Anamika S. Jain has been a social media consultant for six years. She has written more than 200 articles on relationships and dating.
Rejection in Love and Revenge
Many Guys have fragile egos and find it difficult to handle rejection. They take it personally when a girl says ‘No’ to them and goes to extremes to make it right for them. While some keep trying to change the ‘no’ of a girl to ‘yes’ through persistence, some stoop to the level of seeking revenge against the girl.
It is not long back that a rejected suitor of Rangoli (Sister of Bollywood Actress Kangana Ranaut) threw acid on her face causing serious injuries for rejecting him. This Guy (Avinash Sharma) was sentenced to 5 years rigorous imprisonment for his crime under section 120 B, 326 and 506 of the IPC for hatching conspiracy, physical assault and intimidation. Yet another shocking incident which happened barely 3 months ago was that of a Delhi teenaged girl who was abducted, raped and then murdered after she rejected a love proposal of a 21 year old youth named Ravi Kumar along with his two accomplices. Another incident I remember is that of a girl who was forcefully married, kept captive and raped for months that she ended her life when she got an opportunity. Another Guy took revenge on the girl who rejected him by maligning her and posting her nude morphed pictures on some sites. All the culprits are now in jail. I am sure the criminals might be regretting their deeds now.
Why can’t some men handle rejection? What to do with a man who cannot handle rejection? How to handle rejection in love? Why is it that a Man can dump a woman but a woman can't dump a man? I am sure these are questions many would want an answer to. I have addressed some of these questions in my hub What to do when a Guy is Not Taking No for an Answer.
How to handle rejection? Tips on handling rejection in love
Why do some men find it hard to handle rejection from women?
Guys can be just as sensitive as women. In fact, Guys can be worse when it comes to handling rejection. I have known many Guys who keep persisting despite of rejection. Rejection can make some men take it as a challenge they want to conquer which is why many men become more persistent in pursuing women when they are rejected. I have also known a man who kept trying till the girl took pity on him and agreed to have a relationship with the Guy though she was not convinced that he was the one for her. He treated her so nice that she regretted rejecting him for long. But she got a shock of her life when he dumped her after getting intimate with her and making her pregnant. He told her that he got into a relationship with her only to seek revenge for rejecting him and that is her punishment.
Many times it can risky for a woman to ignore the Guy completely or insult the Guy when he continues pursuing despite of trying the level best to convince that he is wasting his time. It can make a man angry and compel him to take extreme steps. It may also be a bad idea for a woman to let a Guy she has no feelings for into her life just because the Guy had been aggressive and persistent in pursuing her. Rejection may many times make a man want to do something on a rebound to boost their lost self confidence like seeking revenge. I wish that the Guys who cannot take ‘No’ as an answer from a woman would stop and think for a moment if his efforts is actually worth it. Here are some points worth thinking over.
- No matter how hard you may try, not everybody would respond to you positively. You cannot get everything you want in life. Just because someone is not interested in you romantically, does not mean that you’re not attractive or you do not deserve better. One rejection does not make you a loser. It just means that it did not work with that ONE person. So no need to feel small, worthless, insecure and unwanted because of it.
- Just like you have your reasons for wanting to get into a relationship with a girl, she may also have her reasons for not wanting to get into a relationship with you. There can be dozens of reasons for rejection. You need to accept it and respect it rather than taking offense.
- A Healthy Relationship is two sided. You cannot buy love with money or by force. There is a saying, ‘You can lead a horse to the water, but you can't make it drink water’. An unhealthy relationship only would bring pain and misery, so it is best to avoid it.
- The saying, ‘Everything in life is about percentages’ is true about dating and relationships too. Rejection can happen to anyone. Just because you were rejected at several interviews, would you stop trying to get a job? Does that mean that you are no good? I don’t think so! Even in Sales jobs, one may have to approach 10 clients to get one order according to the law of averages.
- Rather than wasting your time pursuing someone who has no feelings for you, it is wise to meet and date other girls too. Who knows you may find your perfect girlfriend . The problem with many is that they keep looking at the closed door hoping to see it opened and miss opportunities which are in front of them.
- Are you feeling insulted or worried because of others knowing that you are rejected? Chill! You are not the only one who got rejected. You are not world news that people will remember it for ages. People are concerned about themselves and what is going on in their own lives than bother about others. They may talk about it for a few days and then forget it. You just need to learn to get over rejection and move forward in life. If you resort to revenge as punishment for rejection, you may end up ruining your own life too.
- Women do play hard to get at times. Many women tend to think that men who cannot try harder to get them are not worth them. So it is wise not to overreact because of a simple rejection. Just because someone did not respond to the first time does not mean that she would not respond the second time. But if someone has been continuously rejecting you and not responding to your advances for a longer period of time (say more than 2 years), that means she is not interested.
