Sabrina loves to write about love, life, and everything in-between in a candid yet humorous approach.
Disclaimer: This article is not about avoiding cheap guys because you are a gold digger and prefer to date only the rich men. I honestly don't care about how much money a guy has if I like him. He can be a millionaire, heck, even a billionaire, but if I don't like him, I won't date him, regardless of how rich he is. This is about deciding whether it's even worth to date a cheap guy because of what it means to your relationship. Remember, just because a guy is cheap doesn't mean that he's poor. More than likely, he's well off or even wealthy, he just prefers to be a penny pincher.
Money is a tricky topic to discuss without offending people. Something about it just makes people feel uncomfortable. Regardless, money is the number one reason why people divorce and break up so I think it's important to discuss here. How a man interacts with his money says a lot about his character right from the start. You don't have to date a guy a long time to figure out whether he's generous or a tightwad. You have to look no further than the place he chooses to take you on a first date. If he's taking you to a fancy and expensive restaurant, then he obviously wants to impress you and has no problem spending money to do it. He's probably on the generous side. On the other hand, if he's taking you to Taco Bell and wants to go dutch (split the bill) well then he's a penny pincher and not even trying to be classy about it. But there's more to it than that..
Some guys will go all out on the first few dates and take you to really expensive places just to impress and then once he "has" you, he'll slowly start to spend less money because he feels no need to because you're not going anywhere. That's okay though, because you're not the type of girl who wants to be wined and dined on every date anyways right? If you're already dating, and you know you like the guy, then it really doesn't matter. You already know he's capable of being generous and he'll pull out all the stops for anniversaries and birthdays and that's all that really matters. Once you're in a relationship, it just doesn't make any practical sense to spend all that money dining out all the time. Sometimes, it's best to leave that to the special occasions and just make homemade meals for the regular days. It's not about the amount of money a guy spends on you, it's about his ability to be generous with the woman he likes. You have to mean enough to him to be worth making that extra effort for. If he won't even step up his game in the beginning, well then that says a lot about his priorities.
It honestly makes me feel uncomfortable when a man wants to spend a lot of money on me, especially if we're just getting to know each other. I never want to feel like I owe him anything. I'm one of those women who likes to have my own money and be independent and rely on no man. I feel it's just better that way. No man can tell you what to do when you can take care of yourself. Other women like to "be taken care of" and well that's fine too if that's your preference, just know that it comes with strings attached. A man that you depend on too much financially knows he has the upper hand in the relationship and can treat you any way that he wants and that's not a good thing. It's always better to have your own job and spending money, even if it's just to show that you're a team player and can hold your own. Good luck to any man who tries to tell an independent woman what to do, she'll tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out..
Cheap guys are a different breed of men though. It's second nature to them to want to save money and look for "good deals" everywhere. It's important to be responsible with money, but not to the level of extreme that cheap guys take it to. They are the ones who will get out calculators on their phones to figure out exactly how much to tip the waitress so it's not a cent over 15%. That's happened to me on a date before and it's just plain embarrassing to be a witness to that behavior. I almost said "just let me leave the tip" to avoid the whole calculator show. Other cheap guys will make a whole show of paying the bill on the date to make it seem like such a huge deal and like they're doing you a favor. To be honest, I'd rather pay the bill myself then be forced to watch that happen. Other cheap guys will take you up on your offer to split the bill on the first date. While I think there's nothing wrong with going dutch, it's not the way to act on a first date when you've asked a girl out. If money is that tight, just reschedule the date for a later time when you do have the money, or just go to a cheaper place and foot the bill. It's just the basics of being a gentleman after all.
That's the thing about cheap guys though, they don't really care about being a gentleman, they just care about saving a few bucks no matter what. At first, it may seem funny to date a cheap guy because he might even make fun of himself about how thrifty he is. It's not fun after awhile though, trust me. When all your friends are going out to dinner and the movies and he just wants to "Netflix and chill" every single time, it's not fun. Or when your best friends ask you to go on a couples vacation with them and he says "it's just not the right time now" it's really not fun because when is it the right time? Never with him it seems. I
If you are living together with a cheap guy, things will be even worse. He will split every bill down to the penny with you. He will says things like you owe ten dollars more on the water bill because your shower lasted three minutes longer every day for five days last week (he'll time you). You will be fed up and tired of his ways when you realize it's only been a month since you've lived together, but you feel like it's been ten years. And forget about any special birthday surprises or anniversary trips, a cheap guy might get you a card and an Amazon gift card for $25. He'll make you feel like you he took you on a shopping spree though because damn that $25 was hard to part with for him.
