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Why Some Men Think That Housewives Nag

Umesh is a freelance writer contributing his creative writings on varied subjects in various knowledge and educational sites in internet.

Introduction

Living together is a commitment. It requires mutual faith and respect. Many people live happily after the marriage but there are many more who could not coexist and sought separation. There could be hundred reasons for separation but they sometimes start from nagging each other for trivial matters. This builds in an avalanche of blaming each other which eventually leads to quarrelling and accusing each other for nobody's fault. We have heard many men complaining that their wives nag too much. They say that it is very irritating to hear same things again and again especially of nagging nature. We will try to analyse and discuss this irritating trait if at all it exists there or is the imaginary invention by the men in the men dominant societies. We will also examine whether women also have such complaints about their husbands or this is a one side story.

Understanding nagging

It is a word which many people dislike. In dictionaries it is explained something like -

  1. (of a person) constantly harassing someone to do something. Example: "a nagging person".
  2. persistently painful or worrying. Example: "a nagging pain".

I did not like the word 'harassing' there. It is too offending. But we have to respect the dictionaries anyway. So, what we understand by this definition is that if a person repeatedly insists another person to do something in a particular way and irritates the other person, who does not like to be dictated in any manner by anyone including his wife, then it can be categorised as a case of nagging.

Nagging during courtship

It is said that during courtship also nagging may exist in one form or other but none of the partners bother about it because the accusing or nagging sentences uttered by the partners are taken with much respect and attention and generally vanish in the laughter and kissing sessions that follow the meetings and rendezvou during the courtship period. But, there are cases where even during the course of courtship serious differences arose and the relationship ended for good. Here the blame for separation is serious differences and not nagging.

One of my friends during his courtship period found that his girl friend was dictating him everything and was making changes in the colour of his dress and was ordering some food which he did not like and when these things went beyond proportion then one fine day he walked out of the relationship.

Nagging after marriage

The initial period after the marriage is the period of adjustments and accommodating with each other but in some cases the differences start to appear during this period itself which sometimes accumulate and turn in an avalanche of complaints and finally lead to rift in future for extreme things like separation to happen. Some of these early signs are -

One of the partner feels that other is too ambitious and busy only in aspiring for one's career and has no time to care for other.

One of the partner is too concious of his or her personal space and requires to be left alone frequently for quite some time.

One of the partners keeps himself or herself aloof from household chore or other miscelleneous but important jobs.

One of the partners despises the relatives of other and makes it obvious.

One of the partners frequently ignores and does not give attention to what other is telling.

So, nagging does not start on its own. There are valid reasons and causes which ignite the offence known as nagging and the one who did all those things resulting in nagging from the partner, becomes a victim of one's own traits and attributes.


When both are working

In modern times in many families both the spouse are working may be at the same work place or different. In this situation both are struggling for their own careers and aspirations and no one can blame other if the household is not running in a satisfactory and desirable manner. In such cases, generally both have to cooperate with each other after returning from the workplace or in some cases preferably take a meal outside time to time in order to avoid the hassles of preparing it after a tiresome day in office. So in such an arrangement they would not get much time in assessing the deficiencies of each other and then blaming or accusing for one thing or other as both would very well know that partly they are responsible if they are not able to run the daily chore satisfactorily.

Many times this leads to division of work as that one you have to attend and that one I would take care. So blame game would only start when one fails in one's assigned work due to whatever reason. The problem comes when one of them or both of them start making excuses and day by day more innovative and original excuses are invented. So, this is the usual pattern and until a partner aggressively starts criticising and regular blaming and repeating the allegation it does not fall under nagging. So, many people manage without nagging in their lives when both are working.

Quest for dominence

Many scholars and psychologists believe that one of the reasons for domestic offence is due to seeking for dominence. Sometimes both the partners might be yearning for it while in some cases only one of them is trying to dominate. This works fine but as soon as one of them starts demanding then the other may not comply and in frustration the offending member starts nagging behaviour. He thinks that merely by repeating the instructions the things would get executed. In fact nothing happens and it does more harm than good and leads to an ugly situation.

The chord of affection between a pair is based on cordial and cooperative coexistence and any deviation would have far reaching consequences. Nagging is only a preview of those coming things.


