using it like a crutch. break free of the bonds you have on yourself and explore yourself and the idea. hate if need be but always remember there is more. Always more.
Wilbur on July 11, 2014:
I came across this article/blog searching Google for soulmate info....I'll share my experience..
I was.married for 8 years. I got married when I was 21. I've had many affairs and cheated multiple times. The breakdown of why I cheated has its own reasons but I cheated nonetheless. So affair after affair went by until this one. I met this lady who was 45. I'm 29 BTW. She was beautiful gorgeous. She was.out of my league. But it was a simple introductory meeting. We kissed and it was eery. I've known.her before. Somewhere but we both agree we knew each other somehow. So affair begins....our last names I never thought would cross paths. Our last names I decided to Google. Our names cross in a set of graves local to where we live. Very eery. Long story short...we never left. She left a 22.year marriage for us. We both are getting divorces and marrying. There's more to the story but we definitely are soulmates....so yes it can happen
majnun on July 10, 2014:
I got an arranged marriage 7 years ago. We have two children. It's a functional marriage. It works. There's never been any love, spark or life. I got an arranged marriage because I didn't believe in this romanticised notion of "love". A year ago I met someone by chance. It felt like Ive m known her forever. She felt the same. When our eyes meet the world stops and so does time, when we kiss the earth shakes and its like we've kissed a thousand times before, we know each so well that's is scary. The only way I can describe it is peace and calm for once, the human restlessness that is in all of us stops when we're together, its the very definition of feeling whole and complete. Like touching the divine. Unfortunately, I had an affair for a very short while. Feeling guilt, I ended the affair. We still work with each other and still love each other. She found a boyfriend who she living with. It killed me inside but my cultural and ties of honour in family do allow me be with this woman. She still waited for me until last week she said, she can't wait anymore as her life must go on. I feel like I've condemned my soul. I've been devasted for weeks and nobody knows the sadness I'm under. Its beyond words. A living hell to let her go. I've ripped my heart out and gave to her and now walk the earth with fire in my eyes and just empty. The God in me has left. What do I do?
Vjashi on July 09, 2014:
I know exactly what you are writing about... I am married and have one wonderful boy & I found my soulmate 7months back. I had known him as my husband's friend for last 7-8years and we always got along really amazing and then suddenly, We "saw" each other. We kissed, spent some alone time... Then he left for work to another country. Nothing sexual happened between us but I can't even describe how it felt to be around/with him.
Let me tell deb here, I have no regrets of finding my soulmate but only regret discovering him too late. We both keep our reservations while we talk but we love each other profoundly, we both know this for sure. And for sake of my kid, I try every single day to make my marriage work but it is implicating so much hurt and injury to my soul that is beyond words. How do you force yourself to love someone you have fallen out of love with and not love a man who is your other half?? Things weren't amazing between me & my husband and I thought I should ask for help from my husband to overcome my soulmate...but now he even beat me up! I left home, went to mom's with my kid and she sent me back 2days later telling me I should "work more" on the marriage. Seriously??
I have now chosen to work my way out of here but I know it'll take time. I have told my soulmate to not wait for me, but I want him to and I know he is going to.
No one would choose a situation like this, hurt people dear to them. But when were stories of true love ever simple??
It's easy for people to comment, but the one who goes through it knows the tax. I have realised, each of us is only responsible for our own fate and freedom. I will look after my kid along with my husband even after breaking this vicious marriage... But i won't give up on what is rare and most magical relationship of my life.
Ambiguous on May 27, 2014:
WoW, Deb...You sound like a really selfish person, that prefers blaming others for your problems. You really have some growing up to do, which is sad because it sounds like you are already an adult.
Whoa on March 31, 2014:
I can't believe no one commented on Deb Weakly's opinion up there. Your mom left because she found her soulmate. She was probably just stating married to your dad for the kids which is the wrong reason because kids aren't stupid, they know when something isn't right and your parents marriage is setting the example to them on what marriage should be like. Your mom left to be happy.. You only live once. Don't hold it against her. Your sibling didn't 'decide' to be gay... He was gay and trying to fit into the marriage ideals that society says are 'right' (man and woman) and when he saw your mom leave to go be happy because life is short.. He decided he should stop living a lie and do the same. People get all caught up In the marriage notion and when the dust settles they realize they weren't feeling love. I hope everyone finds love and lives happy fulfilling lives with no regrets or what ifs. You only get one shot at this. Make it count.
Deb Weakly on August 01, 2013:
Wow! I can't believe that there are not at least 1,000 comments on this article! I am sorry to say that I do not agree with you and think that you are making a big mistake. Please do not think that you cannot play with fire and not get burned. I am the product of a divorced home because my mother found her "Soul Mate" and he just-so-happened to NOT be my dad. My family was extremely happy and wonderful until my mother's affair. My siblings and parents were extremely close and we even had a family business. When my mom decided to leave my dad and divorce, 2 of my other siblings decided to do likewise and my brother left his wife and 2 kids because he decided to be gay. I have no problem with homosexuality except when it broke up my brother's marriage and destroyed his relationships with his children because he left his wife. After that year, my sister started drinking and I of course rebelled against all that my family believed in. I have since returned to a responsible life and have been happily married for 22 years. I am sorry to say that you and this man may be happy, but it will definitely affect your children adversely and could very well affect your grandchildren. Please look beyond today. Please choose to do the right thing and make, yes make, your marriage work. It will not be perfect as there will be some deep pain and hurts, but it can be saved. Look beyond today and your feelings. Think about others, namely your heritage that you are affecting.