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Why Do Modern Marriages End in Divorce?

Pedro, you can also call him POT. He's a man of many worlds. Pedro is also a blogger a writer & shares his wonderful work online.


When a Man and a Woman Become One Flesh in Marriage.

Practical marriages are not just a casual arrangement but are based on "unconditional love" and "until death do us part" clauses.

Marriage is a commitment between two individuals, involving responsibilities, legalities, and challenges in the modern world. Therefore, an enduring marriage should reflect and be based on “unconditional love” and “till death do us part” to guide the couple to the end.

The marriage institution has existed for centuries, and it has rules and structures in place to protect it, which should be respected. For that reason, during ancient times, most societies had to provide a safe environment for the perpetuation of their species.

They also had to come up with a system of rules and laws to figure out the allocation of property rights and the protection of bloodlines or lineage.

Families have arranged marriages throughout history, and this practice persists till today. Economic ties often led couples to marry, not because of love.

These needs were met by marriage. The law in ancient Hebrew required a man to marry the widow of a deceased brother.

That said, a good marriage is linked to the elements of unconditional love and till death do them part. These clauses are a force to reckon with in the life of the couple because they prove that the two are determined to stay together till the end.

Unfortunately, many married couples didn't have much say in the decision-making back then, and many people have little say even today.

Time of Critical Decision-Making Toward the Engagement-My Experience.

The absence of family background checks, otherwise known as family history checks (is very popular in some cultures and traditions to date).

Some background checks involve both sides of the family from beginning to end. The pre-engagement process is typically done with a group of people (the husband-to-be and his bride-to-be embark on a mission to discover each other's roots).

This groundwork aims to become familiar with the soon-to-be-in-laws.

Background checks on your future spouse are essential. Marriage is an institution of eternal venture that needs a good strategy and planning to be successful.

Usually, an emissary is sent to the town/village to learn more about the would-be spouse's family roots.

In my opinion, one of the things to check was if the family had any questionable history with regards to integrity, sickness, or other things that might impede their wedding.

If anything serious was found, the relationship between the two would be placed on hold or completely stopped.

Nevertheless, if, on the other hand, nothing wrong was found, there will be a green light, and traditional rites and rituals will continue unchecked. The more good news would undoubtedly boost the introduction and eventually, the marriage.

At this stage, each family will have the opportunity to know each other better. Besides, it will be the right time to pay the dowry. Furthermore, it means finishing with the first phase and the most critical part (which is the introduction and the paying of the dowry).

The couple can now live together, though others may decide to do traditional and church ceremonies simultaneously or successively.

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Unfortunately, this arrangement can only be carried out in what I would refer to as "closed societies" (people of proximity—villages, towns) as modern marriages don't care of any of these---the faster the better.

Marriage By Proxy and the Importance of Family Background Checks.

A couple's marriage, no doubt, can be influenced by external elements such as morality, family history, and training. However, couples should be prepared to create their own unique chemistry by rubbing their minds together. As a union, stability is formed by each other’s input as a team.

Together, a couple's efforts in a marriage form the ultimate joint venture.

Couples find immense benefits in themselves as individuals and, as a team, are intrinsically linked. When a marriage is conducted in accordance with its rules, and both parties abide by them, there is no downside.

Those views have not changed as various cultures have a very different history of women during different historical periods. Egypt, for instance, gave women equal rights in theory but not always in practice. Likewise, Medieval women were also compelled to marry and practice their religion.

Unfortunately, many married couples didn't have much say in the decision-making back then, and many people have little say even today.

No doubt, in our modern world, some marriages are by proxy, some involve a dowry (the bride or her family giving gifts to the groom or his family), and some involve a bride price (the groom or his family presents the bride or her family with cash or a gift).

Most have deep-rooted traditions and do not also partake in courtship or dating.

In 866, Pope Nicholas I said, "If consent is not given in a marriage, all celebrations are null." This emphasizes how imperative a couple's consent is before marriage is perfected. In church teachings and marriage laws, it is still essential.

Ceremony Celebrations in the presence of a Priest and Two Witnesses

In the 1500s, many marriages occurred without witnesses or ceremonies.

Trent was so disturbed by this that in 1563, they decreed that weddings should be celebrated with at least two witnesses and a priest. A new role was assigned to marriage: Saving men and women from sin and procreation.

At that time, love was not an essential part of marriage.

According to the Puritans, marriage was a blessed and forgiving relationship that allowed couples to love each other and forgive each other.

Exit clauses are sometimes included in contracts. The term "permanence" is inherent in all other agreements. When the warranty does not benefit either party, it should be ended.


Marriage, Shaped by Culture, Tradition, and Religion.

Though much has changed today from decades ago, many cultures and traditions still adhere to their old ways of marriage. As a child many years ago, I vividly remember when our elder female relative got engaged.