Difference between expectations and nagging

Many a times the demands based on expectations or rights are misunderstood. It is a mistake many of us might be committing time and again. If a partner is insisting for something because of the mutually arrived understanding about ones duties towards other then reminding for it is never to be considered as nagging. If the other partner refuses for it with valid explanations, the issue more and less closes only to reappear at a later time when role reversal is encountered. Expectations are expected and are to be honoured without any anguish. Whether they can be met or not can be amicably settled.

You nag me, I would nag you

Sometimes there is a sweet reciprocation between the couple as they resort to nagging one after one. As soon as one completes this irritating act the other one is charged up and starts annoying and repetitive statements. This is not a healthy situation because revenge is a bad thing especially in irritating matters. Generally in elderly couple after retirement such situation can emerge. Hilariously speaking, sometimes it can provide some occupation also.

Nagging - way out

Some people are really aggrieved by nagging and think of the extreme steps like separation. One has to think coolly before taking such drastic steps. Any person in that situation must consider certain aspects regarding this before going for such break ups -

1. Does my partner resort to it as a habit or intentionally to degrade me.

2. Does my partner nag me and I am a saint.

3. Was it since beginning or adopted by the partner at a later date.

4. Does my partner does it in front of everyone or when we are alone.

5. Am I the only person complaining or there are many in the neighbourhood or society.

Answer to some of these would definitely help in understanding as where we stand in the matter and whether there is some scope for revival or it is too late to review and go back.

Vote

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2020 Umesh Chandra Bhatt

Comments

Umesh Chandra Bhatt (author) from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on November 04, 2020:

Dale, you have a good sense of humour. Thanks.

Dale Anderson from The High Seas on November 03, 2020:

My wife does sometimes nag so I have developed a sophisticated way of managing the problem. I instantly give in and do whatever she wants. Then I go live on my boat alone for some weeks to get over it. It's pretty effective.

Umesh Chandra Bhatt (author) from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on October 23, 2020:

Manatita, thanks for such an elaborate and thoughtful comment. Highly aporeciate.

manatita44 from london on October 23, 2020:

Elbert says it best at the end in his aphorism. Souls are unique and are sent by God, each with a specific task which may be radically different from that of the wife or husband.

Some souls are meant to be together, but ultimately what we seek is Moksha and it cannot come from humans. The nature of the soul is to seek and it will choose experiences suited to its needs. So for example, I may like medicine and try to force my son to do the same, but his Dharma may be different.

I was just reading apiece from Peggy where she speaks of another who loved art just as much as she did from childhood. Her friend became an artist but Peggy a nurse. Now Peggy is back to art and just as good.

Our strengths are sown as seeds in the inner world and manifest without, but they may or may not be in harmony with that of our wife or husbands. Knowing this is freedom and allows both parties to progress as children of God and not belonging to one another. The soul is free and seeks liberation from the mundane. This is its purpose. Love you, Bro.

Umesh Chandra Bhatt (author) from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on October 16, 2020:

SKMUNSHI, thanks for the beautiful comment.

SKMUNSHI on October 15, 2020:

Nicely written article but difficult to comment upon as issues involed are wide and varying.But one thing is certain if we have mutual respect and understanding for each other the problem can be sorted out to a larger extent.

Umesh Chandra Bhatt (author) from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on October 14, 2020:

Flourish, thanks for your precise solution. Also for sparing time and giving your observation.

FlourishAnyway from USA on October 14, 2020:

If one person is making the same request repeatedly the other person has either forgotten, is refusing but has not communicated it, or has simply not done it yet. The two need a clarification after the first reminder.

Umesh Chandra Bhatt (author) from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on October 13, 2020:

Tammy, thanks for the visit. Appreciate much.

Tammy Winters from Oregon on October 13, 2020:

Interesting article....I try to not nag my husband too much :)

Umesh Chandra Bhatt (author) from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on October 11, 2020:

Li, thanks a lot for your visit and elaborate comment.

Umesh Chandra Bhatt (author) from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on October 11, 2020:

Rajan, thanks for your nice comment.

Li-Jen Hew on October 11, 2020:

Hi Umesh, this is an enlightening article. Something that will provide insight to unmarried couples or singles who are looking for a relationship. Your points under each heading are a good basis to look at for any type of relationship. You are right about expectations. It can be resolved with mutual understanding. I guess it goes without saying, sometimes we have to compromise, give and take. Thank you for sharing!

