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Why I Have Trouble With Commitment

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Ashley is a teenager who'd like to share her experiences with others. She likes writing, cooking, and fitness.

I Don't Understand Commitment

I don't fully understand the idea of "commitment." I mean, sure, I can stay committed to friends, to family, and my dog. However, the idea of spending your entire life romantically with one person is what throws me off. If you're a teenager like me, who is getting increasingly invested in the thoughts of relationships and is continuously stalking the Instagram feeds of couples posting their significant others, you probably feel a need to find your other half, the ketchup to your burger, the zipper to your jacket...


Why Do We Obsess Over One Person?

Thoughts and made- up situations about this boy I liked, it really kept me busy, and that is the one thing that was exciting to me. Daily, I would think about him, wondering if he liked me, getting jealous if he talked to anybody else. However, once I discovered that he liked me too, the mystery of the unknown fades, and all that is left is him. Don't get me wrong, all the boys I've liked were awesome and cool in their own ways, but I guess I preferred the longing for him, the part where I didn't know what to expect. Once that was gone, so were my feelings. I'd take this as a cue to move on, and find somebody else to get excited about. It's a cycle, and I always wonder if I'll ever manage to break it.

Is It Even Possible To Actually Fall In Love?

You see, I've spent a really long time wondering about that as well, and let me tell you, don't dwell on that for now. Slowly, we will mature into older, more knowing adults that truly understand what it means to fall in love. I don't really believe in love at first sight, but I do believe in building a meaningful relationship, and getting progressively closer and closer, liking her smile a little more every time you see her. Feeling a bit more warm inside as you laugh with him. To fall in love with someone, is to accept all their flaws and imperfections, to accept them and learn to love them.

You see his messy hair that you used to hate? Well, it's starting to look adorable on him.

What about her crooked smile? The way she says her "th's"? You find yourself thinking more and more about it.

These little quirks that make us who we are, that we may be insecure about, is what people learn to love about us.


Wait, What Even Is Love Then?

Love in general is easy to tell, but how can you tell if you actually love them?

Love From My Point of View

In my opinion, at different stages of life, you experience the different forms of love.

When I was 9, love was looking at him and waving to him fondly.
When I was 13, love was getting butterflies in my stomach as he smiled at me.

When I was 15, love was calling him every night and talking for hours.

There really isn't a right way to love, and if you have commitment issues towards somebody, that does not mean that you are incapable of feeling romantically towards anyone, it just means that you are still in that stage of your life, figuring out what feelings are. Although you see these perfect portrayals of couples on social media, just know that you do not have to feel rushed into a relationship to fit in with others. Instead, go slowly, at your own pace, and discover yourself. Only then, will you be able to fully invest feelings into another person.

When you're young, you crave the excitement of a crush, a person whom you romanticize your life with, and the rollercoaster of emotions that come on the side. As you get older, you start to think differently, and only then will you find out how to fall in love, and stay in love.


Ashley (author) from Az on August 05, 2021:


I totally agree with you in that! Since we are still young, we have so much time to see how compatible we are with others!

I really enjoyed your comment- so insightful, and I agree with you 100%, fantasies and reality are separate things as much as we'd all like to believe that they're the same.

Truth is, reality is nothing like the love stories and fantasies we dream about that exist in books and movies. It can be simple, complicated, or just not present.

I really enjoyed the quotes you put on here! :)

dashingscorpio from Chicago on August 04, 2021:

As a teenager commitment is supposed to feel like a foreign concept. After all, most (teens) have yet to have a period in their lives where they have “played the field” and have decided they are ready to settle down. A lifelong commitment for a teenager is like going to a Sunday brunch buffet and never making it past the first food station. In addition, teens are expected to have a shorter attention span and get bored easier.

Truth is not many people meet their “soulmate” at age 17 and spend the next 60-70 years living happily ever after! Most teens and those in their 20s have yet to {figure out who they are} let alone know what traits they want and need in a mate for life!

Ask around, a “first love” is rarely anyone’s “lasting love”.

Whatever makes for an “ideal mate” at age 16, 18, and 20 most likely will not cut it for you at age 25, 30, or beyond. As we age and have experiences we become more aware of who we are and what we need.

This is a period of discovery, exploring, and learning. The relationships we have as teenagers and in our 20s are “practice relationships”. We’re just too naïve and immature to know it.

The primary focus at this stage should be completing one’s education, establishing a career path, and dating for (fun). This is why parents implore their teens to NOT get “too serious” with anyone. Getting in the (wrong relationship) early in life can easily derail someone from realizing their dreams.

When it comes to love and relationships most us (fail our way to success). Very few people hit a homerun their 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time up at bat. If this were not the case, we would all be married to our high school sweethearts!

With each failed relationship, heartache, or betrayal we are presented with an opportunity to either craft or refine our mate selection process and “must haves list” for choosing our next mate.

“Some people come in our life as blessings. Some come in your life as lessons.” – Mother Teresa

"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is." - Henry Cloud

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