Skip to main content

Why He/ She Is Not Into You?

As the educationist, trying to highlight relationship issues to be addressed and to be dealt!


The idea of “Love” seems interesting to us all. Let’s admit it. I am in love with the very word of love. The problem with this word and the idea is another problem for the present generation. I should call the “Generation Z." Being an educationist I have observed this generation is confused about “Love” and its true meaning. As I find people claiming to be in love with a person the one day but tends to break up the other day. This does not make sense to me. When I try to inquire the reason of breakups the replies are funnier:

“She/ he does not click me”,

“We are poles apart”,

“ I have lost that charm in her/ him” and

“ She/ he does not sound that interesting now”.

This disturbs me as a person. I feel the need of the moment is to promote the meaning of “Love”. That is why I decided to pick up the pen and write this article.

I am not a Love Expert

Yes! That is very important to claim here that I am not a “Love Guru” sort of a person to talk and write about it. But the way I perceive it, I like sharing with the people. To me, love is a simplistic word and an emotion. We have confused it with the implementation methods and things in the present time. This is the most beautiful feeling to accomplish in one’s own self. Without love, the life is incomplete to be thoroughly enjoyed and lived. My definition of love is:

“Love is a word of great meaning but only a few people understand it.”

What is “Love”?

In my diction “It is the spontaneous overflow of the powerful feeling”. Yes! I know it is actually “Poetry’s” definition according to William Words Worth. So let us consider it the definition for the idea of love in my article for a while. After all, we happen to be powerfully blown away by the beloved in our real lives. This is the main reason that drives us all mad or crazy, while in love with someone. As like P.B Shelley we often claim such feelings to our beloveds in the life:

"The fountains mingle with the river

And the rivers with the ocean,

The winds of heaven mix forever

With a sweet emotion;

Nothing in the world is single;

All things by a law divine

In one spirit meet and mingle.

Why not I with thine?—"

Shelley named this as “Love Philosophy” published in 1819. His philosophy gets interesting at the end of this stanza. He presents a divine law of mingling of two souls making them one. This gives rise to the concept of the “soul mate”. He claims the phenomenon of the nature promoting this theory of soul mates. According to his philosophy the fountains, rivers, and oceans all mix in one another. So he deduces his beloved should be his too. The question he puts to the beloved seems too convincing “Why not I with thine?” I will explain this point in the article to elaborate further with reference to the meaning of “Love”.

Reciprocated Love

The love either gets accepted by the beloved or rejected at the hands of the beloved. If the love is welcomed then we call it the reciprocated love. Now people feel themselves at the ninth sky and out of the world when their love is answered back. Let us have it looked with the two further categorizations of “ He/she is into you” and “ He/she is not into you”.

He/she is into You!

  • He/she has responded to your love. You two are on the equal ground.
  • He/she talks and sees you regularly. You two are having long conversations on the daily basis.
  • He/she shares the same interests, ideas, and hobbies. You two are sharing yourself. Getting to know each other quite a lot and feeling the vibes already.
  • He/she is making a lot of promises and plans. You are planning your future together and having no issues in it.
  • He/she is physically interested in you. You are feeling those butterfly feelings for each other. Even living together already by now.
  • He/she is a great charmer. You find one another to be a great communicator with whom you can spend your life forever.

Unappreciated Love

Here is the other situation, if the love gets a rejection by your beloved. People are unable to accept the idea of this unappreciated love. They tend to dismiss this thought or the reality in the first place. Why is that so? The reasons are the same as mentioned above in their analysis of “He/ She is into you”. Let me discuss how this "so into you" turns out to be “he/ she is not into you”.

He/ She is Not that into You Now!

Scroll to Continue

This is the main problem of our “Generation Z” nowadays. They are unable to realize that the same reciprocation of love turns out to be the reasons of no reciprocation as well. Let me explain how?