Rajan Singh Jolly from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar, INDIA. on October 10, 2020:

A well-thought-out article. Nagging is an issue which I believe should be addressed by a heart to heart talk with your partner before the issue gets out of hand. You analyse this subject quite admirably and I also like some ways you suggest to analyse it.

Umesh Chandra Bhatt (author) from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on October 10, 2020:

Nell, thanks for your lively snd lovely comment. Appreciate much. Stay blessed.

Nell Rose from England on October 10, 2020:

I always say, if we women have to nag a man then he needs to listen in the first place, LOL!

Umesh Chandra Bhatt (author) from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on October 10, 2020:

Brenda, thanks for your visit and also for nice observation.

Umesh Chandra Bhatt (author) from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on October 10, 2020:

Anupam, you are right. We must have patience and keep listening and need not to react.

Thanks for your observation.

BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on October 09, 2020:

Nagging is a big problem. But I feel it comes mostly from lack of communication.

Sometimes there are differences with the manner in the way each one was brought up to believe in roles.

They often think women should do everything for them...but we are not their mommies.

Interesting topic.

Anupam Mitu from MUMBAI on October 09, 2020:

Umesh, you have pointed out wise observation of yours and up such pointers which can save many families from breaking down.

I too tried to think a lot on this topic but get various ideas and opinion from the people around.

I don't know any couple who don't argue or don't have any sort of mis understanding but they all make their relations intact with their warmth for each other.

Though it's too vast topic to talk about, there is just one rule to save the relation: Listen Listen and Listen

Umesh Chandra Bhatt (author) from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on October 08, 2020:

Chitrangada, thanks a lot for your observations.

Umesh Chandra Bhatt (author) from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on October 08, 2020:

Bill, thanks for your nice words and of course regards and respect to your other half.

Chitrangada Sharan from New Delhi, India on October 08, 2020:

Nice, thoughtful and balanced article, on a complex topic.

Thankfully, both me and my husband have mutual respect and understanding for each other. We are each other’s best friend, first.

But sadly, these things do happen, and that can’t be denied. Your article is a must read for those having this kind of situations, in their relationships.

Thanks for sharing this excellent article.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on October 08, 2020:

I was going to comment on your environment article, but I was too late. It's already on a niche site and I can't comment there. The environment has been on my mind lately, after watching a documentary by David Attonburough (I'm sure the spelling of that name is wrong). Anyway, it all seems too impossible, the change the actions of man, and to stop the damage we are doing...but then someone must do something, correct? Sigh!

Nagging wives? I'm lucky! My wife is my best friend, and she doesn't nag. :)

Umesh Chandra Bhatt (author) from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on October 08, 2020:

Kalpana, thanks for your feedback. Appreciate.

Umesh Chandra Bhatt (author) from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on October 08, 2020:

Dora, you are right. Thanks a lot.

Umesh Chandra Bhatt (author) from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on October 08, 2020:

Eric, great, you made a subtle point there. Thanks for your conclusive comment.

Kalpana Iyer from India on October 08, 2020:

Interesting perspective. You were very neutral and that's what I liked about the presentation. I personally rarely nag. It steals my energy but I have been with people who constantly nag, and I know how depressing that can get. Both sides need to be emotionally mature to be in a relationship that doesn't involve too much nagging.

Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on October 08, 2020:

Thanks for sharing your perspective on this subject. The response to nagging can help it stop or continue. Both spouses must dislike it.

Eric Dierker from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A. on October 08, 2020:

After 20 years I have come to realize nagging is a result of my procrastination. Fair enough.

Umesh Chandra Bhatt (author) from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on October 08, 2020:

Ann, I admire your ways of tackling these things and thanks a lot for visiting my article.

Umesh Chandra Bhatt (author) from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on October 08, 2020:

Liz, thanks for your observation. I really feel encouraged by that. Appreciate much.

Ann Carr from SW England on October 08, 2020:

Well-balanced article, Umesh.

I don't see the point in nagging; it's counter-productive. If anyone nags me it makes me want to leave the required action for even longer! I am not nagged by my partner nor by anyone else in the family and I do not nag him. We discuss things and work it all out together.

That is the key, I find; talking, going over the possibilities and finding a solution to suit us both. But it hardly ever arises, as we tend to have the same approach to most things.

Ann

Liz Westwood from UK on October 07, 2020:

The whole issue of relationships is extremely complex. I admire your bravery in tackling it. I was encouraged to find the content of your article a little more balanced than I expected from the title.