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Domestic Violence Against Men: Woman Abuser's Finally Need To Be Held Accountable for the Unspoken Truth

Bachelors Degree in Organizational Behavioral Psychology with a background in Autism, Mental Health, Business Psychology. Sales Management.

A Man Gets Beaten By His Wife Every 14 Seconds

whenmenarethevictimofdomesticviolence

Quiz

For each question, choose the best answer. The answer key is below.

  1. Does your partner call you names, insult you, or put you down?
    • Yes
    • No
  2. Does your partner stop you from seeing family and/or friends?
    • Yes
    • No
  3. Does your partner try and control your money?
    • Yes
    • No
  4. Does your partner control where you go or check up to see where you are and what you are doing frequently?
    • Yes
    • No
  5. Is Jealous or Possessive?
    • Yes
    • No
  6. Does your partner accuse you of infedelity?
    • Yes
    • No
  7. Gets angry and/or also violent or verbally aggressive when they are under the influence?
    • Yes
    • No
  8. Do they threaten you with violence, with or without a weapon?
    • Yes
    • No
  9. Does your partner hit, kick, scratch,choke or otherwise physically hurt you?
    • Yes
    • No
  10. Have you been assaulted while you are asleep or intoxicated?
    • Yes
    • No
  11. Does your partner blame you for their violent or verbally aggressive behavior?
    • Yes
    • No
  12. Have the incidents become more frequent and gotten worse as time progressed?
    • Yes
    • No

Answer Key

  1. Yes
  2. Yes
  3. Yes
  4. Yes
  5. Yes
  6. Yes
  7. Yes
  8. Yes
  9. Yes
  10. Yes
  11. Yes
  12. Yes

Interpreting Your Score

If you got between 0 and 3 correct answers: You are not a victim of domestic violence, but should seek marriage therapy if you answered yes to 3 or more questions

If you got between 4 and 7 correct answers: You are at risk for being a victim or will be a victim of domestic violence, seek professional help.

If you got between 8 and 9 correct answers: You are a victim of domestic violence, seek immediate help.

If you got 10 correct answers: You are a victim of domestic violence, seek immediate help.

If you got between 11 and 12 correct answers: You are a victim of domestic violence that is severe and your life could be in danger. Seek immediate help from your local authorities.

Men Get Abused Too

Domestic Violence can be seen in many forms, such as emotional, sexual, mental, and physical abuse. It can happen in both straight and same-sex relationships. Domestic abuse is considered a "hidden" crime as men don't speak out or report it in fear of society's views of how men are supposed to behave and be capable of. The media and local authorities still see domestic violence as a crime against a woman but not a man. Violence against men is also difficult to identify and is also very serious.

Often co-dependency and abuse go hand in hand.

Men have been brainwashed in today's society to believe that its perfectly acceptable and normal for a women to be moody, irritable, and emotional. To some degree everyone has mood swings and emotions, but when it is to the degree that it is a normal part of your life to have a moody spouse that will snap at you and degrade you is not normal. Since its prevalent for an abusive women to have a mental disorder of a personality disorder where being abusive would be a common symptom, that is something that is not recognized. Not only is she beating on her husband but she has a mental condition that she doesn't know about. Not that it is an excuse nor that she will get better with therapy but at least there was some awareness.

A 2010 national survey conducted by the CDC found more men were victims of domestic violence and 40% of the women were the abuser and it resulted in severe physical injuries. There are studies out there that show that when a man calls 911 as the victim to report his partner for domestic violence, he is three times more likely to be the one arrested than the female who was the actual abuser. What is also interesting is that men are the one's that are more likely to the victim in dating violence. Women are more likely to be stalkers, to attack, and to abuse men verbally.

It is ingrained in society that men have to conduct themselves a certain way in order to be "manly" and domestic violence is viewed as a problem among males if they are homosexual, and this is just not the case. Growing up boys are told to not cry, "don't be a sissy", they care called a girl if they get hit by a ball and say "OW" in a feminine whine. They are the ones that are supposed to take care of a women and be her protector. They are expected to be the more dominant sex. So naturally, when someone hears that a man was the victim in an abusive relationship they think he must be a "wimp" or a "pansy". Truth be told it takes more of a man to be wailed on and demeaned over and over and NOT hit her back or defend himself. Instead he just blocks the blows. That takes courage, restraint, and a lot of control. If anything that makes him more of a man.

With men having a naturally bigger and stronger physique, it is common for people to assume that if he was abused by a woman than he must be the smaller and weaker person. This is also not an accurate assumption. There are many ways to be abusive and many tools at her disposal to attack him in the heat of an argument. How much strength does it take to grab a kitchen knife and chuck at her significant other. There is that frying pan she can bash over his head. She can take him by surprise with a heavy object or come up behind him and throw him down the stairs. Men have been shot, stabbed, had their arm broken, and had life threatening injuries from their smaller and more petite partners.