- Failure is the stepping stone to success. Learn from your rejections and improve yourself. If you are aware of your mistakes which lead to you being rejected, improve your skills and learn to be better. Analyze what you ‘did’ or ‘did not do’ which resulted in you being rejected and correct it. Good manners and etiquette matters to woman a lot.
- Even handsome, wealthy and successful men get rejected. So do not take it personally and assume that you are not good enough. It just could mean that your approach was wrong. So no need to lose your confidence over a simple rejection and equate it as a permanent part of your identity.
- It is wrong to assume the worst of a woman just because she rejected you and not looking into your own mistakes. Many men have the habit of putting the blame on the woman and maligning them than taking the responsibility for rejection and improving themselves. As long as one does not take the responsibility for failure and continue to make the same mistakes, they can never be successful. Just understand that a simple rejection does not mean the end of the World for you. The best thing to do is to face reality and move on.
Rejection is not very easy to handle. Being rejected hurts. It can be painful when your object of interest does not reciprocate your feelings. However, one has to learn not take it personally and learn from the mistakes without dwelling on them.
Suzanne Day from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia on April 14, 2015:
This is a very informative hub and could help a lot of men who are feeling angry after trying their best efforts. I must admit that throwing acid on a woman's face because of rejection is a very violent way of reacting that I don't agree with. Voted useful and shared on Google+ !
Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on November 21, 2013:
Why can’t some men handle rejection in love? 10 Tips on handling rejection a very interesting thought for a hub. Rejection is failure or is seen as a failure to many men and when they receive think of treatment they fall apart, and feel week by their actions. Well mentioned tip s here.
Amanda Jones on July 02, 2013:
Very nice Hub on a painful topic! :)
Thanks for sharing!
Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on December 22, 2012:
everyone deals with rejection differently and you certainly made your points here thanks
tattuwurn on November 24, 2012:
Men generally have a poor way of handling rejection. One of those poor ways is drinking excessively or worse, they literally get out of control. They're thought of as generally having troubles expressing their hurt feelings because they're afraid of losing their macho image.
Women, on the other hand, have a better way of dealing with it. They usually confide with their girl friends, or go into retail therapy. Or go on holiday with them. Of course that doesn't apply to all but it's the general idea.
SandCastles on October 13, 2012:
Excellent article. That is scary when the 'rejected' person takes it personally and seeks revenge.
Michelle Liew from Singapore on September 30, 2012:
This is useful for both men and women!! Great tips for handling rejection in a mature manner and moving on positively. I vote up and share.
Julio E Olmo Sr from Florida, USA on August 30, 2012:
Most men aren't use to being just friends with women & that's an upbringing problem because we were never thought...so as adults we're totally misreading signals
Rajan Singh Jolly from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar, INDIA. on May 12, 2012:
Interesting analysis, Anamika. Man by nature is more aggressive and hence this trait surfaces when faced by rejection. It could also be said that only those men who suffer from lack of self confidence resort to these extreme steps.
Though women too are affected by rejection, by and large they do not exhibit it openly and go into depression as you say rightly.
Voted up, interesting.
Brett C from Asia on May 11, 2012:
An interesting hub and voted so. It is not only men that find rejection hard to handle. However, the extreme examples you describe I believe could have happened anyway. As whether male or female, people that do these things are unbalanced and likely to do something bad at some point in their life ... causing some relatively innocent victim (or their family) pain and suffering ... the world is not a perfect place (far from it in fact).
Shared and tweeted.
Jessee R from Gurgaon, India on May 07, 2012:
Great tips here Anamika! I keep telling some of my friends who face break-ups and 'NOs' to let it go and take the rejection in a healthy way.
People who take rejection in such violent manner, heightening their egos have issues elsewhere in professional and friendly relations too!
And as you mentioned sometimes it takes a psychotic turn.. resulting in painful scenes
Great tips and advice... A must read
Anamika S Jain (author) from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India on May 06, 2012:
@Made: Thanks for the comment. Rejection can definitely make a person stronger and better if he/she is willing to learn out of it.
@Clive Donegal: Mostly women go into the depression mode when rejected. But males mostly go into an aggressive mode. Whatever the situation may be, it is important to be in control. Thanks for dropping in.
Clive Donegal from En Route on May 06, 2012:
It reminded me of "Fatal Attraction." I don't think it's men; I think it's people, especially those who need to be in control.
Madeleine Salin from Finland on May 06, 2012:
This is a very interesting hub. I came to think of the song "This" by Darius Rucker. Maybe a rejection could make the life even better if you handle it like an adult and move on.