Another thing a cheap guy will do that you probably didn't consider is he'll control not only the way he spends his money, but also the way you spend your money. Yes, you read that right. It's not enough for the cheap guy to count his pennies, he'll make sure to balance your checkbook too and point out where he thinks you're "spending too much." That daily Starbucks run will irritate him to no end because: "we have coffee at the house you know." Forget getting your hair or nails done too, because to the cheap guy those are unnecessary expenses. He might even offer to cut and color your hair himself, because how hard can it be when you're saving so much money?! Forget any little extras you buy yourself just because. If you're with a cheap guy, he'll make you let those go because "you're just wasting money." While he's telling you whats worth spending money on or not, you might find yourself thinking whether it's worth being in a relationship with him or not. Hint, it's not.
If you have your heart set on a long distance relationship with a cheap guy, know going in it won't work. I learned this one the hard way. A few years ago, I met a guy I had a lot in common with who seemed like a genuinely nice person. The only problem was that he lived about 75 miles away from me. That doesn't seem like a long distance, but apparently it is when you're a cheap guy. At the time, this guy was leasing a car and could only drive 1,000 miles every month without having to pay an extra fee. The extra fee per mile over 1,000 miles was 10 cents. This guy told me he couldn't be in a relationship with me because I lived too far away and he couldn't afford the per mile extra cost (10 cents). I am not one of those girls who expects a guy to drive all the time to see me, but I figured we could take turns seeing each other every few weeks. I ended up driving to see him the first time, but he never did come to see me once to this day. I guess that extra ten cents a mile really adds up after awhile..
When it comes down to it, it's your decision whether you can tolerate dating a cheap guy or not. In the end, it might be the little things everyday that drive you crazy with him, rather than the big ones. You have to ask yourself whether you can truly be happy with someone who nitpicks everything you spend on to the last penny. It's like you're always the child getting scolded and he's the parent teaching you what's right and wrong. Some women may be okay with that arrangement, but most would go crazy over time. Fun little fact: the same guy who freaked out over the 10 cents extra a mile, also complained about Redbox raising their prices from 99 cents to $1.20 (this was a few years back). He must be completely outraged now, Redbox has again raised their prices, at present day to $1.99 per DVD rental. That's 79 cents! Or almost 8 extra miles. Simply appalling.
Destiny's Child - Independent Women, Pt. 1
© 2018 GreenEyes1607
Takako Komori from Yokohama, Japan on May 12, 2020:
This was an entertaining read! The "cheap guy" reminded me of my brother. He wants to cut back on a lot of his daily necessities, including his cell phone plan. Yes, you`re right, how a man deals with his money says a lot about his character. A cheap guy is likely to micromanage his partner`s spendings, and he`s likely to want to have the final word on financial matters. Can a woman possibly get along with such a man?
dashingscorpio from Chicago on May 25, 2018:
"Some guys will go all out on the first few dates and take you to really expensive places just to impress and then once he "has" you, he'll slowly start to spend less money because he feels no need to because you're not going anywhere." - Very true!
In fact both men and women are guilty of playing "bait & switch".
A guy visits his (new girlfriend) and she asks him if he would like her to make him something to eat. Two years later the same guy asks her to make him a grilled ham & cheese sandwich.
She says: "You got two hands, fix it yourself!"
It's human nature to treat "the new" better than the "tried and true". Novice daters always fall hard during the infatuation phase.
Ultimately it comes down to what is motivating their lack of spending. If they're saving up for a house, paying off a major debt, or simply are not earning very much money it's understandable why he might want to go some place he has a discount coupon.
Dating is suppose to be about having some fun and getting to know new people. Worst case scenario you'll have a funny story to tell. :)