Ian is a palliative care specialist at Fort portal Referral hospital, with more than 8 years of experience in clinical patient care.
For centuries this has been a subject of debate among men and women. Despite religious teachings and cultural transformation, a comprehensive answer to the question of men's desire for more than one sexual partner is still elusive.
A patient recently came to me in disbelief because her husband was sexually involved with a younger woman, yet she was home battling cancer. Well, dealing with sexual needs when one has a sick partner is a different subject altogether and is well addressed in the article "dealing with sexual needs when a spouse has cancer". In this article, we shall focus on why men need more than one sexual partner.
Having more than one woman can be handy for men in a variety of ways. Some people argue that men are simply selfish, with an enormous appetite for sexual relations, which cannot be satisfied by a single woman.
Some men support this school of thought, adding that men who make out with more than one woman, are in fact natural adulterers, who can’t control their lust, and need for pleasure. Whether this is true or not, is food for thought for you and me.
This article aims at being objective, as we shade some light on a few meaningful facts that should be considered before throwing men to the Gallows.
It's important to note that no religious, cultural or gender disrespect is intended. You are free to disagree with my reasoning, and please feel free to share your thoughts on this sensitive topic in the comments section.
Despite having different paths in the history of evolution, all organisms in the animal kingdom share certain traits. This could be because all life started from the same source - the primitive single celled organisms. It is therefore a miss-conception, to view human beings from a totally unique perspective, that separates us from all the other organisms traversing the planet. This also applies to the issue of sexual relations and reproductive science.
In many other organisms, once the female is mated, she no longer wants the male around. Her interest is now the well-being of her future children. Some actively chase the male away and in extreme cases they eat or kill them after mating. Situations in which the male’s life is spared, he wonders off looking for the next available suitor. Among our closest cousins-the primates-there is an Alpha male who will breed with any female within the family group in order to instinctively propagate his traits into the next generation. He often fights off other males to protect his territory.
In humans, the story is similar. Ounce a woman is pregnant; her chief concern dramatically switches from her mate to the well-being of the baby growing in her womb, and the life there after. This goes on until way into the babies first few years of life (and men need to understand this). The usual requirement for the male is to provide food and to protect the family unit. Now the difference is, humans are emotional beings. So if this goes on long enough the male starts to feel the need to find emotional attention elsewhere, by instincts.(And for men this comes with sex). This however, doesn’t mean that the man no longer cares for his family unit.
The point is this. Without disruption from modern social and religious teachings, men would be like the primates who work hard (by instinct) to propagate their gene to the next generation. Men are genetically programed that way. Therefore trying to make men monogamous is fighting natural genetic programing.
You will also note, that women play along to the basic masculine instincts. They work hard to look beautiful and seductive through make up, mini skirts, tight fitting pants and swaying bottoms, all to highlight and give the impression of availability.
Simply put, men are naturally ready to breed with any available mate. And like our animal relatives, women express their availability through accentuating their features to try and get the best available male eye.
Men are Naturally Insecure
Sounds pathetic, right? But believe it or not, men are afraid that they aren’t that cutting in life. Not just at work, but also at home as husbands, and in their private lives. They may not necessarily vocalize this, but are secretly vulnerable.
To a 'real man', affirmation from a female is everything, and they just can’t seem to get enough of it. This is why they are constantly going after the most expensive watch, tie, car and so forth in order to impress.
It’s this affirmation that grows their confidence and turns them into the most attractive guy every girl covets. I know a guy who openly confessed that it was a life changing experience when one of his secret girlfriends told him that his new pair of boxers looked amazing on him. It helped him feel more comfortable in his body. And don’t be fooled to imagine that it has anything to do with flattery. It must be genuine affirmation, because flattery will soon be busted. The more they get, the more they need.
But sex means more than just sex. Of course its true men want more sex naturally. It’s also easy to assume that men want sex simply to satisfy their lustful desires.
However, many men will tell you that casual sex is in fact not that fulfilling, if there are no genuine heart feelings. Surprisingly, men have this burning desire to be desired. They simply need to be wanted. A man needs to feel desired before they can find sex fulfilling. If this is not availed, they will keep trying elsewhere.
