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Why 10 Years of Online Dating has Left Me Feeling Spent

I have been dating Online for 10 years Obviously I haven't found anyONE yet and wonder if I'll forever be in this revolving door

Dating is Like a Revolving Door....

With each unsuccessful date, you're left thinking; "next....."

By unsuccessful, I mean that there is no MUTUAL connection I capitalized the word MUTUAL because too many assume that if they're feeling a certain way that the other person must be feeling the same. But that isn't always necessarily the case. In fact most times it’s not

It all began a little over 10 years ago. My experience with internet "dating". I put the word "dating" in quotes because it sounds like multiple sex partners. Maybe that's what some people want but I am pretty one dimensional sexually. I am only able to focus on being with one person sexually.

I had such high hopes when I started. Post a few good pictures of myself, write a profile about myself.......find my prince charming, we'd skip merrily through meadows, and live happily ever after.......

But, then things became complicated. Most of us have a need to find someone we connect with. Easier said, than done. We all want different things in a romance. In addition we are all in different places in our lives. I am 57 years old. So this is why it's so complicated. There seems to be a lot more on the table now. There wouldn't have been if I met him when I was in college, or something

What's wrong with me?

Why am I such a late bloomer? Then I wonder in horror: " And will I ever even bloom??"

By bloom I mean find a partner for life. I don’t even need a marriage title just a monogamous romance with a guy….. but for life. Not just temporarily.

I do everything right: Post current photo's with dates of when they were taken. I'm not being cocky when I say that I know I am not repulsive......but I also know that looks fade fast. And I have lived a somewhat complicated life. And no one wants "drama", and those who don't want "drama" read my profile and immediately gasp; "drama!" and move on. The reality is that most don't read profiles, and I am not interested in the most that don't.

And there begins the complications of a 50 something year old, STILL single woman . STILL looking....

My perception....

I have had too many post outdated pictures of themselves from 10, years or pounds ago. That's just setting yourself up for rejection. For most of us it's about looks first. Then what a person says, can either make or break however they initially looked to us. But if we're communicating with someone who we imagine to look a certain way based on their pictures......then we finally meet them in person and they look nothing like their pictures, it pisses us off. It's deceptive, and it's basically lying.

This, specifically is why I make sure to have current, dated pictures of myself posted. But what I have learned is that I am in the minority. Just yesterday a friend of mine told me never to have any expectations. And he was absolutely right. I have always had expectations and that has been one of my problems.

And then there are those who assume that if you fail to respond to their first email, that if they send you several more, that'll get you to suddenly have a change of heart. This method I highly advise against. I assure you it does not work


Enough about me....well, maybe a little about me and things that I've experienced...

I'll never forget this one date that I had years ago, when I was a "beginner" at online dating. Before I understood that we need to just be direct with the ones who don't seem to get it.

I was at a diner with a guy that I'd just met in person for the first time. I wasn't feeling it at all. He, however was. It was obvious by his incessant chatter about everything in this galaxy. He did not seem to notice how I was sitting at the edge of the booth with my car keys in my hand, clearly about to get up. We had long finished our meals. When the waitress came over he politely said to her; (with an excited look of delight on his face) " Sorry, We're just talking..." No "we're" not. I thought to myself

Does everyone become a narcissist in these situations?

We need to consider how the other person is perceiving us

We need to be more sensitive to how the person we're just meeting, feels about us. Not only how we feel about them.

This all is why it becomes so much more complicated as we age

You can't force sexual chemistry

I have had far too many guys try to "convince" me to be sexually attracted to them. And some actually become angry with me because I am not attracted to them

We either feel attracted to them, or we don't. Their personalities can then either enhance our physical attraction to them, or destroy it.

But it simply can not be forced

You can’t force anyone to feel a way that they just don’t

How I am left Feeling

After 10 years of the same generic : "dates"

I feel spent.

Burned out

Strung out

Like I lack the emotional energy to go through it all over again

Maybe I'm becoming hopeless......hopefully this is just a temporary feeling. Because this feeling really sucks

And the worst thing about this is , suddenly realizing that, the person that I am today, is the person I most feared becoming as a child

This is not what I envisioned for myself

Will I be in this revolving door forever?

Or will I finally find someone?...

Stay tuned...

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2021 jacy albertson

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