The most absurd I think for me is the notion that if the abuse were that bad that men would leave, because "after all its easy for a man to leave a relationship." This is incorrect. Men stay for the same reason that women stay. They could be in denial, they have children and are trying to work things out and keep the family together. They may be the stay at home father who lost his job in the recession and the wife works and he has no money to leave. There are a multitude of reasons why men stay. The fact is that abuse actually can and often does, escalate after the man tries or does leave.


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Johnny Depp and Amber Heard In the Public View: Is Ms. Heard Really A Domestic Violence Victim?

Narcissi tic Abuse and Reactive Abuse

Narcissi tic Abuse and Reactive Abuse

Johnny Depp v. Amber Heard Defamation Trial Live Coverage on Verdict Watch

whenmenarethevictimofdomesticviolence
whenmenarethevictimofdomesticviolence

This Video Secretly Taped by Heard; Filming Johnny is Example of Gaslighting: An attempt to Trash His Image: (This is the Video that nailed my husband's coffi

How To Recognize If You Are Being Abused

  1. At first the incidents appear to be isolated, but they later progress and become more frequent and increase in intensity.
  2. You are being called names.
  3. You are being insulted.
  4. You are being put down.
  5. She stops you or forbids you from seeing your family and/or your friends.
  6. She tries to control how you spend the money. You have to ask her for money.
  7. She controls where you go and when you go.
  8. She controls what you wear, won't let you pick out or buy your own clothes, or dresses you everyday.
  9. She is jealous and/or possessive
  10. She accuses you of having an affair.
  11. She gets angry while under the influence.
  12. She threatens you with violence (with or without a weapon)
  13. She hits, kicks, bites, scratches, pulls your hair, chokes you, or hurts you physically in any fashion.
  14. She hurts the household pets.
  15. She assaults you while you are sleeping or intoxicated
  16. She forces you to have sex or perform sex acts you don't want to.
  17. She blames you for the problems in the marriage and for her becoming violent and abusive.

There is normally a pattern of violence:

  • abuser threatens the violence
  • abuser than hurts the victim
  • the abuser is apologetic
  • the abuser gives you gifts or pampers you
  • cycle starts all over


Narcissistic Abuser's Are The One's That Say They Are The Victim: How can you tell?

whenmenarethevictimofdomesticviolence
whenmenarethevictimofdomesticviolence

In her op-ed, Heard identified herself as “a public figure representing domestic abuse.” She also said she felt “the full force of our culture’s wrath for women

whenmenarethevictimofdomesticviolence
whenmenarethevictimofdomesticviolence

The Effects of Abuse On Men and the Myth of the Obvious Abuser

  1. depression
  2. anxiety
  3. increased alcohol consumption
  4. triggers suicide attempts
  5. less likely to talk about it because of fear of ridicule
  6. afraid abuse would be minimized
  7. fear if they report it they will be the one accused of doing something wrong
  8. feels powerless
  9. in denial of the abuse
  10. emotional abuse will eat away at the psyche and is gradual they won't even notice it is happening
  11. feels lonely
  12. is heartbroken
  13. feels ugly
  14. feels unloved
  15. no longer has feelings of intimacy
  16. no longer has his hopes and dreams for the future
  17. doubts his own sanity
  18. begins to mistrust people
  19. is humiliated
  20. feels like an empty shell of a himself

The myth of the obvious abuser tends to do more harm than good. People easily wind up defending their guilty friends and blaming the victims. We might mistake self-defense and coping mechanisms by victims as "proof" of their crimes. Victims of domestic violence may even use violence themselves against their abusers, and it can be very difficult for outsiders to establish which person is the primary abuser and which person is the primary victim.

Looking at the drama between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, it’s very tempting to say both parties have been mutually abusive. But experts say that concept of mutual abuse is a myth, since domestic violence always involves an imbalance of power.

What a Beating Really Looks Like The Next Day

whenmenarethevictimofdomesticviolence

When They Admit They Are Abusing Their Partner: Always In Private

Heard: “I’m sorry that I didn’t ... hit you across the face in a proper slap, but I was hitting you, it was not punching you. Babe, you’re not punched. I don’t know what the motion of my actual hand was, but you’re fine, I did not hurt you, I did not punch you, I was hitting you.”

Depp: “I left last night. Honestly, I swear to you because I just couldn’t take the idea of more physicality, more physical abuse on each other. Because had we continued it, it would have gotten fucking bad. And baby, I told you this once. I’m scared to death we are a fucking crime scene right now.”

Heard: “I can’t promise you I won’t get physical again. God, I fucking sometimes get so mad I lose it."

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2012 Abby Rourk

Comments

Abby Rourk (author) from Conroe Texas on October 01, 2012:

I didn't either, until a really good friend since I was 13 came to me about it...he was a victim and it makes me want to let people know about it

DREAM ON on October 01, 2012:

I never realized the scope of the situation.Very interesting hub.A lot can happen behind closed doors.Thanx for sharing the facts.

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