  • You have responded to his/her call and being on the equal ground tends to bore him/her at the end.
  • You talk and see each other more than enough already. Seeing daily bores him/her.
  • You share way too much the same interests, hobbies and ideas tend to bore him/ her at the end of the day.
  • Those beautiful butterflies’ vibes are no more to experience by both of you. So there is no point in continuing the love.
  • The promises are meant to be broken at the end because you have made too many of them to each other.
  • The future seems bleak now because you do not seem that charmer to him/ her anymore.
  • Too much of the communication ruins the relationship when you are not married. He/ she tends to lose the charm in your talk.
  • The live-in relationship sounds interesting but proves too boring for him/ her. He/ she has lost his/ her privacy in the end.

In simple all the “that into You” reasons turn out to be “Not that into you” for the present generation.


The True Love!

My question is “does that true love thing exist nowadays?” No! Is the answer! We are failing to understand the “Love” in the first place, how come then true love exists? The true love is devoid of the reasons to associate for likeness with anybody. The true love is unconditional. It does not demand to get to know that into each other that we lose the spice of “love” at the end. It neither needs to be reciprocated in the first place. You like someone that is enough for the rest of the life. If that person returns your love, it is not the matter of concern for the true love. You can live with the thought of being in love with someone for a lifetime without being physical with them. A true love does not need to be around each other forever.

It is the love that stays with you forever not the person. In the end, people are meant to leave. What remains forever is the moments you have spent together not a lifetime. Those moments are not needed to physically exist in life. It can be in your imagination as well. People do not need to relate to one another instead be different. Opposites attract in the “Divine Law” not the similar ones. This defines Shelley’s philosophy too of the soul mates. The fountains first mingle in the rivers then into the ocean. It is never the other way round of mingling of souls either. The two opposites and unknown people have to make a connection at the end. The element of mystery is very important in the ‘Nature’s Law’. The two people tend to remain a mystery to each other first before being known!


The present generation is in dire need of finding the love first not the true love or the soul mate. The love is not meant to only exist in the lovers. It does exist in nature, the family and the friends first, then in the soul mate at the last. They need to encompass their circle of relationships in the natural sequence not the anti-clockwise.

This generation needs to love their parents to understand the idea of love. Their siblings need their love too along with the friends and fellow mates. This life circle completes with the family, not falling in love with the beloved. They need to learn the art of commitment to their studies, jobs, and parents first then focusing the “soul mate” or the “beloved”.

The commitment is the main thing they need to pursue the true love and then soul mate at the end. Only this way they can find the answer to Shelley’s question “Why not I with thine?”


© 2018 Tajwer Shakir


Tajwer Shakir (author) on September 24, 2018:

Very well said dashingscorpio! I agree with you 100% and the quote at the end of your comment sums is all up!

dashingscorpio from Chicago on September 24, 2018:

During our youth most of us pursue relationships without having taken the time to figure out who (we) are let alone know what we want or need in a mate for life. We allow impulsive connections and happenstance to dictate our relationship choices.

It's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

Another thing to consider is whatever traits you believed made for an ideal mate at ages 17, 19 or 22 will not be the same traits you may want in a mate at ages 25, 30, or beyond.

When it comes to love and relationships most us (fail our way) to success. Very few people hit a homerun their first, second, third, or fourth time up at bat. If this were not true we'd all be married to our high school sweethearts!

It's actually after experiencing breakups, heartaches, betrayal, and disappointments that many of us start to learn to "date smarter". Essentially we craft our mate selection/screening process and "must haves" list. The real trick is having the self discipline to stick to our list. Life is a (personal) journey!

"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

- Oscar Wilde

Tajwer Shakir (author) on September 22, 2018:

Exactly! That is the sad dilemma of this era. People become strangers in a moment due to lack of commitment.

Travel Chef from Manila on September 21, 2018:

It's just like spending time with somebody so close and dear to you then all of a sudden became a stranger.

Related Articles