Regular fulfilling sex is important to a man’s general wellbeing and it has a profound effect on the rest of his life. As a man slowly works his way around his woman's neck, down her spine and so forth, his heart beats faster, blood rushes to his big bulging brain, and his mind goes at ease. A sense of selflessness fills his mind, and all he can think of, is how to bring ecstasy to his woman’s life. No moment in life matches this.
Sex is thus good for a man’s heart. It seems to bring out the best in any man (the selfless nature of a real man). The big question is: “can’t he achieve all this with one woman?” Truth is, everyone is entitled to their opinion. But I will tell you, the more he gets, the better he becomes. And like I said, most women are sometimes not as quick with sex as men are. So a brother needs to have options in case one is not in the mood.
It is also a fact that men enjoy romance, but often doubt their skill to be romantic. Being glued to one woman doesn’t help this at all. He needs to explore and learn. Learn that romance is not just about the art of sex, and the bitter fact that every woman defines romance in her own language.
Let me know what you think
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2013 Ian Batanda
Ian Batanda (author) on September 01, 2018:
Thank you Carrie for the comment
Carrie Lee Night from Northeast United States on September 01, 2018:
Interesting perspective :) Even with primal lustful urges of men or women it is still a choice on how many sexual partners they want to have. I truely believe if a man or woman know they cannot be faithful in a committed relationship with one person or feel one personal cannot fullfill their desires regardless of reasoning they should not be in a relationship. Polyamourous or casual encounters without commitment may be a better option for them, but they still may find emptiness. I still believe if you find that special one, which may take a lifetime to find, You would never do anything to hurt them .. Valuing them above all else even lust :)
Ian Batanda (author) on February 09, 2018:
Thanks Ania for your elaborate opinion.
I agree that women aren't so different from men. In fact from your own words, women have the same desires as men. So if we are intelligent and capable of critical thinking, how do you explain the rampant infidelity that goes on all around us? This desire to have multiple partners is real and it is the leading driving force among men and women for all the infidelity and sexual networks around us.
You can disagree with my reasons, but I'd like to hear yours. What's your explanation for the sexual infidelity?
I think your moralistic approach is too shallow, it doesn't even work for religious priests, who make vows against sexual relations. Humans are very sexual. In fact we are more sexual than most other animals. We can suppress the desire, but that does not mean it's non-existent
Ania on February 08, 2018:
What a load of sexist crap. Men get better through having more sex? They need constant admiration because of their insecurities? Aww... Let me tell you something, might be new to you. Women also have insecurities, they also need admiration and love sex very much. And also find different qualities in different men but don’t go jumping from one to another to satisfy them all. We differ from animals. We, as humans are capable of critical thinking, both women AND men so don’t use pathetic excuses. The only reason here is social conditioning for thousands of years that men can do certain things that women cannot, and then all these laughable reasons like the ones you described in your article were created to justify men’s selfish behavior. Nothing more than a power game. Not buying your bullshit in the slightest.
Ian Batanda (author) on October 11, 2017:
Thanks Hwinsto for the comment. I agree with you. While cheating is treated as a taboo subject, it does occur often and it has kept some marriages together.
Many times Women get involved with more than one man (sometimes merely for CONVENIENCE).
I guess we should rethink "monogamy" as a thing for humans, because without monogamy, there would be no cheating.
Hwinsto on October 07, 2017:
As quiet as it has been kept, men should no longer be stunned or put off knowing women also need more than 1 man nowadays. Women have grown weary & bored with men and the responsibility of holding relationships and marriages together while he cheats freely. Women are no longer embarrassed about the secret of cheating. Cheating is helping women to stay married to their boring husbands. Cheating for married women removes the anxiety and angst of dealing with a cheating husbands below average sex & his physical limitations due to having multiple partners. Again, I know men hate to accept the truth but again, WOMEN NEED MORE THAN ONE MAN TOO!
Ian Batanda (author) on May 28, 2017:
Ella the hub on that link can explain more about what I mean in the comment above
Ian Batanda (author) on May 28, 2017:
Ella you have a serious point. While I believe its natural for men to desire and need more than one woman, the same is true for women. If a man decides to take that path, they shouldn't be too selfish to deny the same for their women.