The preparations began with setting aside ample time to prepare the groundwork—from introduction to engagement. Today, marriage can take days or weeks, depending on the couple. The swiftness reflects how our lives are in tandem with instantaneity. Unfortunately, sometimes the rush in becomes rush out too.

Cultural differences also pose a significant obstacle to marriage. There seem to be various ways that marriages from different tribes and countries worldwide can dramatically affect things: The dowry (I learned that the bride's family pays the dowry in some cultures and traditions. Isn't that funny?

Culture can be the first hurdle in a relationship, except if the couple really cares about each other and puts cultural differences aside. Irreconcilable cultural differences and traditions will cause friction between the two.

Religious belief is another aspect of marriage interference. Paul the Apostol compared the relationship of a husband and wife to the relationship between Christ and his church, alleging that marriage is a Sacrament and not simply a contract, as reflected in Ephesians 5:22-32.

Moreover, Campbell writes that the Twelfth-century Troubadours (French medieval lyric poet composers and singers) were the first to think of courtly love in the same manner as we do now in The Power of myth. Troubadours introduced romance into the world.

Many couples are affected by their religious beliefs since people consider their pastors, priests, and other religious leaders' words sacred.

For instance, my abstinence from alcohol then, did not give me the right to impose my religious beliefs on my bride’s parents when paying for the dowry. Instead, one should have been ready to comply with their demands before they hand over their daughter to me.

That marriage episode caused me to feel misled by religion and, to an extent, I also saw myself as fanatic.

Should religion dictate to parents what they should do before giving out their daughters for marriage? Or should we obey, follow their demands and get what we want, in this case, the daughter?

What Makes Marriage Different From Other Types of Contracts or Agreements:

While other contracts and agreements have time period to end, real marriage does not. Besides, other differences, include:

  • A good marriage has specific institutional protections and structures, including general rules of conduct and interaction
  • Planned future development and a distinctive character that sets apart a particular marriage
  • Marriage vow "till death do us part" sets it apart from other relationships
  • Despite similarities, marriages are not the same
  • Marriage is a union of two people united by their faith and unconditional love, willing to give all till the end of their lives.
  • The concept, the image, lies only in the minds and hearts of the couple

Types of Marriage in Our World Today:

  • The urge to be accompanied or live together makes people marry through common-law marriage.
  • Endogamy is the tradition of marrying within a local community.
  • You are exogamic if you marry someone, not from the same tribe or clan.
  • Cousin marriage is when cousins marry each other. Cousin marriages are allowed in 26 states in the United States.
  • Women with multiple husbands are called polyandrous.
  • Monogamy refers to one marriage at a time
  • Polygamy has multiple spouses at the same time
  • It is the act of having more than one spouse at a time
  • Same-sex marriage— the husband and wife are of the same sex in a same-sex marriage.

Marriages Influenced by Modernity

Modernity has discarded all these marriage formalities which stood for stability in a marriage. No wonder the rate at which marriages are breaking up!

These hurried marriages may lack solid foundations. Indeed, cultures and traditions can also become stumbling blocks in a relationship. But when put everything together, one may start to see the importance of family background checks.

Getting to know your future in-laws comprehensively makes sense. You should also know about your would-be daughters’ and sons’ in-laws to avoid disappointment. Breaking marriages affect parents as well.

And regret or lamentations can come too late. A dysfunctional marriage has affected other families in real-time and has had devastating effects on their lives.

The Engagement Ring Connection

An engagement ring is almost universally associated with marriage. Rome and Egypt practiced this custom in ancient times.

A circle is thought to symbolize eternity because of its roundness. Wedding rings, then, symbolize a union that will last a lifetime.

The "ring" finger of the left hand was thought to be connected directly to the heart by a vein or nerve.

Divorce Statistics in the US states 2020

Divorce Statistics in the US states 2020

Reasons Why Marriages Fail

There is never just one reason why a marriage falls apart.

People assume it's usually because someone had an affair. However, dealing with daily struggle or travail is one of the leading causes. Often, the problems can be intermingled, having couples so occupied with their daily business to lose touch with one another.

As previously said, marriage issues may have multiple factors that do not allow it to function correctly; not conducting background checks is one of them.

The tips below will help you to recognize and avoid when signs of these problems show up in your marriage:

  • Lack of Commitment
  • Incompatibility and Growing Apart
  • Communication Problems—Everything mentioned in this tip would be solved if there is openness and communication in your marriage. Be honest about anything you find improper or want to be clarified. Talk to each other about your finances, disclose everything you feel might cause friction in your marriage, and be honest with each other. You will see how your wedding will blossom and last “till death do you part.”
  • Extramarital Affairs
  • Financial Incompatibility: Money Disagreements
  • Substance Abuse
  • Domestic Abuse

Thanks for reading!

This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.


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