Love, as we know is about, is understanding a person and keeping their best interests in our mind. Even though this is the definition of love, let me tell you everyone's definition of love is different. If someone takes care of you, that is love. If someone helps you when you are in need, that is love. If someone is romantic towards you, that is love. If someone wants to spend their whole life with you, that is love.
It is seen clearly that love can take many forms. Our concern is about the 'quality' of love we are getting. Hence, we come up with two forms of love - conditional love and unconditional love.
Let's understand conditional love first. Conditional love always comes with it certain conditions, limitations, or prerequisites. In this form of love, there will be a need to earn love. Earning either by doing stuff, appreciating them, watching their favorite shows with them, bringing them food, doing the dishes, etc. You end up doing all the things the person wants you to do even when you don't actually want to do them. Overtime, you change, your personality changes, all according to that person. There is always this criteria that has to be met. If you don't, love fades away as easily as ice melts. There is no guarantee of this love. It is there today, tomorrow it will be lost. It keeps on swinging from one pole to another - either love is there or it isn't. It is as if you get into training period from time to time and it ends when you refuse to indulge in with them and refuse to follow them. It starts again when you accept their conditions and live life as they say.
Do you ever enjoy the love that makes you tip-toe around the person? You certainty don't. It's like the stale food.
It demands you to be 'selfless'. Only that person's best interests are being taken care of while your best interests go directly to the dustbin. Even if you are presenting to them unconditional love, have them have the lovely taste of it, this person still keeps feeding you conditional love.
Now let's talk about unconditional love. Unconditional love is love without bounds. Whenever a person is unconditionally in love with you, they keep the welfare of you in their mind. It doesn't matter you are doing good in your life or are struggling with everything, the person still loves you with all your mess. There is no criteria, conditions, limits, or standards you are made to meet. The person loves you despite your flaws. Sounds lovely, right? The person even love that version of you that doesn't put on any filters. It feels like love is in the air, you can breathe in it, and let it nourish your soul. Life seems beautiful and magnetic. There are absolutely no strings attached.
Why Do We Desire Unconditional love?
Let me explain to you why we desire unconditional love. It is because of the following perks:
- You are allowed to be as you are. You don't have to hide certain qualities, traits, or habits from the person who unconditionally loves you. You don't have to change anything to get love. You can be genuine and show them your authentic self.
- There is empathy rolling around. Empathy is a quality of putting your foot in other person's shoes. The person does that for you and is empathetic towards you. Hence you feel safe with them.
- There is understanding. Understanding each other is another face of unconditional love. We can't love someone unconditionally if we do not take out the time to understand them. Regular talks, sharing of ideas, meeting each other, and chatting with each other can build understanding.
- No need to starve for approval. There is no need to look for approval from that person. Their energy is designed in a way that you will, by default, feel approved for how you are. Neither do they disapprove of you, but they might disapprove of your 'ideas' when needed.
- It is similar to maternal love - Think of how your mother treated you. Just when you started being conscious of life, you found your mother beside you. You are not able to do anything for her, but she did it all for you in childhood from changing your clothes to taking you to the doctor when needed. There is no one who can love you more than your mother did. It's incomparable on the top of being unconditional which is a good thing.
- It is healthy - We all get stressed out due to our busy schedules or have a lot going on in our life. At the end of the day, or throughout a day, we need someone who is supporting, understanding us, and can cheer us up. This can help us calm down and nullify the affects of stress on us.
- It is priceless - The one who gets loved is lucky. Love doesn't sell in the markets. One day, randomly, you find someone who loves you unconditionally, it feels amazing and we accept this love. And we return similar love to them in return.
I will end this article with a quote: "To get unconditional love, become unconditionally loving yourself so that it proves to you that such type of love is actually possible. And you can't unconditionally love anyone by the road, you need to find a right candidate who won't make jokes out of your love for them and disrespect it."
© 2022 Neha