Good men are hard to find...
About a week ago I saw a posting from a young-lady stating the following.
"My ex-boyfriend would make it seem as though he could get any girl he wanted. I always felt so (lucky) to have him. Not just him, I have had a history of boyfriends who made me feel precisely this way.
My exes always made it seem like incredibly beautiful women were waiting, and throwing themselves at them. I was just an option and I had to feel somehow lucky to be with them. I know you may not relate. My best friend is the same situation. Her boyfriend who is not the hottest makes her feel the same way.
Is this idea of an extremely attractive woman willing to have sex with any man including an unattractive man a male fantasy?"
Perception is Reality
There are two things going on here. The first is the general perception that women are more interested in being in a relationship or getting married. Essentially most men believe there are more (women lined up) looking to get married than there are men wanting to get married. The media consistently spews out books, magazine articles, and talk shows on subjects such as: How to find a husband in 30 days! How to prepare the "engagement chicken" dinner, How to get your man to commit, How to make him fall in love with you, How to be the perfect girlfriend, What do men really think and want...etc Is it any wonder men believe they are in “high demand”!?
Another example is how society views single men and women beyond a certain age. It's automatically assumed the man is not married because he doesn't want to be. On the other hand it would be considered "rude" to ask the woman why she never got married because it's possible no man ever proposed to her.
Another common statement often made by women is: "A good man is hard to find." You rarely hear a lot of men claim that a good woman is “hard to find”. Naturally after hearing how tough it is for women to find a “good man” a guy who considers himself to be "good" sees himself as being in the “minority”. Therefore any woman he's with is "lucky" to have him. And if he happens to be financially successful or considered good-looking then he really believes he is something "special".
Confidence is Magnetic
Last but not least some women are drawn towards men that are super confident/borderline arrogant. They want to believe they beat out other women who would love to have a man like him! Deep down everyone wants to be with someone that others see as being a real catch.
Is this idea of an extremely attractive woman willing to have sex with any man including an "unattractive man" a male fantasy?
There are two ways men look at this; if he is rich or famous he can have any woman he wants! Hugh Hefner is a 86 year old man who recently married a "beautiful" 26 year old woman. Can you imagine that in reverse? Not likely.
The next example of why men believe it is possible for an “average Joe” to catch a beautiful woman is the conviction that if she has had her heart broken several times she may be of the mindset that she is willing to overlook a man's appearance in order to have a stable relationship with a “loving trustworthy man”.
Lori Gottlieb wrote a book for women titled: Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. Once again this feeds into the mentality that "good men" are hard to find and even if he is not good looking or you don't feel any chemistry towards him don't blow your chance at having a stable relationship/marriage.
Can you imagine a similar book written for men?
dashingscorpio (author) from Chicago on February 15, 2017:
LetTheRealHonestTruthBeToldAgain, Thanks for your comment.
"So the chances of finding Real Love for many of us men even with 7 Billion people on this planet is still Not Good at all since the odds are still against us..." - I have to disagree with this statement.
If anyone can't find a suitable mate with over 7 Billion people to choose from there is probably something wrong with them.
To be honest with you there are good men and good women who both claim it's hard find a good mate. This begs three questions:
Are good men/women even attracted to good women/men?
Why do they seem to be "missing each other" in the arena of love?
Are they putting all the "good people" they meet in their "friend zone"?
Everyone is entitled to have their own "must have list" when it comes to choosing a mate but ideally we get to a point where our priorities evolve and maybe what seemed great at age 18 or 21 is not as important to us at age 30 and beyond.
Lets assume you are looking for someone who has the following traits.
Attractive, Positive, Affectionate, Considerate, Loving, Healthy, Romantic, Passionate, Great Sense of Humor, Intelligent, enjoys traveling to exotic destinations, Honest, Trustworthy, Loyal, Dependable, Financially secure/responsible…etc
Surly out of 7 Billion people there must be “one” person who fits this profile!
The truth is there are thousands if not millions, or possibly billions of people who’d describe themselves as having all of these traits!
Sometimes it's a matter of some people only being attracted to those who are "out of their league" and refusing to deal with those who are attracting to (them). In all honesty most of us spend more time looking for ways to EXCLUDE people rather than to include them as possible prospects. (race, religion, height, weight, education, location...etc)
Naturally the fewer options you have the more difficult it becomes to find a "suitable mate".
“Don’t expect to sit next to the moon unless you are a star!”