Ella on May 25, 2017:
Why do so many men try to make excuses for their unacceptable behavior? If you don't intend to stay loyal to one girl, then make it straight and tell her. But don't get angry if your girl wants to see other guys as well then. I just don't understand these double standards, women can have strong sexual needs as well. If you expect you can go after any woman then your woman can go after any man. Why do men get angry at that though? Ridiculous...
Suzie from Carson City on May 10, 2017:
The answer here is so simple. Men need more than one woman, so that these women can help him see and get around easily, after his wife pokes both his eyeballs out. Have a wonderful day, Don Juan!
Ian Batanda (author) on May 10, 2017:
Arlan thanks for the comment. My opinion in this article is based on factual observations. It is not intended to offend any personal or religious values and beliefs. Under no circumstances am I trying to implore You or anyone else to abandon their sense of moral judgment. Am simply exploring the issues surrounding human sexuality. We need to be able to openly discuss and address the facts, in order to make society a better place.
Ian Batanda (author) on May 10, 2017:
Thanks Paula for that insightful comment. I do believe that humans are highly intelligent, but you can not disassociate human behavior from the scientific animalistic nature. It's not just about sexuality. Have you seen how humans compete for dominion to the extent of killing each other? While we can and must control our decisions and choices, it's dangerous to overlook the reality of nature. We must understand who we are in order to make a practical difference.
Suzie from Carson City on March 03, 2017:
ian....You are a brave man to have written this !! LOL. I'll try to go easy on you, but I can't promise.
I'm well educated on all this instinctive, "nature-driven"....how-men- and-women-are-made-to-be....scenario. All you have shared here is 100% accurate, according to the study of man.
However, as civilization came along, human beings had to accept the fact that although we are at our basics~~"animals"~~we're vastly above in intellect, behavior and evolution. So much for the uncontrollable need to spread their seed and multiply. Enough.
The world now is OVERpopulated. All men make line up for their vasectomies....and women who are DONE having babies can line up right next to the men and have their hysterectomies (or at least have their tubes tied.) There's a whole hell of a lot more to life than having babies, for the LOVE of Pete!!
As for sex and number of sexual partners? We can see through history and life's experiences that men certainly like that concept of multi-women. There are probably more and more women who might like to have more than one man. It's just not the way we do things anymore, now is it? Call me crazy, but I think there's a lot to be said for decency, respect, humility, monogamy & loyalty. This is a HUGE topic.
You did a fine job on this hub. Thanks for sharing your opinions.
Ian Batanda (author) on February 27, 2017:
Nature is the only factor of life we can not change. The harder we try, the more complex our relationships become. Although I would be hurt if my woman slept with another man, I wouldn't kill myself over it. And the reason is monogamy is simply not natural.
Truth on February 24, 2017:
Woman have been given their freedom and liberty from birth control condoms and abortions woman always compare them selves by saying woman can do the same as men, why men get mad when we do it , what if there was no birth control I don't think woman will be saying that, we have been indoctrinated and confused with the Cinderella story. Science and technology has spoiled woman to the point nature is out of question we are living someones agenda!!!
Truth on February 24, 2017:
Look the the truth is science vs nature let's go back before condoms birth control and abortions woman where getting pregnant over and over again some even died from child birth. Some got so sick of having baby's they killed themselves trying to abort the baby so the fact is from nature men had to spread there seeds out with other woman to balance output of baby's. Try asking woman from that time how they felt about shearing theirs men !!!, You can have him young girl I am sick of having baby's I've been having kids from 16 to 46 I'm done fact facts facts
dashingscorpio from Chicago on May 16, 2016:
I don't believe a man (needs) more than one woman but most go through a period where they (want) more than one woman. They admire playboys!
This is especially true when a guy is young and single. The thought of settling down and "becoming his parents" is like watching his life flash before his eyes. And yet there is this constant struggle between wanting to hold onto that "special girl" who wants monogamy while he "samples" other women.
Being with many women is a dream come true for a lot of guys!
Generally as men get older and become more mature they seek out (one) woman who "gets them" and wants to give them everything they desire.
RENE on September 04, 2015:
I DO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT IN YOUR CONTEMPLATION OF POSSIBITIES. I DO THE BEST I CAN. I'M ALL ABOUT TRUTH. I DON'T HAVE A CLUE HOW TO LIE. I LISTEN TO MY GUT. IT'S NOT EASY. THANK YOU FOR YOUR INPUT. TRUTH.