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Why Being Single in Your 30s is a Horrible Thing

A couple enjoying a light moment

A couple enjoying a light moment

Every single adult I meet lately values their privacy and personal space like crazy.

Many people increasingly want to be alone. Especially if one is in his or her 30s and was previously in a long term relationship. Rarely do they want a live-in entanglement.

We have gotten used to each other

Women says, no man is good enough for me.

Men say, no woman is good enough for me.

In between, both genders have a hope of finding someone worth of their love and all.

But being singular in your 30s is a horrible thing, man.

For one, you know enough to smell bullshit from very far. And secondly, the standards are generally high and there is the illusion of, 'I still got time, why rush. I will take time to land the best bargain.'

But as the recent joke goes, "Its we who are here."

So, people go back to guard their privacy and 'SPACE' while simultaneously hoping that the Mr. or Mrs. Right will show up soon or later.

Another Valentine. Another Easter. Another anniversary of your father's or mother's death. Another Christmas and the year is over.

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In between, there is Tinder. A few flings that lead to nothing. Save for one that looks hopeful. You tell your friends. Family. They meet your uncle. Aunt. Approval.

And then, the grand betrayal: he is a cheat or financially irresponsible. Or she cooks njahi. Or she is not ready to abandon certain lifestyle choices to a life that suits marriage and you have to respect her wishes. Back to square one. Or it remains as a purely sexual arrangement as the betrayed party actively activates the search.

There are hookups. Almost always underwhelming.

Another perfect candidate shows. He is too short. Or bald. Or she is a bit old. Or she reminds you of past trauma. Skip.

Adulthood singlehood is about waiting for Godot. Waiting for the right person who sadly will never show up.

The years role. We retreat. We guard our spaces.

Our parents marriages worked because they gave each other spaces. Daddy worked in a town and mum was back home with us. Daddy only came home routinely. There was little friction.

Few marriages survive where you have to see your spouse daily. You start to choke. Familiarity in marriage breeds a toxic breed of contempt. Best arrangement should be long distance. The few times you meet, the more intimate. The added anticipation in waiting can stoke some good fire. This living together can be suffocating. Little wonder there is a new arrangement of Married But Living Apart.

Life.

Funny thing about marriage is that you either marry when you are young and foolish. Between 24-28. Good luck if you survive and grow wiser together.

Between 28-40, there is an illusion of choice, unrealistic standards, and the mistaken belief that, 'still there is time.

The only other time people settle is in the late 30s where compromise is no longer a choice, but the only option: marry a divorcee, older person, a man or a woman who just five years earlier was out of question. Or even polygamy for some women.

The best thing to realize in life is to accept that you are average. Start from there. Then work your standards upwards. Know when to adjust. When to bail out. And remember the longer you hold out, the fewer choices you will have.

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