LetTheRealHonestTruthBeToldAgain on February 15, 2017:
Well as i can see that i made this comment about 8 months ago which i like to add a lot more truth to my comment as well. Most of the women nowadays Don't even have respect for us good men anymore since they do have a very horrible personality since they will even Curse at us men for no reason at all when we will just say good morning or hello to them to hopefully start a conversation going which unfortunately doesn't go to well at all with the kind of very pathetic loser low life women that we now have out there these days which really makes them very sad altogether. I had this happened to me which a friend that i know had it happened to him as well since this really does make it very extremely difficult for many of us good innocent men really looking for a good honest relationship today. Women have certainly Changed for the Worst of all unfortunately which i really think that these women have been very badly Abused by the men that they were with at one time and are now taking their problems out on us innocent ones that would really know how to treat a good woman with a lot of love and respect. A very bad time we live in today making it very difficult for many of us men trying to Connect with a woman to settle down with which i did mentioned this already. Now with all these Reality TV Shows that they now have on has really Corrupted many of these women's minds as well as the Media that has made it even Worse altogether. So the chances of finding Real Love for many of us men even with 7 Billion people on this planet is still Not Good at all since the odds are still against us the way that i see it since this isn't the Past anymore. Back in the old days the times were completely different which made it very Easy back then which i also did mentioned this already with my last comment. I will certainly say that Most of the women in the old days had a lot of respect for the men as well as Most of the men that Did have respect for the women as well since their personalities were so much different than today. Most women back then Really Did put these women today to Real Shame altogether as well.
Leslie Trotter from New Orleans, La on May 24, 2016:
Great advice, dashingscorpio, and you're welcome!
dashingscorpio (author) from Chicago on May 24, 2016:
Oftentimes when people are "eager" they choose to ignore "red flags" or settle for trying to turn water into wine. Once this blows up in their face they blame their ex for their misery. When in fact they knew he/she wasn't what they (really wanted) to begin with!
They lacked the self discipline to stick to (their) own "must have" list.
In other instances you have people who have yet to figure out who (they) are let alone what they want and need in a mate. Such people oftentimes allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate their relationship choices. It's the equivalent to going shopping without a list!
Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
Never separate your mind from your heart when making relationship decisions. The purpose of the mind is to protect the heart.
Thanks for your comment Affinity2010!
Leslie Trotter from New Orleans, La on May 24, 2016:
I believe good things does come to those who wait; because many times when we are too eager in finding the right kind of mate; we end up with the wrong mate... disappointed and miserable.
dashingscorpio (author) from Chicago on May 24, 2016:
Thankfully there are over 7 Billion on this planet!
You have to like your odds of finding someone who wants what you do!
Viscri8 on May 24, 2016:
yeah and when you finally figured out what you want they are all dead.....
dashingscorpio (author) from Chicago on May 23, 2016:
Very true! Everyone has "their list" of must haves!
Fortunately for most of us the list evolves with maturity and experience.
Viscri8 on May 23, 2016:
yeah and the others with their requirements
dashingscorpio (author) from Chicago on May 22, 2016:
Thanks for your comment.
We are fortunate to live on a planet with over 7 Billion people and 190 + countries. Odds are in everyone's favor that there many people who would make an ideal mate for each of us.
Each of us (choose) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
Our number of "options" will vary according to how many "must have" traits, requirements, or preferences we have. If we're willing to date outside of race/culture/religion, our immediate city/town, state or country. Other factors might include age group, height, weight and so on.
We determine our options with our list of "requirements".
LetTheRealHonestTruthBeTold on May 22, 2016:
Well with so many women today that now have their Careers today which they really Believe that they're the ones that are God's gift to men which their Not at all. Most of these women are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky and so very money hungry as well since they really do want the Best and will Never settle for Less at all which really Explains why many of us Good men are still Single today. And many of the women of today that are making a very high Salary have such a very Bad Attitude Problem that i have noticed since it is always about them Unfortunately. And God forbid if they really dated a man that makes much Less Money than they do which would be a real Miracle anyway the way how women have really Changed over the years which is certainly Not for the Good at all. Most women are definitely very Power Money Hungry these days since they would Prefer a Rich man anyway which certainly tells the whole story which is Quite a Change from Most of the Good old fashioned women of years ago that had to Struggle along with their men to make ends meat back then since they Hardly had any Money at all and were living with their Parents anyway at that time which today Most of them really are Very Spoiled, Selfish, And Very Greedy like i had just mentioned earlier in my comment. It is a very bad shame for many of us Good men that really wanted to get married and have a family since Most women are really to Blame for this since we really Can't Blame ourselves at all when it does Take Two To Tangle. Too bad we Weren't Born at a much Earlier Time like our family members were back then which many of us by now Definitely Would Have been all Settled Down with our own Good Wife And Family just like our family members had it since it was much Easier for them finding Love back then with one another since many of them are still together today as i speak which it is very Amazing for them to still be with each other now.
dashingscorpio (author) from Chicago on February 06, 2015:
peachpurple, You are correct! And that "somebody" was (women). They've told them how "bad" it is out there and how difficult it is to find a "good" man. Naturally if he believes he's one of the (few) good ones that makes his woman LUCKY! :)
peachy from Home Sweet Home on February 06, 2015:
somebody boost their ego or they think that they are greatest among all men?
dashingscorpio (author) from Chicago on September 11, 2014:
A lucky woman is one who finds the "right man" for herself and is smart enough to know it! :)
viscri8 on September 11, 2014:
I guess that is because it's true. Any man is as good as the other. A lucky woman knows how to make him work well.
dashingscorpio (author) from Chicago on June 28, 2013:
DDE, You are right! However I think it's our society and the women themselves who complain that good men are "hard to find" that causes a lot of these so called "good men" to believe they worth their weight in gold! Maybe it's time we as a society and (women) in particular stopped saying:
"There are so (few) good men." It feeds our egos! :-)
Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on June 28, 2013:
So true I often heard so a girl is lucky to have that guy sometimes feel they have taken that girl out of a rut and that they are lucky to have them and often most men try to make a girl feel that nobody else can love her like he can. I agree
dashingscorpio (author) from Chicago on April 01, 2013:
benashiraz, Thanks for taking the time to read my hub and post your comment. I'm sorry you had a recent bad relationship experience. This is very common especially during one's youth. It's a time to learn a lot about the other gender as well as about ourselves. Ideally with age and experience comes wisdom. I think the key is figuring out what it is you want in a mate and having the self-discipline to stick to your own "shopping list".
Awhile back I wrote a book which emphasizes this. My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany) it is about learning to approach relationships with complete awareness and realistic expectations using self-empowerment techniques. The book emphasizes the power of choice and staying true to yourself when making relationship decisions. I don't know if it is available in your area of the world but below is the Amazon UK link with a description. Best of luck! http://www.amazon.co.uk/Cat-Wont-Bark-Relationship...
Bena from Nowhere on March 31, 2013:
You're totally right. I love your writing. I read a lot of your articles, all of them are amazing. I've been with a person for 4 years with such a mentality. He always threatened me that he could have just anybody he wanted. He was for sure very goodlooking, smart but suffered from clinical depression. I always supported him, he abused me, cursed me, criticized my already insecure personality and looks which affected me deeply. He just dumped me, although he claimed he loved me like crazy, but because I lack intelligence and maturity he had to break up with me. I listened to almost everything he said and stayed quiet like a dummy. I never hurted him intentionally, but he's been the person who has hurted me the most to the very core. He believes he can be with better girls and he'd get over me in a week. After reading your article, I've come to believe that he was also one of the men that's been manipulated by the society and media that they're superior to the opposite sex. It's sad to know how we're treated. It's also our own fault. Females are the ones totally throwing themselves in the way of good looking men. I really hope and pray to Allah (God) that He gives him a lesson and makes him realize the sacrifices I made for him, and that no other girl can even stand him after knowing his behaviour, if I'm lucky he'll realize things. Loved your work. Keep writing. I look forward to your articles. Do write more articles like this. Thanks a lot.
dashingscorpio (author) from Chicago on February 07, 2013:
maggs224, Thanks so much for stopping by as well as voting this hub up! I think it's good to be able to step into the shoes of both genders in order to better understand them. Unfortunately that is not an easy process and very often whether it be men or women they have a difficult time expressing (why) they feel the way they do. Quite often they themselves have never given it much thought. :-)
maggs224 from Sunny Spain on February 07, 2013:
I found your hub extremely interesting, I like your writing style so easy to read and follow. I love the way you have laid out the observations that you have made in such a clear way and given some insight into the male thought process behind the behaviour.
An excellent hub I will vote up and hit the relevant buttons on my way out.
dashingscorpio (author) from Chicago on February 05, 2013:
stricktlydating, It's always a pleasure to have you stop by and post a comment. Cheers!
StrictlyQuotes from Australia on February 05, 2013:
It's always great to read your work! A really informative Hub!
dashingscorpio (author) from Chicago on February 04, 2013:
Stina Caxe, I appreciate you taking the time to read my hub and post your comment. I've seen it work the other way also. A woman could be in a room with 5 men and 4 of them are standing in front of her holding their heart in their hands. The fifth guy is sitting in the opposite corner of the room acting as though she does not exist. That's the guy she'll want to get to know! :-) ha ha ha
Maybe it's human nature to place a higher value on things that don't come easy for us or contain an element of mystery. Still I can imagine it must be difficult for so called "hot couples" like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, either one of them could tell the other they could have anyone they "want" and both would (know) it's the truth! Maybe they feel "mutually" lucky! :-)
Cristina Cakes from Virginia on February 04, 2013:
This is great and I can relate to a lot of it as my last boyfriend was definitely the man that every girl wanted. In fact I stayed away from him when we first met because of that. He had to work hard to win me over. I am attracted to confidence in a man, however I certainly don't want to feel in a relationship like I am easily replaced!
dashingscorpio (author) from Chicago on January 26, 2013:
DDE, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment.
I believe what really upset the young-lady is how her man made her feel as though he could (easily) replace her. In other words there are (tons) of "good women" and only a (few) "good men" therefore she should consider herself LUCKY to have him.... (Sadly she bought into it)
Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on January 26, 2013:
So true, most men believe they have someone who will stand by them through all times, to be their strength when needed and help them along.
dashingscorpio (author) from Chicago on January 25, 2013:
Levertis Steele, Excellent points! If you hear something often enough you start to believe it. There are no images of a "Groomzilla" on TV. All of the things you mentioned can lead a men to think they are more valuable than women.
Affinity2010, Thanks for thumbs up! :-)
VeronicaInspires, Congratulations on having a value for value relationship! Ideally both people in a relationship should feel lucky or blessed. :-)
VeronicaInspires on January 25, 2013:
Cheers to you D for presenting the OTHER side of the story!!
And a high five and clicks heels to Wonderful1 for her great comment!
I have a man who's golden! I think we both feel pretty lucky to have each other!
Leslie Trotter from New Orleans, La on January 25, 2013:
This article is very true and right to the point. I write about this stuff as well. thumbs way up.
Levertis Steele from Southern Clime on January 25, 2013:
The media, the ratio of men and women, women fighting over men, women too eager to please men and giving up too much before marriage, the decline in marriage, the high cost of living that turn some men off, and a few other things make men think that women are lucky to have them.
If a man is good, a good woman would be lucky to have him, and he would be lucky to have her. "Blessed" may be a better word.
dashingscorpio (author) from Chicago on January 25, 2013:
Thanks wonderful1, er, Shelia :-)
You make some very valid points. Whenever two (good) people get together they should both consider themselves to be lucky!
My intent was only to explain why some men truly feel they are "God's gift to women." It has an awful lot to do with what (women) go around proclaiming. The bar has been set so low for men that any guy who does not cheat on his mate is considered to be golden!
Sheila Varga Szabo from Southern California on January 25, 2013:
Very good points and all true from my perspective. The double standard still stands, unfortunately... the same one that puts shame on women for going to a bar when they're hormonal, while men are "expected" to go for as many women as possible.
I don't know why guys still think women are fighting for bragging rights about marriage-- the trend is quickly sinking. Lots of women I talk to are completely beyond the fairytale of "marriage" -- especially if they've been divorced and know what it's really about.
We are BOTH lucky to find a good man or woman out there when narcissism is at epidemic levels (like the example of guys feeling like the center of the universe). Today's culture breeds the sense of entitlement: easy access to porn, easy women who are more than happy to hookup without commitment, and most people trying to suck the pleasure out of every moment in the present (without much regard for long term effects of their behavior).
I feel bad for your friend, and I'd advise her: if a guy makes you feel like he's doing you a "favor" by being with you, drop him like a hot potato. A "good guy" would appreciate the kind of woman who can nurture and care for a relationship... I don't care what those books, articles and social legends say, men WANT women, too-- more than just physically. To say otherwise would be denying every human's need for intimacy and emotional connection.
Another great, thought-provoking hub, Kevin, er, dashing.